Turtles on a half shell

"COWABUNGA DUDE!" screamed Micholangeolo the party loving stupid turtle as he jumped into the air and then kicked a Foot soldier in the face and busted his skull open like a rotting melon.

"Mike will you stop doing that. This place has enough blood on the floors as it is!" yelled Leonerdo the leader of the turtle mutant ninja teenagers that lived in New York and liked to kick the butts of evil criminals and freaks who were far stranger than they were which is wild seeing as how they were FIVE FOOT TALL MUTANT TURTLES WHO ACTED LIKE TEENAGERS AND ATE PIZZA AND SHIT. But that's not this story.

Oh wait it is.

So then the turtles got a distress signal for their little turtle communicators which looked like little turtle shells. But they had antennas and video monitors on them. It sells well.

"Oh shit guys!" said Donatutello the science nerd turtle. "It's April. Looks like she's in trouble again!"

"She's always in trouble," muttered Ralphale who was the best and funniest wise cracking asshole turtle. "She's lucky she's got a nice pair of titties because she doesn't have a brain."

"Let's go save April!" screamed Leonardo dramatically and he pointed his swords to the doors and then started running toward it.

He didn't know the door was locked though and smashed into it with a big loud smacking sound and fell on his shell.

"HA!" chortled Microbiological as he opened the door and walked out. Well guess he really isn't that stupid. "Having trouble with opening doors bro?" he giggled and skipped off.

The turtlets didn't know that the stalking Japanese freak ninja guy who wore metal pants called Shredder was watching them like he always did from his Technodrone lair nestled deep within the buttocks of the earth's core somewhere kind of by the top so there was no lava.

"OH SHIT THE TURTLES ARE THERE AGAIN DOING SHIT! I HATE THOSE FUCKING TURTLES!" screamed Shredder at the top of his lungs because he had no indoor voice because he was a retarded psychopath.

"Oroku Saki!" yelled the fugly as hell deformed bodiless brain monster Ultrom thing called Krang as he walked over in his metal walking chair thing. "Stop yelling you idiot you are making my jiggling jellowy brain matter walls hurt from your fucking loud ass voice!" he yelled while waving his gross tentacles because he had no hands.

"DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO YOU FUCKING UGLY TEETH HAVING BRAIN THING FROM DIMENSION X!" screamed Shredder back and pounded his fists on some big keys on the huge ass computer because that's what he usually did because he was too retarded to do anything else like learn some actual fucking kung fu to fight with. And then the robots came out of the door that opened.

"GO KILL THE TURTLES!" screamed Shredder.

The robots busted through the wall and went to go kill the turtles as they had been instructed.

Cowboy Bebop and Rockstready those guys who were a once street thugs but who got mutated into a rhino and a warthog stood behind Shredder and laughed.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GO MAKE SURE THE ROBOTS DON'T BREAK WHEN THEY KILL THE TURTLES!" screamed Shredder at his minions and they stopped laughing and went running.

Meanwhile back in New York's city above where April was.

Aprile was being held hostage by some scary men wearing ski masks even though it was clearly summer and very hot.

"Oh god help me! I'm being held hostage because I was trying to report on this story about people who were robbing this place and then I got captured because I'm a stupid bitch and I might be raped because I look like I'm totally asking for it with this sexy sexy whore body stuffed into this banana fucking yellow leather suit."

"Yeah sounds like a plan to me," said one of the robbers and grabbed a handful of Avril's fine fine round and bulging titty.

"Ow you prick! Not my jugs. I need those to get work!" screamed Anvil as she squirmed against the man only making his penis harder.

Then the turtles smashed through the door.

"Stop there you vile fiend!" yelled Leonardo dramatically like he always did. "Unhand Advil or we'll tear off your faces and shit down your throats!"

"It's tear of your heads and shit down your throats. Jesus Leo, you suck," muttered Ralph.

"Whatever!" muttered Leonardo back and threw one of his swords into the thug's eyes and it poked through his brain and killed him.

Ralph threw one of his sais and it hit the guy holding April fools in his dick and he went down screaming like a baby girl in a sick fuck's hentai doushinshi.

"ATTACKING YOUR UGLY FACE ATTACK!" screamed Mike and hit the other guy with his shell butt which smashed the guys head into the wall like an egg breaking open. Except instead of yokes and whites this egg was a skull and the stuff inside was blood and brain tissues. So it was pretty sick looking when it splattered out all over.

"My heroes! You guys always save me!" shouted April happily. She was so happy she pissed herself and all the wet look fetishists watching came buckets including Shredder who was secretly one of them. He was also a sick closet furry though so seeing the turtles with their manly teenage hairless muscles and awesome fighting moves made his loin cloth start to tent and his tight skin hugging leggings get tighter.

"OH FUCK. THAT'S HOT!" screamed Shredder and ran off to the bathroom to jerk it for a while.

And then the robots blasted through the walls and everybody gasped.

"Robots!" yelled Donatello while pointing dramatically.

"I bet it was Shredder who sent them!" yelled Leo.

"Are you retarded? Of course it was Shredder who else is going to send killer fucking robots after us GODDAMN IT LEO!" yelled Ralf.

And then one of the robots shot a laser at Mikey's head and it went through his eye. And he slid down the wall, dead.

"OH MY GOD!" screamed Donny.

That never happened before.

"Shredder must be using live ammunition instead of blanks now. He got smarter. Which means OH NOES!" shouted Leo.

"You guys are all gonna die now and the boss is going to peel of your shells and eat you hahahaha!" shouted Rocksteady and he picked up his ak-47 and sprayed the room with a coating of fresh hot lead. He ended up just killing the other thugs in the back ground and he completely missed April somehow because his shooting sucked ass.

"Oh boy that was lucky," said April and she got her camera and started filming instead of running for safety because she's a fucking retard. "I GOTTA GET THIS HOT SCOOP FOR THE NEWS TONIGHT!"

And the turtles all just looked at each other and then said fuck it and jumped out the window.

And then Master Splinter was mad and made them all do wall jump flips for seven hours for punishment.

THE END.