Chapter 29

Jane:

Now that my condition was a definite one, I was strictly forbidden by Tom to participate in any of the physical activities with the children.

"I am not willing to take any chances with you or our child, Jane." He told me firmly. Then added more gently, "Humour me love. I know that you do not like to be left out of it, but it won't last forever."

I admit that I hated not being able to join in once again, but I knew he was right. Besides, now that the illness had taken a hold of me, I wasn't always feeling up to it. I was not only physically ill, but I found myself lacking energy as well at times. I lamented that, but perhaps if I were feeling good I would find it more difficult to not to be able to join in. I had to keep reminding myself of Tom's words that this would not last forever. I could only forge ahead and hope that this part of my condition would end sooner than later...

Tom:

I felt bad for Jane when she started becoming ill. I really had hoped that she wouldn't get the sickness because I knew that she had no patience for such things and it would be unbearable for her. I could only hope now that it wouldn't last for long nor that it would be constant. Even though she soldiered on with it and never complained, I still felt guilty watching her. When I had learned of her condition, I forbade her to participate in the children's activities as I was concerned for both her and our child. But since the sickness started, one could tell that she would not have been able to anyway. She looked not only ill, but forlorn as well. For days I wished that there was something I could do for her. Then one day it suddenly came to me. Of course! I fairly flew to the kitchen to seek out my head cook Katie who had been with our family since Mary and I were first married.

"Katie!" I called rather breathlessly as I entered the kitchen.

"Sir?" Was her surprise reply to my bursting into the room at an unusual time of day.

"Katie...I need you to make up a batch of your broth that you used to make for Mistress Mary for whenever she was ill with child and for the rest of the family whenever we fall ill with stomach ailments. As you must know by now, Mrs. Lefroy has also started becoming ill now that she is with child. Please make some up as quickly as possible. You have my leave if you need to purchase anything in which to make it with. Or send someone to get it for you if you can start without. The sooner you can make this up, I would be truly grateful to you. As would Mrs. Lefroy I am sure."

"Right away, sir. I believe I may have all I need but I will look over my stock and send someone to fetch anything I will need."

"Thank you Katie, you are a godsend."

I then left the kitchen and task in Katie's capable hands and walked back to my own study feeling much relieved that by days end, Jane should be feeling better. At least I hoped so.

Jane:

Tom came up to our room late one afternoon when I was feeling particularly ill and I had gone up to our room around tea time to rest...and as I didn't feel that I could stomach anything just then. He came in carrying a tray with a bowl of something that was steaming on it. I sat up on our bed when he entered the room.

"If that is food Tom, please take it away as I do not want anything right now. I came upstairs so that I would be away from food and the smell of it."

Tom smiled at me as he sat down by me on the bed. "But this you must at least try Jane. It is a special broth that Katie used to make for Mary whenever she was ill with child. We have each taken some whenever we have been sick and even I can vouch that it really does seem to help settle the stomach. Please love...at least try it." He pleaded with me gently.

As much as I doubted that something as simple as a broth would settle my stomach, I had to try it. I would try anything at this point...

Tom picked up the spoon and started spoon feeding the broth to me...

At first I gagged a little bit at the smell of it but I forced the first few spoonfuls down slowly anyway...and...after that, I had to admit that it really did seem to help me. I was starting to feel a bit better, I thought.

I was surprised when Tom announced that I had finished the bowl.

"Perhaps you would like some more?" He asked me with a smile on his lips.

"Perhaps...and...perhaps with some bread to go with it?" I asked hopefully, happy that my appetite seemed to have returned with the help of the broth.

Tom laughed as he stood up. "And something to drink as well. I would be delighted to bring you anything you wish to eat my dear." He bowed slightly.

"Thank you Tom...and thank Katie for me as well, please."

"Of course." He quit the room then, obviously as happy as I was feeling.

I was not only grateful for Katie's special broth, but also for the company that Jane started keeping with me during this time whenever she was able to. It did help me to keep myself occupied in any way.

She had started keeping me company not long before the sickness started. But it was while I was feeling ill when I appreciated her the most. If I was feeling particularly ill enough to keep to my bed, she would read softly to me while I lay down with my eyes closed and let the words take me away from the dreadful feeling. When she was finished, I always reached for her hand and smiled at her while I held hers in mine. I realized that she was happy to be doing this for me.

On the days when I felt well enough, I encouraged Jane to play some piano while I listened. And once I started taking Katie's broth and ultimately feeling better, I would even sit down and play a little with her.

Of course there was also Cassandra's and my walks which we continued to take as long as I felt up to it, albeit a bit more leisurely...and we didn't go as far as we used to, but we would again one day. All of these activities really did help me to get through what I refer to as the worst time of my condition, the early stages.

One day I ventured to ask my sister something that I had been thinking about for awhile.

"Cassandra..." I started, "I would like you to be in the room with me when my time comes." I decided to come straight out with it. Not surprising, really, Cassandra looked at me in shock.

"What? But Jane! You KNOW that only married women are allowed in the room with the mother! Even if I were allowed, I am not so sure that I would be suitable. Perhaps our mother would be a better idea." She finished, looking at me hopefully.

"No, not our mother, Cass..." I said gently, taking her hands into my own. "Please Cassandra...I know it's not common practice to have a single woman in the room, but you are my sister. The one who has always been able to comfort me. I am sure I will need a great deal of your comfort on that day. I have already asked the doctor about you being with me and he is fine with it. I dearly wish that Tom could be in there with me but we all know that the only men allowed in are those who are practiced in medicine." I was pleading with her now.

Cassandra sighed.

"You don't have to witness the birthing if that is what you are concerned about Cass..." I quickly added, believing that this may be what was troubling her most. I couldn't say that I blamed her, as I am not so sure that I would want to witness a birth never having had anything to do with one before. "I just want you in there to hold my hand or hands and speak encouraging words to me, helping to keep me focused. Cassandra...we are equal in this...neither of us has ever witnessed a birthing nor ever given birth before. Please do me this one great favour."

"Of course I will, Jane." Cassandra finally agreed much to my relief and joy.

As time passed, the sickness seemed to abate and even though just to make sure, I would still take Katie's broth from to time, I was also beginning to notice that I did not need to take it all of time which was a blessing in itself to me.

I was starting to become heavier with child and I knew it would only be a matter of time before I would be confined to the upstairs. As it was, Tom was already begging me to stay upstairs, but I would not hear of it.

"You know how much I hate the thought of being apart from everything and everyone Tom...I will be confined to the upstairs and our room soon enough. As long as I am capable of walking, I want to be able to go downstairs."

"But Jane dearest love, it is the stairs that are my concern now. They can be a hazard especially now. What if something was to happen to you while you were either going up or down?"

But I remained obstinate in this case. "Then I shall have someone accompany me every time I use them. I am sure that Cassandra wouldn't object."

Tom didn't look too happy with my suggestion, but he also knew he wouldn't be able to change my mind. I felt a twinge of guilt so I gently promised him, "I will use the stairs as little as possible. I promise."

Tom's expression also softened somewhat, but I could still see the worry in his eyes. I embraced him to show him that I loved him for his concern.

Not surprising, it wasn't only Cassandra who helped me whenever I needed to use the stairs, Tom was also there to help me as often as he could which, knowing that he was concerned enough to want me to avoid using the stairs altogether and stay upstairs told me that he respected my decision, even if he couldn't completely agree with it. I did understand Tom's concern, but Tom also understood my need to have at least some human contact with people and activity each and every day for as long as I possibly could. Because of this, our compromise worked for us.

"Have you any ideas of what you would like to name the child?" I asked Tom after we had settled into our bed one night.

"No, I haven't really." He admitted to me. "Have you?"

"Well...I was thinking that if it's girl, I would like to call her "Cassandra".

"After your mother." Tom stated rather than asked.

"No! Not after my mother!" I exclaimed. "After my sister. It is a bit of a shame that they do share the same name as I have always been closer to my sister than my mother, but in this case, it is my sister and only my sister that I am thinking of. But our child would be "Cassie" for short. However, I feel if this child is a girl, I should do my daughterly duty and have something of my mother in there so I was thinking of "Leigh", L-E-I-G-H as that was my mother's last name before she married my father. And I also would like to include your mother's name and the way she spelled it, without an "e". Cassandra Leigh Ann. If you approve of course."

"Cassandra Leigh Ann Lefroy..." Tom repeated thoughtfully. "That is really thoughtful of you to want to include my mother's name."

"Of course Tom. She would be her granddaughter. Does the name meet with your approval?"

"I think it is lovely name for a girl. Our daughter."

"I do have an idea for it if it's a boy as well. As there are so many repeated names between our two families, there is one male name that hasn't been used for first name in either of our immediate families. Your father's first name was Anthony, but you already have a son named Anthony, so I thought of his second name, Peter. I was thinking, Peter for the first name and then I had initially thought of George-after my father. But then I thought, even though this would be a second name, as you already have a son and I have a brother named George, perhaps we could use the name Austen instead and in that way he could still be named for my father. Lastly, I would like to include the name Henry-after my brother whom I adore...and of course you also have a brother Henry although I do realize that you are closer to your brother Anthony but as I said, that is already the name of your first son, and as it should be. But I know that you are fond of my brother Henry as well. So Peter Austen Henry Lefroy if it is a boy."

"Austen...that is different. I like it because it is different. I think it is wonderful of you to want to include my parents in on the name no matter if it is a boy or a girl. But we could name him Austen Peter Henry Lefroy just as easily."

"No..a son's first name should be after his father or his father's side of the family." I insisted.

"Then I cannot object to it. Both names suit me fine." Was Tom's reply before he embraced me and kissed me.

The "BIG DAY" draws near...;-D