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Olivia lay cuddled into Tyler's side not wanting to be out of physical contact with her lover. Shortly after Alex had dragged Tate out of the lounge to bed everyone else decided to call it a night also, they would all get a good sleep and deal with things when their heads were clearer in the morning.
Olivia had been satisfied with that, since the moment she had called Tyler's name back in the truck after the accident and received no response in reply, she had been shaken. Shaken to the tips of her toes. After 44 years she was in love. She had fallen in love and nearly lost said love in a week.
She shivered and snuggled closer. She couldn't get close enough to Tyler.
"You ok?" Tyler asked, pulling her closer and stroking her hair
"Yes and no" Olivia sighed, enjoying the sift of Tyler's fingers in her hair "Yes because you're ok, no because I could have lost you and the thought terrifies me"
"Liv?" Tyler cupped her chin and pulled her face up so that their eyes could meet. Olivia loved looking up into those blue eyes. Nothing could compare to them, not even Alex's who she always thought had striking blues.
Looking into them now she could see no signs of the sparkle which always lit her lover's eyes. Usually so light hearted and fun loving, you always knew when Tyler was serious about something, her eyes darkened, just slightly but Olivia always new.
"You um joked about it earlier" Olivia sighed, she wasn't good at verbalising her feelings "it's only been a week, there's so much I don't know about you and vice versa but..." she paused and bit her lip at the loving tender look Tyler sent her "God Tyler, when you didn't answer me tonight and I saw the blood on your face..."
"Liv" Tyler breathed, understanding suddenly what Olivia was talking about and her heart started to hammer in her chest. She could see the seriousness in her eyes and a golf ball sized lump formed in her throat
"Tyler, I don't know how or why, it's ridiculously fast but I know." Olivia looked at her lover earnestly "I know how I feel. It scares me, excites me, confuses me and calms me all together. It's crazy, I think I'm crazy" she smirked "But I'm 44 and I think I'm old enough to know how I feel, even if it's only been a week"
"And what do you feel Olivia?" Tyler asked tenderly and Olivia blushed as she realised she had danced all around it but never actually said it.
"I um.." God damn it Olivia sighed and Tyler grinned, the sparkle back in her eyes
"Cat got your tongue detective?" she chuckled and Olivia growled
"Dammit Tyler I am trying to be serious here" she glared at her partner "Do you have any idea how hard this is for me?"
"I love you Olivia Benson" Tyler was suddenly very serious again "I love you with every fibre of my being and I have from the moment we shook hands on the side of the road 8 days ago. I know you have issues, I know there are some things you need to tell me, there are things I need to tell you, but I guarantee you that I will love you no matter what you say" she learnt forward and tenderly kissed the tears away that were silently running down Olivia's cheeks. "You have become so important to me Liv, you always will be, for as long as you want me. For now I just want, need you to know you are loved, we can work out the rest together"
"I love you too" Olivia burst out, able to say it in her emotional state, her heart about bursting. She swallowed hard, trying to clear the constriction in it and took deep breaths, purely overwhelmed with emotion.
Pushing up onto her elbow she swept her gaze over her lovers face, taking in the features that were so dear to her, cringing slightly at the slight discolouring on the left hand side of her face and the nasty cut to the head.
"You are so gorgeous and I love you so much, you have filled me with so much joy and happiness. I look back on my life just 6 weeks ago and I never want to go back to that" she caressed the bruised cheek tenderly, wincing along with Tyler "Once things have settled down a bit I look forward to sharing more things with you, telling you more about my life. Some of it won't be easy to say or hear but if you love me half as much as I do you we'll get through it"
"No fear there" Tyler cupped the back of her head and pulled her down for a tender kiss, wincing slightly but loving the taste of Olivia on her lips "I am here for you and I will wait for you to tell me in your own time"
"Ok" Olivia smiled shyly and leant down to kiss her lover deeper. She jerked back when Tyler groaned, horrified "Oh God I'm sorry"
"It's fine, just typical you profess your love when I can't do anything about it" Tyler teased trying to get her to smile. Olivia just groaned and shook her head before snuggling back down beside her lover.
"Why do I put up with you again?" she sighed
"Cause I'm sexy" Tyler chuckled which earned her a dig in the ribs. They snuggled together quietly as they absorbed the seriousness of what they had told each other, neither regretting it, both hoping that their relationship would grow and develop over time. Both ignored the fact that they lived on either side of the continent for now, hoping in time that it would sort itself out.
Finally Olivia felt herself drifting off into sleep, while also feeling Tyler's body relax beneath hers
"I love you Ty" she whispered and felt a kiss to her brow
"Love you too babe, night"
Olivia was too tired to reply and in seconds was asleep.
Olivia was up early the next morning, years of functioning on 4 hours sleep had her programmed. She had to admit that in the last couple of months she had thought she had broken out of that habit, learning to sleep 6 hours or more, but last night had her back to old ways.
Leaving a soundly sleeping Ty in bed she gathered up some clothes and tip toed into the ensuite where she went about her morning routine and getting dressed. Once dressed she tiptoed out of the bathroom, checking to make sure Tyler was still asleep. She smiled upon seeing Tyler curled around her pillow and made her way downstairs.
She was surprised to see the kitchen lights on, it was only 6.30am. She figured everyone would still be sleeping after their stressful night.
Making her way inside she paused upon seeing her partner sitting there, a steaming cup of coffee in his hand as he studied case files in front of him.
Sensing her presence he looked up and smiled.
"Hey" he shut the case file and pushed it into the middle of the table "I was just doing some light reading on Wentworth" he nodded at the file "makes interesting reading"
Olivia looked at the case file, waiting for the pull to hit her, the itch of a case to scratch. She stood staring for long minutes and felt nothing but idle curiosity. Did that mean she was burnt out still, or that she trusted Elliot and the FBI to handle it? Or did it mean that she had other priorities. Right now she wanted breakfast, a hot coffee and to go see Beau and find out what the days plans were.
Shrugging she walked over to the carafe and taking a cup from a cupboard nearby poured herself a drink. With her back to Elliot she missed his perplexed look as he stared between her and the case file.
He schooled his features when Olivia returned to the table and sat down opposite him. He watched as she glanced down at the case file then up at him.
"You shouldn't leave that lying where others can see it, I am sure it has sensitive information" she told him and he cocked his head to the side and regarded her seriously
"You're not even slightly interested?" he asked and she gave him a hard stare that he was well accustomed to.
"Do I want the guy caught? Yes, for Alex, she's like my sister. Do I want in on the case? No" she shook her head and reaching out pushed the file back to Elliot before picking up her coffee and sipping on it.
"You've changed" he sighed "What the hell happened Liv?"
Olivia sighed, putting down her cup and rubbing her face tiredly before covering a huge yawn.
"I have no idea. I just had enough, both personally and professionally. I was ready to snap and needed to get out. I went and saw the captain and he told me to take my leave owing instead of quitting"
"You tried to hand in your badge" Elliot exclaimed horrified, he hadn't been told that. He searched Olivia's face for any sign she was pulling his leg but she remained deadly serious "How did I not know this?"
"El..."
"No" Elliot growled "I was your partner for 12 years, how could you not tell me this. I deserved to know"
"Not everything is about you Stabler" Olivia bit out "You would have tried to talk me out of it, I didn't need that. I needed time and space to sort my shit out"
"So you ran. You did a typical Benson, lock yourself away, not let anyone in, not let me in" he hissed
"If that's what you want to believe then hell yeah I ran, from the demons of my past, from my loneliness, from the fact I'd lost Calvin, that I'd been turned down for adoption, that once again my best friend had taken off without considering my feelings, from the fact that no matter how many rapists I caught I couldn't help my mother or change my conception" she burst out as she stood and took her mug to the sink to wash it out.
Once finished she spun on her heel and stared at the back of Elliot's head "Leaving New York was the best thing I have done in years Elliot. I have never been more relaxed or carefree. I have never spent more time on myself before and I love it. I love that my journey brought me to Montana, I love that my car broke down and the most gorgeous woman in the world stopped and picked me up."
Elliot turned and looked at her and she gave him such an earnest look he couldn't help but be moved
"I love her Elliot, I love her with a passion that terrifies me but at the same time I have never felt so settled in my life. She gets me like no one else, not even you or Alex. She makes me laugh, she can sometimes frustrate me but no one has made me feel safer. For once in my life I feel like someone can protect me" she smiled sadly and shook her head
"I don't expect you to approve, you are catholic, it's against your religion, but I would like you to try and be happy for me El. I love you, you're my brother and I would like your support" she told him and then waited watching for a response.
Elliot stared at her for a long time, taking in everything she had said and digesting it before sighing
"Are you happy Liv, does she make you happy?" he asked and all Olivia could do was swallow thickly and nod "What about here, this ranch, no city, no noise no hustle and bustle?"
"Thank God" Olivia whispered before adding "Seriously Elliot, I love it here, I love the wide space and the clean air and the animals. I love getting up early and seeing the sun rise, having meals with friends, working honestly all day. Could I do it forever, probably not but I could handle it being a part of my life"
"What about Police work?" Elliot asked seriously and watched some of the passion, the enthusiasm Olivia had speaking about the ranch die from her eyes. Her shoulders slumped and her whole body language showed her disinterest
"I am not sure. I don't think I could go back to the 1 6 El, I've had enough. I am over rapes and murders and child abuse. Maybe somewhere like here would be ok, where the biggest headaches are occasional accidents, or a burglary or shutting down streets on New Years and dealing with the public disturbances. I don't know" she admitted and Elliot nodded. He kept his eyes downcast as the pain of realisation hit him full in the chest. Olivia wasn't coming back, not to work, maybe not even to New York. It was like a sucker punch and he couldn't deal with the blow.
"Ok, well I guess that's that then" he shrugged "Out with the old and in with the new" he snarked
"Elliot" she sighed "Please don't. No matter what happens I would love to stay in touch, with the unit, with you Kathy and the kids. I'll undoubtedly visit New York if I leave it, you can visit here or anywhere I end up"
"Let's not try and placate me Ok Liv" he snorted "You'll get so involved with your girlfriend, her family and forget we even existed"
"Never" Olivia denied and came forward to grab her partner by his shirt "Just stop it El. I don't want to fight. I don't know what the future holds yet so can you please just stop"
"Yeah sure" El grabbed her wrist and pulled it from his shirt "Yeah I can stop" he took a step back "I'll catch you around Liv, I'm late for a meeting with the Feds" he growled and walked out.
Olivia watched him go, tears sliding down her cheeks. She was upset, angry and frustrated. He was so damn pig headed. Wiping the tears from her face she turned to head back upstairs needing to be close to her lover and came up short upon seeing Alex.
"How long were you there?" she asked quietly no longer making an attempt to hide her tears as Alex came towards her
"Long enough to know Stabler is still a pigheaded ass" Alex sighed and enfolded the sister of her heart into a tight embrace "Don't let him get to you Liv, he's a prick but he'll come around eventually"
"Right now Alex I really don't care" Olivia mumbled into her neck and Alex sighed. Men were such fools.