Chapter 3 - Passive Agressive
Zoro frowned, trying to align his hand with Sanji's thigh to slip his fingers down into the cook's much-too-tight pants pocket. The bottle of oil he needed was there, wedged tightly beneath the fabric and sticky webbing.
"MPPH-FPP... HMMPF!" Sanji reasoned from besides Zoro, struggling to sit up before Zoro forced him back into the ground. "MHMPH!"
"I'm not sure if I want to untie your stupid mouth FIRST or LAST." Zoro groaned, rolling his eyes at the death glare the cook was sending him.
The blond was squirming, trying to pull his arms free and tossing his head side to side in a frantic attempt to uncover his mouth. It was just making the web stick to more of his skin and fuse to the black suit.
"Stop moving!" Zoro hissed, "You're making it worse! See?" Zoro gestured to the part of Sanji's face he'd managed to clear of web earlier. "It's sticking to it again, just be still and let me get that bottle." He sent the cook a challenging look, waiting for the blond to stop thrashing around before he continued.
For a few tense seconds, they had a silent staring contest, Zoro being the only one who was silent by choice. Sanji's mind seemed to be racing, probably thinking of a way to get out of the web without his suit getting damaged.
Eventually Sanji gave out a long reluctant groan, laying down and closing his eyes with a soft shake of his head."Hmmpf, mmhh-pphm."
Zoro gave a test release of the blonde's shoulder to see if he'd start thrashing around again. Sanji lay still, eyes closed and curled eyebrow lowered in what seemed to be the top half of a grimace. Zoro decided that it wasn't a good idea to rile the cook up any further now that he'd finally consented, so he bit back his sarcastic comments and focused on the task at hand.
The web seemed to fold together into a long taffy-like rope when it came into contact with oil, making it stretchy enough to slip off Sanji's slender frame. If he had that oil, he might be able to pull the web off the cook with no damage done to his precious suit. Not that he cared; he just didn't want Sanji to bitch at him over this for months. His alcohol was at stake here!
The top of the pocket was uncovered from the web and Zoro pulled at the top hem of the pocket as he slid his hand into the hot and oil-soaked cavern of fabric. His fingertips trailed the top of Sanji's thigh muscles as he explored further down the pocket.
It was fascinating how such slender things could be so powerful. He'd seen Sanji break walls and bones with these legs. Zoro felt Sanji's thigh twitch and tense against his fingers, pinning his hand inside the tight space for a second. Zoro huffed as he struggled to move his hand.
"Oi! Cook! How am I supposed to get inside if you don't relax? I can't move when you flex like that!" Zoro growled, glaring at the side of the blonde's face; the bastard was staring into the forest again. "Relax and stop twitching! It's way too tight like this! I can't even pull it out at this rate!"
There was another twitch into Zoro's palm and for a moment he could feel his fingertips sink into Sanji's leg. The blond gave something that resembled a whimper and Zoro's hand was released from its vice as Sanji relaxed. Zoro didn't move, he was too busy staring at the blonde's pained expression.
"Oi? Cook?" Zoro leant over, not moving his hand from Sanji's pocket as he inspected Sanji's face. "Why are you making that face? Does it hurt?" Zoro furrowed his brow, trying to figure out where the web could be pulling at Sanji's skin. Zoro didn't get any answer, the blond simply stared into the forest with wide eyes and his ears were getting red again.
"I'll go slower." Zoro eventually assured the blond after a slightly awkward silence, and turning back to the task at hand. It was a bit easier to slide his fingers deeper now that Sanji was relaxed and the oil was helping. He could feel the smooth edge of the glass bottle under the tip of his middle finger.
"I found it." Zoro grinned to Sanji, whose expression was a mix of pain and anger. Zoro had no idea why the blond was angry with HIM though, maybe the web was pulling at his beard or something. It wasn't his fault the idiot had to thrash around and get his hair all tangled up! The bastard was so unfair.
The bottle slipped past his finger when he attempted to catch it between two fingers, the oil making it practically impossible to get a decent hold of. "It's all slick, my fingers keep slipping against it." Zoro explained.
Sanji's hips were twitching again, occasionally bucking into his hand. It wasn't helping though; he still couldn't get a proper grip on the bottle. He couldn't blame Sanji for trying to help.
"I'm so close, just a little more." Zoro groaned, feeling the glass slip past his fingers again and spill another dose of oil over his fingers. The oil soaking Sanji's clothes were warming up too. The cook must be sweltering hot from underneath all this web.
"Mmmpphh..." Sanji's voice was almost completely inaudible, his muffled tone somewhere between pleading and hateful. Zoro glanced up, the idiot's face was all reddish and he was breathing heavily, the spider web around his chest straining with each breath. He was looking at him now though; staring straight at him with the most puzzling look Zoro had ever seen on the blonde's face.
"Oi, is it hard to breathe?" Zoro grit his teeth, watching the strained expression on Sanji's face turn almost pained as the blond screwed his eyes shut. Zoro pulled his oil soaked hand out of Sanji's pocket reluctantly. The cook arched his neck as much as he could with the web around his throat, his nostrils flared as he drank in the cold evening air greedily.
"I'll get some of it off your face, I think I have enough oil to free your mouth." Zoro moved up to Sanji's face, forcing the blond to look at him with his cleaner hand as he started sliding his oil slicked digits along the blonde's jaw line and cheek. Brushing the back of his fingers softly along Sanji's jaw line, feeling soft stubble against his knuckles.
The idiot curly brow really had soft skin and his jaw line was much less jagged than Zoro's own. The swordsman had never thought about the cook's face before; it was so elegantly proportioned. Masculine and soft at the same time, how was that even possible?
Zoro realized he must have been making a strange expression, since the cook was staring at him like he'd suddenly turned purple. He awkwardly cleared his throat and got back to work, leaning over to try to free Sanji's top lip. He felt the outline under his fingertip; he'd just have to move a little further down, since the cook's lips were rather full. Not that he'd ever noticed.
For a few moments, the swordsman tried to work the remaining oil along Sanji's mouth. Zoro felt the heat of Sanji's flustered skin on his fingers; the blond must be suffocating from all the heat. Did the spiders use the web to boil their prey alive or something?
Zoro's index finger dropped over the edge of Sanji's lip, slipping in between the soft mounds and brushing slightly against the cook's teeth. Zoro grinned, "Yosh! It's in, I'll be able to loosen it up now." He pulled at the web as he ran his finger along the inner contours of the cook's mouth.
Sanji's breath on his finger was extremely warm; Zoro could see the hot air from Sanji's mouth condense in the cold night air around his mouth.
Before slicking them up with oil, Sanji's lips were dry and sticking to the web. Zoro made sure to work the oil along the entire lip to prevent it from sticking to the web again. His brow furrowed as he focused on Sanji's mouth.
"Almost got the top lip free curly brow." Zoro grumbled to himself as he focused on some extra sticky web stuck in the cupid's bow at the middle of Sanji's lip. It took a few strokes, but he finally managed to get the web off. His felt Sanji's tongue slip against the tip of his finger, grinning as the blond grimaced at the taste of oil. "Careful where you stick your tongue idiot. Or is it just so eager to sprout nonsense again that you can't control it?"
"Fuwk yough-" Sanji managed to spit out around the web with a huff of hot breath. Zoro laughed at that, he almost didn't want to free the bastard's mouth, just so see him struggle to insult him like this. But Sanji wasn't even half the fun if he couldn't fight or talk, so Zoro slid his finger along the rim of Sanji's mouth, stretching the corner of his mouth a little as he pulled the web down to Sanji's chin.
"Easier to breathe now?" Zoro frowned, looking at the web clinging to Sanji's bottom lip and chin, making the cook look pouty and embarrassed.
"Much better shit head, now get off me! Your dirty hands are going to get Marimo-germs all over me!" Sanji huffed, grimacing as much as he could with his chin wrapped in spider web. "Aren't you a swordsman? Cut me loose!"
Zoro rolled his eyes, regretting freeing the other man's mouth as he turned back to Sanji's pocket. "Even if I cut the web it's still going to stick to your suit and face in clusters. The fastest way for you to get out of this is to free the rest of your ugly face and body... or you can try to take off your clothes."
The cook paled instantly at that, staring at Zoro with his mouth as agape as he could. The swordsman huffed, turning back to the glass bottle in Sanji's pocket. "I thought so." Zoro rolled his eyes, sliding his hand along the cook's leg and towards the bottle making a slight dent at the front of Sanji's pants.
"O-OI!" Sanji hissed, his thigh muscles tightening again and pinning Zoro's hand stuck. The swordsman let out an annoyed groan and leveled Sanji an unimpressed look. The blond was gritting his teeth, eyes closed and brow furrowed in pain.
"Does it still hurt? I thought I loosened it properly." Zoro gestured to Sanji's mouth, and the cook's face reddened slightly and he sent Zoro a death glare.
"STOP TALKING!" Sanji yelled, growling in annoyance before he let out a long pained groan and relaxed back into the grass. "You're an idiot, a dense... stupid... ignorant... blind... perverted... asshole." Sanji hissed between grit teeth as he closed his eyes.
Zoro rolled his eyes. He wasn't in the mood to argue with the cook right now. His hand was free to roam further into Sanji's pocket, seeking the bottle that seemed to be nestled around the far back of Sanji's pocket. Zoro's entire hand was almost inside the pocket and the web was barring it from going any further.
The glass bottle slipped back and forth under Zoro's fingers, running along the oil-slicked dent of Sanji's leg and rotating repeatedly when Zoro tried to roll it closer to him. Zoro's patience was rapidly running thin, and Sanji's occasional bucking towards his hand wasn't helping.
"Oi, cook! Stop squirming, I'm almost all the way in-" Zoro growled low, managing to slip a finger inside the tight mouth of the bottle and grab the rim. "Got it!" Zoro grinned in satisfaction, slowly fishing the bottle out of Sanji's pocket. It was the same make as his sword oil; it was even the same brand.
"How much oil is left?" Sanji asked, turning to look at the bottle between Zoro's fingers. The clear liquid splashed around just below the center.
"About half a bottle." Zoro shrugged, spilling a little of the oil on his fingers before he reached up to free the blonde's jaw and chin from the web. The web slid off, pulling at the idiotic chin fuzz the cook insisted on sporting for some reason. "Is it for your knives?"
"What else could it be for you idiot?" Sanji huffed, grimacing at Zoro when the web was pulled down. Sanji's throat rubbed against Zoro's fingers when the swordsman started pulling the web away from Sanji's throat.
"OUCH! Stop it! You're pulling on my hair you bastard-" Sanji hissed, leaning his head to the side to reveal the back of his head, blond locks sticking to the web in a nightmarishly tangled mess. Zoro stared at it in slight horror, not sure if he wanted to have the cook screaming at the thought of all the hair he was probably going to lose.
"... It's not so bad." Zoro tried reasoning, faking a grin as he reached out for his sword casually. Sanji stared at him for a heartbeat before he started shaking his head manically and screaming.
"NO! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO CUT MY HAIR!" Sanji practically shrieked. "GET IT OUT WITH THE OIL! NO CUTTING IT!"
"But it's going to take all night-"
"I DON'T CARE. IF THAT SWORD GOES ANYWHERE NEAR MY HAIR THEN YOU'LL BE DRINKING NOTHING BUT WATER ON THE SUNNY FOREVER."
There was a long awkward pause after that, both men staring at each other in horror while they struggled to conquer their personal fears: uneven hair and life with limited alcohol.
Zoro slowly and carefully retracted his hand, showing his empty palm to Sanji like the other man was a dangerous animal. "Alright. Oil."
Zoro slicked his fingers up with oil, before pulling Sanji up to a sitting position and sitting down on the ground behind him. Propping the blond up against his knee Zoro started combing through the back of Sanji's head to get the locks to separate themselves from the web. The oil made the cook's hair appear wet, making it glisten between Zoro's fingers like soft and sleek bars of gold.
It proved much harder to free each lock, causing Sanji to twitch on occasion when Zoro tugged too hard. "Oi, careful Marimo-bastard." The cook hissed when Zoro gave a vengeful tug at his hair. Realizing it was futile to complain, the blond relaxed against Zoro's knee. "I want a smoke."
"Too bad." Zoro mused, grinning as the cook glared at him over his shoulder. Zoro worked his fingers down to the last few tangles of hair that clung to the back of Sanji's neck. "I don't get why you insist on keeping your hair this long." Zoro grumbled, causing Sanji to chuckle lightly.
"Of course you don't understand, idiot. It's fashion." Sanji hummed, ignoring the unnecessary tug Zoro gave his hair at the insult. "It's why I look good and you look like a hobo."
"Well your FASHION is free now." Zoro finished untangling the mess at the back of Sanji's head, pulling the web down to Sanji's shoulder blades, making his way to the side and allowing the cook to fall into the grass as he moved over to slick up and free the front of Sanji's suit.
"My suit is going to be ruined." Sanji mumbled from his spot in the grass, staring up at the dark sky. "Even if it somehow miraculously survives you yanking on it like it's one of your potato sack shirts, being slathered with oil, AND dragged through a dirty spider hole full of rotten animal remains, there's no way I'm going to wear it again after this."
"Yeah, did you notice?" Zoro ignored Sanji's idiotic complaints, slipping a web off Sanji's shoulder and working his way over to the blonde's chest pocket. "There were no human remains in there."
"I didn't see much, it was all dark down there and I was trying not to think about what KIND of maggot ridden flesh I was being rubbed against." Sanji growled bitterly, shuddering at the memory. "…But now that you mention it, I didn't see a single human bone or piece of clothing down there."
"The spiders were probably what got that thief earlier." Zoro thought out loud, feeling the dent of Sanji's packet of cigarettes under his fingers. Should he tell the blond about the book? Zoro contemplated it. He felt the book press against his skin beneath his haramaki.
"Poor bastard." Sanji said in a soft tone. Zoro watched the almost melancholy look on Sanji's face.
If he told the cook about it now, the bastard might start struggling and yelling. Zoro had spent too long trying to free the cook without ripping off his jacket and tossing it over a cliff to risk it all now. He didn't have the patience for this. Besides, if Sanji hated the book, he was going to be furious to have ruined a suit over it.
No. It was for the best that he waited and slipped the book to him when he wasn't paying attention, or at least he'd wait until they were out of the forest. Zoro fished the cigarettes out of Sanji's newly freed pocket, dangling them in from of the blond to catch his attention.
"Ah!" Sanji's face lit up at the sight of the slightly crushed packet of cigarettes and he squirmed to sit up. Zoro hit the bottom of the back, surprised to see a whole and uncrushed cigarette pop out at him eagerly. He picked it up gingerly, trying not to crush the fragile thing as he offered it to the blond.
"My lighter's gone, though." Sanji mumbled as he leant over, skillfully wrapping his oiled and glistening lips around the filter and rolling it to the side of his mouth. Pulling it gently from between Zoro's fingers and derailing his train of thought. It was amazing how soft the cook's lips looked from this distance. They had felt soft too, when he was running his finger over them earlier.
Zoro broke his stare at the blonde's mouth, fumbling in his pants pocket for a second before he pulled up the golden lighter. Sanji's curled eyebrow rose at the sight and those damn lips curved into a gentle smile.
"You found it! You should have told me, you bastard!" Sanji said cheerfully, leaning over as much as the web around his torso allowed. "Light it for me." The blond wiggled the cigarette towards the lighter, looking expectantly up at Zoro. The swordsman stared back. The horribly hot and heavy feeling in his gut hit him like Luffy's jet bazooka.
Zoro's thumb flicked over the wheel on the lighter and for a moment both their faces were illuminated with a warm yellow glow in contrast with the cold, blue of the dark forest around them.
Sanji leaned closer to the flame, urging Zoro to bring the flame to the tip of Sanji's cigarette, holding it as steady as he could as the blond took a few breaths. The tip of the cigarette burned bright orange and Sanji looked up at Zoro, their eyes meeting for a second that seemed to last forever.
"Oi, Zoro." Sanji said low, breaking the eye contact as he tilted his head back, breathing the smoke into the night air above them. "Finish untying my shirt. I'm going to take off my jacket. It's done for anyway."
Zoro flicked the lighter closed; snuffing the flame, but the warmth in his chest remained. Zoro felt like there was a live snake thrashing around in his stomach. Was he getting sick too?
"For once you make sense." Zoro managed to huff, reaching out to tear the web from Sanji's shirt.
He freed Sanji's hands up to his wrist, clearing the web from the shirt cuffs before he helped the other man slide the jacket over his shoulders. He could hear the golden buttons rip as Sanji shed his cocoon of web and jacket.
With a loud crack of his shoulder joints, Sanji stretched out his arms, rubbing his precious hands together experimentally to get the blood flowing through his veins again. The light blue shirt was much too bright in the night air, making it almost impossible to ignore the curve of Sanji's torso when he stretched out his back.
"Hand me the bottle." Sanji put out his newly freed hand, flicking the ashes off his cigarette as he avoided eye contact. "I'll free my legs myself."
Zoro passed him the bottle, leaning backwards and relaxing as he watched Sanji coat his hands with oil and slide the web off in smooth, careful motions. The swordsman watched silently, racking his brain with reasons for that uneasy feeling in his gut.
Was he just hungry? Zoro had been hungry before; he'd been hungry for days, weeks even. That was a gnawing, sickening sensation. This was less empty and more... desperate. His chest was warming up as well. Was this maybe what the blond had? Was it contagious? It wasn't painful at all, just... tense.
Sanji slid the last of the web off like some sort of giant sock and rubbed his legs to start the circulation before he got up. He was slightly wobbling but it was nothing that a few inhuman stretches didn't fix.
Zoro watched with a mix of annoyance and awe. He knew the blond was showing off, but he'd never seen anyone else capable of raising his foot vertically in the air with so little effort.
"So, what direction should we take?" Sanji gave Zoro an expectant look, blowing smoke from his nostrils. The swordsman scanned the surrounding area, inhaling deeply and glaring at a few trees. Eventually, Zoro got up, pointing to the forest to Sanji's left.
"This way."
"Great," Sanji said and started walking to the right. "Then we're going this way."
"OI!" Zoro snapped, storming up to the cook and frowning at him. "What's that supposed to mean!?" They made their way in between trees, foliage pulling at their clothes and branches crunching under their feet.
"If you lead the way, we'll end up in the New World on foot." Sanji hissed, crushing his cigarette between his fingers. "We need to get to higher ground so we can look around for the Sunny. Maybe climb a tree if we don't find any hills."
Zoro grumbled, one hand resting on the hilts of his swords and his other buried in his pocket. Sanji was walking right beside him, close enough that their shoulders occasionally brushed together. Zoro had no idea why he noticed every time it happened; maybe it was annoying him? Yes, that was probably it.
Before Zoro could point out that the cook was walking much closer than usual, the blond froze in his tracks, staring off into the forest. Zoro could see the blonde's brow fall as he listened and Zoro also strained his ears.
Water? Zoro furrowed his brow, feeling the warmth of Sanji's body seep into his shoulder. He could hear running water. "It's a river." Zoro pointed out and the cook rolled his one visible eye and huffed.
"I know. Let's make a stop there and wash up. YOU might be able to stand the smell, but I can't." Sanji grumbled, taking a few steps towards the sound before he paused and waited for Zoro expectantly. "Start moving, moss-brain. We don't have all night."
"What? Scared the spiders will get you again?" Zoro mused, walking towards the blond who didn't resume his walking until Zoro was well within touching distance. It was nice walking so close to the cook.
"Shut up." Sanji grimaced and lit himself another cigarette, the glow of the lighter flickering across his face for a second. "I just don't want you to get your ass any more lost than it already is." Sanji broke off a rather large dead branch, weighing it for a second before breaking off another one.
Zoro arched his brow, watching the other man gather dry branches before he realized it was for firewood. Zoro began gathering the ones he could see, cutting off rather large branches into logs and tucking it under his arms. They made their way towards the sound of running water, secretly competing who could gather more wood.
The river was wide, snaking lazily past them in the moonlight. The rocky riverside was dry and free of trees, so the two lost Strawhats dropped their sizable pile of firewood at a convenient distance from the water.
"Put some to the side to add later." Sanji instructed, grabbing his cigarette packet and ripping out a piece of the paper. After splashing a small amount of the oil onto a branch, Sanji pull out his lighter and lit the piece of paper. Once it was burning brightly he tucked it gently into the oiled pile of branches.
Zoro took a large amount of branches and put them aside, crouching next to the makeshift fire pit and admiring how easily Sanji's fire lit. The cook blew at the ambers gently, poking at them with a small twig until the small orange cluster erupted into flames. The oil caught fire, spreading through the center of the pile of firewood.
Not even two minutes later, the fire was burning bright, bathing them both in a warm yellow glow. Neither of them seemed to want to move, both men sitting on the rocky outlet of the river and watching the fire dance on the rocks. Sanji pulled a cigarette from the mutilated package, lighting the cigarette fearlessly on the open flames.
"You'll get burned." Zoro warned, watching as Sanji sucked on the cigarette and blew out smoke as he pulled away from the fire pit. The flickering light from the fire danced around Sanji's features, sharp shadows making the blonde's smirk even more mysteriously than usual.
"I'm a cook. Playing with fire is my trade."
Zoro was about to comment on how stupid Sanji's statement was when the other man stood up and kicked off his fancy dress shoes. Zoro froze in place, watching as Sanji removed his socks and tie. He couldn't move, watching almost hypnotized at Sanji's back as the blond shed his shirt; lean muscles so different from his own rippled under the white skin.
"I'm going to wash." Sanji said casually, folding his shirt and placing it on top of his shoes. "Unless you want me to kick you into the river, I suggest you do the same." Sanji wasn't looking at him, unbuttoning his pants as he faced away from Zoro.
"Whatever." Zoro grumbled, forcing himself to look away as the blond pulled down his pants. He shouldn't be so fascinated by this. He'd seen the blond naked before and it had never gotten to him like this. The tension in his gut returned and Zoro frowned as he yanked off his own shirt and tossed it to the side.
The sound of Sanji cursing as he walked into the river grated on Zoro's sanity. He wanted to look. Why? Why did he want to look? It was stupid. Zoro glanced over his shoulder. Sanji was rubbing the dirt and oil from his hair, half submerged in the lazily flowing river. Zoro wrapped the book carefully into his haramaki, covering it with his pants and boots before he paused.
Should he strip completely? He stretched slightly as he contemplated it. If Sanji was naked, it would be weird if he wasn't naked too. But if Sanji wasn't naked, it would be awkward if he was. Zoro carefully arranged his swords besides the pile of clothes, making sure they were safe from all water and still close enough for him to grab them if something attacked.
He'd have to see if Sanji had taken off his underwear before he made his own move. Zoro turned around, glancing to the pile of clothes to see if the cook's underwear was neatly folded among them.
Sanji was looking at him. Half of his face was submerged in the water with his hair lazily moving in the pull of the stream. Zoro couldn't tell if the cook was wearing his underwear, but Sanji was looking at him expectantly, his stupid curled eyebrow raised slightly. Zoro grumbled. If the cook wasn't naked in there, he was a damn prude. Who would want to get their underwear soaked anyway?
Zoro turned around, stripping completely and cursing under his breath as he walked into the river. He could FEEL the cook's eyes following him, even if he could only see one of them and the cook didn't even turn his head to follow him. Why was he feeling so self-conscious? He had seen ALL the male members of the crew naked at least once.
The river was cold, but not painfully so. Zoro had swum in colder waters than this back on Drum Island. He leaned back into the stream, feeling the water flow over his shoulders and wash away the dirt and grime from that disgusting spider den. His clothes probably still smelled, but he could wash those out when they got back on the Sunny.
Zoro leaned against one of the larger rocks, staring up at the night sky and scanning the horizon. Was the rest of the crew looking for them? They would probably get themselves lost. They had no sense of direction after all. Zoro was rubbing at a stubborn bloodstain on his forearm when something silver flashed in the water before him.
"Hey! Cook!" Zoro called out as the turned to the cook, only to have the other man jolt harshly from further down the river and stare at him outraged.
"DON'T COME OVER HERE, YOU BASTARD!" Sanji yelled at Zoro, who arched a heavy brow.
"I'm not; look." Zoro raised the fish he'd caught. Its scales glistened in the moonlight. "These are edible, right?"
Sanji paused, eyes narrowed as he squinted through the darkness. "Yeah, catch a couple more and I'll cook them."
The promise of food made catching fish Zoro's top priority. He tossed the one he'd already caught onto the rocky shore and turned back to the water, remaining completely still as he waited for the tell tale glimmer of scales. Before long, there were five sizable fish struggling on the rocky shore by the fire.
Sanji had already finished washing and had started preparing the fish, twisting off their head with terrifying accuracy and no remorse before he threaded the whole thing onto a branch and suspended them over the fire. Zoro left the river with the sixth fish, tossing it to the cook before he turned to get dressed.
The cook was only wearing his underwear, sitting by the fire to dry off. Zoro decided he'd rather not soak his clothes and joined the cook by the fire. Normally he'd sit on the opposite end of the campfire, but tonight he didn't feel normal. So he sat beside the cook, just out of arm's reach.
"They smell good." Zoro commented as he watched the freshly caught fish darken and sizzle on the open fire. His stomach was rumbling again and he could feel the nagging feeling of hunger join the uneasy feeling in his chest.
"The first batch is almost done." Sanji said low, not looking away from the fire.
Zoro glanced over. The blond was hugging his knees, staring into the flames like he was hypnotized. The warm light reflected the few remaining drops of water on Sanji's skin.
"If we follow this river, we might get to the ocean." Zoro reasoned, watching Sanji give one of the fish an experimental poke before he placed it back into the fire.
"Don't be an idiot." Sanji grumbled, closing his eyes contently as a small smile curved his lips. "It could lead us to the opposite side of the island or end up in a lake somewhere." Sanji flicked the ashes off his cigarette, opening his eyes again and giving Zoro a bizarre look that turned Zoro's stomach completely upside down and tied it in a knot. "You really are hopeless, Marimo-bastard."
Zoro felt sick. His heart was beating so hard in his chest he was sure the entire Grand Line could hear it. He felt warm and cold at the same time and he had this horrible fluttering feeling at the bottom of his throat.
He had to talk to Chopper as soon as they made it back to the ship. He felt like his lungs were about to crawl out of his throat.
"The first batch is ready." Sanji declared and their hands brushed lightly as he passed one of the sticks to Zoro. Sanji withdrew his hand casually, turning to eat his own share, as Zoro sat paralyzed and felt the electricity travel up his hand.
Why? What was this sickening flutter in his stomach? Whatever it was, Zoro attempted to kill it with food. It helped a bit, the fish tasted great, which was strange since there was nothing Sanji could have done to add to the taste. It was probably just because of how hungry he was. Food always tasted better when you were hungry.
When both men had eaten their fill, they got dressed in silence. Zoro tucked the book into his haramaki, turning to wait for the cook to finish getting dressed. Sanji always wore so many buttons. Zoro didn't like buttons. He never bothered to do them up when he was wearing shirts. Sanji had bitched at him about this at first, but he never complained anymore.
"So you think we should follow the river, right?" Sanji asked, fixing his tie and pocketing his cigarettes. Zoro nodded, he did think they should follow the river. That's what he'd do if he were alone.
Sanji nodded once, walking towards Zoro and against the flow of the river. "Then we're going this way." Sanji passed Zoro with a subtle grin. Zoro frowned as he stomped after the blond; Sanji was probably the reason the crew was always getting lost.
After walking on level ground for a while, passing a waterfall and a few highly suspicious circular piles of branches and debris, Zoro almost tripped over a mossy rock. A completely square rock.
"Oh. It sort of looks like you." Sanji mused, crouching down and pulling the straw away from the brownish rock, the top and large portion of the sides covered in soft bright green moss. "I think we found where you came from."
"Shut up or I'll make you shut up." Zoro threatened, making his way out of the clearing and up what seemed to be an ancient stone staircase. "Oi, cook." Zoro pointed to the large overgrown stone temple rising out of the undergrowth like a pyramid. "Is this high up enough for you?"
Sanji paused his attempts to pull the "Marimo-rock" out of the ground without damaging the moss, dusting off his hands before he joined Zoro at the base of the temple. His eyes traveled up the crumbling stone steps, lingering on the occasional layer of spider web connecting the each step.
"Yeah." Sanji lit himself another cigarette, starting his climb with an effortless jump. "This will do nicely." The carved stones crumbled slightly under their feet as they made their way up. Zoro winched at each broken carving, knowing that Robin was going to be very displeased with them if she ever found out.
The trees blocking out the horizon moved lower with each new step, slowly making way for the strange split of color where the dark of the sky met the moonlit Grand Line. When the water was this calm, it was hard to believe that this was the pirate's graveyard: the place where so many pirates had lost their lives.
"The shitty old man sailed the Grand Line you know." Sanji said as he paused to light himself another cigarette. "He returned because he wanted to, not because he had to."
Zoro watched as Sanji shook his head softly, hair falling over his face and obscuring his expression as the cook turned around and started climbing again.
"The old fart never told me why he stopped looking."
Zoro's chest tightened uncomfortably at that and the book resting at his hip became heavier and started grating against his skin. Sanji's steps became weighty; it was like the stone under his feet was trembling. Zoro felt each step in his bones.
It was like he was torn, his common sense was telling him to wait, but something stronger, something more primal and raw was screaming at him to hand the book over. Should he? They weren't standing on particularly solid ground right now; if a fight broke out, they might fall.
He could see the stones sink under Sanji's weight, cracks spreading down to where he was standing.
Zoro started moving, running up the steps, trying to catch up to the small distance between himself and Sanji. "Cook! It's collapsing!" Zoro called out, the rock under him crumbling as Sanji turned around.
Zoro unsheathed Wado as fast as he could, sinking the blade into the stone as the last of his foothold collapsed.
"ZORO!" Sanji came running, but made his way carefully towards Zoro. "You shitty bastard, don't you DARE let go!" Sanji grimaced as he cautiously made his way to the edge.
"Shut up!" Zoro grumbled, looking at the maze of half broken pillars, collapsed floors and staircases below. The fall wasn't too high, but he wasn't sure he'd be able to climb back up. He really didn't want to be separated from Sanji in this dark, spider-infested forest. The bastard would just get himself lost.
Zoro tried to pull himself up, but the ledge he was dangling from collapsed further at the stress and Wado slid another inch towards the dark maze below. Zoro cursed under his breath, hearing Sanji make his way to a nearby ledge and lean over, reaching out for Zoro's arm.
"This one is sturdier, stupid bastard, can't you even pick a stronger ledge to dangle from?" Sanji grit his teeth and reached out. "Your hand!"
Wado slid through another inch, the blade slicing the stone like butter as Zoro reached out, fingertips brushing against the cook's before he managed to grab a hold. The grip was firm and confident, and Zoro pulled back his sword, swinging towards Sanji and grabbing hold of the other ledge.
"Get your stupid ass up here!" Sanji huffed, leaning over to grab hold of Zoro's haramaki. Zoro managed to pull himself to safety as Sanji pulled at the green waistband. The tug was enough to cause the book to slip from its hiding place and fall onto the crumbling remains of the floor below them.
"S-shit!" Zoro grit his teeth, glancing over his shoulder to look at the battered blue book that lay in the thick layer of dust and moss below them. He looked for a foothold, trying to pull his arm from Sanji's tight grasp.
"OI! ZORO!" Sanji hissed, stretching his neck to look at the book. "IS THAT BOOK THAT THING? THE THING THAT WAS STOLEN!?" Sanji was furious, but Zoro didn't really care, he found a foothold and shimmied a little closer to the book, contemplating if the crumbling ledge would hold his weight.
"YOU GOT IT BACK AND DIDN'T TELL ME!?" Sanji was screaming, his grip on Zoro's hand tight enough to hamper circulation. "YOU SHITTY BASTARD! I'VE BEEN FEELING BAD OVER NOTHING!?"
"No one asked for you to feel bad, idiot cook!" Zoro hissed back, reaching experimentally over to the book. It was much too far, he'd have to jump across and hope it held. The ledge he'd been clinging to before the cook got him off it collapsed, rocks landing besides the book and causing the floor to crumble further.
"Of course I'd feel bad!" Sanji kept yelling, his face red with anger and his knuckles white. "I lost it!"
Zoro felt Sanji's release the grip on his hand, the tingle of blood flow settling in as he clung to the edge. Sanji jumped over him, landing elegantly on a creaking and swaying pillar not too far from the book. Sand and debris rained from the walls around them, hitting the book and threatening to send it plummeting down into the darkness.
"Oi! Cook! Leave it!" Zoro urged, watching as a web of cracks climbed from the center of Sanji's pillar. The cook didn't listen, reaching over for the book. The pillar was crumbling now and so was Zoro's handhold.
This was bad…they'd both fall at this rate. "Just leave the book! Grab my hand and let's get out of here!" Zoro extended his hand hopefully, the rapidly crumbling handhold cutting into the base of his palm.
"N-no way." Sanji hissed and ignored Zoro's hand, the tip of his middle finger gracing the book. "If it's that important to you, there's no way I can just let it fall!" The pillar under Sanji crumbled when the cook managed to grab the book, turning in the air as he extended the book towards Zoro's outstretched hand. "GRAB IT!"
"IDIOT! WHO ASKED YOU TO-" The edge Zoro was holding onto crumbled and he didn't even attempt to stop his fall. The duo fell through several floors, shattering the stone into dust with each impact. The small window of moonlight became more distant with each second until an especially harsh impact blurred Zoro's vision. They weren't falling anymore.
Zoro attempted to move his arm, nothing felt broken, but he couldn't move properly either. Sanji lay sprawled in debris next to him, clutching onto the book. He seemed to be unconscious, his chest rising in long, deep breaths. Zoro attempted to call out, but all the sound he could make was a pained groan.
Everything was getting darker; he was loosing consciousness. Hopefully he wouldn't be knocked out for long. When Zoro was about to pass out in this crumbling, giant-spider infested temple, his last thought before he passed out was a concerned one.
Damn it. The cook has the book.
Yes. Innuendos. I love them. Can you tell?
Hope this chapter gave you a few laughs! I'd love to know what you liked most about it, I think I have an idea what scene is the "fan favorite" in here, but I might be wrong about it.
Special thanks go to A3shFaerie for being my trusty beta! She beta'd this chapter in less than 24 hours! Imagine that!
Thanks to her, I'll manage to upload this BEFORE I go on that camping trip. I can't wait to read your hilarious and inspiring reviews when I return!