WOW! I am BLOWN AWAY by the amount of Hits and Visitors total from the month of June! By far the most active month to date! And even today, SO early on in July, the numbers are amazing already!

I thank each and every one of you for stopping by, taking the time and reading my Becoming Jane story that I have really enjoyed writing! ;-D

CHAPTER 26

Jane:

As it happened, we all...that is, Cassandra, Tom and myself decided it would be best if we accompanied Henry and Eliza back to Chawton. This would take care of a few of things. First, we could visit with mama as she couldn't be at our wedding-the word "appease" my mother also come to my mind-second, we could help with getting mama settled in with Henry and Eliza and third, Cassandra and myself could collect the rest of our personal belongings to bring back to Ireland with us.

It was me who had thought it best to visit mama in England as opposed to having her come to Ireland for a visit as once she was at our place, who knew how long she would remain at our place. As much as I did love my mother, one thing I knew I was not ready for...or perhaps more appropriately, I knew that the Lefroys were not ready for weeks or even perhaps months with my mother. Not yet. And as Tom was due to be in court soon with his current client, we would only be able to stay for a week which suited me fine.

That was a couple of months ago and now of course we had been back home and settled. I was delighted with the fact that, true to Tom's word, our daily life carried on as it had been from when Cassandra, Henry, Eliza and myself first arrived in Ireland before Christmas. Tom had reassured me that his children were not to become my responsibility, that our life would resume as it had been, after we were married. I must be honest and say that this was a bit of a relief for me as I do not know how well I would deal with seven children (and who were not mine nor any of my own families flesh and blood) bestowed upon me all at once. Or I should say , six children as Anthony was now settled at school in Limerick although he did come home on the weekends. I have no doubt that Jane would have been a great help to me with her younger brothers and sisters but all the same, I was glad for Tom keeping things as they were.

As the days and weeks slipped pleasantly into spring, I found myself becoming fatigued easily. Along with the fatigue, I also started noticing a bit of pain in my left arm. I would find myself having to stretch it in hopes to help relieve some of the pain. But as I didn't really feel ill, I put the fatigue down to some minor common illness that comes with early spring that only time would heal and the pain as rheumatism as I wasn't that young anymore. I realized I wasn't feeling 100% but I really wasn't feeling very ill either so I didn't think it necessary to concern Tom and Cassandra about it. And the rheumatism...well, I definitely did not believe that I needed to concern my husband nor my sister about that. Although I did realize that if the pain didn't subside I probably would have to go to the apothecary and get something for it, so I would have to bring it up eventually. But not right away.

I was sad to note that I did start to find it hard to continue participating with the children in their daily physical exercises and for that I was truly sorry. But I told myself that I would be able to rejoin them after the illness passed. I could only hope that with the rheumatism, I would have better days that would allow me to participate with them.

One morning I awoke to find Tom smiling down as he stood over me, already dressed for work. I usually awoke when he did, but I assumed that he must have to be at his offices early for some reason, although he must have neglected to tell me as I didn't recall him saying anything to me about it. Or perhaps he had just been summoned this very morning on some sort of an emergency.

"Do you have an early appointment you forgot to tell me about Tom?" I chastised him lightly.

"No Jane...I am leaving for work on time."

Instantly, I sat up in bed, alert. "What time is it?" I cried out.

"It is half past eight."

"Half past eight! Tom! Why didn't you wake me up when you woke up? You always do!"

"But I did!" Tom protested. "Don't you remember? You did wake up but you looked so tired. You must have not slept very well the night before. You fell back to sleep while I was dressing so I decided to leave you be. I informed the children, your sister and the staff that they are to let you sleep for as long as you need and that you are to have your breakfast when you wish it."

I sat there not knowing what to say. I don't recall waking up at all...

"Anyway my love I must be off. I will see you later." Unconcerned, Tom leaned down and kissed me goodbye. I barely noticed it as I felt a bit baffled...

Another day not too long after this incident, I felt that the illness must be passing as I felt a little more energetic and as the sun was shining, I was desperate to get out for a walk, so I summoned Cassandra that morning while the children were doing their studies, to take a walk down to the river with me.

Not long after we started on our walk, Cassandra habitually took my left arm which caught me by surprise and made me wince from the pain of it. This gesture caused Cassandra to stop suddenly in her tracks which of course made me stop. She broke away and turned to face me with what looked to be a look of fright on her face.

"Cass? What is it?"

"You're in pain..." She replied.

"Well...yes." I admitted to her. "Just a little ache really, Cass. Rheumatism, I expect. All of this damp spring air has aggravated it."

"But Jane...what of Eliza's mother our Aunt Philla? You tire so easily of late and now you are in pain. Aunt Philla fell ill with similar symptoms...she died from them, Jane! You know that!"

Despite my discomfort, I laughed. "Dearest Cassandra! It's hardly the same thing at all!"

But my sister did not laugh nor even smile as I said this. Her expression didn't change. She continued to look serious. I tried to reassure her again. "It's just rheumatism, Cass!" Still hoping to at least put a smile on her face or make her feel more at ease, I went on. "It's a good thing I am right-handed otherwise I would have to get you to do my writing for me!"

"And I would Jane...if you needed me to write for you, I would. I hope you know that." Was Cassandra's reply, but still without a hint of humour in her face or words.

Stopping my own laughter and smile, inwardly, I gritted my teeth against the pain in my arm as I lifted both of my arms to cup my sister's face in my hands.

"It's JUST rheumatism..." I stated firmly, looking straight into my sisters eyes.

"What about the fatigue you have also been experiencing, Jane?" Cassandra went on quietly, obviously not ready or willing to end this conversation just yet.

"It's just a spring time illness Cassandra which is already going away."

"How can you be sure?" She persisted.

"Because I have felt better today. To the point of wanting to take this walk with you."

I understood my sister's concern for my well being as had I been in her place I have no doubt that I would act exactly as she was acting now. I couldn't begrudge her that but I also wanted to make it clear that she had nothing to worry about.

And now as Cassandra studied my face for several seconds-I returned the gaze unflinching as I did so-before softening her look and finally giving me her gentle smile.

"Alright then." She said.

But her eyes betrayed her face and words. I knew she still doubted me but I decided to let it go as I knew the only thing that would convince her would be my getting completely healthy again. As far as I was concerned, she wouldn't have to wait for very long.

In the meantime something else had come to my attention...

Tom:

I was rather surprised to find it was Cassandra who entered my study one afternoon, after she had knocked and I gave her permission to enter.

"Cassandra!" I exclaimed, standing up and bowing to her.

"Tom..." she returned the bow.

"What may I help you with?" I asked, puzzled about her visit.

"It's Jane...I am very concerned for her health."

Instantly, I was alert and felt the start of an unpleasant feeling in the pit of my stomach. "What do you mean?" I asked gesturing for her to sit down in the chair across from my desk, which she did. I also sat back down.

"Surely you have noticed how easily tired out she becomes these days, Tom."

"Yes..." I admitted

"And...she's in pain too!"

"Pain?"

"Her arm. Her left arm."

"I admit that I have noticed her discomfort as well and I have brought it up to her. She claims it is rheumatism."

There had been some nights in our bed lately when I noticed that Jane would be in obvious discomfort and would change her position in order to get more comfortable. After a couple of nights noticing this, I finally brought it up to Jane who told me firmly that it was nothing to worry about as it was most likely some rheumatism in her left arm. I didn't question her as it sounded reasonable to myself...

"Yes...she does." Cassandra agreed.

"You do not believe her?"

"I WANT to believe her Tom, I really do as the alternative is just too horrible!"

"What do you mean by that?" Now she was scaring me and the feeling in the pit of my stomach grew just a little bit more unpleasant.

"My aunt Philla...who is...was Eliza's mother had developed similar symptoms which lead to an illness and ultimately claimed her life Tom..." Cassandra finished off quietly.

I sat back in my chair, stunned into momentary silence with this piece of information.

"No..." I managed to whisper, my heart chilled with what Cassandra had just told me.

"I was with her, my aunt Philla and Eliza near the end. It was dreadful Tom. She suffered greatly before she died." Cassandra's voice which was starting to get a bit emotional trailed off here.

I couldn't think of anything to say as I took all of this in.

"I don't want to lose my sister, Tom! I can't lose Jane! And especially this way!" The tears now started flowing down Cassandra's face as she spoke. "It's too horrible of a way to die! I couldn't bear to see her suffer so!"

Finally, I found my voice again and said aloud, "I couldn't bear to lose your sister...my wife either, Cassandra." I told her gently, but firmly.

Although I was shaken by what Cassandra had just disclosed to me, I knew I had to be strong. Strong for her...for Jane...for my family and for myself. I had to clear my head and think.

"Cassandra..." I finally spoke up again and looking Jane's sister directly in the eye, I said in earnest, "I promised your brother the night that we got married that I would take care of Jane and of course I meant that. I have the means to provide her with ANY medical care she may need. Doctors, medicine, even hospitals if it were to come to that. I WILL provide for whatever care or help or treatments she may require. THAT, I PROMISE you. Jane WILL get the best care I can give her."

Cassandra looked at me, a fresh set of tears gathering at the corner of her eyes, but this time I realized that they were good tears. "Oh Tom...how can we ever thank you?"

"Of course there is no need to Cassandra. I love Jane at least as much as you do and I would do ANYTHING in my power to ensure her health. I am very glad that you came to me about your concerns of Jane's health. For now, you and I shall keep a very close eye on Jane and we will keep each other informed of any changes in Jane's condition both good or bad...but especially of course if she seems to be getting worse."

"Thank you again Tom. I do feel better having shared this burden with you."

"Of course Cassandra."

I stood up as Cassandra did. "One thing" she said before taking her leave. "Jane did say she is feeling less tired today. We took a walk down by the river this morning. It was her idea as she wanted to."

"Perhaps then we have no cause to worry after all." I replied feeling a bit of a relief at these words.

"I hope you are right Tom."

"As do I. Where is Jane right now?"

"Reading in the library."

I nodded my head, then Cassandra and myself bowed in acknowledgement to each other before she quit the room leaving me to think about all she had disclosed to me. After a few minutes of this, I found myself making my way to the library where I stopped just at the entrance where Jane would not notice me and looked in at my wife who was intent on the book she was currently reading. I couldn't help but think as I watched her...would God who had been so kind as to allow us to find each other again and become husband wife after all of these years also be so cruel as to take Jane away? That thought only made me bound and determined that Jane would NOT succumb to this dreadful illness, if she indeed did have it. Not if I could help it.

Just so you know, I am leaving on holidays for a week, VERY early this Friday morning (July 8th) until the following Friday(July 15th VERY late), so of course there will be no new chapters for about ten days to two weeks from today. However, I have been working on the next chapter and SHOULD be able to post it soon after I get back.

Take care and thanks again for your support! It means a LOT to me! ;-D