CHAPTER 21:
Jane:
"Tom...?" I was finally the one who broke the silence, but I wanted to know..."Have you have a date in mind? In which we should get married?" The whole idea seemed like a dream to me.
"How about right now?" Came Tom's surprise reply.
"NOW?" Was my more than astonished reply.
"Why not? Jane if I could find a clergyman who would be willing to make a house call at this hour of night and for a wedding, I would not hesitate." Tom told me in a tone of uncertain terms. Then with a bit of a chuckle he said, "I would wake up the whole household for it in fact! But..." here he became a bit serious as he went on with a bit of a sigh. "As that is impossible, I will have to settle for as soon as possible. I really should and would like to speak to my children about this first. And my sisters of course. And I expect that you would probably want your mother to be here for it..."
This time it was me who laughed. "What?" Tom asked with puzzled smile on his own face. "What did I say?"
"You do not know my mother." I started off explaining. "Yes, of course she would dearly love to be here for the wedding...she would want to see with her own eyes my getting married. Otherwise, she might have a hard time believing it. Yet...on the other hand she would want me to get married as soon as possible before anything should happen to prevent it. As Cassandra, Henry and Eliza are all here to witness it, I am sure that it would be enough to convince her of it's validity."
"And how do you feel about it? Would you want to wait until your mother can be notified and give her the chance to get here for it?" I saw the eagerness in Tom's eyes and realized that the eagerness was in hopes that we would not have to wait for my mother...but I knew he was too kind to express his feelings. He would do what I wanted.
"No, it is not necessary, Tom. I expect that my mother might be a little angry or disappointed at first, but once she realizes that it has happened, she will be grateful."
"Perhaps we should visit her after we are married...or have her here for a visit. To make up for it." Tom suggested.
"We can consider one or the other of the ideas." I agreed vaguely as I didn't know if I liked either one of them but I had to agree with Tom that we should most definitely do one of them to make up to her for it. "As we won't be getting married tonight, have you another date in mind, Tom?" I asked returning to the original question.
"How about Christmas Day as that was the day I had intended on proposing to you on...or even Christmas Eve? I would marry you in the next few days but as the Christmas Ball is only a week away, I do not know if it is a good idea to introduce you to my friends and colleagues as my wife when no one else knows of this. And as I said, I would like to speak to my children first and let them get used to the idea."
Christmas Day? Or...Christmas Eve? I thought to myself. I suppose there wasn't any real reason why it couldn't happen then. I kind of liked the idea of Christmas Eve myself.
"Perhaps Christmas Eve..." I said out loud thoughtfully and noticed Tom's face brighten at my reply. "If it's not too much being that it would be the day after the Christmas Ball..."
"Then Christmas Eve it shall be." Tom beamed. "We can make it work."
"Tom, I do not wish for a big, fancy wedding. Just something small, simple and quick is good with just Cassandra, Henry, Eliza and your family as guests would be enough."
"You and I think very similarly Jane, for I have no wish to have a big, fancy wedding either. We could even have it right here in the house. I know of some of the clergyman in Limerick who might be free for Christmas Eve. I will ask them tomorrow."
"And I should write to my mother straight away as she should know as soon as possible."
"You write your letter to your mother Jane and I will take it to Limerick tomorrow and have it sent out to her the quickest way possible."
"Thank you Tom."
We both fell silent for only a few minutes longer when I thought perhaps we should be getting up to our own beds now. Tom agreed and taking a candelabra, he put out the rest of the candles in the room while I waited for him. I took his arm and we both ascended the stairs silently together. At my door, Tom stole a quick goodnight kiss from me before heading off to his own room...a room that in a week's time, I would start sharing with him...
I quickly put that thought out of my mind and as quietly as I could, slipped into mine and Cassandra's room and still as quietly, made myself ready for bed and crawled in. I was not surprised that sleep would not come easily for me with all that had transpired between Tom and myself after everyone else had gone to bed. My fingers from my right hand softly caressed the ring that now adorned the fourth finger on my left hand.
"You've finally made it to bed, Jane." Cassandra's soft sleepy voice coming out of nowhere startled me. "What is it he wished to talk to you about that took so long?"
I was in a quandary...on the one hand I wanted to tell Cassandra straight away about it, but on the other...I wanted to keep it to myself just a little bit longer...and if I told her now, we might both be up all hours of the night talking...yet...if I didn't, she might be upset that I didn't tell her as soon as I got into bed...
"I promise I will tell you first thing in the morning Cass as we are both very tired right now and should get some sleep." I finally decided to reply, telling myself that I would explain why I didn't tell her straight off in the morning. My sister is quite sensible after all and I am sure that she will understand.
I heard my sister yawn and agreed before turning over and falling back to asleep. I knew it would still be awhile before I would be able to do the same...
The next morning, I found that I must have fallen asleep at some point, but I haven't any idea as to when that would have been. I found I was still quite tired, but I felt I should get up when my sister did which was almost at the same time that I did.
In trying to wake myself up further, I stretched my arms out from under the blankets and then brought my hands to my face and rubbed my still sleepy eyes.
"Jane!" I heard Cassandra exclaim as I did so.
"What is it?" I asked, quickly sitting up, startled, to see Cassandra's eyes wide with...surprise? Shock? "What is it Cassandra? What? Oh do tell me, you are giving me such a fright!"
Instead of talking, she just pointed to me...I looked her questioningly and then looked at myself. What was she pointing at? As I moved my hands, I realized that she was moving her eyes and finger along with them. I looked down at my hands. The ring. I quickly covered it and looked up at Cassandra who looked at me in the same instant.
"So that's what took you so long! Jane! Is it really true? Are you and Tom...engaged then?"
I nodded my head, while she said, "You must tell me all about it at once then!" she encouraged me, which I did. Truth to be told, I was glad to be able to share it with my sister now. She also seemed to understand why I hadn't brought it up to her last night.
When I was done recalling it for her, she threw her arms around me and said, "I am so happy for you Jane! And I am very happy that you accepted his proposal. I really am as it is right this time."
"We must tell mama straight away of course." I said a matter of factly. "Tom said that he would take the letter into Limerick with him today and have it sent out in the quickest way possible."
"Jane...perhaps I should write the letter to mama..."
I looked at her questioningly. "But why, Cass?"
"You know what mama is like Jane, she might believe it more if it came from myself."
I looked at my sister...she did have a point. It is not that my mother doesn't trust me, but if I were to tell her, she would demand to hear it from Cassandra...and possibly Henry and Eliza as well before she believed it. However if Cassandra were to write the letter, mama might be more inclined to believe it straight off.
"Alright, you may write the letter Cassandra as you are no doubt right about our mother. But it must be ready as soon as possible so that Tom can take it into Limerick with him. I do not know when he wishes to leave, but we should have it ready soon so we do not keep him waiting on it."
"We should keep it brief then." Cassandra said decidedly. "And you may help me write it if you wish to Jane."
"I am sure that you will do a fine job Cassandra. If we are to keep it brief, there really isn't very many ways in which we can say that I am engaged to Mr. Lefroy..." I let my voice trail off here before Cassandra and I looked at each other and laughed, then embraced each other once again.
We decided to make ourselves ready for the day, but it was after we were ready that we realized that there was nothing to write our letter with or on in our bedchamber. We would have to use my 'writing room' in order to write the letter so we stepped out of our room and were already walking down the hall towards it when Henry and Eliza also emerged from there room.
"And where are you heading off to my sisters?" Henry inquired, it was obvious that we were not heading downstairs.
We stopped and turned around. Henry and Eliza didn't know of the news yet. I felt cornered. It's not that I didn't wish to tell my brother and sister-in-law cousin about the news, I just didn't know if I wanted to tell them right at that moment. And then..there were the children. Their rooms were right there. Tom had wanted to talk to them about it first and because of that, I didn't want them to overhear anything.
Not knowing what else I could do, I beckoned Henry and Eliza to follow us into the writing room and closed the door behind us. Before I could say anything, Henry spoke up.
"So Tom has proposed to you at last, Jane!" I looked at my brother who was grinning, wide-eyed in my shock. HOW could he possibly know?
"You wear a ring on your finger." He went on still grinning.
Oh...the ring. Yet, I was still surprised at how quickly he had noticed.
"Tom told me in London how he was planning on proposing to you on Christmas Day here in Ireland after we accepted his invitation to spend the holiday here, Jane." He now further explained. Henry KNEW? "But he made me promise not to say a word to anyone. He wanted to consult with me...ask me if I was okay with it and if he thought that everyone in the family would approve. Of course I gave him my blessings. Jane...this was "the truth" I told our mother. The truth that I said you would know soon enough about...about WHY our mother allowed us to come here for Christmas. It was the only thing I could think of to get mama to agree to letting us come here at this time of year. I had to tell her of Tom's intentions...that he was going to propose to you. I had to make her promise not to tell you or anyone else either as you did not yet of course and I had promised Tom. Of course she also approves of Tom's proposal."
Our mother also KNEW? My thoughts drifted back to the day we had arrived in Chawton from London. Now mama's actions after talking with Henry made sense to me. Her smile and her readiness to allow us to spend Christmas in Ireland. Of course I wasn't angry with Tom for talking to Henry either. He had done this in order to get the approval of my family first. He had wanted to go about his proposal in an honest, more honourable way than the last time. He could not be and should not be faulted for that. After our talk the night before, Tom must not have known that Henry had told our mother of his intention. Indeed, why should Henry have told him when he had promised not to tell anyone? Tom needn't know that mama was against our coming here until Henry had spoken to her.
When I could find my voice again, I said, "Henry...Cassandra, Eliza...please promise me...you are NOT to say a word about this when anyone else in the house is present. Tom wishes to speak to his children first about it, so please do not say anything about it in their presence until we know he has spoken to them about it. He also would like to speak to his sisters as well of course. As of this moment, I do not know when he will address any of them although I would think as soon as possible."
"Have you set a date then?" Eliza wanted to know.
"Tom wants to get married as soon as we possibly can. He suggested Christmas Day...or Christmas Eve. I think we will marry here on Christmas Eve with only our families who are here in attendance. Neither of us wish for a big, fancy wedding. We agreed on a quick, quiet, simple ceremony."
"I don't know that our mother will approve of you not marrying in a church, Jane." Cassandra said with a bit of warning in her voice. "After all papa was a clergyman..."
"Yes, I expect that you are right about that Cass..but need we tell her of ALL of the details? She only needs to know that we are married and that it was small, quick, quiet and simple. She needn't know WHERE..does she?"
"What if she asks?" my sister persisted.
"Then we tell her the truth of course. But by then, she may not care, Cassandra. And if she does, there really isn't anything we..or she can do about it. We ARE going to be married by a clergyman, so will it really matter that we do not have it in a church? It may be hard to find a church not in use during Christmas." I pointed out in return.
That seemed to settle the matter as there were no more questions on the subject.
"As there doesn't seem to be anything more to talk about on this matter, perhaps we should write the note to our mother to let her know that it is all settled then. Henry and Eliza you may go down to breakfast and please let Tom know that Cassandra and I are just writing up a quick note to let our mother know of the wedding plans." I suggested.
But before they left the room, Eliza approached me and then embraced me. "I think it is absolutely splendid how the two of you have found each other again." She told me. "It is no secret that at one time, we all disapproved of Tom. But he has proven himself to be worthy of you Jane." Eliza assured me.
"Indeed he has." Henry echoed his wife.
I smiled at them all, happy with the knowledge that this time, our union was meeting with approval.
Tom:
It was true...I wanted for Jane and myself to get married as quickly as possibly and if I could have, I would have married Jane right then and there, right on the spot. I felt that we had had to wait long enough and I was not willing to wait any longer. But of course it was impossible to get married right then and there...and I really did want to talk to my children first even though by this point, I was sure that my marriage to Jane would be met by approval. But it was important to me that I tell them of it first. And I did also need to inform my sisters as well. There could be no doubt that Sarah would be thrilled. I did not doubt that Phoebe would also approve, but she would be more "quiet" about it than Sarah would be of course.
Now the date was set for Christmas Eve and I could not be happier, I was sure. I was looking quite forward to being able to talk to my children and sisters about our forthcoming union. And finally...I would be able to speak more openly and freely of my love and affection for Jane. I would no longer have to hide it from anyone...especially from her. Because of this, I was not able to resist stealing a goodnight kiss from her when I left her at her bedroom door...
The next morning I happen to wake up early enough so I decided that I should speak with my children before breakfast. It worked out well as this was something I did not wish to delay. I made myself ready as quickly as possible and went down the hall to their rooms and knocked first before entering. As I was a bit earlier than I had been on other mornings, I noticed that they were not quite ready yet.
"Father!" cried Anne who was the first to see me. "You have come before breakfast again! But we are not ready yet."
"It is alright Anne." I chuckled as I reassured her. "I have come a little early because there is something important that I need to tell you...all of you...your aunts included."
"Do you wish to speak to us now, or should we finish getting ready first?" Jane had also made an appearance.
"You may get finish getting ready first." I replied as I took a seat in one of the chairs. "I will wait for you."
"Is it something we did Father?" George asked somberly.
"No." I assured him with a smile. "You did nothing wrong."
"Is it a surprise Father?" Anne asked a little hopefully.
My lips twitched slightly as I tried to hide a smile at Anne's eagerness. I hesitated before I answered this question. "Well...I guess it could be.."
"For us?" Anne carried on.
"For all of us. But that is enough questions from all of you. Make yourselves ready first please and be quick about it!" I addressed my children as a whole, gently but firmly.
"Tom, is everything really alright?" Phoebe now came over to me full of concern.
"Yes, everything is quite alright. And will be even better shortly." Phoebe threw me a puzzled look before heading off to see if any of the children needed her further assistance. I couldn't keep the smile off of my lips this time.
Once any of them were ready, they would come over and join me while we waited for the rest and very shortly, all of my offspring and my sisters were ready...and awaiting for me to begin.
Taking a deep breath, I started, "I have been watching all of you these past couple of weeks. And unless I am completely mistaken in my thinking, I do believe that you have become rather fond of our guests...Miss Jane in particular."
There was a general nod of heads in answer to this much to my relief of course. "I am very happy to know that as Miss Jane has told me herself that she has become fond of all of you as well."
"What are you getting at Tom?" My sister Sarah now asked, very curious.
As there was no other way to put it, I decided to jump right in. "As you know, Miss Jane and myself have known each other for quite some time now. And since meeting up with her again, I have also found that I too have become quite fond of her myself and...last night I asked her to marry me...and she accepted. I want you to know straight off children that I loved your mother...and Miss Jane will not replace your mother. No one can nor will ever replace your mother, but I would like very much for her to be a part of our family and I also hope that you would like it if she were to become a part of our family too."
There was silence for a few seconds which were to be expected. Then, "Oh father, is it true? Miss Jane will be living here with us? Always?" Of course it was my own daughter Jane who had spoken up first.
"Yes, it is quite true, Jane. How do the rest of you feel about Miss Jane becoming a part of this family?"
Now that someone had spoken up, the rest of my brood started to voice their opinions as well and I was very pleased to see that the general feeling was that they approved of it.
Jane came over to me and happily embraced me.
"This IS wonderful news Tom!" exclaimed Sarah whose face was lit up with pleasure, then she too came over and hugged me.
Both hers and of course Jane's reactions did not come as a surprise to me at all. I was unsure how the rest would react, but I was delighted to see that my children seemed to be happy with it. Not one of them objected to it.
"Have you set a date yet?" Sarah now asked.
"Christmas Eve." I replied.
"So soon?" This was from Phoebe who seemed almost..shocked.
"I want to us to be married as soon as possible. I didn't see any reason to wait." I replied firmly. "And neither did Jane."
"I think getting married on Christmas Eve is the perfect Christmas gift." Jane sighed.
"I think so too." Sarah agreed.
"I wouldn't want anything else for Christmas." Jane said softly.
Her statement touched my heart. I looked at my oldest daughter lovingly and said gently. "You mean that don't you, love."
Jane nodded her head which made my eyes a little misty as I smiled at her. Bringing myself back to everyone else, I decided to fill them in a little more with the details. "We are not going to have a big ceremony. Just a nice, small, quiet, simple ceremony right here in the house with only our families present. And that is all."
"Will Santa Claus be there too?" Mary wanted to know now.
I couldn't help but laugh. "Santa Claus is going to be a very busy man that night don't forget Mary, but he is also a very wise man. He seems to know a lot. I'm sure he will know about it even if he can't be there. Listen children, I don't wish to hold up breakfast and our guests any longer, so why don't we make our way down to the dining room. But please...remember your manners...you are not to bring this subject up at the table." I said in my warning voice.
There was a murmur of agreement and I made myself ready to leave with my family when I heard,
"Sarah...please take the children downstairs. I wish to speak with Tom alone for a few minutes." Phoebe said. I looked at her in surprise wondering what she would want to talk to me about.
Sarah and I shared a puzzled look and then I nodded my head slightly towards her telling her that she could go ahead, which she did. But before she did, she said rather pointedly. "I really am very happy for you Tom...you and Jane. It is really wonderful." I noticed that she quickly looked at Phoebe when she was done, then back to me again with an encouraging smile, then left the room with the younger Lefroy's, shutting the door behind them.
I turned to my older sister, still puzzled.
"Miss Jane is...a very lovely person, Tom." Phoebe started off.
"I'm glad you approve.." I replied still baffled.
"But...what about poor Mary?" Was her next surprising statement.
Mary? My poor, dear wife has been in the ground for two years! "My wife has been dead for two years now Phoebe..." I reminded my sister in a gentle voice.
"But don't you think this is all a bit sudden, Tom?"
Sudden? Jane and I had known each other longer than I had known Mary!
"Tom...as the oldest member of our family...I do not know if I can approve of this union between you and Miss...Jane."
Now I was furious. "Phoebe..." I said in a low voice, keeping as calm as I possibly could. "You may be the oldest, but I am the oldest male. And I am not a child. I have been married once already and have my own family. I am quite capable of making my own decisions."
"But Mary..."
"Who is dead Phoebe, and I am not." I stated a little more loudly in my passion.
I heard Phoebe gasped at my words. Suddenly, I started to understand. Even though Phoebe had not agreed with Mary's and my ways of child rearing, she had always liked Mary...she had also liked that by marrying Mary, I had married well. And there was something else too...Phoebe had not known about mine and Jane's early relationship.
"Phoebe...there is something you need to know..." I started off more calmly once again. "First, I loved Mary. I really did. She gave me seven beautiful children whom I love deeply and would never wish back. But...I have known Jane for longer than I had known Mary...and...what you don't know is that...Jane and I had been in love ourselves. Again, before I had even met Mary. And we were going to be married..." Once again, Phoebe gasped at my words. I quickly explained everything to her about how Jane and I had met and what had happened between us...
"So you see Phoebe...it was my idea to run away together and get married. But once Jane understood that by doing so, it would ruin me and my reputation...and that I would no longer be able to support you...my family...it was she who left me. She could not go through with it. She refused to let that happen."
There was silence while Phoebe took in all that I had just disclosed to her. When a few minutes had passed, I went on. "I do love Jane, Phoebe. Mary has been gone for two years now and Jane and I have found each other again. I am happy with her. The children adore her. She has brought back happiness to this house. Not only for myself, but for the children as well. Do you really want to take that away from all of us?"
For the first time since I started in on my explanation of everything, Phoebe acknowledged what I was saying by shaking her head slowly and they by saying, "No...of course not."
"I can provide for all of us now in a way that I could not when we first met. I really want this Phoebe...I want to marry Jane. And...I am going to. With or without your blessing...but I would rather have it."
"I am sorry Tom...I do apologize. I didn't know about you and Jane. I did think you were rushing into things a bit too quickly with her. It was truly...very admirable of her to leave you so that your reputation would be spared and you could continue to provide for us. But why Tom...why did you not tell us of your courtship with Miss Austen?"
"Because...it had ended painfully...for both of us." I told Phoebe in a quiet voice that was full of emotion. "And I did not wish to bring up a painful past...something that at the time, I thought was in the past and would never, could never again come to light."
"I am...so sorry Tom. I can tell by the look on your face and the sound of your voice how painful that time was for you. And that also tells me how much in love you were with Jane at one time...and that you seem to have found that love again."
I smiled at Phoebe. "I have Phoebe. I really have. I have...been so happy since being with Jane again. I also want you to know that nothing is really going to change. You and Sarah will still be in charge of the children's daily studies. The only thing that will be different is Jane will be living here permanently and as my wife. But I want everything else to go on as it has since you came here to help me with my family. Or...since Jane arrived anyway as I expect that she will still partake in some of the physical activities with the children as she seems to enjoy doing so with them."
Phoebe did something unexpected then. She put her arms around me and hugged me. I slowly drew my own arms around my sister and returned the gesture. "You have my blessing..." She promised me in a whisper.
"Thank you..." I whispered back.