Twists And Turns

Chapter 7

With all this thought of change and consequence, I'd almost forgotten about Vegeta... Almost. In the back of my mind, I knew I should have dwelt more on what he said to me... and how I'd reacted. No matter how I wondered if I should have listened to him, though, I couldn't bring myself to seek him out or even allow him to occupy my thoughts for too long; afraid if I let myself think about it too much I would be forced to admit the truth to myself. I wasn't stupid – at least not anymore – and I knew how unusual it was for Vegeta to act so... distraught. I knew deep down he wasn't lying. But I couldn't make myself accept that; it was so much easier to turn the blame on him, to make him out to be the one at fault. Even if I couldn't erase the niggling inconvenient truth, I could blind myself to it. I didn't know how long I could keep up that selective ignorance, but I had enough to deal with without adding in that particularly complicated matter as well.

X

I slept fitfully that night. At least I could sleep, but I would have rather stayed up all night than faced the dreams taunting my exhausted mind.

In the dream, the face I saw in the mirror came to life, another version of me, a darker, crueler, more Saiyan entity that shared every aspect of my appearance but nothing else... at least, I hoped not.

He was fighting with me, both of us trying to take possession of a single soul between us; my soul, and the deadly tug-of-war was rending the precious object to pieces, shredding away strips of the only thing keeping me sane.

I struggled to keep hold on the remaining pieces of my soul, battling the mirror image of myself, when quite suddenly the whole dream flipped, and I was the stranger in the mirror, looking across at a kinder, gentler, weaker version of me. But there was something else. Being in this other version of my mind, I had no control; some other force was driving the vessel I found myself in, and as I watched helplessly from within, the entire vision fell apart, an ocean of scarlet and black swallowing the original version of me, the tattered remains of the soul that now belonged to neither of us, and everything else in sight.

I jolted awake, freezing sweat clinging to my skin, shivering with a combination of cold and dread. The dream stayed imprinted in my mind for long moments, weighing on my eyelids like a physical presence trying to tempt me back into sleep. I fought to keep my eyes open and not slip back into the nightmare, but it was mere minutes before I was swamped by another.

At first I saw nothing, just an endless black landscape that seemed vaguely familiar as all dreamscapes do. I looked around perplexedly, trepidation setting in, and I turned as I heard my name.

"Kakarot!" Vegeta was standing maybe ten or fifteen feet away; I could not see his face, but I could feel terror radiating from him.

I moved toward him slowly, confused, and stopped abruptly as I noticed something. He was standing ankle-deep in what appeared to be a solid brick of glass. I wondered for a moment why he didn't just break it, but then I realized that his boots – no, the feet themselves – were made of glass. Before my eyes, the glass crawled up his legs, encasing them and transforming them as well. I couldn't move, only stare as the prince turned to a glass statue right in front of me. I got one look at his panicked eyes before they changed too, and the look of terror stayed engraved on his face, as clear as the transparent material that now made up his being.

Out of nowhere, another person rushed in front of me, and a moment's scrutiny determined the person to be Gohan. He flew right at the glass form of Vegeta, and without thinking, I reacted; twisting my son's neck before he could shatter the prince and throwing him, lifeless and limp, to the ground. I whipped around as another person darted forward, ChiChi, and my hand automatically shot out and hit her over the head with all my strength, hard enough to be fatal to the fragile human. I stopped then and looked at the two people – both members of my family – that I'd killed. I stepped back, horrified by what I'd done, and accidentally bumped into something solid behind me. I turned in time to see the glass statue that was Vegeta fall to the ground and splinter into a thousand pieces.

.

.

I woke with a start, a shout on my lips; and I clapped a hand over my mouth, hoping I hadn't actually made a sound. Mortification crawled over my skin as I felt my wife's dagger-like eyes studying me intently, assuring me that I had.

"...What happened?" she asked after a moment.

I sat up and covered my eyes with a hand, "N-nothing." I stammered.

"For the gods' sakes, Goku, you were thrashing all night and you woke up screaming, do you expect me to believe you when you say nothing happened?"

"Just... just a nightmare." I said shakily, not daring to look at her; afraid I'd see the broken corpse I'd thrown to the ground in the dream, or that she'd see the echoes of the vision reflected in my eyes.

She sniffed disbelievingly, "The only time you've ever had nightmares was when you were dying of a heart virus, don't tell me you're going to die on me again."

She sounded more exasperated than concerned. I sighed and lay back down, "No." I said shortly; just one syllable.

She shook her head slowly, "What am I going to do with you?"

"Sorry." I said automatically. What am I apologizing for? I thought, I can't control what I dream about.

"I'd be amazed if you didn't wake the boys," ChiChi muttered tonelessly, "They probably thought someone was trying to axe-murder their father."

"Oh come on, ChiChi," I sighed as I felt sleep drawing me back into its arms, "You know axes can't do me any harm..."

Needless to say... it was a long night.

X

I thought about the two dreams the next day, drowning out much of Goten's cheerful chatter over breakfast in favor of figuring them out. The first one was easy. I was afraid of losing myself, losing my soul in this battle between the two halves of my being. It was a proverbial battle, but in the dream it had been made real, and the more Saiyan side of me – the persona I'd mentally dubbed "Kakarot" - had completely taken over. But behind that half of me there was the monster, calling the shots, and in the end, everything about me had been destroyed.

The second one gave me more pause. It was probably the more disturbing out of the two, and the longer I tried to find some kind of symbolism to make sense of it, the more lost I became. Why was it Vegeta that had been turned to a statue of glass? Why Gohan and ChiChi who had come between the prince and me? Why did they both die at my hand? I thought hard about it from every angle, but in the end I came up empty.

It took me a long moment to realize my eldest son was talking to me.

"Dad... Dad?... Dad!" he snapped his fingers to get my attention.

"What?" I asked, maybe a little sharply.

He blinked, probably at my tone, "You haven't eaten any breakfast... are you feeling okay?"

I glanced at what remained of the food on the table, and found that it didn't appeal to me quite suddenly.

"I'm not hungry." I muttered.

At those three words, all hell broke loose. Gohan's glass of juice shattered in his hand, Goten dropped his fork under the table with a clatter, and three servings of scrambled eggs went flying from the pan at the stove as said pan was jerked haphazardly by a startled hand; and three pairs of wide, shocked eyes stared disbelievingly at me.

I felt a burn of uncomfortable flush cross my face.

"What did I say?" I asked, aghast.

"Son Goku..." ChiChi said slowly, "I'm quite sure you're coming down with something. I don't think I've ever heard those words from you before in my life."

Great. I thought sarcastically, Now every word out of my mouth gets me stared at.

One thing I knew was that I didn't want to stay there a minute longer. The atmosphere had gone from incredulous to awkward in a matter of seconds.

I muttered some form of explanation before placing two fingers to my forehead and teleporting.

X

There was really only one person I could have stood to be around at that moment, and apparently I'd subconsciously teleported right to him without thinking. Piccolo was hovering over a lazy, winding river, arms and legs crossed in meditation, eyes closed peacefully.

"Ah, Goku." he said as his eyes flitted open, glancing up at me, "It's been a while."

"I guess so." I nodded, unsure exactly what line of thought had brought me here. I really wanted to be alone, but some part of me must have known that what I needed was to talk to someone. Someone I trusted.

The Namekian stood leisurely, keeping his arms crossed as he looked me over.

Eventually he just chuckled, "Well damn," he said, "Something's got you twisted up, who's been antagonizing you, Goku?"

Several names jumped to mind, but I only had one answer.

"...I've been antagonizing myself, I guess."

That just made Piccolo laugh again, "Figures." he muttered.

I shifted my weight slightly, "What figures?"

"The only person who really has a chance of standing up to you is you yourself." he answered simply, "Especially in your case, Son, you're a split-personality if ever I saw one."

Despite myself, and despite that this statement was less than comforting, I felt myself relax a bit. Something about the Namekian's all-seeing, peaceable nature made the little doubts and worries clamoring in my mind seem like just that; little. Insignificant. And I was able to quiet them for a moment.

"I don't think I've ever seen you this stressed," Piccolo went on, "Not sleeping, not eating, and surely not meditating. You of all people know how important an internal equilibrium is."

I sighed, "Inner peace hasn't really come to me lately."

"I can see that." he said shortly, "Why don't you join me here? It's quiet and the river is calming to the mind."

I'd need a whole lot more than running water to calm my mind, and I doubted I'd be able to empty it long enough to reach some semblance of peace.

"Thanks, Piccolo," I said, "But I get the feeling the effort would be moot."

He blinked once, either because I didn't usually refuse something he offered or because I'd never said that word before, I wasn't sure which.

"I can't clear my mind if I can't even make it up in the first place," I clarified, "But I appreciate the thought."

The Namekian was silent for a while, just looking at me as if trying to make sure I was still there somewhere behind the stranger I'd become.

The only thing was... I wasn't sure if I was there anymore.

TBC

((Depressing depressing. Oh well, it's gonna be like that for a while. Also, I think Goku can accidentally see the future in this fic. At least, through his dreams. That one with Vegeta had some pretty major symbolism that he didn't pick up on, because it refers to things that happen later in the story.

Thanks, as always, for reading and reviewing. ...and I think I like this chapter.

-Shinsun))