Chapter 4

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"And I will never be the same
I can barely speak your name
I'm clutching empty clothes
Lost in a void that only grows
In a skin I've grown to hate

And if you only knew
That this is all that I can do
Its God's honest truth
I just miss you" - This is me being honest. by E for Explosion

"Buffy." Wesley says calmly. He rises from his chair to greet the new arrivals. "Everyone" He adds looking at the rest of the gang.

"Where is...?" Buffy stops. She looks at Wesley with pleading eyes. Pleading for some sort of answers.

She only had one question. And the answer scared her to death. Had he found someone else who could make him happy?

"How?" She chokes out.

Wesley shakes his head and looks down to the ground.

"Pure happiness duhhh." Cordelia snaps enjoying the flash of pain that comes across Buffy's face.

Wesley shoots her a disapproving look. "We actually purposely removed it. We believe Angelus might have some useful information about this creature called the Beast."

"You did what?" Buffy nearly shrieks. She doesn't know to be either horrified or comforted by the news. Horrified that Angelus is really back or comforted that he was brought back by magic and not some other woman.

"Where is he?" She asks sharply.

"Downstairs locked in a cage." Connor says intrigued by the small blonde who was giving off some serious vibes of power.

Buffy laughs. A real laugh. Her first genuine laugh since she came back from Heaven.

They all looked at her. Shocked.

"Are you serious?"

Wesley nods. "Yes, we took some precautions."

Buffy smirks, the image of a confined Angelus pleases her. And excites her. Excitement that shocks her.

She looks at the young man who answered her question. She would know him from anywhere. He had his father's frame, brown hair and broody exterior. But he had her green eyes. Green soulful eyes she once had. The thought of missing him grow up tugged at her heart.

She shakes her head. She had a lot to deal with and lot of things need to be talked about. Honestly.

She needed to talk to her broody dark vampire first. She quickly heads to go downstairs to find him.

"B, you sure you don't want me to go with you?" Faith calls out to her. But she was already gone.

He knew she was coming . He could feel her presence as she entered the city. The slayer. HIS slayer.

She appeared to him and his nonexistent heart sank. She was frail looking. Too skinny for his liking. She was covered in blood and dirt. Her normally curvy figure was almost nonexistent. The gash on her forehead made him want to kill whatever did that to her very violently.

He shook his head. He wasn't supposed to care but the truth was he didn't want anyone hurting her but him. In the few years he was locked back up in Angel he had time to ponder his feelings for the little blonde slayer. He cared for her. And that was as far he was going to admit any warm feelings about her. But for him that was quite a lot to admit.

She stares at him half shocked and half.. relieved? He didn't understand.

"Hello, Lover."Angelus purrs, a smirk forming on his face.

"Angelus." She says evenly.

"Miss me? Cause I missed you."

A small smile forms on her face which confuses him more.

"Not particularly." She replies quietly staring at everything but him.

"Buff.."

She looks up at him and for the first time their eyes meet. The warm green eyes of his slayer have been replaced with broken hallow eyes.

"Oh baby.. what happened to you?" He whispers. Not even a hint of mocking in his voice.

She shrugs and looks around the room. "Oh ya know..been dead and all.." Her voice cracks.

Meanwhile the AI team and the Scooby gang are watching the interaction from the monitor upstairs.

"He looks.. generally concerned for her welfare doesn't he?" Wesley muses.

Everyone looks at him but no one replies. Not sure what to say.

"He is just playing games as always." Cordelia snaps.

Spike shakes his head. He knows the truth. Hiw grand sire loved the Slayer. Even if he would never say it. He had never been so obsessed with someone in his whole entire dead life.

"You were in heaven." He says it as a statement. Not a question.

Buffy head shoots up and looks at him. She nods a little. Tears in her eyes.

Willow bursts out in tears. "Oh my god! She never said anything!"

Faith lowers her head. She knew. She was the only one who knew the truth. Buffy wasn't being tortured in some hell dimension, she was in heaven.

"Can we please talk about the Beast?" Buffy says trying to change the subject.

Angelus nods not wanting to push her.

They talk for a few minutes about Angelus' past. She knew nothing but asked all the right questions surprising him. His little slayer had grown up so much. She was tougher and wiser. She didn't squirm or even bat an eye lash when he talked about the carnage he was a part of. She accepted him, the man and the demon.

"Well I think that's all your going to tell me." Buffy says.

"That is all there is to tell."

They stare at each other for what seems like a lifetime.

"Come here." Angelus says quietly.

Buffy slowly walks to him, across the red line. He reaches out of the cage and pulls her close. She rests her head on his chest.

"What the hell is she doing?" Xander nearly screams watching the two on the monitor.

Willow glares at him. Truth is, she has no idea what is going on.

"I didn't come back right." She says quietly.

This revelation surprises Angelus. And not much ever surprises him.

"What?"

She looks up at him and lets go. He groans from the loss of contact.

"Spike.. he can hit me. He is not supposed to be able to with the chip in his head.." She takes a deep breath. "I can't feel anything. It's all just all just... numb."

"Is that why you have been fucking Spike?" Angelus snaps.

Buffy jumps a little. She was expecting this conversation however, she wished she would never have to have it.

" Honestly? It made me feel less alone. Less numb. I could take out all my aggression out on him and not kill him like a human." She says quietly. She doesn't know why she is confiding in Angelus. A man who has tried to kill her numerous times. Who mentally tortured her for months, who killed people she cared for. "And... maybe it was even to get your attention. Isn't that what Darla and Dru used to do? Fuck Spike till you came home?"

Her questions startles him. He takes a unnecessary breath. He would never imagine comparing Dru and Darla to his dear Slayer. But Angelus understood. Deep down he did. Angel did the same thing with Darla. He was trying to feel less alone, less numb.

"You're going to get the beating of your life for saying that."

"I look forward to it." She says evenly. Her eyes longingly look at him. This shacks Angelus to the core. She wants him to beat her? Oh no. This is not his Slayer.

The AI crew and Scooby gang watched stunned at the conversation they are witnessing.

Spike's heart breaks as he hears her declaration of how she was using him. Deep down he knew she would always love Angel. But he had some hope that maybe she would learn to love him. Give him a chance.

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