In this chapter, I have gone back and forth between Jane and Tom a little bit...;-D
CHAPTER 17:
Jane:
For some reason, my heart started to quicken as Tom reached out to open the door. Without words at first, he stepped inside, set the candelabra he had been holding in his other hand down on a bureau just inside the door, then stepped aside so that I could enter.
"This room...Jane...is yours." He said as I entered the room and quickly looked about it.
I gasped in bewilderment. "Excuse me? What do you mean, Tom?"
"I thought that as you are going to be here for at least a month that perhaps you would like a room exclusively for yourself in which to do your writing...if you ever feel the urge to do so while you are here. I don't want you to think that you cannot write while you are vesting here."
I was beyond speechless. I certainly wasn't expecting such a gesture. "Tom..." I answered when I finally found my voice again. "I...I don't know what to say. This is...what a lovely gesture...such a wonderful surprise!"
"Come in...take a look around. Of course you will see it better tomorrow by natural daylight, but I couldn't wait until tomorrow to show it to you."
He lead the way further inside and showed me over to a desk that already had writing paper, a quill and inkwell sitting on it. I could see that the desk was set right beneath a window. And in fact, not just one. but two, I now noticed further. There were two windows...corner windows at right angles from one another.
"The view is quite picturesque from here during the day. It looks out onto our garden and of course the fields and hills beyond. And when the sun is shining, you have sun in this room all day as one window faces west and the other south. I thought the view perhaps might be provide some inspiration for your writing as well." Tom explained. "Not that you need any..." He added with a slight smile.
I didn't know how to reply to all of this. The thought that Tom had put into it...I looked around and noticed that there was a small fireplace and also a settee in the room.
"A settee in which you could just relax if you wanted or needed to...perhaps if you need to take some thinking time for whatever story you are working on...it's yours Jane, to do whatever you want to in it. But my original idea was for you to have this room while you are here, where you could do your writing. But it is yours."
Feeling a bit emotional, I put my hand to my mouth and looked around the cozy, charming little room and as I did, I actually pictured myself at the desk writing. The feeling that gave me...my heart was fairly bursting.
"And the children KNOW that this room is strictly forbidden to them. They know that they are NOT to come into this room and they are NOT to disturb you in here." Tom now said quite firmly.
A sound that I could not interpret escaped my throat at that moment.
"And neither am I..." Tom finished off more softly this time. I looked at him to see him gazing back at me with his half smile and that twinkle in his eye.
"Oh Tom...it would be alright." I assured him in a voice that was full of emotion. "You needn't be so strict with the children about this room either, I'm sure."
"As long as the children don't bother you while you are trying to write." He insisted. "So this room meets with your approval?" He now asked.
"Oh yes, it more than meets my approval Tom! I thank you! It is so quaint and charming! I am sure that it must be even moreso in the daylight. I cannot wait to see it tomorrow and also to see what that view looks like that you brag about." I told him finally finding my wits again.
"We shall check it out more tomorrow again then." Tom promised. "I really wanted to show it to you first without anyone else around. But it is yours to come and go from as you please."
With that, Tom picked up the candelabra, offered his arm to me once again which I took and we left the room together. Our return walk was a bit quiet as my mind was full. He left me at my door where we bid each other goodnight and he carried on towards his own room.
I shouldn't have, but I couldn't help but watch his back for only a few seconds. But as I didn't want him to catch me watching him, I forced myself to look away and quickly entered my room as soon as he reached his own.
Cassandra was still awake as we hadn't been gone very long. Propping herself on her elbow, she watched me from the bed while I prepared myself for the night.
"And...? Are you allowed to tell me what it was Mr. Lefroy wanted to show you, Jane?" She asked in a low voice so that Henry and Eliza would not hear us talking as they were in the room next to us. She was undoubtedly full of curiosity as I too would have been. But I held off saying anything until I was joined my sister in the bed. Then I said: "He...gave me a room." I couldn't resist teasing her just a bit.
"He...gave you a...what?"
"A room. Do you recall noticing a door at the opposite end of this hallway that he did not show us when he was showing us around?"
Cassandra nodded her head. "That room. A room for me in which to do my writing in whilst we are here if I wish to." I explained.
"Oh!" Cassandra exclaimed as surprised as I had been. "I think that is very thoughtful of Mr. Lefroy. What is the room like?"
"It is very cozy and very quaint. It has two windows at the corner of the house, one that faces south and one that faces west which lets in a lot of sunshine on sunny days. Of course I am curious to see what it is like by daylight, but it could only be even moreso by daylight than it was by candlelight."
"I should say so." Cassandra agreed. "I would like to see it for myself as well."
"Of course you should. As I always want your input with my stories, you must see it. It'll be perfect, Cass as it has not only a writing desk, but a settee as well. You will also have a place in which to sit while we discuss my stories. In fact, we would both be able to sit upon it while discussing. I will show it to you tomorrow." I promised as I sat up and leaned over to blow out the candle. "Tom says that the view from there is quite picturesque as well." I finished off.
"Jane..." Cassandra started as I nestled down beneath the covers. "I couldn't help but watch Tom tonight...I noticed that he in turn couldn't keep his eyes off of you. And when you were down on the floor reading to the children...Jane...he really does love you. I could tell by the look in his eyes whenever he looked at your and the look on his face. He truly adores you."
I was at a loss for this that my sister had just disclosed to me.
"And one more thing...I noticed that he no longer wears a wedding ring..." She said.
In my letter to Cassandra when we were still in London at Tom's, I had made sure to tell her that he still wore his wedding ring. I admit that I had noticed that myself. It was one of the first things I had noticed upon seeing him again at the Inn, that his ring finger was now bereft of the ring.
After a several seconds of silence all I could think of to say was, "Good night Cass..."
"Good night Jane."
I swear I could her a smile in her voice as she spoke those words.
Tom:
After leaving Jane at her bedroom door, I myself went in to get ready for the night and while doing so, I mulled everything over. I admit that earlier on, I had begun to feel a bit apprehensive again about Jane and my children finally meeting one another as of course I really wanted them to like each other. A lot was riding on their initial introduction. I did my best to keep my nervousness from surfacing but I had found it difficult to concentrate on the conversation the other three were engaged in while we were waiting for my offspring to make their appearance. It hadn't helped my nerves any that my sisters seemed to be taking longer with the children than I had anticipated...
But in the end, now a few hours later, I can breathe easy and say that I was very pleased with how everything went off tonight. With the exception of Jeffry...but that seems to be his nature and Jane didn't seemed to be put off by it. And perhaps it wasn't a negative thing either. Perhaps it was just as well that Jane discover the true nature of all of my children right from the start. That didn't mean that I was going to allow them "run wild"-not that they would, or that I would allow them to on any normal given day-but maybe I could relax a bit now and just let "nature take it's course" with them, especially as the initial introductions to one another were now over and done with.
When Jane had said that she might like to join in with the children during some of their daily physical activities...of course I was elated and my elation grew when she had asked if she could read to the children tonight. When I saw her actually sat down on the floor and asked the children to gather around her...how that made me feel...she truly was meant to be a part of this family, I thought...and in fact, by her action and reactions to everything (so far), I felt that she was already part of this family. She seemed to be fitting right in with us and she hadn't even needed to be here for very long or get used to our ways. She seemed to connect straight away with them and it all. I really wanted to know what my children were thinking of "Miss Jane", but I also thought they should have the chance to spend a little more time with her before I asked them.
The room...that idea had come to me while the three of them had been staying with Jane and myself in London and after I had invited them to spend Christmas at my place. The room had been a spare room that hadn't seen very much use as it is the smallest of the rest of the bedchambers. Years ago, Mary had insisted that it be turned into a bit of a sanctuary for myself if I ever felt the need for some peace, solace or thinking when the days were too cold, or too wet to be able to do so out of doors, or at night during the winter, as she knew that I sometimes liked to take walks about our place. She knew that I both liked and needed to be on my own from time to time, for the exact reasons already stated, but most especially when dealing with work. And the view...I had found it to be quite tranquil. I discovered that it could be quite relaxing just simply sitting and gazing out the windows at it...
Mary had fixed it up a bit herself to make it more pleasant for me. As it is at the opposite end of the hallway from where the rest of the family sleep and where the children do their studies and play, this worked out very well. But then in London...I had had an inspiration...if Jane were to come and stay with us and for any length of time, she might want to carry on with her writing and I felt that this room would suit that purpose perfectly. As I had been going between London and Ireland for work, I found that I hadn't been using the room as much anyway and was willing to give up the room for this particular purpose. There were other rooms in the house in which I could retreat to if I found the desire to, even my own bedchamber could suffice for I was the soul occupant of it...for the time being. And even afterwards, as she would have the "writing room" as I had been referring to it to myself, I could still use the bedchamber for that purpose. The more I had thought about letting Jane use that room for her writing, the more I liked it and the more I was going to make it happen...or at least offer it to her. When I came back home, I found and purchased a small, elegant writing desk that would fit perfectly in the room (there hadn't been one until I thought to make it into a writing room for Jane as Mary refused to let the room become a second study or office for myself. She insisted that it remain a sanctuary and would not allow anything connected with my work in the room). I then had a couple of the maids give it a good going over until I was satisfied with it. I stood just inside of it one day after it was all ready and looked around. I could easily imagine Jane sitting at the desk bent over working diligently on her next greatest novel...I had smiled at the image I had conjured up...
It was true what I told Jane tonight, I could not wait to show it to her. And I did want us to be alone when I did. As I didn't know how much of a chance I would get to do that with everyone around during the waking hours, I thought I had better take advantage and show it to her while everyone else was getting ready for bed. I could tell that she was both surprised and delighted with the room which touched my heart. Little did she know at this moment that the room was meant to be hers permanently and not only for a month...I went to sleep with my heart brimming.
Jane:
I felt a little bit like a young girl again, waking up to the excitement of it being Christmas morning as I had the intention of showing Cassandra the room that Tom had shown me the previous night, before our breakfast. I was quite eager to see it in all of it's glory during the day.
"Cassandra! Wake up!" I pounced playfully on my sister who had still been asleep...until I assaulted her. "I want to show you that room before we have to go down for breakfast. Let us hurry and make ourselves ready!" I urged her.
After I knew she was awake, I myself got out of bed, but before getting ready, I went over to the window to have a look outside to see what kind of a day it was starting off to be. I was a bit disappointed that there was no sun, but at least it wasn't raining...or snowing either. Still it was daylight and it should be bright enough to see the room, moreso than it had been the night before.
Cassandra laughed at my enthusiasm and finally managed to arouse herself from bed and then almost as quickly as myself-I know she hurried for my sake, she wouldn't normally be quite this fast-she also got ready.
Peeking out of our room, a quick glance in both directions of the hall told me that no one was about yet. Unless Tom was already downstairs. I could hear some noises coming from the children's rooms but I was not surprised that they should be up and most likely Phoebe, Sarah and Anna were busy getting them all ready for breakfast. I beckoned for Cassandra to follow me and together, we made our way quickly, but quietly down the hallway to the opposite end and stopped in front of the door. With anticipation, I opened the door and I urged Cassandra to step inside so that I could close it. For some reason I couldn't fathom, I didn't want anyone to know that we were in here. After I showed it to Cassandra, I wouldn't be quite so concerned about that, but for now, I just wanted it to be something that her and I share.
Tom was true to his word. The room was even more delightful in the daylight. Even with no sun, the room was bright and rather cheery. How wonderful that even on the greyest of days the room would always have a cheerfulness to it, I thought to myself happily. I now noticed some little knickknacks about the room that suggested a woman's touch which helped to add to the charm and quaintness of the room. I wondered if they had belonged to Mary...I also noticed that there was a matching ottoman to the settee in the room that I had somehow missed the night before.
"This is lovely, Jane!" Cassandra exclaimed as she looked about the room herself.
"Isn't it though?" I replied as I fairly skipped over to the windows so that I could take a look at the landscape. Once again Tom was true to his word. Of course we had noticed the scenery on our ride over from Limerick but it could not compare with seeing it from the second story of Tom's place which showed off the fact that it was surrounded by rolling fields and hills and also cutting across the Lefroy land was part of the River Shannon that one could see winding it's way south west. How perfectly marvelous it must be in the summer to have the river so close by, I thought with a bit of envy that we wouldn't be here in the summer to enjoy the river in all of it's glory as well.
Cassandra came over and joined me just then. "Oh!" she exclaimed as much enthralled with the view as I was. "Tom must have really put a lot of thought into this Jane." She told me in a gentle tone, putting her arm around my waist as we both continued to gaze out of the window. I couldn't disagree with her.
"Imagine what all of this must look like on a sunny day!" I exclaimed laughing lightly. "Both the room and the view! But come Cass! Let us try out that settee together as if we were actually working on a story!" I pulled her away from the window, over to and then down onto the settee with me. We both fell onto it laughing like giddy young lasses in love for the first time. Then I moved the ottoman in between us so that we could both place our feet upon it.
"This is all so wonderful!" I exclaimed passionately.
"You look so happy here Jane, happy to be here." Cassandra smiled over at me.
That stopped me cold. The wound within that for some reason refused to fully heal and disappear prevented me from becoming too involved with the whole idea of being a permanent residence of this wonderful Irish Lefroy place. I sat up suddenly and said seriously. "But we must not lose ourselves Cass...we are only here for a month."
"Maybe more..." Cassandra answered almost slyly, I thought. "We might be here for more than the month, Jane. It is possible..."
"No matter what the length of time Cass, it will all come crashing to an end." I reminded her stubbornly and none too subtly.
Cassandra now sat up and once again put her arm around my shoulders this time. "Then let's not think about the end Jane." She told me softly. "We have just arrived. We've plenty of time. Let's just enjoy whatever time it is that we do have here and not think about the end, shall we?"
I looked over at Cassandra who seemed to be begging me with her eyes to agree with her. She was right really. We DID just arrive and I didn't want to think about the end already.
"We shall." I vowed with a smile.
Tom:
As was normal (aside from the cook and servants) I was the first one awake the next morning, made myself ready and went downstairs to consult the cook about breakfast. Once this was taken care of I went into my study that also doubled as my work office to look over some notes on the latest case I had taken on which was only just getting under way. It had worked out quite well as being so early on in the proceeding, I was able to bring my work home for the most part while I had company and work on it here, but I would still have to go into Limerick on occasion in order to confer with my client from time to time. I knew from past experience that because of the time of year, the actual court proceedings would be held off until the first part of January. I had of course, made the Austen's aware of my work situation during their visit.
I decided to go over my notes now in order to give Anna and my sister's their chance to get my children ready for the day. My guests I would let sleep for as long as they liked as it would have been a long travel day for them the day before and they might appreciate the need for some extra rest. For this reason, I was on full alert for my children as I wanted to make sure that they did not make noise as they left their rooms and came down for breakfast. After a suitable amount of time had passed, I left my study and went upstairs to check on them. It would be a good chance for me to let them know that I was proud of how they had behaved the day before, without anyone being around...and...I admit it, I thought perhaps if I was to go and see them before they came downstairs that maybe they would share with me any of their thoughts of feelings of "Miss Jane" without me having to ask them. As I arrived at the top of the stairs, I could see that the Austen sister's door was now opened which puzzled me slightly. Even though I had been in my study, I was sure that they hadn't come downstairs for I'm sure I would have seen and heard them if they had. A thought occurred to me just then and before checking on my offspring, I went down the hall towards the room I had shown to Jane the night before. The door was closed but I could hear voices inside of it plainly enough. Jane and Cassandra were inside. I admit that I was a little disappointed that Jane had chosen to not wait for me to show her the room again during the day as I had wanted to see her reaction to it for myself. But I also knew that Jane and her sister are very close and I can't say that I am surprised that Jane had wanted to show it to Cassandra straight away. That in itself told me how happy she was with it. But that didn't stop me from wishing she had waited. I meant to turn away and head back down the hall when I heard Jane laugh and say:
"Imagine what all of this must look like on a sunny day! Both the room and the view! But come Cass! Let us try out that settee as if we were actually working on a story!"
I heard them move about the room and I could only assume, settle themselves on the settee.
"This is all so wonderful!" Jane now said.
"You look so happy here Jane, happy to be here." I heard Cassandra's voice.
My ears perked up at this and I was rooted to the spot even though it was wrong of me to be eavesdropping on their conversation. I won't deny that I was glad I had been there as my heart surged with those words.
"But we must not lose ourselves Cass...we are only here for a month."
These words of Jane's made me shake my head and barely whisper, "No, Jane! You will be here for longer!"
"Maybe more...We might be here for more than the month, Jane. It is possible..." I was grateful for Cassandra.
"No matter what the length of time Cass, it will all come crashing to an end." Jane now sounded sad to me.
I shook my head and once again spoke in a bare whisper, "No, Jane...it won't...not this time."
"Then let's not think about the end Jane. We have only just arrived. We've plenty of time. Let's just enjoy whatever time it is that we do have here and not think about the end, shall we?" To these words I nodded my head vigorously like a fool.
"We shall." At least Jane sounded more positive about that.
"Dearest Jane!" I cried silently as I gently laid one open hand upon the door.. "It's yours! All of this is to be yours! I promise you!"
After hearing this part of their conversation, I had to wonder how long I would be able to hold off...suddenly what I had in mind seemed too far away...and I found myself doing all I could to hold myself back from going in and talking to Jane right at this very moment...but I had to. I had to hold off for now. It would be difficult I knew, but it had to wait. With a quiet sigh, I reluctantly pulled myself away from the door (as I didn't want to be caught standing there) and headed back towards my children's rooms to see how they were coming along. As I was walking away, I realized something...perhaps it had been better that I wasn't with Jane when she saw the room this morning because somehow, even though I'm sure it would have been obvious at how pleased she was with the room, she would not have been forthcoming by saying anything else as she had been when talking with her sister. Perhaps I could even go so far as to say that even though she had just arrived, she was already feeling..."at home" here. I smiled as I made my way down the hall, almost feeling a bit of a spring in my step as I did so.
It was a rare thing I did, going into my children's rooms before breakfast as I would be getting myself ready for work a lot of mornings, but occasionally when I didn't have to go into work, or I had some time, I would surprise them with a pre-breakfast visit.
"Good morning, children!" I announced cheerfully as I first knocked to announce my presence, then entered and closed the door behind me.
I was greeted by several "Father!"'s and "Good morning!"'s and within moments I was surrounded by my children who looked like they were all ready go down to their breakfast.
"G' morning, Father!" Little Mary cried out in her nearly 4 year old way ran up to me and into my arms that I held open for her as soon as I saw her running towards me.
"Good morning, dear one." I picked her up and kissed her on the cheek. "And how are all of you doing this fine morning?" I asked which was met with a chorus of "Good and fine's". I really should try and come into their rooms more often in the mornings, I suddenly thought. It really is a lovely way to start the day off like this, in this more casual manner with my children.
"I wanted to let you all know how very proud I am of you all for yesterday, you were very well behaved with our company." I beamed at them.
"Even Jeffry?" George asked.
I couldn't help but chuckle. "Even Jeffry. He wasn't really being bad, just curious. Although..." I now became more serious so that they would know I meant business and made sure that I made eye contact with each one of them as I spoke "...it's always a good thing to try and remember your manners around company. I know it's not always easy, but I expect you to at least try."
"Yes, Father." was the general murmur of agreement.
"Father, I like them. I like how Miss Jane talks." Mary was the first to say something.
"Oh you do, do you? Do you mean, you liked it when Miss Jane was reading to us last night?" I asked, delighted that someone had said something to start this conversation off.
"Yes!" Mary replied happily.
"I liked that she sat down on the floor with us while she was reading." Thomas put in. "Like...she was one of us." I noticed that most of the children nodded at this.
Now that I had the opening I had been hoping for, I asked, "Do you all find...our company..." I had wanted to say Miss Jane but I also didn't think it was wise to single her out just yet. "...acceptable then? I do realize they only just arrived yesterday and you haven't had much chance to get to know them, nor them you, but so far, there is no objection to them?" To which there was a general shaking of heads, "No.."
"Good. I thought you might like them." I breathed an inaudible sigh of relief. "As it looks like you are already for breakfast, why don't we all go down together, then. As our guests have had a long day yesterday, they may not be up and about yet this morning and we should allow them to rest. So we must be quiet on our way downstairs so as not to disturb them please! Okay then? Everyone understands that?"
When they all agreed, we made ready and left the room, me in front with Anna, Phoebe and Sarah following my brood and descended the staircase in a fairly decently quiet manner.
Jane:
Cassandra and I lingered and relaxed in "my room" for only a little while longer before we decided that we had better arouse ourselves and join the land of the living before our host began to wonder about us. Reluctantly, I slowly closed the door after we had both stepped out and we made our way towards the staircase. I confess that I now was feeling a little bit guilty about showing the room to Cassandra as now I remembered how Tom had said that "we" would check out the room today. But he had told me that it was my room to come and go as I pleased, and...I had so wanted to show it to Cassandra...I hoped he would understand and wouldn't mind that I had gone ahead. I would have to let him know.
On our way back down the hall, I heard voices...or rather a voice coming from Tom's children's rooms and stopped.
"Cass!" I whispered and she stopped by my side. "Shhh...I think that's Tom in there." I had only meant to pause long enough to satisfy my curiosity. I think he must have only just entered the room for I could hear the children greeting him. Judging from the joyful surprise in children's voices, I could only suspect that Tom didn't often make an appearance in their rooms first thing in the morning, I thought it was lovely. But now I couldn't help myself, I wanted to hear how Tom interacted with his family without the presence of guests being around and I was not disappointed. It was as I had thought Tom would be with his family. Then I was treated to an unexpected surprise. It seemed that I...or I should say all of us really had "passed the test". Cassandra and I glanced at each other and smiled. Just then we heard Tom make the announcement that they would all go downstairs together and as Cassandra and I didn't think we would have time to beat them down the stairs we fairly flew back down to our room so that we wouldn't be caught and then waited for several minutes before leaving our room and heading down to join the Lefroy family for breakfast.
Note to 'word fodder': You called it m'dear, about the room! Good guessing there! -D