Summary: Cloud receives a mysterious phone call telling him to come to the infamous Chocobo farm. Hilarity follows.
Chocobo Days
Cloud was one day wandering around the Chocobo Ranch because he was feeling depressed and suicidal. This was after Advent Chilldren and Dirge of Cerberus. Aris was still dead. And now she was a zombie.
A mysterious rain from the skies had poured down last Tuesday and brought the dead back to life. Some wondered if it was still Shinra. Cloud knew is was Umbrella. He held his buster sword in his hands tightly as he dragged it along the muddy ground.
The phone call he had gotten five hours ago had been really strange. The voice told him to come alone to the Chocobo Farm. So he got on his bike and rode down there. It was dark. He got off his bike and looked for zombies. There were none so far. He stepped to the farm house. He saw somebody standing there waiting for him. It looked like a man. Then it looked like a woman as he got closer. He got really close and saw that it was Tifa.
"Tifa! Why are you here meeting me? That phone call I got? Was it you? It didn't really sound like you," Cloud said angrily to the Tifa looking person.
"Cloud I know who made the zombies!" the maybe-Tifa whispered darkly.
Cloud looked really hard into the figure's face.
"I already know who made the zombies! It was the Umbrella Corporations. There is a man called Wesker. He's completely insane. He wants to control the whole world and he's making zombies for weapons."
"No Cloud. Not true. That's not it!" Tifa said.
She came close to him. Then Cloud screamed.
It was not really Tifa. It just looked like Tifa. But really ugly and now even ulgier that she was in the light where he could see.
She looked slightly like a man in drag and smelled of feces and dirt. Her eyes were holes with blood dripping out of them and had maggots squirming about the sockets, too. Her arms became seven feet long. Her mouth opens up to five feet down wide like a snake and grabs Cloud and shoves him screaming all the way into his death. Clouds screams went unheard as he was sucked into the darkness. Then the Tifa-monster thing slowly went back into the barn to rest. Inside were all the numerous torn up and half eaten chocobo carcasses, and the farmers head with his mouth still frozen in a look of horror. Just like in Tremors. No, not the retarded sequels, just the first one. That one was the best.
The phone rang back at a house. It was picked up by a hand. The hand was Cid's.
"Hello?" asked Cid.
There was no response, only eerie labored breathing.
"Who is this?" he asked again, the aggression welling in his voice.
"I know who made the zombies. I have information for you. Please come meet me at the chocobo ranch. It's urgent!" the voice said.
"Is that you Cloud?" Cid asked angrily. "Cloud?" he yelled into the phone but there was no answer.
Just the dial tone again.
Cid headed out the door. He made it to the farm and looked around.
"Cloud? Where are you?"
He heard a noise. It was Cloud.
"Oh shit! Cloud I was looking all over for you. You were gone for hours. Where is Tifa? She's been gone for six days now."
"Cid..." the Cloud said as it came into the light.
Cid shit his pants.
The Cloud was a monster with Tifa's face and boobs sticking out of his chest with a mouth that was spewing blood and organs.
The Cloud's hands were long arms and claws and he raised them up and began running to Cid. Cloud had no eyes and they were filled with puss and his mouth opened up just as huge.
"I WAS PHONNNNNNNNNNNNNNE!"
The thing screamed as it killed Cid the same way.
The ENDDDDDDD!