Chapter 30

Jane:

Time continued to move towards spring and the day of our child's birth. With both Cassandra's and Tom's help, I was managing to spend every day on the main floor with the family and for this I was truly grateful. As much as Tom had wanted me to start staying upstairs earlier on, I could tell that he knew he had made the right choice by accepting my decision to not start confining me so early. Even he knew that I was happier and therefore was more patient than I might have otherwise been.

I had it explained to me by the doctor what signs to expect that would tell me that our child was on it's way. I had admitted to Tom afterwards that I did not like the possibility of some sort of fluid...or "water" coming out of my body whenever the child decided it was time to be born. I didn't like that it could happen at any given time and that there would be no warning before it did. Having a lot of nieces and nephews, I was not completely in the dark about the basics of the birthing process, but as this was my first time, it was different than just being the sister-in-law of the expectant mother.

Tom had laughed when I had mentioned not liking the fluid part, telling me that this was one of the reasons why women started staying in their rooms when the time grew nearer. So that this sort of thing wouldn't happen anywhere but "where it was supposed to." In the birthing room and bed. I had to admit that it was a good point. Perhaps then, I really will have to consider staying in my room sooner than I wanted to, but I still planned on leaving that for as long as I dared.

There came a night when I was awoken by tiny constant pains in my abdomen. I had also been told by the doctor to expect this and if I were to start experiencing this particular thing, that there was a very good chance that the baby was on it's way and this is when Tom should send for him. As they didn't seem too bothersome to begin with, I didn't wake Tom. I could be wrong about them and I didn't want to rush Tom away and bring out the doctor if I am mistaken. I decided to leave things and see if anything came from them.

Throughout the night though, the pains would not let me rest very much. They seemed to get a little more intense although still nothing I felt was unmanageable. Still, I felt I should at least warn Tom. But before I did, I made a second discovery...now I was sure I should tell Tom.

"Tom..." I came back into our room and came upon him getting dressed the next morning.

"Yes, love?"

"Some pains in my abdomen kept me awake last night."

Tom stopped dressing and stared at me.

"And this morning...there was a little blood..."

Instantly, he became mobile. "Then I must send for the doctor and midwife at once." He said matter of factly.

He finished getting dressed quickly and got ready to leave the room to put things into motion. Just as he reached the door, he turned to me and with an encouraging smile said only two words, "It's time." Then he kissed me. I followed him out into the hallway and the stairs where he turned once again to me.

"Under NO circumstances are you to use these stairs today Jane." I knew he meant business by the tone of his voice. A tone he very rarely uses when he's talking to me. "You are to get into the birthing bed and STAY THERE. And I expect to see you in that bed when I return. I will send Cassandra up with a tray of food for your breakfast, if you feel like eating. I won't be long. I will send someone for the midwife, but I prefer to get the doctor myself, especially if he cannot be found at home."

Those words gave me a bit of a fright. I didn't like the idea of the doctor not being in the room with me like he had promised. "Why wouldn't he be at home?" I asked Tom.

"Because he's a doctor, Jane...he could be out on a house call."

Oh. Right. I hadn't thought of that. I must have looked worried for Tom now said, "Don't worry Jane, he has promised to let his footman know of his whereabouts whenever he needs to make a house call, in case we need him. He has also promised that he would make himself available to us as soon as we need him. He will have another doctor take over for him if he is in the middle of a house call. As I have said, I will go myself and get him. I would feel better if I did."

Tom's words made me feel better. He kissed me once more before saying firmly-although I detected that twinkle in his eye as he said, "Bed. Now." Then he quickly descended the stairs while I made my way back to our room.

This time I didn't have a problem with obeying Tom's orders to stay upstairs. It was fine with me as I hadn't leaked any of that 'fluid' yet and I didn't want to take any chances on that happening anywhere except "where it was supposed to." I did what Tom bade me to do and went back to our room, only I didn't get into the 'birthing bed' that was set up for "my time" just yet, but I did sit on it while I waited for Cassandra to appear with food. I was hungry enough to eat at least. The onset of birthing hadn't stopped my appetite.

I didn't have to wait very long for Cassandra to arrive with my breakfast tray. She looked a bit flustered when she entered my room.

"Tom says it's time." She said.

"Apparently so." I replied. "He has been through this more often than I have."

"Why aren't you in bed, Jane?"

"I don't think I need to get in quite yet Cass. I do not believe that I am that far along. However, if I am then I have had child birthing all wrong. It is not all that bad."

I could tell by Cassandra's expression that I couldn't possibly be far enough along yet. Even though Cassandra had never married, when she was engaged to Robert Fowle, I knew that my mother had had "the talk" with her and in that respect, Cassandra did know a little more about what I am going through than I do myself. But not having actually gone through it herself, Cassandra still didn't believe that she was the right one to tell me about it. Perhaps she is right as she really wouldn't be able to answer any questions I might have.

"Tom said that you are to be in bed."

"Not yet Cass, there'll be plenty of that to come. I promise that I will go to bed as soon as I start feeling worse."

"Tom will be angry to find you still up and about." She tried to coax me.

"I don't think he will." I replied knowing my husband better than she.

"Well then eat your breakfast at any rate." Cassandra said in a rather resigned voice.

Smiling at her, I gladly accepted the food and ate it.

Tom:

As soon as I reached the bottom of the stairs I wasted no time in seeking out my most trusted footman-next to Berkley of course-and sent him on his way to fetch Mrs. Charlotte Humphries, the midwife while I myself made ready to go into Limerick to fetch Dr. Knight. I quickly explained to my sisters that Jane's time had come and that there would be no lessons for the children and that I would be taking them to Anthony's after I returned with the doctor.

I rode horseback this time for I wanted to make better time than I would if I took the carriage. Having been through this several times with Mary, and it being Jane`s first time, I was certain that there was plenty of time, but I admit that I would feel better having the doctor there as soon as possible. I was sure Jane felt the same way.

I was happy to find when I reached his place of residence that he had not quite left for the day for his office. I gave him a brief description of what stage Jane was at with the birthing, then he took a quick inventory of the contents of his bag, went in search of a couple of items, added them to his bag and then we were on our way. I had expected him to ride in his carriage but as soon as he learned that I was on horseback, he opted to travel in the same fashion. I explained to him that I needed to quickly stop by my own office and let them know what was happening. As the doctor knew where we lived, he offered to go ahead and I promised to catch up with him very soon.

I caught up with the Dr. Knight about half way to my home and we rode the rest of the way together. At my place, the footman whom I had sent for the Mrs. Humphries was still at the horse barn taking care of his horse so I put him in charge of taking care of our horses as well.

Inside the house I lead the doctor upstairs and to our room where I found Jane and not really surprising to me, sitting on the birthing bed beside Cassandra. Any trace of a breakfast had already been cleared away and the midwife Charlotte was bustling around making sure that everything was ready. I did not admonish Jane for disobeying me...as long as she was in the room, that was good with me. "Have you checked our patient yet, Mrs. Humphries?" Dr. Knight asked getting right down to the business.

"I only arrived here myself not 10 minutes ago sir. I haven't had the chance to. And I knew you were on your way so I thought it might be best to leave it to you as I'm sure that you would like to know for yourself how far along she is."

"Thank you Mrs. Humphries, you thought correctly. I do wish to check for myself." Dr. Knight now turned to me but I knew immediately that I had to leave the room.

"Now would be a good time for me to take the children over to my brother Anthony's." I informed them. "I won't be long there, I will return as soon as possible." I went over to Jane and taking her hands in mine, I smiled at her and spoke in what I hoped was an encouraging tone. "When we see each other next, there will be another little Lefroy to be welcomed in the family." Then I kissed her on the forehead, gave each of her hands a gentle squeeze, then left the room.

Truth to be told, I hated leaving Jane. I really wished that I could be in the room with her. It would somehow make me feel better, but of course aside from a doctor, it is unheard of for any male to be in the same room with a woman who is giving birth, even if that man is her husband. I sighed as I descended the stairs and went in search of my sisters and children so that I could take them to my brother's as was pre-arranged. I would have to think of ways to keep myself occupied during the next several hours which suddenly loomed long and very empty before me.

While my sisters Phoebe and Sarah were getting the children ready, Jane took me aside and said, "I want to stay here with you father."

I looked at Jane in surprise. I didn't know that this would be a good idea and I told her so. "I do not think that would be wise Jane." I told her gently but firmly.

"Why not father?"

"Because...child birthing is...is not easy. There is pain...and..." I was flustered as I really didn't know how much I should tell her about this. After all, this was something that should be discussed with one of the women in the family and when she is a bit older, I thought. But more importantly...her own mother dying as a result of child birth. This was my biggest worry as far as Jane was concerned and her wanting to stay but I didn't know if I should even bring it up.

"I know. But I want to be here anyway. With you." she finished softly.

The first thing I realized was that she said that she "knew". About child birthing? How was it that she knew? Then the rest of what she said sank in, "I want to be here anyway. With you." Against my better judgement, my heart softened towards my daughter at these words.

"Are you sure?" I asked her. I couldn't help but selfishly think that maybe it would help me to have her at home with me. And my sisters would also be here. Perhaps it would be alright.

She nodded her head firmly while she replied, "Yes, I am sure."

I took several seconds to think about it before giving her my reply. "Very well then. But please at least accompany me to take your brothers and sisters to your uncle's. The baby is still a fair ways off of making it's entrance and there is nothing that either of us can do here so we may as well be doing something."

This she agreed to do and we were soon off. As I was feeling anxious about Jane, we didn't stay for long at my brother's place. So with a firm, "I expect you children to behave yourselves and to help your aunt and uncle out. I will come and collect you as soon as I am able to." to my children and nods of affirmation them as well as a "We will be fine, I'm sure." from Anthony's wife, Jane and myself were off for home.

Jane:

I wasn't so sure that I liked the invasive way in which Dr. Knight had to 'check' on how far along I was with the baby, but I tolerated it as I really wasn't in any position to argue the matter. And as Mrs. Humphries didn't seem horrified by it herself, I felt that it must be how it is done.

Time kept moving forward and the pains seemed to be getting a little worse and would come at more regular intervals but they didn't seem to go beyond that. It was at the point when I was starting to get impatient and was just wanting it to be over with. Even Dr. Knight seemed to start looking a bit concerned that things didn't seem to be moving along fast enough for his liking so he said that he could help speed things up a bit. Unfortunately, this meant he had to get invasive with me again...but this time when he did...I felt it...the "water" that I had been worried about "leaking" out anywhere but "where it was supposed to". And to my surprise, it was more than just a 'leak'...but I had no time to think about it now as directly following this, I learned that my sister was right...I had been nowhere near being "verfy far along" in my birthing earlier on...that was nothing compared to what I was starting to feel now..."Dear God," I prayed silently, admittedly starting to feel a bit afraid, "Please help me..."

Tom:

It was easy at first for Jane and myself to keep ourselves occupied, but as the time wore on throughout the day, it started becoming a bit more difficult. What was troubling me the most hours later was that I heard no sound coming from the room upstairs. Shouldn't Jane be in those latter stages of birthing by now? Surely Mary would have been at this point, even with Anthony? Of course that was 17 years ago now and being that he was our first born and it was a completely new experience for me...I was perhaps thinking or remembering wrong?

Lunch had been a rather enjoyable meal with just the four of us and afterwards I even retreated to my office to do some work. But as time went on, I was starting to become a bit concerned. As there were only the four of us in the house, I felt that I could leave the door to my study open as it would be quiet enough. I wanted it open in hopes to start hearing more sounds coming from above...

But as the afternoon crept towards tea time, it was still quiet upstairs...too quiet. I found myself no longer able to concentrate on work so I gave up and made my way to the staircase where I stood for several seconds just looking up towards our room. It took all of my will power to not just run up the stairs and demand to know what was happening. And when I finally moved, it was to pace around in the area of the staircase instead.

"Tom? Tea is ready." Phoebe suddenly was calling to me.

I glanced one last time upwards before making my way back to the dining room and my seat at the table. I tried to eat, but I found that I could not. My mind was preoccupied with what...or perhaps more accurately, what was NOT happening.

"Father?" Jane interrupted my thoughts.

"Yes?"

"What is taking so long?"

I looked over at Jane and now noticed that she too had not been eating. For her sake, I had to shake off my own anxiety and not show my own fears to her.

"First babies always take a long time, Jane." I told her with what I hoped was a convincing tone and smile. "And Mistress Jane is a bit older than most women are when they have their first children. Don't worry Jane, Dr. Knight is a good doctor." I added quickly and then in further hopes to show that I was not concerned, I started eating and hoped that she would too. She looked back at me and finally followed my example and began to eat.

After tea, I once again retreated to my office but I didn't even try to work. I closed the door this time as it was worse listening to the silence. I just sat at my desk, unable to stop sad thoughts from entering my mind. I didn't think that I would ever be able to forgive myself if anything happened to Jane. It is true that in the end she made the final decision to "let nature take it's course" but it was my idea to begin with. And perhaps I should have been more discouraging about it...I closed my eyes and slumped forward on my desk, resting my head in my hands...

I don't know how long I had been sitting like that for when I felt Jane's arms gently cradle my head in an embrace. I looked up her but couldn't think of anything to say. I was supposed to be strong for her...not show that I was worried...

"Dr. Knight will take care of Mistress Jane, father." she told me gently but firmly.

It took me several seconds but I finally gave her a nod of my head and a small smile.