Twists And Turns

Chapter 8

I'd be lying to say things got better as time passed. A month went by, a month of unnerved stares, prying questions, misdirected concern, and disapproving glances. All I wanted was to be alone; I could barely stomach the time I spent with my own family, and every time I caught myself wishing I could make them all just disappear along with their questions, I felt sickened.

And yet, even when I did find myself alone, there was no relief from the questions. I bombarded myself with them, demanding answers I knew I couldn't give. I was more frustrated than I think I'd ever been in my life, and the weight of the building stress showed itself in three ways.

One; physically. my appearance continued to change, little by little. Not drastic change, but every time I passed my reflection in the mirror, I glimpsed a new line in my face, a darker shade of the sleepless circles under my eyes. Eventually, I just stopped looking.

Two; mentally. There wasn't a time anymore that I didn't have a headache, thinking too hard too much and burdening myself – knowingly and deliberately – with thousands of aimless questions.

Three... emotionally. My nerves were run so ragged that I developed dangerous mood swings, mostly in the negative range. I couldn't remember the last time I'd smiled and nearly every word out of my mouth was a bitter remark. I snapped at people, I showed my teeth in irritation, I swore – colorfully - and I think that was what drove me furthest apart from my relations.

In short, I suffered. Everyone else suffered from it. ...And there were times when I asked myself where it had all stemmed from to begin with. Was all this rearranging of identity because of a one-time incident with Vegeta?

….Of all things, he was the subject of the most of my acrimony. He occupied my dreams, chased my thoughts when I was awake, leaned in on my constant brooding and even found his way into some of my cursing. ...Silent cursing, of course. One thing I had to admit I dreaded was someone finding out why I had changed so much, so suddenly. Finding out what I had done with Vegeta that had started this whole thing. A mention of the prince's name in the right instance would trigger a landslide of suspicion, and it wasn't that hard to put two and two together when the two in question were the last two Saiyans in existence.

I think the person who was the most unnerved and perhaps actually disgusted by me was ChiChi. I caught her staring at me the most, definitely. Like she couldn't quite believe her simple, gentle husband had become such an apathetic, acerbic person. She glared at me, she shook her head in disapproval... but to my slight surprise, she didn't try to pick a fight with me anymore, or even demand explanation. It was as if she was giving up, resigned, not bothering to try to fix the damage.

I'm not sure why, but that revelation made me sad somehow, and a little panicked. It was like she didn't know me anymore, like I was too far beyond her reach for her to see who I was. Sometimes I wanted to shake her, force her to look in my eyes and at least tell me if I was still there. I was scared, I'll admit that. I didn't know who I was anymore, what I was, what was happening to me. And it was turning the people I loved away.

X

I'm not sure what the final straw for her was. It wasn't some huge event that finally pushed my wife over the line; but I have to admit, I saw it coming.

I knew she'd get sick of it all after a while, and I was a little surprised that it did take that whole month of downhill progression for her to finally say enough was enough. Some sense of loyalty remaining, maybe.

Still, even if I did see it coming, I was shocked somehow when ChiChi suggested divorce. She was lying next to me in bed, turned away from me, and after she dropped that suggestion in blunt tones, she just muttered thickly at the wall a single sentence.

"I can't do this anymore."

I looked at her, her back still to me. There was nothing I could say. What could I have said? Excuses? Demands for explanations? Pleas for forgiveness? I was silent, conflicted thoughts rousing in the weariness of my mind.

It was true, I couldn't bear to touch my wife intimately anymore, I couldn't stand her temper – mainly because it rivaled my own now – I couldn't bring myself to smile at her. When was the last time the word "love" came into play with either of us? Where had that unquestioning sense of faithfulness gone?

A long silence reigned. I just looked at my wife, studied the planes of her shoulder blades facing me, the curve of her silhouette... could I bear to lose her?

Yes. A tiny voice whispered in the back of my mind. There was really nothing holding us together anymore. Over the years, the list of what we shared in common had dwindled as I attained new levels of power and she attained new slightly-warped parenting techniques. An ability to go Super Saiyan versus an obsession with proper schooling; a clique of warrior comrades versus a short temper and a neat-freak lifestyle. Over time we grew to be very different. I suppose that was to be expected, especially once I'd learned we weren't even of the same species, but we had always held fast together. Was this considerable rift enough to drive us apart?

My eyes landed on the soft surface of my wife's cheek, outlined in the moonlight. I was startled to see it glistening, streaked with silent tears.

I let my gaze drop to the sheets, finality ringing in the heavy silence.

"I'm sorry." I murmured dully, turning away from her as well.

And though she couldn't possibly have known what for, what thoughts coursed through my aching mind, I could have sworn I heard her whisper, "You should be."

X

I'm not sure why, but I think some small part of me had hoped she hadn't been serious. That it had just been a moment of exasperation considering how much of a depressing jerk I'll admit I was becoming.

That is, until she told me to come with her to court. Then I knew she'd meant what she said.

Of course, she insisted I try to dress remotely formal, but because she didn't put up the energy to force me, I didn't have to put up the energy complaining about it. And I was a little surprised that after years of her literally dragging me to weddings and other such nonsense, my fingers actually knew what to do with a tie.

.

.

Turns out, there wasn't a lot for me to do either way, which suited me just fine. ChiChi did most of the talking, and the attorney that she was laying information out to just wrote some things down and chipped in now and then with a few words. It seemed ChiChi had actually thought this through, and I had to wonder how long she'd been thinking about divorce before she decided to go through with it.

Even though I didn't have to say much, except for clarifying certain things, it seemed to take hours before anything was decided. And right when it seemed like progress was actually being made, I was interrupted, pulled sharply from my thoughts as something jolted through me quite suddenly. A sense of panic and terror completely unrelated with the current situation. I extended my senses hesitantly and immediately homed in on the distant ki signal of Vegeta. It raised sharply in fear before dropping off, like a stone, and fading to nothing.

The attorney was just explaining something to ChiChi in an undertone, gesturing to a form laid half-filled-out between them; when I abruptly got to my feet.

"Goku?" ChiChi asked quickly, swiveling in her seat in time to see me turn to leave, shedding the heavy suit coat and restrictive dress clothes to reveal my orange gi – a rare occurrence nowadays for me to wear it, but some habits show up even when you're trying to forget them. I gave her a brief if completely unsatisfactory excuse before teleporting, catching a glimpse of the confused attorney's expression turning to shock as I vanished into thin air.

.

.

I reappeared to find the prince in question collapsed in a barren clearing, unconscious. If it weren't for the unsteady rise and fall of his chest I would have said he was dead. I knelt and turned his face towards me. His skin was feverish and pricked with sweat. He had absolutely no ki. I checked him for injuries, utterly puzzled; how had he passed out if he hadn't hurt himself at all? Upon examining his chest and abdomen for internal damage I paused, my hand shaking slightly. I could feel a faint pinpoint of a ki signal beneath my fingers, but it didn't belong to him. Distantly, I traced one hand over the barely perceptible curve nestled above the prince's hips. Can't call him a liar now, can you? My mind taunted me. I stifled a curse and gripped Vegeta's wrist, teleporting both of us back to my home. I knew the house was empty, and ChiChi wouldn't be back for a while. She'd have to sort out my sudden disappearance with the court first.

I lay the prince on the sofa carefully, covering him with a blanket. I tried not to think about what a strange concept it was, to have Vegeta be in my house. The last time he'd been here we... the thought trailed off, and I didn't pursue it.

ChiChi returned shortly, probably more intent on getting an explanation for my leaving her so suddenly than on finishing the case at court.

"Goku, what the hell?" she demanded, gesturing flamboyantly with irritation, "Why did you just vanish on me without so much as a decent excuse? This had better be pretty damn important."

"That depends," I said bluntly, "How much is a life worth to you?"

Gods, my instinctive response was defensiveness now. In the past I would have just apologized and hoped to get off without too much ranting. Now I actually fought back in a conversation. When she jabbed at me verbally, I jabbed right back.

She blinked, "What are you on about?"

I waved a hand dismissively at the prince curled unconscious on the sofa.

Immediately, ChiChi tensed up, "What is Vegeta doing in my house?"

Her house? I bit my tongue to keep the automatic retort behind my teeth.

"He was in trouble," I explained shortly, "I had to help him or -"

"Right at that moment?" ChiChi interrupted, "You had to walk out of a meeting at court – okay, not walk, you know what I mean..."

"No one else would have been able to get to him quick enough," I said, "He would have died."

"But why was he in danger in the first place?" ChiChi snapped, "He couldn't have been attacked, no one's strong enough to -"

"His ki drained itself," I said slowly, forcing patience.

"Why?" ChiChi asked sharply, not fooled by the short response. I reminded myself that she'd dealt with Saiyans for a pretty long time, especially having raised two demis herself, and she knew that a person's energy didn't just disappear for no reason.

I sighed, I'd have to say it sometime. I could barely admit it to myself, I don't know how I was going to explain it to her.

"His energy was really unstable because -" I broke off, swallowing hard. If I said it out loud, there would be no way to hide from the truth anymore... "B-because he's p-pregnant."

ChiChi stared at me for a long moment. Her expression was the perfect personification of "you wanna run that by me again?"

"Vegeta. This is Vegeta we're talking about." she asked without the implied question mark.

I hesitated, then nodded slowly.

"But if he... then who -?" she began. Then a look of disbelieving comprehension dawned on her face, and I winced. There was really only one answer. One person who had the strength and ability to get the prince to submit. I wasn't even allowed the benefit of the doubt.

"You... Goku, you did not." she breathed, a dangerous edge to the words.

This can't be good, I thought ruefully.

"When did this happen?" she demanded, a needle of anger finding its way into the question.

"O-over a month ago," I said shakily, "But I didn't seek him out or anything, he came here and -"

She interrupted me, and the tone of her voice grew more furious with each word.

"You mean to tell me," she said, "That you cheated on me... you cheated on me, with Vegeta, in this house?!"

I should have dropped my gaze to the floor and come up with some kind of apology, but for some reason, the fact that she got so angry caused a spark of ire to light in my blood as well. What right does she have to be angry with me? Doesn't she think I've tortured myself over it enough? She's seen firsthand what it's done to me, what it's still doing to me, how can she blame me for something that's been tearing me apart ever since I had the stupidity to do it?

"Yes, I did." I said boldly, staring her down. What, did she expect me to deny it?

She was silent, fury simmering from her very being, for a minute.

"Get out." she said quietly. I almost didn't hear.

And I surprised myself.

"No." I said shortly.

She stared at me.

"If you have a problem with me then you can get out." I said, "But I've been doing whatever you told me to do for twenty-five years. No more."

She seemed outraged, "What about Gohan and Goten?" she demanded.

"Sort that out with the attorney you hired." I retorted.

For a moment I thought she'd argue further, but she just gave me a murderous glare before turning on her heel and marching right out the door.

She'll be back, I thought, she won't be beaten that easily.

But had I beaten her? Why was I even fighting her? I'd just given myself something else to add to my growing list of what I'd lost.

X

I couldn't stand the silence. Couldn't stand to be trapped with my own doubts bickering in my head. I shakily sat down across from the couch and the prince resting on it; glimpsed Goten's radio and headphones hooked over the arm of the chair. Better than the silence. I slipped the headset on and cranked up the volume on the pocket stereo, drowning out the nagging questions and worries in my mind with the sound.

.

.

Hours passed. Goten came home from school, Gohan from his extracurricular class. I stayed in the same exact spot the entire time, running through the thousand-odd tracks on the radio in my hand, keeping my mind too full of screaming lyrics and blaring instruments to dwell on the thoughts that would otherwise haunt me. It was a temporary escape, keeping the eventual confrontation with myself at bay.

I was only interrupted when I felt I was being watched. I blinked for what felt like the first time in hours and glanced up to see Vegeta awake and looking at me perplexedly.

I quickly whipped the headphones off, startled.

"Y-you're awake!" I stammered blankly, stating the obvious. I tried to buy some time with the next question that left my lips, struggling not to let my nerves show; "How do you feel?"

He sighed explosively, leaning his head back against the couch cushions, "You know; your mood swings are worse than mine."

I almost smiled, but only because it was such a blunt truth. The kind of dry, careless humor that wasn't even meant to be funny that I appreciated these days.

"Why exactly am I in your house, Kakarot?" the prince asked.

Good question. I thought. After all, I could have taken him to Capsule Corp and left Bulma to deal with him, but I hadn't done that. Why?

"Because..." I began, uncertain and tentative, "You needed my help; I had to -"

"Since when do you care?" Vegeta snapped, and I winced. Another difficult question. More than half of my almost constant anger had been directed at the prince in front of me, so why exactly did I care if he was in danger? What did it matter to me if he might have died? Why was it my problem if he was completely helpless and needed to be rescued?

"Since..." I began, honestly having no reply.

The prince interrupted me again, "Where's your woman? Wouldn't she usually be shrieking at me right now?"

I looked away, silence choking me for a moment. Of all things, I didn't want to tell Vegeta what she'd said to me, and on what terms that I'd sent her away.

"ChiChi and I talked last night, while you were unconscious," I said slowly, tactfully.

"...And?"

I grit my teeth, "And we decided to finalize a divorce." More like she decided. I just went along with it because... what else was I going to do?Beg her to stay?

Apparently Vegeta had not been expecting that response though, because he sat bolt upright, eyes wide.

"W-what?" he stammered, "Why?"

I didn't want to answer that. There was no way I could answer that. I couldn't let him know how far I'd let myself fall, how much I'd changed with the twisted guidance of the monster.

Speak of the Devil and he shall appear; in the back of my mind, I could hear the whisper of the monster, when I really needed an answer to give.

Lie to him.

"I realized what was more important." I said carefully, maybe that was half-true; I chanced a glance at the prince and continued,"I realized I was going to be a father... again."

Whether I like it or not, I thought icily.

"You mean...?" Vegeta breathed, and I almost laughed. If he thought I was suddenly going to be bending to his will just because I had admitted he was carrying my child, he was mistaken. I'm still not your third-class doormat, Vegeta. I haven't let you walk on me yet, and I'm not about to.

The way Vegeta's mind worked was a little bit of a mystery to me, despite out shared heritage and the understanding of decades. Did he honestly think that I would suddenly be all on-board with something that had caused me more turmoil and suffering than anything else in my life? That I'd drop everything to play house with him and throw even more burdens on myself? Did I really need that extra stress?

"Kakarot," Vegeta said, "Th-thank you."

For what? I haven't said anything!

I supposed it was in my best interest to go along with him right now, even if I couldn't – wouldn't - give him the whole truth. I wouldn't make any promises I wasn't sure I could keep, but I didn't need another person turned away because of something I'd done or said.

"No problem, Vegeta." I said flatly. I had no idea what he wanted, or what he expected from me. But I wasn't about to make any long-term arrangements around a mistake that was slowly turning me into a monster.

TBC

((That last scene is pretty different from Goku's POV isn't it? People seemed surprised how undecided and emotionless he was in NIAMY, but that was mainly because you didn't have his thoughts too, just his words and actions. Now it's flipped and it's totally different.

Also... I play Goku off as a music lover. I think Rock Your World had something to do with that, but it's just a little head-canon of mine.

Looking back, I'm finding some inaccuracies in my plot of NIAMY... I may or may not be too lazy to fix them.

Up writing until 4 a.m. Thank the gods I'm on spring break.

-Shinsun))