Thank you all for your kind reviews. I'll reply to you individually - once I can work out how to do that. :) Hope the pace of this next chapter is not too slow and you don't get bored, I have cut a lot out but can't get it down any further. Oh, and I love reviews!

Merlin shut the door to Gaius's chambers and sank down at the table, head in his hands. "Oh god."

It was evening now, and had been the longest day of his life.

After Arthur's grilling this morning he'd done everything he could to avoid him but for some perverse reason of his own Arthur had insisted his manservant was a constant and necessary presence by his side. He'd made him sit through the council he had with the few remaining older Lords in the castle. Then, Arthur had insisted he contribute in the meetings he had with key townsfolk to discuss how to repair the damage done by the siege. After that, he'd even made him visit Uther's sick bed and participate in the one-sided conversation the Prince had with his confused father, if trying to calm Uther's chaotic ravings could be called a conversation.

And to top it off, he kept catching Arthur casting long, speculative looks his way, eyeing him like he was a some sort of strangely complicated puzzle he hadn't quite figured out. It was making Merlin very nervous; he knew that look of focus in Arthur and when he hadn't even been distracted by Merlin's desperate inclusion of Gwen in their happy little gathering for several hours after lunch, Merlin knew he was in serious trouble.

"Merlin, is something the matter?" Gaius put down the potion he was mixing and looked with some concern at his ward.

"Yes. No."

"Are you going to tell me?"

Head still in his hands on the table, he mumbled, "It's nothing really. Just ... Arthur made me tell him how we really defeated the immortal army and Morgause, and ... about Morgana's magic, and ... how the two of them are sisters, and ... the Cup of Life and ... how I uh, took it to the Isle of the Blessed last night to hide it. That's all."

"That's all?" Gaius echoed faintly.

Merlin looked up wearily. "At least I managed to keep Kilgharrah, my magic – and yours - out of it."

Gaius was at a bit of a loss. "Yes, I suppose we can be thankful for small mercies. But I thought you were quite good at keeping secrets."

Merlin dropped his head in his hands again. "Arthur knew something, I don't know how, but I could tell, there was something weird about him ... god Gaius, I can't face another day with him like that tomorrow, I'll probably ... do something stupid. What am I going to do?"

Gaius looked at him sympathetically. "Why don't I send you out to collect more herbs tomorrow? I do actually need some of the rarer medicinal ones that are more than an hour's walk away."

"Great, I'll go really early in the morning and get some other poor servant to bring the prat his breakfast."

A good night's sleep, then a day with only his thoughts for company, had not brought the tranquillity Merlin had expected. He'd presumed he'd be able to return to the castle by mid afternoon, cool, calm and composed, problems nicely solved and sorted. Instead he was still stomping around in the forest near dusk with a sick feeling of dread knotting his stomach, and an ache of grief he was trying not to acknowledge.

Seeing Freya again recently had opened a wound he thought had healed, the raw pain he felt for her loss again was almost as acute as it had been first time around. He would have left Arthur and Camelot for her, way back then. But he was stronger now, a different person to the one he'd been when she died, now he would never abandon Arthur. Now he really understood the fate of Albion did rest upon his shoulders.

He wondered, sometimes, if losing her was a lesson he had to learn so he would go back to obediently following his destiny. It took the better part of the day, but he was able to muster the enormous self-discipline necessary to put thoughts of her aside for now, he stored her memory away deep down inside him, for he must focus on immediate threats, once again. He tried not to feel any anger and bitterness, or the sheer loneliness of having no one to really talk to about any of it, ever. There could be no time for self-indulgence, there never was.

He thought about Arthur. Had it been wrong to tell Arthur about Morgana's magic? He thought Uther might have already known, but the King was too confused at present for Merlin to ascertain that. Merlin hadn't wanted to tell Arthur, but for purely selfish reasons. Giving Arthur another example of the evils of magic, particularly from an until-a-month-ago-loved family member, would hardly dispose him favourably to Merlin when he found out Merlin's secret. And Merlin feared that revelation could not be put off much longer.

Morgana would be back, and it would be sooner rather than later. She would not lurk in the shadows, she'd only be satisfied with a theatrical demonstration of her magic that resulted in Arthur's very public death. He was sure of that, and it was only confirmed by Uther's repeated ramblings earlier about how she wanted to make her father watch Arthur die at her hands, then kill him too. Arthur had needed to know about Morgana's magical abilities so he'd take the threat she represented more seriously.

Merlin doubted very much that his own magic could remain hidden when he was forced to prevent Morgana's plan coming to fruition. Arthur would know, Uther would know, everyone would know. Even though he'd be saving Arthur with it, his magic would not be met with favour or approval.

Merlin did not fear the pyre or the gallows any longer, his power had increased to such an extent during the past year that such an easy death would not befall him unless he consented to it. And he would not allow it, not straight away anyway, not if there was a chance that Arthur may forgive him his sins. But regardless, it would severely wreak havoc with his destiny and the prophecies if Arthur hated his guts. And Merlin didn't know if he had it in him to continue if the reason for his existence was so completely messed up.

By mid evening, when he walked back through the castle gates, he'd already decided that he had to see Kilgharrah again that night. He could have spoken with Gaius of course, but he preferred to only touch the surface with him, it wasn't fair to burden Gaius with his problems. Kilgharrah for all his cryptic ways usually had something wise to offer. He was beginning to understand what his father had said so long ago about his soul being linked with Kilgharrah, his bond with the dragon was growing deeper as their friendship solidified. And he wanted the companionship another creature of magic would bring. He felt so alone.

It was already well after the time he'd normally bring Arthur his dinner, he'd deliberately waited that long so there was no need to see the prince. He knew Arthur would give him a grilling about his whereabouts and Merlin did not want to deal with that now. He spied Gwaine as he passed the Rising Sun tavern, but he carefully bent his head to avoid notice, and tried to blend in with others going about their daily business.

He fled gratefully to the safety of his room where Gaius was waiting for him.

By mid-morning Arthur was frustrated and cross. He'd hoped after his discussion with Merlin yesterday, and the time they'd spent together, that Merlin would be relaxed enough to, if not actually open up and talk to Arthur about whatever was on his mind, but at least be around and available again. While Arthur wasn't exactly expecting a confession about the dragon straight away he thought Merlin would be back to normal, somewhat.

But Arthur had come to the realisation some time ago that things with Merlin were never quite that simple. So in a way it was hardly a surprise when a new servant came in with breakfast that morning, the prince understood perfectly that he'd been abandoned by Merlin, yet again. It was both incredibly exasperating and entirely predictable. Couldn't Merlin understand that Arthur wanted him by his side because he was worried about him? Didn't Merlin see his concern?

It didn't help Arthur's temper when he found that Gaius had sent Merlin into the forest to look for plants. Arthur wasn't sure if that was true, or an excuse made to cover Merlin's absence. But by late afternoon, with still no sign of Merlin, Arthur's frustration was ready to boil over. By early evening, the frustration had been replaced by a gnawing unease and worry that something had gone wrong. What if he'd gone to see the dragon again and the beast had turned on him? Not to mention bandits, wild animals, magical creatures or Morgana could all be lurking in wait for him.

Arthur had retreated to his chambers to think it over and wait for Merlin, who really should be bringing him dinner right about now. He was on the verge of convincing himself that sending a search party into the forest was not in any way an overreaction, when Gwaine entered into his chambers to say he'd seen Merlin return.

Arthur was ready to explode. "I hope you told him I've been looking for him all day!" He knew it wasn't Gwaine's fault, but he was there so Arthur glared at him anyway.

Predictably, Gwaine wasn't bothered by this. "I didn't speak with him. I know he saw me, but he did his usual avoiding-eye-contact thing he's up to lately, and kept going." He looked at the prince seriously. "Arthur, I know you're going to want to stomp over to his rooms and confront him now, but you can't."

Arthur didn't want to listen to any advice, especially not from someone who could possibly beat him in a fight. "And why not?"

"I know as well as you do that something is not right with him lately. I've given him space, I hoped he'd talk about it when he's ready. And he's not ready. You can't force Merlin. If you know him like you should, then you should know that. He has reasons for his secrets and you must respect them."

Arthur frowned and looked at him sharply, calculating. "Secrets? You know what's bothering him, don't you? Tell me."

Gwaine wasn't intimidated. "Merlin has never taken me into his confidence. I hope he will when he's ready. He's the most loyal person I know, Arthur. And you know he'd do anything for you. He's the first friend I ever had and I love him like a little brother. And that's why I'm telling you to back off now, you want to yell at him and have a royal tantrum but it won't work, you'll drive him away. Think about it. He's avoiding you, me, Lancelot, Gwen, all his friends. You're a prince but that doesn't mean everything is always about you, Arthur. Think about Merlin instead."

Arthur's mouth compressed. He didn't want to acknowledge that Gwaine was right, but he was. It was really annoying. "Alright." He crossed his arms and frowned at Gwaine and made a split-second decision to trust him further. "Then I need your help."

Nearly midnight, and it was a few hours since Gwaine had left his chambers. It was a measure of the Knight's concern for Merlin that he'd agreed to Arthur's plan so quickly. Arthur wasn't completely clueless. Gwaine have sworn his allegiance to Arthur as a Knight of Camelot but he knew if it came down to it, Gwaine's loyalty lay firstly with Merlin, and that was why he'd agreed to Arthur's request.

Arthur was still dressed. The knock on the door when it came was expected, but the surprise was that it was Lancelot, not Gwaine. Lancelot looked unsure. "Gwaine said to tell you," Lancelot hesitated. "That he needs you to meet him right now outside the Rising Sun. He said you'd know what it was about."

Arthur was off with a speed that left Lancelot rushing to follow. "Sire, I don't think Gwaine has been drinking, he's not in trouble. He caught me down the corridor. It's something else."

They found Gwaine outside the tavern near the south gates.

"Where is he?"

"Sneaking off as we speak, Arthur. We need to hurry. Is he-" he nodded in Lancelot's direction, "-coming with us?"

Lancelot was curious. "Whatever you're doing, of course I am. What are you doing anyway?"

Gwaine answered, "We're following Merlin."

"Ah. No. We shouldn't."

Arthur didn't bother to conceal his annoyance. "Come on, Lancelot. You know there's something wrong with him. And it's nothing I did! I thought you'd want to help him." He said to Gwaine, "Did he look like he was going out the south gates, again?"

When Gwaine answered in the affirmative, Arthur nodded. "Then I know where he's going." He addressed both of the Knights. "If you want to help Merlin, then come with me now."

It was impossible to get past the guards at the gate without being seen, in the end Arthur resorted to threatening them with dungeon duty as well as double-shifts guarding Uther for the next six months if they revealed to anyone that he was leaving Camelot's grounds.

As they were passing, Gwaine asked the men brightly "Anyone else go out tonight?"

When the answer was in the negative Arthur frowned, and oddly, Lancelot doubled his efforts to stop their pursuit. "Sire, I don't think this is a good idea."

Arthur ignored him and Gwaine murmured non-committedly. They followed the road, sticking to the shadows at the edge of the forest to hide their presence from Merlin, who they could only just see far off in the distance.

Lancelot was becoming agitated. "This is a very bad idea. Merlin's perfectly entitled to go for a walk at night by himself. He'll be fine. Let's go back."

Arthur turned to the Knight. "Shhh! He's going to hear us following him."

Silence for a moment from Lancelot; Arthur knew that disobeying his prince did not come easily to him. But then, "Sire, we should go back." A pause. "What if there are bandits out here somewhere? We have no backup."

"Well we can hardly leave Merlin to them, can we? And you just said he'd be fine."

"So call out to him, and get him to come back with us?"

Arthur turned on Lancelot and pointed a finger in his face. "And to think I've said Merlin was the one that prattled. Lancelot, shut up. If Merlin sees or hears us following him, so help me, I'll put you in the stocks tomorrow, Knight or not."

There was silence for a moment from Lancelot but it didn't last. He tried a different approach, stopping at the edge of the road and grabbing onto Arthur's arm. "Sire, please. You must go back."

Arthur sighed and shook his arm. Lancelot didn't let go. Gwaine was watching this, slightly puzzled. Arthur kept his voice low but the threat was evident. "Lancelot?"

The Knight didn't back off. "I insist, Prince Arthur."

Arthur wasn't Camelot's first Knight for nothing, he had Lancelot on his back in the dirt with a hand pressing over his mouth in seconds. After a moment's shocked surprise Gwaine joined in to quash the rebellion with more enthusiasm that Arthur thought was strictly necessary.

Arthur hissed in an undertone, his hand still over Lancelot's mouth. "You don't understand. I've bought you both –" he glanced at Gwaine "- here tonight, because you're going to discover a secret Merlin has been keeping for some time. I'm trusting you because you're his friends. It's a big secret, but remember, you know Merlin. Don't be afraid of him, it doesn't change him. Merlin needs someone else to know. And I'm going to force his hand."

Lancelot's eyes widened and his struggles to free himself stopped abruptly. Seeing this, Arthur took his hand away.

The Knight massaged his jaw, wincing slightly. "Sire? You already know?"

Arthur just nodded and watched him carefully, ready to keep him from calling out again if he had to.

"And you haven't executed him, you haven't banished him ... you really don't mind? I can't believe it. Does Merlin know that you know?"

Arthur rocked back on his heels and bushed the dirt off his pants. "He doesn't. I was hoping he'd tell me, when he's ready. But Lancelot –" Arthur's thoughts caught up with Lancelot's words. "You know! You know already, don't you? He's already told you!" Arthur knew he sounded hurt.

Lancelot understood. He sat up. "It's different with you, sire. You're the prince, after all. And we know what would happen to Merlin if your father ever found out."

Arthur shuddered in agreement. "He never will, he'd want him executed." He stuck out a hand and pulled Lancelot to his feet.

Gwaine had had enough. "Is someone going to tell me what this is about, or am I the only one who's going to qualify for the special Merlin surprise?"

Arthur exchanged glances with Lancelot. He took a deep breath and answered bluntly, "Merlin's gone off call the great dragon again tonight. He's a dragonlord, Gwaine. That's what I'm taking you to see."

Gwaine looked dumbfounded at this proclamation but Lancelot's reaction was completely puzzling to Arthur. Initially he seemed stunned, then he paled in horror. "That's his secret? Oh no, oh no. No!"

"I thought you said you knew!"

Lancelot swore uncharacteristically under his breath then he straightened and looked at Arthur fiercely. "You've got it wrong! You must go back to Camelot now sire, I don't care if you put me in the stocks, I insist!" He appealed to Gwaine. "Gwaine, you've got to help me, you have no idea, this is not right, not at all, you can't spy on him, it's not honourable!" He turned in the direction Merlin had gone, taking a step forwards, trying to spot him in the distance.

But the expression on Lancelot's face had been warning enough, and Arthur leapt on him again, forcing him down, shoving a hand over his mouth straight away and grinding the side of his face into the dirt, but even with Gwaine's help, Lancelot was difficult to subdue. Arthur was just relieved Merlin was so far in front of them by now that he wouldn't hear the battle going on behind him, unless Lancelot got loose enough to shout out. The three of them rolled around on the ground, Lancelot was fighting so viciously Arthur knew without Gwaine's strength he wouldn't have been able to restrain him enough to keep him from yelling out. But they did, eventually he was gagged by his own undershirt which they'd torn strips off and stuffed in his mouth, and his hands were bound around his back by Gwaine's belt.

He lay on the ground again, his chest heaving, glaring at them with so much fury Arthur was taken aback. He massaged the bite mark on his palm. For a Knight to attack him in such a manner could be considered treason. And Lancelot, of all people, was the last person he'd expect to do it. But it was clear to Arthur that personal animosity was not behind Lancelot's attack, but why he felt so strongly about not following Merlin was not something Arthur could understand. But it didn't change what was going to happen, they were still going to follow Merlin.

With difficulty, they managed to get Lancelot to his feet. Arthur kept several paces ahead, watching out carefully, while Gwaine dragged their prisoner through the undergrowth. Lancelot wasn't making it easy and Arthur's frustration was increasing. He stopped and turned around, grabbing the front of Lancelot's shirt. "I'll tie you to a tree here, or you can come with us. Your choice."

Lancelot gave him an a fierce stare but jerked his head grudgingly in the direction Merlin had taken.

They kept going, quieter this time, picking their way carefully around bushes and beneath branches, dull moonlight filtering between gaps in the canopy to guide their way. They were almost at the place where Arthur had crouched only two nights ago when they heard the roar of sound and gibberish as Merlin began to call the dragon. It made the hair on the back of Arthur's neck stand up, and it startled Gwaine so much that he crashed into Arthur's back and almost sent himself pitching to the ground.

They all stopped for a moment, frozen. Then Arthur recovered, and led them to his hiding place.

They watched and waited.

I'm not totally happy with this chapter ... it gets better, I promise! Thanx for reading so far.