Chapter 31:
"Em?"
"Yes, love?"
"Will you please tell me why you were so upset earlier?" JJ asked softly.
"I don't know Jay. I guess I'm not sure where to start." JJ moved closer to the brunette and hugged her tightly.
Emily closed her eyes and inhaled the scent that was uniquely JJ.
"When I was 15 my mom got stationed in Rome. I met two American boys, John Cooley and Matthew Benton. Being the "kid on the move" was hard and I tried desperately to fit in, so I would do anything and everything." Emily closed her eyes and tried to hold back her tears. JJ rocked Emily's body and stroke her hair.
"I..I was really stupid and slept with John. Not only did I lose my virginity, but he got me pregnant. I couldn't tell my mother or father, we're not very close, and John just turned his back on me. He told me that he was sure it wasn't his and called me a whore." Emily broke down in JJ's arms and started to cry. The blonde had never seen the older woman so helpless. She did the only thing she could do, be there for Emily. She held her close and whispered sweet, calming words into her hair.
"You don't have to tell me, sweetie. I understand! But you were just a kid. You were scared, and at the time, you did the right thing. It doesn't make you a bed person. And I certainly doesn't drive me away. By learning how difficult your childhood was and to see how amazing you turned out to be, makes me admire you more." JJ had untangled herself from Emily and was no looking the older woman deep in the eyes, letting her love shine through her eyes and into Emily's.
Slowly Emily nodded. JJ wiped away her last tears before pulling Emily back into her arms. No matter if the brunette was crying or smiling, having the profiler in her arms made JJ smile.
"Matthew helped me a lot. Both before, during and after, you know. He held my hand through it all. Right before we left Rome, I had an argument with my parents, and I let it slip. It didn't help our already stained relationship, and my parents became more distant after would tell me they loved me all the time, but I never felt loved.
Two years after we moved from Rome I was back in the US. I wanted to attend university home. Mostly because I wanted to get away from my parents. With my parents' strings I could go to any school I wanted to, but I had had enough of the political game. My parents wanted me to study law at Harvard, Stanford or Yale, but I didn't even want to study law. I got into Georgetown by myself, and I even got myself a part time job to pay for my own apartment. For the first time since Rome, I was happy. I got a lot of friends and I enjoyed myself. Halfway through my first year I started to date a guy named Fredric Anderson. We went out for six months and I, of course, thought I loved him, and he loved me, because he told me he did. Then it turned out that he didn't love me. I found him in bed with my best friend at the time. That destroyed me compleatly.
I thought it would be impossible to pick up after what happened. I threw myself into my studying and became a stranger to the people I used to call friends. Growing up like I did I never got to express my emotions, to anyone, so I compartmentalized everything. After a year consisting on hard work and studying, I went out on a date with a friend. I don't know what happened, but the two of us hit it of, and she was my first girlfriend. Things were slowly getting better for me. Joanne put the pieces of my heart together again.
After we graduated from Georgetown we moved in together in New York. She was, is, a journalist. I guess I should have seen the signs, but I chose to ignore them. We were together for five years, before I came home one day and walked in on her, in our bed, with someone else. She tried to deny it and blame me for it. I found out that day that not only did my girlfriend of five years cheat on me, but she had for the last four years. Who does that to someone?
I haven't dated anyone since Joanne, I am so afraid of getting my heart broken again. When I found Joanne cheating on me, something snapped inside me and things went downhill. I lost a lot of control, and for once in my life my mother was there for me. She tok me to her place in D.C. and helped me get together.
What she, they, did to me has made me insecure when it comes to love. They all told me they loved me, but obviously didn't. So, when I met you, for the second time, my world went upside down. I told myself to not fall in love with you, scared of another heartbreak. I had difficulties sometimes, and would pull back. You think it was because of the cases, but really I needed a moment to clear my head and try not to go back to dangerous patterns.
Somehow, someway you've snuck in behind my walls Jennifer, and that scares me to death. I love you, but at the same time I'm so scared of being hurt. I know you would never deliberately hurt me, but I'm just so scared. When you said it was to much for you, my head went with the worst case scenario.
I am so, very truly sorry Jennifer! And I hope you can forgive me and let me have another chance!"
Emily had somewhere along her story untangled herself from the blonde and was now moving a little away from her, giving her some space.
"Emily, look at me please." JJ spoke softly and reached out a hand to touch Emily's cheek. Slowly the brunette lifted her head and met the azure blue eyes. "I love you, Emily. I. Love. You!" JJ pronounced each word with precision and spoke calmly to reach to Emily.
"Baby, I'm so sorry that they treated you so badly, and I want to send Morgan at them all for hurting you the way they did, but I am not John or Fredric or Joanne. I love you, Emily Elizabeth Prentiss, and only you! Do you hear me?" JJ stroke Emily's cheeks while she spoke, giving the brunette physical reassurance as well as her words.
"I am sorry if I ever made you feel like I didn't love you or doubted my feelings for you, because I don't. I am so in love with you. Whenever you are near me, I can't think straight. When we arrived her earlier I couldn't stop thinking about how amazing you are while you were speaking to the front desk lady. You are so beautiful, intelligent, pure, brave, strong, loving and so much more. I can't describe you in words Emily, and words is my job!
I can't promise you that everyday in our relationship will be easy or that we won't have disagreements, but I can promise you that I will never, ever cheat on you! Why would I want to trade the best person in this whole wide world for some random fuck with a girl?"
The two of them lay in silence for awhile, processing the words spoken. A sudden calm came over Emily, she felt something she'd never felt before, trust. She knew she could trust JJ with her heart.
"Thank you, Jen," she whispered.
"For what?" the blonde whispered back.
"For loving me."
"You don't have to thank me for that, Prentiss! It's too damn hard not to!" JJ lips turned into a small smiler. Emily put her hands on JJ's hips and drew the woman closer to her. Her face moved close to JJ's, but she stopped when their mouths were only inches apart.
"It's Agent Prentiss!"