Twists And Turns

Chapter 5

I woke up the next morning, my wife nestled against me, and I breathed a sigh that no one would hear. I couldn't keep doing this. I would either have to find some way to eradicate my desire for Vegeta – which I seriously doubted I could do – or... I'd have to never make love with my wife again. Did it even count as making love if there were absolutely no thoughts of love in my head when we did it?

I seriously doubted ChiChi would appreciate that. What would she do? Demand an explanation? ...File a divorce? Just because my body couldn't stand to be near hers intimately anymore without thinking of someone else?

She stirred against my neck, blinking away sleep and brushing her hair out of her eyes with one hand.

"Morning honey," she murmured, dropping a light kiss on my shoulder. Somewhere in the depths of my mind something scowled, but I quieted the thought.

"That was really -" she began, as she started to get up, she broke off with a wince and I blinked, confused.

My eyes traced over her skin slowly. Along her ribcage and hips there were faint bruises... shaped like fingers... As if someone had... as if I had...

Gods, what did I do to her?

Thinking only of my fellow Saiyan who could take what I could give, I'd lost the tight rein of control I usually kept whenever I touched my human wife. She was lucky she got off so easily for it, I could have... I could have... I couldn't finish the thought.

"Sorry," I said shakily, sitting up hesitantly. I really felt there was nothing I could say. Nothing that would make her understand how much I regretted what I'd done. Not just last night, but three weeks ago when I agreed to share my bed with Vegeta.

"It's okay," she lied, and I knew it was a lie.

Just because I was no longer attracted to her didn't mean I didn't care for her. And I fought back a new surge of guilt as I watched her get stiffly to her feet and walk away.

X

Vegeta returned later that day. I was tempted to just tell him to leave, not wanting to listen to him, and not wanting to stay in his presence after what had happened last night.

He asked if I wanted to spar and I sighed, at least he seemed to be back to normal... sort of...

...Alright, there was something off about him, but I couldn't put my finger on it just yet.

My power leapt to Super Saiyan and I followed him into the air, streaking away from my home until we reached a barren stretch of land that had served as a battlefield more than once.

I dropped into a battle stance in midair, the prince mirroring my pose. At a silent signal, I lunged at him, lashing out with one leg in a slashing kick, which he evaded. He made no move to retaliate, so I threw attack after attack at him, all of which he dodged. Why isn't he fighting back? He's not even blocking!

I swung a right cross at his face, which he side-stepped almost distractedly; a roundhouse kick that would have taken his head off his shoulders if he hadn't avoided it, still not meeting my eye.

I stopped, frustrated and perplexed. In all my spars and battles with the prince, I'd never had every single one of my attacks... so utterly ignored.

Vegeta paused as well and glanced up at me with uncertain teal eyes.

"You're not fighting back," I said flatly. Wasn't it he who had asked for a spar? Why bother if he didn't want to fight? … and His Royal Highness always wanted to fight, "Why? Are you still mad about before?"

I remembered when I'd sent him away last time we sparred. Maybe he was angry with me for that, I wouldn't be surprised... I had been rather rude, but I wasn't really myself at the time.

I'm still not myself, let's be honest... and I might never be again.

Vegeta swallowed, as if he were nervous. Seriously, what is the matter with him lately?

"I-I'm not mad," he said slowly, "It's just... I..." he broke off and looked at the ground a few dozen feet below us.

I blinked, if I didn't know better, I'd say the prince was actually afraid of saying something to me. One thing was certain, something had shaken him up really badly.

"It's not easy to…. to say this… but…." he began, glancing at me and cutting himself off again.

Gods, what exactly has gotten so deep under his skin? I've seen him flustered before, but never like this!

Vegeta seemed about to speak several times, but each time he came up empty, silent.

"Take your time," I said slowly. I could be patient if it meant Vegeta explaining why he was so twisted up about something.

He opened his mouth without sound, meeting my gaze carefully. I took the moment to read the anxiety, indecision, and even fear and guilt there.

"R-remember that time? When you and I… when we…." he stammered.

Obviously he meant the time when he begged to be fucked and I gave him what he wanted. I fought back a growl at the memory.

I nodded shortly, "I remember."

Honestly, how could I forget?

"Well..." Vegeta began, "Th-the thing is..." he faltered visibly, "Every choice we make has a consequence, Kakarot..."

Clearly. I thought. I had been completely aware of that fact when I took Vegeta three weeks ago, but I had had no idea how severe those consequences would be. I had lost the unconditional acceptance of many of my friends, the stability of my relationship with my wife, the certainty I used to possess of who I was...

But what would Vegeta know of consequence? He didn't stop to think about anything, didn't care if someone got hurt in the tradeoff or if anything he decided to do affected anyone at all.

"Where are you... going with this?" I asked carefully. Was this why the prince had sought me out? To make me even more guilty for something that was his fault? Did he think he could shove the blame on me?

...Should he? Maybe it was my fault... maybe Vegeta hadn't been to blame... maybe it was all me.

Sometimes it was just easier to put the fault on someone else, though. That way you didn't have as far to fall.

Vegeta sighed quietly, closing his eyes and seeming to summon his courage to say what he had to say next.

"Kakarot..." he began, the three syllables wavering slightly, "...I'm pregnant."

And just like that, the world dropped out beneath my feet.

No... no it can't be...it's... it's... A single word dropped into my mind, one I had used maybe once in my entire life, ...Impossible.

It took me a long moment to realize I hadn't drawn a single breath since the prince had stopped speaking. Since my world had done a complete one-eighty and turned upside down.

He's lying, I wasn't sure where the thought came from, but I latched onto it. He must be. It wouldn't be the first time, after all.

And with that thought, a laugh that didn't sound like mine came from my throat. It sounded almost pained, but Vegeta's eyes snapped open and stared at me. I refused to look at him... refused to consider the possibility – the impossibility – that he was telling the truth.

"You think this is some kind of joke?" I growled, delving into the weak explanation that the prince must be lying and searching for some semblance of comfort there. "I didn't want to do it with you that time, I didn't want to cheat on ChiChi, and now you just have to rub it in and make me look like an idiot! Again!"

He doesn't need to make me look like an idiot, my mind taunted me, I'm doing just fine with that on my own.

"K-Kakarot, I'm serious," Vegeta choked, looking at me with something I'd never seen in his eyes before; betrayal. "I wouldn't lie about this."

I felt anger, the monster thrumming in the back of my mind, the same blind rage that had caused me to lose myself yesterday... The edges of my vision were turning red, and without a thought, I submerged myself in it.

My hand shot out and grabbed the front of the prince's shirt, I hadn't commanded it to do so, but I didn't fight the primal ire rushing through my veins, smothering my screaming doubts and fears.

Nose to nose with the Saiyan prince, my voice dropped to a growl. I didn't know where the words were coming from, but I did not try to stop them.

"Do you think I'm completely clueless?" I snarled between clenched teeth, "Do you think this is funny? That I'll fall for another one of your tricks? Not this time, Vegeta. I've gotten the worse end of your gimmicks one too many times."

I could see the terror in his wide blue eyes as he tried to pull away from me, but the monster of anger constricting my mind allowed for no other emotion, no empathy, no sympathy.

"You really are pathetic, Vegeta. I can't believe you'd stoop so low, I thought you were better than this."

I released his shirt collar, and his hand touched his throat absently as he fought for breath, as if he couldn't get enough air.

You could have strangled him to death... A tiny voice in my mind whispered beneath the whirl of contempt taking over my consciousness.

"B-but I..." Vegeta began as I glared at him.

"No, Vegeta." I snapped, cutting off whatever he'd been trying to say, "You won't make a fool of me this time. I'm smarter now."

Actually I think I'm more stupid than I've ever been in my life, I thought mutinously, But he doesn't have to know that.

I forced the blind anger to ebb for a moment to listen to the thought. What if he really is...? No. I simply couldn't swallow it. Couldn't accept it. Would not believe it.

And I couldn't stand to look at Vegeta's face, the disbelief and imploring in his gaze... I couldn't stay here anymore.

"Don't follow me," I said bluntly, turning away from the prince and blasting away, refusing to look back.

I barely got twenty yards in before he shot after me, catching up in an instant with his Saiyan speed.

"Kakarot, wait!" he shouted.

I whipped around, the monster drenching me again, my vision burning scarlet as I bore down on him.

Dammit... stop... this is... too much... my mind fought against the barrier of blind rage, unable to bring it down.

"I told you not to follow me," my voice said savagely.

Vegeta visibly hesitated, uncertainty crawling over his face as he nearly shrank back.

"I... I thought we were different now," he said softly, "I thought we weren't rivals anymore... I th-thought you were my friend..."

He destroyed me...

"You thought wrong." I wasn't sure if the words were mine or simply a manifestation of the suffocating rage possessing my mind, "Friends don't lie to each other, Vegeta. Friends don't make fun of each other or manipulate each other. You don't know what friendship is, do you?"

"I..." Vegeta stammered, desperation coloring the single word; the single letter, in fact.

He corrupted me...

"Kakarot, I swear to the gods, I'm telling the truth. I swear on my honor, on the pride of a Saiyan Prince!"

He turned me into an animal...

My head shook from side to side slowly.

"It's amazing how far you'd go for your fucking pride."

Twice now. Twice I'd said that word out loud in my entire life. And twice I'd utterly floored the person I directed it at.

"Please," Vegeta implored, shock tinting his aqua eyes, "Please believe me."

He turned me into a monster...

"I'm preg -" he began.

No more.

"Don't you dare." I interrupted harshly, and this time it wasn't the monster of rage talking, "No more, Vegeta. No more lies."

"This isn't like you, Kakarot," Vegeta pleaded, I don't think I'd ever heard him plead like that before, "Please, listen to me -"

His hand reached out, and the anger stabbed through me so quickly and painfully that I almost winced.

I whacked the oncoming hand away angrily,

"Fuck off," my voice said sharply.

Vegeta stared at me.

He looked like he was about to speak again, and I snarled. Enough of this. I made to chase him away from me, just wanting to see him gone, and he shot me one last terrified glance before streaking away, leaving me to battle the pulsing rage still heavy in my veins on my own.

TBC

((Hard stuff to write, it was difficult to make this seem justified, but I'll try to make it a little clearer. The "monster" as Goku calls it is interchangeable with the words "anger" and "rage", and it's not something he can command. For example, when he said "my voice said" he means it wasn't really him talking, the words were coming from his mouth, but they weren't his. That happened a lot in this chapter, and in the story in general.

I don't think "the monster" will have an actual terminology, but it's something in dominant male Saiyans that just takes over when their emotions can't handle themselves. He doesn't have another alpha to take it out on; or any other outlet besides Vegeta, and thus, the seemingly senseless shouting. It really sounded like Goku had lost his mind in NIAMY, but as you can see here, he wasn't actually thinking at all. And notice, right away, he knew the truth, he just couldn't bring himself to accept it.

Also, one quick thing. Both this chapter and chapter five in NIAMY end with the words "on my own." Just thought I'd point that out, 'cause in the next few chapters, these two really do feel like they're all on their own.

Long author's note... short chapter... but anyway...

Thanks, as always, for reading and reviewing,

-Shinsun))