Summary: Snakes cannot plane.

Mr. Jackson on a plane versus an obscene amount of deadly snakes

Long ago when the world was still in its infancy and oxygen content of the atmosphere was far superior to the ratio we have in the present day, the continent of Antarctica was once a vast and lush rain forest.

Many species of snakes resided there.

"Antarctica is a fine place in which we live and we enjoy it." vocalized the snake populace as they used their magic powers to spread fertilization amongst the tree leaves which caused the greenery to grow ever larger and thick.

However the sun grew cold and distant in its love for the continent and its large snake populace and decided to pull away and travel elsewhere to far more interesting places.

The snakes cried tears of sorrow and grief as they continued waiting for the sun's return only to have their hopes shattered as the days grew ever colder and darker and snow and ice began to fill the land and kill off the plant life.

"This is not a place which we enjoy any longer. We will die if we stay. So we must leave at once." vocalized the distraught snake populace.

And so they left and after traveling many long decades they came to reside in a new lush rain forest in the Amazon. Then several men came and captured them and placed them in containers to be shipped out all across the world as pets or food or even weapons.

Several of the snakes were put inside a crate with a timer and shipped to the airport to be used to kill a man they did not know.

So they went to the airport and waited inside the crate.

"How we long to be able to pilot this amazing sky vehicle." vocalized the snakes. But that was not allowed for the snakes did not have hands or thumbs which were needed to operate such a vehicle with precision.

"You cannot fly the plane." vocalized the airport as it sat and contained the planes and the snakes. "For you are only elongate legless thin tubes full of cartilage blood vessels paper thin bone structures and small organs."

The snakes were upset but remained in their crate until the door opened and they became free.

The snakes came forth and attacked the humans who were sitting on the place waiting to travel to Hawaii. They could not tell which one was Mr. Samual L Jackson who was the man they were being sent to bite and kill.

"Where is Mr. Jackson?" vocalized the disoriented snakes.

But Samuel L Jackson was too smart and did not tell them he was really there and went to hide with the other passengers who were trying to get away.

The man who came to check the cockpit discovered that the snakes had taken control of the flight gears.

"Oh you snakes!" he said and shook his head at them.

"We simply wish to fly this plane." vocalized the snakes as they smiled.

But they didn't have hands for which to pilot the controls with and so the plane quickly spiralled out of control and began to nose dive.

Then Mr. Samuel L Jackson came back in and shot most of the snakes out of rage and because he was prejudiced toward snakes.

"Oh Mr. Jackson." said the man who was talking before while shaking his head at him.

"I wanted these motherfucking snakes out of this motherfucking cockpit." said Mr. Jackson as he put his guns away and pulled out some beer. "This is my beer. Have some. It will get you drunk."

"Mr. Jackson you have to fly the plane now." said the man in a hurry as the ground was getting closer.

"I can't fly a fuckin' plane you bitch fool!" yelled Mr. Jackson.

And so the plane crashed and exploded into pieces and everyone on board was killed except for Samuel L Jackson for seven minutes because he survived but then a shark ate him.

The End

Dedicated to Hans von Hozel