Arthur waved a hand in his direction and called out, "Right Merlin, they're ready. Call your dragon."
Merlin folded his arms across his chest. This was a little awkward.
He hadn't summoned Kilgharrah before in front of an audience. Or at least he hadn't summoned him knowingly in front of an audience. It would probably look a little dramatic to them ... and then a total anti-climax when the dragon failed to appear instantly. He'd much rather do this privately, but he couldn't think of a polite reason to suggest that everyone clear off. And a further glance towards the camp revealed about a dozen druids lining the top of the embankment.
Merlin grumbled to himself, wishing he could use mind speech to call Kilgharrah, and headed towards the centre of the clearing, wondering again how the dragon had managed to fit himself between the trees, there wasn't much space at all when his wings were outstretched.
The call was short and to the point, but still louder and far more powerful sounding than he would have liked, he knew some of the druids would understand from the call, the depth of magic it took to be able to call upon a dragon. "O drakon, I ácíege on unc nú, æledléoma bryne, harké tó mé! Mín fæderencyn!"
Right, that was done. He wanted to find Morgana, but Gwaine and Lancelot were heading back down the bank with all their gear. Iseldir was with them, he was carrying two bags that Merlin assumed were provisions for their journey.
Merlin waited for them, then the four of them headed over to Arthur and the others.
Gwaine passed him his pack. "Merlin, mate. What's happening with the dragon this time? You called him?" Gwaine wasn't missing the particular interest from four of the knights.
"Yeah." Merlin waited for Arthur to elaborate, but the prince had taken his pack from Lancelot, and moved off to the side to exchange a few words with Iseldir and Nathaniel. Merlin shrugged. "Um, Arthur and I are taking a ride back on Kilgharrah. It's quicker." He tried to make it sound like it was nothing out of the ordinary but he didn't miss the shocked disbelief on most faces. Apparently Arthur hadn't seen fit to enlighten them on that arrangement yet.
"You're riding the dragon back?" Gwaine stared in astonishment, then laughed, he hadn't seen Merlin ride the dragon.
"Yes!" Merlin looked over to Arthur for help, as someone else asked him the same question.
The prince wasn't paying attention, so he reverted to mind speech and Arthur swung around like he'd been tapped on the shoulder, answering without thinking, "What do you mean Merlin, come and rescue you?"
Oh. The prince realised his mistake at the look of confusion on several of the faces and the exasperated chagrin on Merlin's. Despite his anxiety about his father, it bought a reluctant grin to his face.
Merlin hissed in an undertone, but everyone heard anyway, "That was mind speech, Arthur, and you're not meant to respond out loud, can't you tell the difference yet?"
Arthur felt an odd surge of affection for his friend, and covered it by teasing, "So you're a damsel in distress, huh Merlin? But what is it I'm meant to be rescuing you from?" He reached over messed up Merlin's hair, and Merlin ducked and tried unsuccessfully to bat his hand away.
Gwaine laughed again, and even Lancelot and Elyan couldn't hide the grins on their faces. Borin, Ronan, Henry and William were very interested in this exchange.
Merlin willed the red tinge on his face to disappear. "Forget it. Look, someone needs to get the horses out of sight before Kilgharrah gets here."
"Will the dragon eat them?" It was Ronan that had spoken up.
"No. But they'll be terrified of him. It's best that they don't see him, they'll be spooked for days." Merlin hoped that was the end of the questions. "Um, I've got to go, I have to do something. I'll be back soon."
Ronan spoke again. "Don't you think you should stay? What if that dragon turns up and you're not here? If you're a dragonlord, then you're the only one that can control him. What'll he do to us if you're not around?"
Merlin shrugged and said loud enough for Arthur to hear. "Arthur's pretty good with him. Apparently they've had lots of interesting conversations together lately. He'll mind him for me. And he won't harm anyone." Merlin was still carrying his pack, he dropped it on the ground beside Arthur. He switched to mind speech again. "Arthur? I have to see her. I won't be long, okay?"
The prince nodded, and Merlin turned and headed in a completely opposite direction to the camp, mainly because there was a large scrubby tree nearby which he could conveniently disappear behind, while he slipped into his own time. There were just too many people, too much interest, and too many questions, and he needed to find Morgana now before Kilgharrah arrived.
Merlin had assumed Morgana would still be asleep, she'd never been an early riser when she'd lived in Camelot and he hoped that hadn't changed as he didn't want to have to search the camp to find her. He was at her tent before it occurred to him that maybe she mightn't be there, but when he cautiously pushed aside the flap and peered inside he saw she was up and dressed, sitting on her neatly made bed, brushing her long dark hair.
Her back was to him but something must have alerted her to his presence, because she turned around, and the quick flash of startled happiness on her face when she saw him made his breath catch. He stilled, and something in the vicinity of his heart thumped heavily, and his blood felt felt thick and sluggish. Time stood still as he watched her, and she watched him back. What he felt for her was both new and raw and compulsive, yet completely familiar.
He cleared his throat restlessly, needing her. "Morgana."
She looked at him questioningly and he crossed the tent, taking the hairbrush from her hands and dropping it onto the bed. He hadn't planned to kiss her, he'd come here to tell her about her father and make his farewell, but now kissing her and touching her seemed the most natural thing in the world. The yearning he'd felt for her was stronger than before and completely overpowering; destiny had a lot to answer for.
He found himself sliding his arms around her waist, then his hands slipped down further, caressing the smooth curves of her tight black pants. He pulled her up against him, reaching for her mouth, and she wrapped herself around him and kissed him back passionately. He held her against him with one hand while the other slid into her hair and he undid the braid she'd half completed. His fingers twined through her hair, rearranging things to his satisfaction so her hair was loose again.
He murmured huskily, "Your hair's beautiful Morgana. It's smooth and it's soft and it smells good and I love it."
Her lips curved against his mouth, she was smiling, he knew he sounded like an idiot but he didn't care. He took advantage of her distraction to kiss her again, and then he let her mouth go and pressed a kiss on top of her head, enjoying the odd feeling of completion and peace that came from holding her in his arms.
He sighed and stroked her back, moulding her against him, and remembered why he'd come to see her. He felt a twinge of guilt that he'd not said anything straight away, he really should stop kissing her all the time, sometimes they had to talk. He said quietly, "Morgana, I came to say goodbye, we have to go."
She smoothed her fingers over the back of his neck. "Did something happen? Why so suddenly?"
He held onto her. "I'm sorry," he said, trying to prepare her. "Some of the Knights of Camelot arrived not long ago. They've bought word that Uther is gravely ill, Morgana. He's not expected to live much longer."
"I see." She lowered her head, he couldn't see her face.
He said gently, "I'm sorry. Your father is dying, yet you must stay here. You can't see him."
She shook her head. "It doesn't matter, I don't want to see him, Merlin."
"Morgana ..."
She shook her head again and laid her head against his chest, wrapping her arms around his waist until they crossed over his back. "Don't be sorry, Merlin. I'm not, you must know that. I feel nothing for him now."
His chest rose and fell against her head as he sighed, she knew he was disappointed by her response. She asked, "What would you have me do, Merlin? Pretend I feel something that I do not?"
"Of course not, but I don't believe you feel nothing, Morgana," he said earnestly. "To say you feel nothing isn't true, you know that. You're a passionately emotional person, you feel something."
"I don't know what I feel! But you know what, I'm glad he's dying!" She pushed at his chest, her eyes flashing a warning, but he wouldn't let her go.
She struggled half-heartedly and he murmured, "It's alright. Don't pull away from me, Morgana. I'm not going to reject you because we differ in opinion. I think that's going to happen a lot between us. I just want to understand you."
She stilled, then the tension seeped out of her and she buried her head against his chest, wrapping her arms around his waist. "Sometimes, I think you already do, Merlin."
He played with her hair in long gentle strokes. "And?"
"I am glad, it's what I wanted."
"But is that all?"
"I'm still angry with him, Merlin!"
"And you're hurting still, too, aren't you?" he asked astutely. "You've let hate and fear be your guide in your dealings with him because you were sure he'd reject you if he ever found out about your magic. But that wasn't what you wanted, not at first, was it?"
She whispered, "I don't want to be hurt. I don't know, Merlin! I don't want to feel anything else, I just want him gone."
He kissed one of her eyelids, then the other. "You need to face up to your feelings about him, Morgana, not just the ones you want to feel but the ones you've suppressed for years. Your feelings for him are behind every action you've taken over the past few years. You can't let these emotions fester inside you, you have to understand what drives you and decide if that's really how you want to live your life. You must learn compassion and forgiveness, Morgana, as a way of moving forwards. You can never be whole when you're not happy in yourself."
"You've always been a more compassionate person than I have, Merlin."
"No. Don't think I'm perfect, Morgana, I've made mistakes that have cost innocent lives. And I've killed many, to protect and save what I must. I let my own fear rule me, when I should have helped you when you were first discovering your magic. I poisoned you. But human life is always important, murder must be a last resort."
She stretched up and buried her face into the crook of his neck, and he felt her lips brush over his skin.
"Morgana?"
"Mmm?" She pressed a kiss against the sharp bone of his shoulder.
He murmured, "Are you listening or exploring?"
She stopped and looked at him. "Both Merlin, I can multi-task."
"What if I can't?" He pulled her against him again, and shut his eyes for a moment. "And I'm sorry because I can't stay with you now. I want to, but I can't. I'm worried that you'll grieve for him and for you, for things that might have been and once were, and I can't be with you for that. I don't want to leave you alone, yet I must."
She frowned and lifted her head, "No, I'm okay." She didn't want to discuss it further, she couldn't, she needed time to herself to digest this news. She pulled his head down, he found her mouth willingly and they kissed again.
She lost herself for a moment, then sighed and touched his cheek. "But I did want to tell you something."
"Yeah?" His eyes were half-lidded, sleepy.
"The dream I had, when I sought you out at the campfire."
Oh yes. "And you slept in my arms?" He kissed her eyelids again and the tip of her nose, giving in to their shared desire for physical closeness between them, sometimes actions were more reassuring than words.
She nodded and pressed her lips back against his neck. He shivered so she did it again. "Merlin, that vision I had. I saw Arthur and Gwen, and you, and me. We were all watching two children playing together." She hesitated, then said, "The children, one child was theirs, and the other ... the other child was ours, Merlin."
She expected surprise or shock, but instead he hummed noncommittally so she kissed his neck again, he shuddered and his arms tightened around her. "You were smiling at me, Merlin, and I was happy." She pulled back and shaped his face with her hands. "I don't know how to be happy, I haven't felt truly happy since I was a child. But I was happy, then, in that vision."
He reached for her again, nudging her mouth apart with the tip of his tongue, tasting her. "I want you to be happy." He sighed and nibbled on her bottom lip, and decided he may as well admit to it. "And I know, already."
"What?"
"I know, Kilgharrah already told me."
"What? The dragon? He told you what?"
"He told me about us, about the family we'll have." He smiled at her surprise and kissed her again. "Our destinies are entwined. We'll work it out Morgana, we'll get there eventually."
He watched her face as he rucked up her shirt and placed his palm against her flat stomach. The significance of the gesture was more intimate than a kiss. Colour burned her face and he saw and smiled. He stroked her belly with the pad of his thumb. "This attraction between us is something I never expected. But it's real, Morgana. And if you trust me I won't let you down, never again."
She touched his face. "You told me it was just magic, and it'd go."
He kept making tiny circles with his thumb on her belly, he was beginning to recognise the veiled desire on her face and it excited him beyond measure. He relaxed his hold on his magic, letting it caress her. "It's stronger than magic, now. You know it. It's fate and there's no point trying to fight what's between us, it's real and it's honest. I know you feel it too. I know it, and I trust it, it's our destiny to be together."
She reached for him again but he hadn't finished. "I can't pretend it's going to be an easy road for us but we'll get there, together. I don't want to say I ... that I love you, not yet because it's all too new between us, but God, Morgana, I am falling in love with you, I need you, and I don't know how I could live without you now, and part of me feels it's been that way forever."
She breathed against his mouth and he kissed her deeply and fiercely and then pulled back before the fog of desire could overpower him, tangling his hands in her hair. "I don't have long. I've called Kilgharrah, Arthur and I are flying back on him."
Her eyes widened. "You fly on the dragon?"
He smiled at the wonder on her face. "Yeah, it's a lot of fun. Cold though." He placed a hand over her hip, hooking a thumb over the edge of her pants. "Look, Kilgharrah is a bit prickly around you at present, but that'll change eventually, maybe I'll take you for a ride on him one day, if he agrees." He kissed her mouth. "After all, you're going to be the mother of a dragonlord one day."
Her cheeks glowed and he laughed. "What, can't you imagine it?"
She dipped her head and looked at him challengingly. "No, Merlin, that's not it. I can imagine it all too well."
He gulped and she gave him a predatory smile, which he liked all too much. "Ah ..."
She traced a finger across his lips. "Merlin, how long do we have?"
"What?"
"Before you have to go back to Arthur?"
He swallowed. "Uh, from now? Maybe ten minutes, not more than that."
"Well?" She gave him a wicked smile.
"Ah. No, no. We shouldn't! We need to spend more time talking."
She picked up his hand and stepped backwards towards the bed, an eyebrow raised. "But not right now."
He breathed deeply, "Uh, Morgana ..."
"Merlin, your virtue will be safe enough. We've only got ten minutes. You can keep your clothes on ... if you want to. Except that jacket, it comes off."
His mouth twitched. "You don't like my jacket? You took it off the first time we kissed."
She tugged at the material. "No, you took it off. Right before you flipped out."
"I didn't flip out!"
She scoffed, "Oh, really?"
"Well, maybe a little. Or a lot. But you know what?" and before she knew it she was flat on her back on the bed with him looming over her. He whispered, "You're right, talking's completely overrated," and then his mouth slammed down on hers and the laughter died in her throat as she was too busy kissing him back.
He was urgent and frantic, she realised he'd been hovering on the edge as they talked and now all the restraints were off, he rucked up her shirt again and slid his hands over her bare stomach, moving higher as they kissed until he found what he was looking for. She gasped into his mouth as his hand shaped the soft mound of flesh, and he broke off their kiss to nuzzle his mouth into the crook of her neck, releasing a burst of magic with every flick of his tongue against her collar bones.
Her heart was pounding way too fast, he used the tip of his tongue to taste the rapid pulse beating against her neck, and then he kissed his way down to the opening at the top of her shirt, untying the ribbon with one hand as he pushed the thin fabric aside.
He looked up then, his eyes dark and swirling with gold, and he asked hoarsely, "Morgana?"
He didn't need to ask, she moaned and her hands clutched his head, twisting through his hair, and she arched up against him as he pressed a trail of moist kisses around the top of the soft valley between her breasts. Then he turned his head to the side and she trembled in his arms as his mouth found what his hand had been shaping.
Her soft sounds inflamed him, and his hands and his mouth and his magic weaved them further into this sensual cocoon where nothing else existed except the two of them. Her magic reached out to him and he caressed it as they kissed and touched and discovered.
He wanted her mouth again and he found it, she met his blind passion, rocking her hips against him, and then he shot off the bed and staggered back several yards, stumbling against the table and knocking over a goblet. He righted it with a shaking hand and said hoarsely, "Uh, that's ten minutes. Got to go."
It took a moment but then she sat up and smoothed down her shirt, aching but satisfied by his agitation. She said guilelessly, "Are you sure?"
He swallowed and tried not to look at what was revealed by her unlaced top and she picked up the end of the ribbon and played with it, giving him an innocent look. "Something wrong, Merlin?"
He cleared his throat. "Uh, no. Not at all." His hair was standing up in all directions and his shirt had been pulled half out of his belt. His chest was rising and falling with every breath he took and his hands were clenched.
She relented and tightened the laces on her top, then picked up his jacket which had been discarded beside the bed. She held it out to him, balancing it on the tip of a finger. "Do you want it?"
His eyes flared at her innuendo, and he didn't move, and she smothered a smile and stood up, he took a step backwards and bumped against the table again. The goblet fell over again, he picked it up and she noticed his hands were still trembling.
"Here." She held out the jacket and helped him on with it, he let her fiddle with the collar but when she tried to unbuckle his belt to re-arrange his shirt, his hand closed over her wrists.
"Uh, I'll do that." He let her go and she didn't bother to hide her smile from him this time. His mouth twitched in answering amusement. "Do you have to look quite so pleased with yourself?"
"You're the one that wants me to be open with you, as to how I feel!"
He laughed and suddenly relaxed. "True." He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her against him. "No more kissing, Morgana, just let me hold you." He sighed. "And I have to go. Arthur needs me."
"I understand."
"I hope you do. Because I need him too, Morgana. And while he needs me he'll come first. It's my destiny to support and protect him, to be his friend, and I couldn't resist that compulsion even if I wanted to. And we are going into a time of great change, he'll need me more than ever before. I can't always be here for you every moment, right now. We both have other things we need to do, you're about to start on the path to learning about healing magic. All this doesn't mean we can't be together, it just means we can't be together all the time, right now."
He willed her to understand, and was relieved to see that she didn't appear upset. "Spend time with Thea. Listen to her. Learn. Talk to her about Uther, about your fears, perhaps you'll find they're not what you'd imagined them to be. I couldn't be the person I am today without Gaius, maybe Thea will be to you what he is to me."
He kissed her forehead chastely. "And Kilgharrah told you to trust me, Morgana. He's a pain in the neck sometimes, but he does usually have something wise to say amongst all his cryptic remarks. So remember what he said to you. And I promise you I'll come back soon, alright?"
He shaped her face with his hands and she nodded. "I don't know how often I'll be able to get away, but I'll never leave you for more than two weeks, I promise you, Morgana. I don't know how long I'll be able to stay each time, but I'll be here, okay?"
She pulled his head down again and he capitulated to the probing intimacy of their kiss, but when her hands slid up under his shirt to caress the bare skin of his back he groaned and pulled back. "We can't, I've got to go." He tugged her hands out and held them between his, taking a step backwards. "Morgana, you've dreamt our future. You know what'll happen. Help me make it a good one. Love, trust, friendship, happiness – that's what makes the world go round, not fear, hate and revenge. Embrace what's good. You can shape the future you want with me, and for our child."
He smiled at her and said meaningfully, "And you have two years and nine months to work it out."
"What?"
He kissed her quick and deep and longingly, with all the emotion he felt for her that he wasn't ready to say. Then he stepped back and said innocently, "Didn't you dream that part? That's our timeframe, Morgana. Now I have to go. Really."
He left before he could be tempted to touch her again.
Translation: "O drakon, I ácíege on unc nú, æledléoma bryne, harké tó mé! Mín fæderencyn!" OH DRAGON, I CALL ON YOU NOW, FIRE BURNING, HARKEN TO ME! MY KIN!
A/N: How was that? I really hope anyone who read that chapter is the appropriate age, if you're not then shame on you, but at least you're only reading, huh? Anyway I think the rest of the fic will be safe enough if you've just skimmed through what's above. :)
Big thanks to reviewers who aren't logged in so I'll respond to you here:
* From someone who didn't leave a name – thank you, thank you, thank you. And I agree, most fics read better when you can read the entire posting at once. When I started on this site I wouldn't read anything that wasn't listed as "complete". But then I ran out ...
* m0502321: You flatter me, I only wish! Obviously after this posting this chapter, Merlin would screen in a later timeslot if I had any input into the scripts grins evilly
* Leonarema: I've missed you, and you need an account so you can log in! I was going to ask, where are you camping, but that sounds vaguely stalkerish and considering I don't even know what country you're in (come on, you can tell me) is a completely stupid question since I am really not likely to have even heard of the campsite, unless of course you're from the east coast of Australia. Our family camps too. But anyway, got totally off track there ... thank you soooo much for the reviews, you are too too too too nice in your reviews (but I confess such flattery does want to make me write more, more often). :)