Chapter 10
Our journey to Grairr was a mostly somber one. Luke was never one to lock himself away in silence, but he said little more than was necessary on the way. The same held true for our trek through the forests of Grairr. Only the silence of his words did little to stifle the shouts of his emotion. The sense of anticipation, of anxiety that his suspected fears would soon be confirmed. Beneath it all was a certain sense of guilt, of self-blame, in spite of how ridiculous a notion it was.
Death…was a terrible reality Luke Skywalker could do little about. And yet…a heart as good as his found that obvious fact hard to accept… But death had been all this galaxy had known for so long, maybe we were just tired of it at this point…?
We crested the hill as the first light of morning was breaking. Still nestled in the clearing was Marcus' simple home, only now a sense of emptiness fell across the landscape.
Luke's hands balled into defiant fists as intense emotion rippled secretly across his calm face.
There is no emotion, there is peace.
It was just a part of the code the Jedi of old used to free themselves of the need for things as messy and taxing as compassion and empathy. But Luke Skywalker, Master of this New Jedi Order seemed to embody those very things…
I followed somberly behind him as he quickly opened the gate and strode toward the front door.
"Marcus?" he called, some hint of desperation in his voice as if he were calling defiantly to ghosts.
No answer came, just the peaceful trill of birds in the trees, wholly unconcerned with our private drama. He shoved open the door only to find no signs of life. No sense of a violent struggle still lingered in the force. And yet his emotions still flickered briefly to visions of how he'd found his own aunt and uncle so many years ago…
But no bodies lay here in the aftermath, just the quiet sense that a faint flame had finally extinguished. I reached out to touch his shoulder but stopped as we heard the sound of footsteps behind us. No warning of danger flashed through our senses, just the presence of a simple man curious as to his former neighbor's guests.
The middle-aged man stood in the doorway of Marcus' home, staring at us for a few long moments. Finally, he offered a weak smile. "He said Skywalkers would come, but for the life of me I just assumed it was the illness taking…"
Luke stepped forward, his emotions falling still, the full weight of confirmation of his fears both a relief and devastation.
"He's dead…?" Luke asked softly, a reverent sorrow in his tone.
The man nodded slowly. "Yes, he slipped away just a few days ago… I live over the next hill, I was with him during those last moments."
There was no deception from the man, just genuine grief that nearly matched our own. "He said we'd come?" I asked softly.
"Yes, the famous Master Luke Skywalker, I…assumed he was talking out of his head, but…" He looked up at us with curious eyes. "But here you are…"
Luke's eyes closed as he fought to contain the emotion welling up inside of him. The many thoughts of what more he could have done to help and the realization that none of it mattered now.
"Marcus…" he whispered as his eyes opened again. "Was a very wise Jedi, he knew the force was leading us here. Here to him…"
The realization felt so right that I had to agree. The force had led us here, sent us after his stone. But why…?
"I'm just a farmer, so I can't say I know anything about that…" the man replied humbly. "But he asked me to look after a few of his final wishes, and I intend to do just that.
Walking past us he disappeared down one of the hallways. After a bit, he returned with a small crate in his arms. Offering it to Luke he explained. "He asked that I give this to you, Master Skywalker. I don't know what's in there, but it's yours now…"
He slowly stepped back toward the door. "I'll be over the hill if you need anything. So please, stay as long as you like…":
"Thank you," I said before watching the man drift from the doorway.
That just left Luke and me and whatever the force wanted us to have. I couldn't imagine what was so important in that box that the force itself would lead us to it, but for Marcus' sake, I was willing to find out.
Luke paced slowly into the conversation area of the small cottage. Lowering himself into one of the dusty sofa cushions he stared at the crate in his lap. Sitting next to him, I waited until he was ready to open it. After a few long minutes of silence, he lifted the lid on the simple wooden box. The scent of the forest trees met us in a faint plume. The scent of age and time if such a thing could have a smell at all.
The box contained little more than a cylinder wrapped tightly in a sort of animal skin, and what I assumed was a sort of holo emitter. Reaching for the emitter, Luke softly ran his thumb along its side.
A small image appeared of Marcus; the blue light flickering as it mingled with dust.
"I'm sorry I couldn't welcome you and your lovely wife to another meal in my home, Master Skywalker…" the holo whispered, voice weak. "My illness and age is sadly a foe I no longer have the strength to fend off."
He smiled. "But I'm not here to concern you with death and grief… No, but life and hope. Not the end but the beginning… A new beginning, a new hope."
He paused, his breath rough and shallow. "I know you will succeed in finding my grandfather's journal, the force has shown me that. And when activated by a force user it will tell you my family's story. Our…legacy. By now you must already know, Luke… That legacy is at an end with my death. And yet…the purpose my family stood for must not be lost. The same mistake of the old order must not be repeated…"
He gazed downward, a smile coming to his face. "And yet, I am already sure the lessons my grandfather lived by will not be lost… Inside this container you will find his lightsaber, broken though it is, I believe it still stands for something very important. It is the last remaining torch of our ideals… A belief that love doesn't have to lead one to the dark side…"
The holo showed him leaning back on his bed, weariness growing in his heavy eyes. "I thought that truth would die with me, but now…" He smiled. "Luke, Mara, I have so much hope…"
The holo flicked off, his final message fading into the rays of morning light.
We both just sat there, the weight of understanding somehow lightening our gloom. After a few silent minutes, he unrolled the leather wrap to reveal the lightsaber in question. It was old, a foreign design for a much different era. And yet it was… beautiful, that couldn't be denied.
Luke's hands wound around it, his grip white with emotion before loosening in acceptance.
"What an honor…" I mumbled, for a lack of what else to say.
He nodded simply, the first tinge of contentment returning to his bearing. Turning to face me, his wide blue eyes peered wordlessly into mine. Our faces just inches apart, I could feel his thoughts and feelings as if tangible against my skin. The journey he was making from grief to hope was evident in our bond. That same hope Marcus had been so assured of…
The hope of a future of peace and true balance. A future we would be honored to have a hand in...
A smile curved to his lips, hopeful innocence filling his beautiful heart.
"One day," he said gently. "This lightsaber will be Ben's…" His eyes crinkled with a soft joy. "And Marcus' legacy will live on…"
Time had a funny way of twisting and changing. Before you knew it an entire lifetime could be passed. Somewhere along the way you had to have regrets about all the roads left untraveled. I tried to imagine myself as I would have been without Luke and I's chance meeting. Not that anything was chance, but…
Dead or at the very least dead inside.
Finding purpose, a reason to bother day after day. Those were the things so desperately hard to find out there on the fringe. Trust, when all you'd ever known was betrayal and indifference. I didn't believe anything better was waiting out there…
But time does so much while doing so little. Just a silent witness while we play our cards. And so it goes, we reveal all the secrets we'd kept so guarded all our lives. The desire to belong we'd buried beneath the scar tissue of a thousand old wounds.
At some point, it all comes rushing out to meet us. The truth so obvious we wonder how we'd managed to keep it hidden for so long.
The fading weeks fled into months soon enough, and I was forced to come face to face with what I had always wanted.
A place to be.
That place was spelled out the first moment I looked into Ben's eyes. The blue eyes that reminded me of a certain farmboy before him…
And yet, I couldn't deny the bits of me, me of all people, I thought in disbelief, that I saw in him too. Firstly, his hair, secondly, his impatience. He'd insisted on arriving a full three weeks ahead of schedule. I didn't blame him for wanting to get on with things, I certainly did too, but his dad wasn't as overjoyed as we were with the idea…
"Of course, I tried to reassure him we were all here for you, but I doubt he'll forgive himself for being away," Leia mused thoughtfully.
The two of us were sitting in Luke and I's dimly lit conversation area, voices hushed so as not to wake the tiny screaming terror Luke and I had created. It had been a whole 24 hours later, and I'd slept maybe 3 of those wonderful hours.
I shrugged. "The kid makes his own rules, Luke is just going to have to get used to that."
A smirk played on Leia's lips. "I hope he doesn't burn out the hyperdrive trying to get back."
"I keep looking out the window expecting to see the trail of smoke."
She toyed with the cup of caf in her hands. "By the way, did you get the news?"
"Well," I said with a grin. "I've been a little busy lately."
She nodded. "Right of course, but you can't imagine the goodwill I've gained thanks to you and Luke."
"How so?"
"The data you both compiled on the Echo Drivers wasn't wasted. You know how long it takes Republic security to do anything, but they finally managed to stir them out. I have at least a dozen different worlds thanking me for the return of their missing cultural artifacts."
It was good news, but a part of me thought of Durban, I hoped he'd found a way out. Oddly enough, something told me he had…
"Well, enjoy the free praise points, with a job like yours you could certainly use them."
"That I absolutely can." She smiled. "It should keep the politicians happy for at least a week."
I chuckled quietly. "Then you might want to take advantage of it and take a flight out of here while you can. Enjoy the peace and quiet for however brief it lasts."
"It's tempting, but I couldn't leave now, not with you and Ben here alone. Not at least until Luke gets back."
"Which should be…" I narrowed my eyes, amazed at how quickly his presence was coming into sharper focus. "Any second now."
Leia smiled, sensing it too. "How did he manage to get back to Coruscant that quickly?"
"I don't even want to know…" I leaned back, too tired to even try and figure it out. "Based on the location he gave when he called last night, I'd say he's bound to have broken a galactic travel law or two."
Leia finished her caf and set the cup aside. "I imagine he'll be here within the hour. If there's anything either of you need, you know where to find us."
I smirked at her. "I don't want to know where to find you, get out while you can. By next week you'll be up to your ears in more whining bureaucrats."
She paused, seriously considering my advice. "I guess the universe wouldn't fall apart if we disappeared for a few days…"
It was funny because that's exactly what Luke had thought. A routine Jedi PR assignment, just gone for a couple of days, be back weeks before the due date. I imagined he was still kicking himself for this one. I assumed there were plenty of women out there that would have been pretty upset over the whole thing, but I knew he hadn't planned it. Besides, no amount of handholding or worried looks would have made the ordeal any less than it was, an ordeal. But I wasn't a stranger to pain of all sorts, and the force was a greater ally now than it ever had been before.
But that wasn't to say that I didn't want him there, just that I understood. And maybe, a small part of me liked that he hadn't got to see me at my worse. Now my pride had the emotional high ground. I could sit all very calmly, telling him it was no big deal, that I had everything under control, no matter how haggard I must have looked. Or how much of a lie it felt like telling…
It was sorta stupid, even I knew that. I had to laugh even, but old habits die hard.
About thirty minutes after Leia took her leave the front door opened. In walked, no sprinted, a very unzen Jedi Master. I on the other hand was the picture of calm and cool, just like I'd rehearsed. I ignored the dark circles under my eyes and the way my hair hadn't been probably brushed for 24 hours.
Propping my feet up on the table, I folded my hands behind my head, with all the ease of meeting an old friend at a bar.
"Hi," I said simply, a faint smirk on my lips.
He stopped short, a frown cutting deeply into his face. "Hi…" he mumbled back, his senses trying to figure out what to make of me.
"I'm fine," I answered before he could ask.
But asking never had been necessary between us.
A softer frown now drifted to his face as all the missing pieces flooded into his mind. It made my act a little pointless…
"You don't have to act so strong, no one will think less of you for having vulnerabilities. I certainly won't."
I deflated with a playful sigh. "You know, sometimes this whole Jedi thing gets old…"
He smiled tenderly as he knelt beside the sofa, his warmth replacing the worry that had been filling him before. "How are you…? You look wonderful," he said in complete sincerity.
"Liar," I shot back. "I look about how I feel, which is awful on both counts. They say all babies do is sleep, but that couldn't be further from the truth, that's the one thing they don't do."
I hadn't meant to direct my rant at him, but he looked suddenly guilty. "I'm so sorry, I…" he whispered.
I reached out to touch his face softly, a smile filling my own. "You should be sorry, none of this would have happened if you'd just let me kill you…"
He returned my smile. "There are worse ways to go, I suppose."
I rolled my eyes. "Anyway, it's not all your fault, Ben takes after me when it comes to Jedi patience, or should I say, the lack thereof."
He'd already asked at least a thousand questions over the comm about my and Ben's condition, but I thought he wanted to make it a thousand and one. "Three weeks early…is everything really okay?"
"He's fine, all the doctors said so, maybe a little skinnier than they expected." I playfully poked at his bicep. "But I told them he just takes after you."
He took my teasing in stride and left a small kiss on my forehead. Then standing he gazed down at me. "Can I see him?"
I raised both eyebrows. "You really have to ask?"
He blushed slightly, realizing how silly the question had seemed. "I just mean, you're his mother, I thought you might have him on some sort of schedule or something…"
I laughed. "Yes, he told me to only accept visitations between certain hours, everyone else gets sent away, his father included." It was funny, Luke's only experience had been being an uncle and that was very obvious now.
Luke sighed gently. "I'm sorry, I'm just a little nervous about meeting him… It's already been an entire day without him seeing who his father is, I'm worried he might feel abandoned."
Again, it sounded silly, even ridiculous, but I got it… To Luke, his only goal was being the perfect father, one that could for once and for all change the Skywalker legacy. Now, he'd missed the start of the show and was racing to catch up.
Standing, I reached to take his hand. "No, I think you'd have to stay away a little bit longer than a day for that to happen. Though," I smirked playfully. "It might have crossed my mind how you flyboy types are."
"Mara…" he muttered in protest. "I'm not a flyboy…"
I slapped his back lovingly. "I know, you're a farmboy, but that's good, it means you're sure to stick around. Now, your progeny awaits, follow me."
I led him into the side room, which was now thoroughly decorated and arranged. Luke had done most of it himself, from the paint on the walls to the tiny bantha plush sitting on his nightstand. It had been a project he'd been handcrafting with love for months now. All his effort paid off when he saw how right Ben looked in the midst of it. I knew he could feel anything but abandoned.
Stepping over to the crib slowly, Luke peered down at the small face staring right back at him. Their blue eyes looked one and the same… A sense of Ben's emotions rippled out, a feeling of familiarity and trust already associated with Luke's presence.
"You're hardly a stranger, he was sensing both of us before he was even born…" I said softly.
Luke reached down, his gloved right hand softly meeting Ben's face. "Hello…" he whispered, examining his bright blue eyes and small locks of red hair. "He looks just like us…" he breathed in wonder.
I came up behind him, leaning into his shoulder. "Were you expecting a Wookiee?"
An amused smile curved to his lips but he said nothing as he carefully lifted Ben into his arms. I thought they both looked very content to stay that way.
"The force will be with you always…" he whispered.
The strong sense of Ben's spirit already proved that to be true. So, after a bit, I retreated to let them enjoy their first official meeting. Disappearing into our bedroom, I gave myself the space to think, to feel. To unravel and restitch the many tangled feelings still coiled up inside of me. The doubts and fears that nearly 9 months had not completely dispelled. And mostly I…
Was still trying to find my place it all. Looking at Ben, made me know that place was here with them, and yet…
"You don't feel entirely worthy…" Luke's soft voice echoed from behind me.
I turned to face him, now standing in our room alone.
"Neither do I," he confessed with a smile. "But I'm so grateful all the same…"
For all of his own doubts, I couldn't find the words to tell him just what a perfect father I did believe he was going to be. But we never did need words…
He stepped closer and pulled me into his arms. If just for the moment, I let myself drop the act. "I was a little scared actually…" I breathed into his shoulder. "That he was early, that something might be wrong with him, that I'd done something wrong…"
He simply held me tighter as his warmth mingled with particles of his own guilt and understanding. "I should have been here with you…"
I pulled back just enough to look into his eyes. "You're always with me," I confessed. "Distance doesn't make any difference."
Or time, I wanted to say…
Because I thought of all the years I'd secretly hated the life I was living. The cruelty and the loneliness of it… It was such a sentimental thought, but I believed that somehow, through the force love could even cross time. That the destiny I'd been meant to find was all that kept me enduring the agony that had been, for so long, the present.
I love you, were words I'd neither heard nor understood until he taught them to me. And now, I had the chance to teach them to someone else…
Our gaze drifted to the place where the lightsaber Marcus had entrusted to us sat. Long since repaired, it patiently awaited the hands that would one day hold it. That Ben would keep as a symbol of a New Jedi Order that stood not for indifference, but for love, goodness, and compassion.
For hope.
The very things for which his father would forever be known…
END
Thank you all for the reads and reviews! I intended this to be a short, self-contained story, but I do have ideas I'm working on to expand on what happens afterward. So I'll probably post another story at some point in the near future when I get it written out. Anyway, thanks for the support, hope you enjoyed it.