Darkness.
It had been three days since he'd discovered Arthur knew his secret, and three days since they'd told Gwen about his magical abilities. Merlin was alone with his thoughts at the top of the battlements on the far side of the castle. The night air was frigid and chill, and he was cold. It was a place he'd go to when he wanted solitude. It was the highest site in the castle, and less guarded than some of the other points due to the sheer drop below, making it impenetrable by attack from beneath. There were enough darkened, secluded recesses around the stone pillars for Merlin to be able to curl up with his thoughts and easily escape the notice of any guards who may patrol past him, especially easy for someone with magical abilities.
He'd barely had time to himself during the past three days; if it wasn't Arthur insisting on his presence for something totally unnecessary, it was Gwaine wanting him to come to the tavern, or Lancelot begging for his assistance in sword practice (the stupidest excuse so far, Merlin thought).
Gwen and Gaius were in on it too, Gwen seemed to have an impulsive urge to spring-clean and re-arrange all heavy items of furniture in her house several times over (Merlin with his magical furniture-moving capabilities was the chosen assistant), and Gaius demanded his help making potions and treating patients (something he was usually reluctant to involve Merlin in).
Even Elyan, Leon and Percival seemed to want him around, but whether that was from genuine desire for his company or orders from Arthur, Merlin didn't know.
He stared out at the stars and sat with his back against the castle wall, legs bent. The flagstones on the ground were icy. He shivered, wishing he'd bought a jacket with him, but he hadn't thought of that when he'd slipped away. He hadn't thought of much at all, only that he was relieved to finally steal some time alone. Merlin was weary, from lack of sleep and everything else. But he'd had enough time to think, and he knew what he had to do.
It came as no surprise when, after less than an hour of peace and quiet at the top of the battlements, he saw Arthur's silhouette near the corner of the castle followed by two other figures. Merlin sighed, stretching his legs out in front of him, and waited for them to find him.
Arthur said rather unnecessarily, "We've been looking for you everywhere."
Merlin glanced behind him at Lancelot and Percival, and said mildly, "I'm off duty Arthur, can I not have some time to myself?"
"Merlin," Arthur hesitated, he seemed worried. He said carefully, "Why don't you come back with us?"
Merlin looked up at him. It would have to be now, he couldn't put it of any longer. Arthur wouldn't like what he was going to hear, but he'd hear it anyway. If Arthur wanted trust and openness between them he should tell him what he was going to do, he owed Arthur that much at least.
Merlin stood up, stretching the crick out of his back. "Lancelot, Percival, would you mind? I'd like to talk with Arthur, alone."
Lancelot hesitated and shot a glance at Arthur, but the prince said sharply, instantly suspicious, "No."
Merlin regarded Arthur warily. It was hard to read his expression in the shadows of the night but he looked strained. Why? Was this concern for him? No matter. Did he really think having Percival here, as a witness, would change anything? It made no difference, he knew what he had to do, his mind was made up, and if it left Percival with questions – Merlin wasn't happy about it, but well, Arthur or Lancelot could deal with them when he'd gone.
He said quietly, to Arthur, "I know, what I must do. You cannot stop me." There was no challenge to his voice, just a simple statement of fact.
"Merlin," Arthur took a step closer and Merlin found himself backing up against the castle wall.
"I have to do this, Arthur." He wanted to explain, he owed Arthur that much. "After the battle, I put wards around the castle so I'd know if they try to get back into Camelot. But Morgana is a seer, Arthur. She hasn't yet been able to scry me, but that may change, she will see you, and she may learn what you know. If she does, it will give her an advantage. She'll change her tactics because of it. I cannot wait for her to come here. The risk to you all is too great. When she finds out about me, it will be on my own terms, not hers."
"No!" Arthur's voice rose, and Merlin found himself pushed back against the wall, hard. The jagged edge of a stone dug into his back, and Arthur's hands gripped his arms, tight, fingers digging into his flesh. "You cannot go after her, I forbid it!"
Merlin said tonelessly, "I won't kill her, unless you want me to. Do you?" Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the two knights moving closer, Merlin ignored them.
"Merlin, no!" Arthur shook him, it hurt, his head banged against the wall. "Forget Morgana! You can't go after her by yourself, it's too dangerous! I said no, you're not going!"
"And I've told you, Arthur, that you can't stop me, and you won't. If you didn't know about my magic, I would have gone anyway. The only difference is I'm telling you now before I go, and I'll tell you what I found, when I get back. I'm won't keep my actions a secret from you."
Arthur moved closer, his face only inches away from Merlin's, shaking his head, desperate, he looked like he didn't know what to do. "No, no, no! That's an order, Merlin. I refuse to let you do this!"
Merlin had no intention of obeying. "I'm going Cenred's kingdom, that's the only place I'll look for her right now, his castle would be a perfect hideout. If she's not there, then she may be off in the woods with the druids. But if she's not at the castle, I'll come back here. It might take me a week, Arthur, but it's not dangerous, I'm going in my own time, you see. My time, not yours, and not hers. Kilgharrah cannot follow me into that, neither can she."
He paused, sure the Prince understood what he meant, but Arthur still looked frantic, Merlin didn't understand why, it was a perfectly rational thing for him to do. "I promise you that I will watch them only, I will not act, I will just see what she's up to, what she knows. Then I'll return here and discuss it with you."
"Merlin, if you want me to beg, I'll do it, I'm begging you, don't do this! You can't go alone!"
Merlin knew the fist was coming, he'd half expected it, Arthur was a fighter after all, and the punch was intended to knock him out, which meant of course, he'd be going nowhere. But Merlin was leaving, he was disappearing now. His eyes flared, Arthur was frozen with a hand clenched in midair. Lancelot and Percival were immobilised too, he wasn't going to let them stop him either. He pushed Arthur backwards gently, stilling his fist and lowering his arm, then wriggling out of his grasp with some difficulty, since Arthur's hold on his arm was tight.
He adjusted the magic so they could see and hear him and said flatly, "You're being unreasonable, Arthur. Sometimes we'll have to agree to disagree. I didn't have to tell you what I'm doing, but I have. I'll be back in your chambers in your time, within the half hour." He smiled faintly. "Unless of course you need more time than that to cool off?"
There was no response of course, because they couldn't make one, and Merlin was perfectly aware of that. "And don't try and hit me again. I don't like it, it hurts."
His eyes flared gold again, they moved, but time had passed, and Merlin was long gone.
He left them, silent and invisible as a wraith, and made his preparations. He returned to his room, and Gaius saw nothing and no one when he shrugged on his jacket and grabbed his travel bag. He passed through the kitchens, no more substance than a ghost to the servants working there, and collected food and water for his journey.
He considered taking a horse to make the travel faster for him, but he thought he'd have enough trouble maintaining his time while he slept, as well as needing to remember to keep it constantly around an animal. He wasn't sure he could do both. And the horse might be spooked by the experience; sometimes when he sped through his own time quickly everything outside it was a disorientating blur of shapes, colours and sounds.
In Arthur's time, it would have taken him over four days to reach Cenred's castle. It hadn't been an easy journey, he was constantly cold, it rained, and his thoughts weighed heavily on him. Being away from the time of the earth for too long also made him uneasy, there was something that always felt innately wrong when he stayed outside it for long periods, and he found it depressing, which made it difficult for him to concentrate on what he had to do.
So saying, the one good thing was that it was easier than he expected to keep to his own time, he found he didn't have to give any thought to it after a short period of adjustment, and the during the brief moments of sleep he took, it was simple enough to maintain the enchantment without much effort.
He didn't know what he was going to do if he found Morgana. He wouldn't kill her, he knew that, he had the opportunity to do so before she disappeared with Morgause but he hadn't. Even if Arthur had asked him to, he wasn't sure he could have done it, not just yet. He didn't want to have to be ruthless and callous, and murder in cold-blood. He did want to watch them, to find out what they knew, what their plans were, and he'd take it from there. He didn't know what else he could do.
He worried about Arthur too - he knew Arthur would be angry, and that wasn't likely to change much in the half hour he had before Merlin planned to return. But perhaps seeing as he planned to return unharmed, so quickly, Arthur's temper wouldn't escalate. Perhaps.
His disappointment was acute when it became apparent that neither Morgana nor Morgause were anywhere near Cenred's castle. Merlin felt a little numb, he'd been sure they'd be there, but there was no sign they'd ever returned. There was no lingering scent of their magic anywhere. He would have known if they'd been there recently.
During the past year, he'd become more aware of a gift he'd not previously known he'd had, the ability to smell the different scents attached to users of magic and thus interpret the user's spirit. Anyone capable of magic had such a scent, it depended upon the power and ethics of the user as to whether the smell was the sweetest perfume or worse than rotting garbage.
He'd surprised Kilgharrah when he'd discussed this ability with him, so he knew it was very uncommon, and probably unique to him alone. The Druid Chieftain who'd given them the Cup of Life had smelt like the earth after a rainstorm, fresh and unsullied, yet the smell was only subtle. Merlin suspected the subtleness was not so much to do with lack of power, but more that druid's control over his magic was strong, not allowing too much of the magic scent to escape unless he was performing magic. On the spirit of his magic alone, Merlin was sure he was a good man, although he didn't know if he could be completely trusted, only time would tell.
By the time he'd made a complete sweep of the castle and surrounding town he accepted Morgana and Morgause were nowhere in the vicinity. There were people enough here, no warriors of course, but older men, and women and children. He wondered how long it would be before a neighbouring kingdom took advantage of the lack of warriors and came to claim it. He hoped Arthur wouldn't. He didn't want to see more suffering.
He thought about what to do next. If they weren't sheltering in Cenred's castle, it was likely they were with the druids, or some of the druids at least may know of their whereabouts. He wondered how many different camps had sheltered Morgana those twelve months ago. Did Morgana have particular ties with any? He didn't know. He could search, but it would take some time, and he would need to return to the earth's time to do it properly, he'd need to make contact with people. And he needed supplies, he had to be able to do this and still protect Arthur, Gwen, Gaius and all of them, and stop any random magical attacks on Camelot. He didn't know how he'd manage it all.
There was nothing else to do but return to Camelot. He was tired, so tired. His ankle hurt, he'd stumbled over a rabbit hole and twisted it, he was filthy, and covered in scratches because he'd not been paying enough attention when passing through a particular green blur on the way back that turned out to be a patch of briers and thorns. The cuts weren't deep, but they stung. He just wanted a bath, some dry clothes and something decent to eat, then be able to fall asleep for a day and forget everything, just for a while.
He returned to Camelot, back to his spot on the battlements. Arthur, Lancelot and Percival had gone, presumably back to Arthur's chambers to wait for him. He checked, there were no guards around, no one to give a headache to when he came back. He released his magic slowly and swayed a little as he passed out of his own time. The earth anchored him, colours and shapes gradually stabilised, becoming familiar walls of the castle again. He was home.
He sighed, and considered skipping the confrontation in Arthur's chambers but there was not much point putting off the inevitable. He went to face the music.
Merlin was late. Arthur had been watching the door to his chambers for a full half hour, his apprehension growing. Where was he?
Percival and Lancelot were still here, they'd followed him back after Merlin had disappeared and were sitting down patiently at the table, waiting. Percival hadn't asked a single question, and Arthur had never appreciated the man's silence more than he did now, the prince was grateful because he wasn't able to concentrate on anything except trying to keep a lid on his ever-increasing sense of dread. Gwaine had shown up a short time ago and after one look at their faces, displayed uncommon good sense by remaining quiet and still.
A knock and the door opened. Arthur's senses leapt, but it was only Elyan, followed by Gwen. Gwen came straight across to the fireplace where Arthur was standing. He felt some of the tension leave him as he took her in his arms.
"Did you find him?"
Arthur nodded, but he couldn't speak past the sudden obstruction in his throat. He buried his face in Gwen's hair and closed his eyes, holding her tightly. He felt ridiculously emotional lately, odd mood swings tied up in his worry about Merlin. It was such girlish behaviour, and he fought against it and despised himself for it. He prided himself on his own self-control, these emotions jumping all over the place in the past week aggravated him.
Ever since he'd found out about Merlin's magical abilities and his dragon he'd been consumed by tension and anxiety for him, and he couldn't understand himself. Part of him figured if Merlin had some magic then he'd look after himself alright but the dominant thought screamed that Merlin was still nothing more than the hopeless, clumsy idiot he'd always been and having magic didn't change anything, he was still completely useless and incompetent in a fight. He needed Arthur's protection, like he always had. And maybe the dragon had been taking it easy on him, he'd had to, a dragon couldn't hurt a dragonlord, he'd even said so.
Which made having Merlin run off himself to face two dangerous blood-thirsty sorceresses very difficult to stomach. Merlin really shouldn't be fighting at all. The thought of everything that could go wrong with the whole scenario made Arthur feel sick.
Gwen felt his tension and was worried. "Arthur, what is it? Is Merlin alright? Where is he?"
Arthur swallowed, and said quietly, "He's gone to find Morgana and Morgause. I tried to stop him, but I couldn't. He wouldn't listen."
Gwen looked up at him, concerned, her hands cupping his face. He twisted around so his back was to the men, ashamed to show the distress he was feeling in front of them.
He said in a low voice, "He said he'd be back by now, but he's not, he's late."
"Arthur, I don't understand. If he's gone to find Morgana, we won't see him for days, maybe more."
Arthur rubbed his forehead. "Merlin can do something with time, Gwen. Move outside it, I don't really understand how, but he said he might be gone for a week, but it would be less than half an hour for us. He should be back by now, he's not, and I don't even know how to start to look for him."
The door opened again, Arthur spun around, and there he was. Merlin looked awful, he was covered in dirt and scratches, he had a smear of mud on his jaw, a sleeve of his blue shirt was torn, his hair was sticking up at odd angles, and he looked like he'd not slept for a week.
Arthur was further away from him than anyone else, but he still got to Merlin first. Arthur slammed the door closed, Merlin backed up against it, wincing, as one of Arthur's hands grabbed his arm. "Who attacked you? What happened?"
Merlin was bewildered, he frowned at Arthur, looked like he was going to say something but then Lancelot, Gwaine and everyone else was crowding around them.
"Mate, you look terrible! What happened?"
Merlin was grateful for the reprieve, he slid away from Arthur nervously, tugging his arm out of his grasp, head turning from one person to another as he attempted to acknowledge the questions being flung at him from all directions.
Arthur lost his temper. "That's it! Everyone out now – except you Merlin – leave now, you can meet me tomorrow morning in the council chambers and I'll fill you in then. Do not discuss this between yourselves, that's an order. Now go!" Impatient, he man-handled everyone out when they were too slow for his liking, giving Gwen a quick apologetic kiss on the mouth as he shut the door behind her.
He turned around. From across the room, Merlin gave him an edgy grin and shrugged his shoulders. The expression was so familiar that Arthur felt something twist and clench inside him, he didn't know if he was furiously angry or ready to bawl his eyes out. He clutched at the simpler emotion and was across the room in an instant, and Merlin took an uneasy step backwards at the sight of the tempest bearing down upon him.
"You bloody idiot!" The words were snarled, he saw the hurt flash in Merlin's eyes, and Arthur's anger vanished as quickly as it had appeared. It was no effort this time, without thought he crushed Merlin into an embrace, holding onto him with desperate strength, overwhelming relief making his arms tight and tense. "Damn you, what were you thinking! She could have killed you!"
Merlin struggled a moment, then calmed, when he realised the hug wasn't meant to be fatal. Barely audible, he said, "I had to go, Arthur. There was no other way."
Arthur let out a huff of exasperation, and stepped back, letting his arms fall to his sides. He thought better of whatever retort he was going to make, Merlin's eyes were strained, he looked exhausted and barely capable of staying on his feet.
Arthur said quietly, "How long? How long were you away?"
Merlin shrugged. "It's difficult to tell. Probably a week or so."
"You don't look like you've slept at all. You're exhausted. And you're filthy." He wrinkled his nose. "And you stink."
Merlin snorted and managed a half-hearted glare. "Well, yes, you would too in the same situation."
Arthur waved his hand at the tub full of water behind a screen near the fireplace on the other side of the room. "Look. Have a bath, someone bought it up for me earlier, I haven't used it."
Merlin took a step back, then another. "Um... uh, ... Arthur you hugged me, and now you want me to bath, in your room?"
Arthur gave him a speaking look. "Oh, for goodness sake, how many times have I been in that tub in front of you! If you were Gwen you'd have something to worry about, but you're not her, thankfully. And I did not hug you. If you tell anyone I did, I will deny it and make your life a living hell."
Merlin tried to seem concerned. "What, more than you already do?"
"Yeah." Arthur put his hands on his hips and assumed a dispassionate tone. "I merely expressed concern for your wellbeing. Just get in the bath. I am trying to be thoughtful, something you regularly accuse me of not being. You are clearly about to crash on your feet, instead of going to the bathing rooms at the bottom of the castle and lugging around water and tubs, I am merely being considerate and offering you the use of this one. First and last time though."
Merlin stared and Arthur gave him a look of exasperation. "The water is probably freezing by now, do the gold eye thingy and I'll go to your room and get you a change of clothes."
Merlin kept staring at him like he wasn't sure where the real Arthur had gone, then an enigmatic smile crept across his face. "Sure, why not? That's usually how I heat your water, after all. Don't think I bother boiling it over the fireplace when I – as you so cleverly phrased it – can do the gold eye thingy."
Merlin was in the water when Arthur returned a short time later. He dropped a towel and a change of clothes over the screen in front of the tub, and placed a platter of bread, cheese, fruit and meats on the table that he'd requisitioned from a passing servant. He sat down at the table, his back to Merlin.
"Gaius picked the clothes for you. I told him you'd gone off to find Morgana but you were back now. It seems, Merlin, he didn't know about your little adventures with time. He wasn't too happy. You're going to have some explaining to do later."
The water sloshed, he assumed Merlin was getting out. "Thanks a lot, Arthur, you didn't have to tell him anything!"
"I had to tell him something if I was getting your clothes!"
"Yes. Well. True."
"Are you going to tell me how you were injured? Who hurt you, were you captured?"
"Umm ..."
"Merlin?"
"It's a bit embarrassing. No one captured me, no one saw me, I told you no one would!"
"Explain it, then."
Merlin's voice was muffled as he pulled the shirt on over his head. "There's not much to explain. See, I fell over a rabbit hole and twisted my ankle, and I didn't notice a bramble patch, that's how I got all these scratches. I'm fine."
"Rabbit hole, yes, you've done that before. But bramble patch Merlin, come on, how could you not notice it? It must have been huge with the amount of cuts you have!"
Merlin sat down opposite Arthur at the table, and pulled the platter of food across. "Not that you'd know, but when you move outside the earth's time, things happen to look a little bit different. The bramble patch was just another green blur in the forest and I didn't notice it until it was too late!"
Arthur cleared his throat and covered his mouth with the back of hand for a moment and swallowed several times. Merlin glowered suspiciously.
Arthur recovered. "So, did you find her?"
Merlin shook his head and picked up a slice of cheese. "No. There was no trace of either of them. They'd never been back there. But if they return I'll know, I put wards around, they'll last a few weeks, wasn't that a good idea?"
"So now what?"
"Now?"
"I'm sure you have another idea."
"I'll make contact with the druids, see if they have heard anything."
"You know some druids?"
"The one that gave us the Cup of Life, I thought I'd try him."
"Merlin, do you know him?" Arthur poured cider into two goblets and pushed one across the table to Merlin.
Merlin yawned. "No. But I know his name is Iseldir, he's a Druid Chieftain. We spoke, but you didn't hear, he used mind speech."
"Mind speech?"
"He speaks in my mind, I speak in his, you know."
"Not really." A pause. "Well if we should contact him, what makes you think he'd want to help us?"
"I don't know if he'll help us, but he's the only one I know to ask. You've met him before Arthur, he told me so, do you remember?"
"Um, he does look familiar, but I can't recall."
Merlin yawned again. "You returned Mordred to him, which is not necessarily ... good ... but his magic Arthur, there is something good about it, I am sure of it. He is powerful for a druid, because he knew my name, although the chieftains usually do. His magic is about as strong as Morgause's, probably a little stronger, and she is reasonably powerful in her own way."
Arthur latched on to the one thing he hadn't meant to give away. "What do you mean, he knew your name, and the chieftains usually do?"
Merlin flushed and said awkwardly, "Forget it."
"No, I want to know, what did you mean by that?"
Merlin hurriedly picked up a slice of meat and took a bite, suddenly concerned about proper table manners, his mouth full. "Hmmm?"
"Merlin?"
He chewed and swallowed, Arthur looked at him expectantly. "You're not going to give up until I tell you, are you? Fine." He took a sip of his drink, thinking. "Did you know the druids believe in prophecies, a prediction of the future, of things to come?"
"Yes. Do you believe them too?"
Merlin was surprised, "Of course, they are always right." Then he seemed to realise what he'd said, and shifted uncomfortably and popped another piece of meat into his mouth.
"Merlin?"
"Yes, yes, just let me think." He eyed Arthur, considering, then came to a decision. "Alright, you asked for it." He sat back in his chair and crossed his arms. "There is a prophecy concerning you."
"What? Me?"
"Yes. You are the Once and Future King. It is your destiny to unite all Albion and return magic to the land."
Arthur dropped his goblet, it clattered over and cider sloshed across the table.
"I told you, you weren't ready to hear it! I warned you only a few days ago! But do you ever listen to me? No, you always know better, you had to insist!"
Arthur seemed to recover more rapidly than Merlin had expected, but he'd had a lot of shocks to deal with lately, maybe he was getting blasé about it all. Arthur set his goblet upright carefully, and wiped the liquid off his fingers and onto his shirt. He said slowly, "So, that's me, the Once and Future King, uniting Albion and returning magic." He looked at Merlin. "But what has this to do with you, and the druid chieftains usually knowing your name?"
"Oh. That. The other part of the prophecy says that without guidance and assistance from the warlock Emrys, you will fail in your task, and Albion will descend to chaos and be lost forever."
Arthur said slowly, "I have heard of Emrys."
Now it was Merlin's turn to be shocked. "You have? How could you, what?"
Arthur met Merlin's eyes. "Once, a few years ago, before you came to Camelot, I was ill for a week. It was easier for Gaius to treat me if I stayed in his chambers. One day I had a look through some of the books he had lying around, one was a borderline magic text and I've never seen it since then. I read about this Emrys: the druids have been waiting for him for eons, the most powerful warlock who has ever been, or will ever be, in all time."
Merlin stared wide-eyed for a moment, then ducked his head and fidgeted, picking up an apple and chopping a slice off with the knife. He nicked his finger and winced, hissing in annoyance at the brief pain. Then Arthur made the next leap, one Merlin hadn't thought was quite so obvious. His mouth gaped and he looked across at Merlin.
Arthur said, incredulous and dumfounded, "Oh bloody hell, you're Emrys!"