Disclaimer: I own nothing
Hey all. This chapter is epic, but it needed to be. For those concerned I fixed things slightly and we get an insight into what set Tyler off. Happy reading, reviews please.
Tate frowned when her knock on Tyler's door went unanswered. She had convinced Olivia and Alex that Tyler would have realised the extent of her actions by now and would be upset and furious with herself. Alex had muttered "good" but Olivia, the big hearted generous, too generous, person that she was agreed. She was pissed at Tyler still but a lot of it had to do with the fact that she had opened herself up to Tyler, told her all her secrets and Tyler quite obviously hadn't reciprocated. Olivia was furious and extremely hurt. As she should be.
Carefully checking the door she found it still unlocked and pushed the door open "Tyler?" she called softly into the darkened room, pausing to let her eyes adjust to the light. The room was quite obviously deserted as she swept her gaze around it. As it landed on the bed she blushed at the sight of the rather large endowed toy that had been the start of all the drama.
Moving over to the bed she decided she needed to put the thing away somewhere out of sight so it didn't stir things up again. Carefully picking it up by a neutrally located strap in her fingertips she walked around the bed and opened the bottom bedside drawer, relieved to find it empty, and hastily dropped the thing inside. She paused before shutting the drawer, a little imp in her wondering if Alex would like her using something like that. She shook her head, now was not the time to be thinking that.
Looking around the rest of the room she zeroed in on the bathroom door and sighed, obviously Ty was still in there. Moving towards it she paused when she heard a sound coming from inside. Her mouth fell open in shock, was Ty crying? She'd never seen Ty cry before, not even get misty eyed. Hurrying over she didn't bother with propriety and knock, just wrenched the door opened then uttered a cry of shock
"Tyler!"
To say the bathroom was a mess was an understatement. It looked like with one good sweep of her arm Tyler had managed to knock everything off the vanity to the floor. Cans, soap, tubes and broken glass lay everywhere. The vanity mirror was smashed, by the look of Tyler's bloody right hand that was the perpetrator. Tyler's feet were all cut from stepping on the broken glass. Tyler herself was curled up next to the toilet, still naked, sobbing her heart out. Tyler wrinkled her nose, by the smell of it she had also lost every meal she had consumed that day too.
"Jesus mate what have you done?" Tate shook her head as she looked at the destruction around her and wondered how she could get Tyler out without hurting her further
"Go away" Tyler groaned
"I can't Ty, I can't leave you like this"
"I don't deserve it" Tyler sobbed "I practically... no I did rape her. How could I do that Tate? I love her"
"Oh Ty, no you didn't" Tate shook her head, although it hadn't been far off in her books "Look I know something was behind what you did, I don't know anything but the basics you told me one night when you were plastered. I think that bitch from 6 years ago had something to do about it"
"She hates me" Tyler continued to cry and Tate was gobsmacked. She expected Tyler to be worried, to be angry at herself, to even be upset. She didn't expect Tyler to act so... so girly.
"Olivia doesn't hate you, she's angry and upset but she doesn't hate you" Tate assured
"She'll leave me" Tyler said next "I don't blame her, I'd leave me, after charging me with rape"
Tate had no idea what to say to that, what Olivia decided to do now she couldn't speculate on but right now she knew she needed help to get Tyler out of the bathroom and clean her up. Sighing she decided to go get Alex. Tyler wouldn't want Olivia seeing her like this and Tate wasn't sure she wanted Olivia to either. She hated the idea of leaving Olivia by herself but it had to be done.
Hurrying back to the other room she poked her head in and breathed a sigh of relief to see Alex had coaxed Olivia into going to sleep.
"Al" she whispered and her lover's blonde head shot in her direction. She waved her hand in a come here motion and Alex frowned, looking at her friend before sighing and sliding slowly off the bed so she wouldn't wake the brunette.
"What is it?" Alex asked as she stepped out into the corridor
"Tyler's done a number on herself and the bathroom" Tate sighed grabbing her hand and dragging her back towards Tyler's room.
"Wait, what?" Alex pulled them to a stop and looked at Tate stunned.
"She'd smashed up the bathroom, bloodied herself up, cut her feet on broken glass and thrown up all over the toilet and herself" Tate sighed "Now she's crying and refusing to move. Al in 4 years I haven't even seen Tyler get misty eyed"
Next thing Tate knew Alex was barrelling past her, hurrying into Tyler's room while she hurried to catch up. Alex pulled up short and smothered a gasp with a hand at the sight in front of her.
"Get out" Tyler whimpered, curling herself into a tighter ball, trying to protect her modesty a bit "I'll clean myself up and hand myself in tomorrow"
Alex shot a confused look at Tate and Tate sighed.
"She thinks she raped Olivia" Tate whispered and Alex's brows shot up to her hairline.
"Well no, not technically, Olivia didn't object. But it certainly isn't how you treat someone you love." Alex whispered back so Tyler couldn't hear. "Tate there is a lot more to this than just a girlfriend leaving you for a man."
"I know. I think there is a lot more to the story too" Tate nodded "You stay here and make sure she doesn't hurt herself more, I'll go get a broom and mop so we can get into her without harming ourselves"
Alex nodded and watched her lover hurrying off before turning back to her best friend's lover. She was no longer pissed at Tyler, a little mad but no longer willing to pull her head off.
"Tyler, we're going to clean up the bathroom then fix you up OK" she told the woman gently and watched as Tyler shook her head "Why not?"
"I don't deserve it, I hurt Olivia" Tyler sighed
"Yes you did, emotionally, not physically but from the looks of your bathroom you could have. I didn't realise you had a temper issue Tyler. If you want to keep seeing Olivia you need to get that sorted"
"I don't not really, only when it comes to..." Tyler paused biting her lip and placed her fevered brow against the cool wall behind her.
"The bitch that left you 6 years ago" Alex nodded and when Tyler shot her a startled look Alex gave her a reassuring smile "Tate told us, but that's all she said"
"She did a real number on me" Tyler informed coming around a bit and acting and talking a lot more sensible and the Tyler Alex knew "I've never really dealt with it, or talked about it"
"Including to your lover who has opened up to you 100%. She told you everything in one month something it took her years to tell me" Alex pointed out and Tyler gave a wry smile
"Kick a girl when she's down" Tyler looked around the mess she had created as if seeing it for the first time "Wow, when I fuck up I do it big"
"You don't say" Alex crossed her arms and leant against the bathroom door "You need to deal with this Tyler. It's something I discovered when I came back from Witsec. It took me years to do it too and I nearly lost everything I hold dear to me. That's why I am here, to fix it"
"Olivia?" Tyler guessed easily
"Before I was shot she was my closest friend as well as colleague. We both had tempers and they used to flare at work but socially we got along very well. Leaving her was probably the hardest, harder than my mother. Olivia understood me and I could talk to her about my frustrations and the expectations thrust upon me due to having the Cabot name" Alex relaxed a little noticing Tyler was coming around more and more as she talked and was really paying attention to what she was saying.
"I couldn't let her think she had failed to protect me, to think I was dead and forced Hammond to let me see her. I'm not sure if that was a mistake or not. She was relieved I wasn't dead but then she had years of worrying about me and wondering if I was Ok. I rewarded her by not returning her phone calls when I returned, I got engaged to a man the family approved of and had an affair with a subordinate to end the engagement. I was hurting, I missed Liv and the unit and I was self destructing"
"You don't say" Tyler nodded and another look around the bathroom had her wincing. She was coming out of her red misted haze now and she could feel her hands and feet throbbing in pain. Jesus she knew how to compound one problem with another didn't she. As she said, she'd fucked up good.
"I went back, Liv barely talked to me for months, told me I had made my bed, but I refused to lay in it and I wore her down. We were getting back to what we'd had before when I hit the self destruct button again and took off for Africa. I did talk to Liv before I went and this time I kept in touch, but it was still a stupid thing to do. Liv is my best friend and the sister I never had. I'm here to regain her trust. This time I am not leaving, I've found happiness with her here and with Tate and with your family. I feel like I am home"
Tyler was confused a bit now. She wondered what Alex was trying to tell her. Alex sighed seeing the confusion.
"Olivia is a warm generous woman who has never known much love but is desperate for it. I have never seen her so happy as she is with you. She loves you unconditionally Tyler, I understand all about lust hitting you and I know things have been hectic but you should have been open with her. Tonight was the perfect opportunity"
"But instead I fucked it up and lost her trust" Tyler nodded understanding the similarity now.
"She's angry and she's hurt that you obviously didn't trust her"
"I do" Tyler protested and in answer Alex merely rose a brow "Alex I swear I do. I didn't realise how big a problem it would be until tonight myself. If I had any inclination that I would have reacted like this I would have told her sooner. It's just been really crazy since you've both have got here"
"I'm afraid that's no excuse Tyler" Alex sighed quietly and Tyler nodded, she knew that, nothing excused what she had done.
"I know" she looked down at herself and winced suddenly realising she was stark naked "Um Alex, you think you can go get me my robe? I've lost my stomach, my dignity, my pride and my girlfriend tonight, I'd like to at least regain my modesty"
Alex pushed off the bedroom door with a sigh and walked out into the bedroom, looking for any signs of a robe she saw a dark blue one hanging up behind the bedroom door and headed over to get it. Walking back to the bathroom she looked down at the floor then over at Tyler. Sighing she carefully stepped forward, picking her way through the broken glass, ointments and blood to crouch beside Tyler and gently help arrange it over her.
"Just so you know, you haven't lost Olivia, she's already half forgiven you. You may be sleeping on the couch for a while, you have a lot of talking to do, hell she will get you to jump through hoops and go without sex for a while but I know her heart lies with you. She won't go anywhere"
"Are you sure?" Tyler asked still afraid.
"She may not be but I am" a voice said behind them and they turned to see a disbelieving Olivia and a bashful Tate "Jesus Ty, what the hell have you done you idiot?"
To say that Olivia was mad with Tyler would be an understatement. She'd yelled at her for being some juvenile lunatic and smashing up their bathroom, ordered her to sit there and keep her mouth shut while they cleaned up her mess and warned her that she was going to the Medical Centre and Olivia was telling the nurse not to use anaesthetic.
Tyler had simply replied "Yes dear" and received a gale force glare in return.
It had taken them a good while to pick everything up, then sweep up the glass, mop up the blood and finally Olivia turned to Tyler once Tate and Alex left to dispose of the mop and broom and gently cleaned her up.
"Olivia" Tyler sighed, knowing her lover was beyond mad but being so gentle with her busted hand and abused feet.
"I thought I told you not to talk" Olivia grunted while checking out the soles of her feet "Jesus Ty you still have glass in here"
"Then pull it out" Tyler shrugged and Olivia shot her an 'are you mad?' look and Tyler shrugged before finally capturing Olivia's hand in her good one "Liv please, I don't deserve your gentleness, I don't deserve your forgiveness, hell right now I don't even deserve that you listen to me but I'm asking that you do"
"Tyler I have to be blind and dumb not to know there was something behind tonight's little outburst. I will listen to what you have to say. I will take time to process it and I am 100% positive that I will forgive you" Olivia sighed as she stopped her task "What pisses me off more than anything is that you had this issue and didn't trust me when I told you I was a product of rape, abused by my mother and nearly raped under cover. None of that was easy to do"
"I know" Tyler nodded "Cause when you told me I silently promised myself that I would do nothing to cause you pain, that I would never hurt you and would protect you with my life. Then I go and do this" she sighed and Olivia watched shocked as tears formed in her lovers eyes and slowly started to spill over "I'm so so sorry baby"
"I know" Olivia nodded and gently cupping Tyler's face leant forward and kissed her softly. "Just for now let's get you sorted out, then we'll get some sleep and talk in the morning"
Alex and Tate came back then and Tate helped Olivia lift Tyler so she could sit her on the closed toilet. Alex sat with Tyler while Tate went to get a truck and Olivia gathered some clothes, coming back in with loose track pants, shirt and jumper. With trial and error and Tyler having to lose some of her modesty while Alex tried her best to look away when required they got her dressed.
Tate arrived back again in time to help carry Tyler once again through the house and out into the truck. Olivia thanked them for their help once Tyler was inside but was firm in stating that she would handle it from there. Tate held back a protesting Alex and informed she would ring ahead so the duty nurse would expect them.
Olivia gave both of them a hug, thanking them for their help and hurried around to the driver's side door, pulling herself in and starting the engine with a dull roar. Checking the clock she sighed when she noticed it was already nearing two in the morning. There was going to be little sleep tonight.
The cab was silent most of the drive in, Tyler not knowing what to say, Olivia not trusting herself to say anything. Finally Tyler sighed.
"Her name was Karen, she was 4 years younger, high society and a diva. At first she was fantastic to be with but then the mental abuse started. I was a cop right, should have been able to see what was happening, I was too blinded by love and lust" she closed her eyes as she remembered "Then started the physical abuse, just a slap when we argued, a push. I never touched her back. Next she started introducing toys to the bedroom, wouldn't have sex with me without them. If I refused she went ballistic"
"Tyler" Olivia's heart was breaking just hearing the obviously quick summary being given to her "Why didn't you leave?"
"I tried, she grabbed a knife and held it to her wrist, told me she would kill herself if I did" Tyler rubbed her face with her good hand as if trying to rub out the memories "She started to cut herself and I forcibly had to stop her. It just got worse from there, the abuse. She used to beat the living shit out of me so that I wore long sleeves in summer, she alienated me from friends and colleagues but I put my foot down when it came to my family and she always acted perfect around them" she refused to look at Olivia as she told the last part
"When she left me she threw it in my face that she'd been having an affair for years, she was pregnant to him and he was ten times better in bed than me. She told me that was why she had me use a strap on, so she could pretend I was him, it was the only way I could get her to come. I asked her why she stayed with me then and she laughed" Tyler laughed herself now, causing Olivia to wince at the self loathing in it at the same time she tried to comprehend what Tyler must have gone through. She couldn't.
"She laughed and said she enjoyed having the power over me. She'd made herself a pet, her dog that did what she said when she said. It was even better that I was a cop and had let it happen. She used my feelings, my compassion and my loyalty against me. I also found out that while I was at work she was having said boyfriend over and they were having drug parties, I was very close to catching them a couple of times. Lucky for her she made me call her before heading home in a pretence to see whether I needed to pick anything up on the way home.
I was so relieved when she walked out. It was her house but she said she'd give me the night to get out. I didn't hesitate, hell I left most of my stuff there, just taking personal items and clothes and stayed in a hotel. I applied to come home and left Great Falls about 2 months later"
"Tyler" Olivia was stunned, she'd pulled over to the side of the road, unable to drive as her lover had revealed her horrific story.
"No Liv, I just wanted you to know the basics. It does not excuse my behaviour tonight" Tyler told her firmly "I thought it had been long enough and I had gotten over it. All I have done is let it fester and hurt the one I love"
"Thank you for telling me Ty" Olivia told her earnestly "I am sure you just skimmed the surface and you're right, you have let it fester. You need to talk to someone, if not me then a professional and sort this out. You did nothing wrong Tyler and there is nothing wrong with you, especially not in bed"
"Thank you. I don't deserve it but thanks and I'll seek out some help" Tyler turned to look at her and her eyes were nothing but honest "Not that I don't trust you Liv but there is 4 years to sift through and 6 years of repressing it. I'll tell you everything eventually but I think it's going to take me a pro to really open up"
"Then I will come with you and wait with you when you go" Olivia informed her sincerely "We're together now, we'll work at it together"
Tyler was stunned, she didn't know what she had ever done to deserve Olivia. She knew she would do whatever was required to keep her.
"God you're amazing" she breathed and Olivia smiled gently and reached out to caress her lover's cheek gently.
"You're not bad yourself love" she offered "It's not going to be easy Ty, you're still in the doghouse and have to earn your way back out of it. I won't make you sleep on the couch but your gonna have to be celibate for a while"
"Figured" Tyler grumbled.
"Oh and I want to be romanced, chocolate, flowers, dates" Olivia teased, a faint sparkle back in her eyes.
"Yes ma'am" Tyler managed a chuckle before they leant in together and shared a slow gentle kiss "I love you Liv"
"I love you too" Olivia pulled away and put the car back in drive "Now let's get you fixed" she stated as she pulled out onto the road.
"With anaesthetic?"Tyler pleaded and Olivia grinned
"I'll think about it"
"Thanks" Tyler sighed and reaching over with her good hand gently took Olivia's own bandaged hand in hers.
The nurse didn't raise an eyebrow when presented with a busted hand and glass in feet. She did give the two of them suspicious looks and Olivia wondered if she thought Ty got injured doing some weird sex antics.
She had to give the woman her own warning looks when she was none too gentle in giving Tyler her anaesthetic or pulling out the glass. Tyler's right hand ended up with a couple of stitches, her right foot wasn't bad and glass free so was merely wrapped but her left foot was a mess, full of glass and needed dozens of stitches, in several different locations. It took hours to clean. She was given ointment and antibiotics and told to keep off her feet for several days and not to put a shoe on her left foot.
She was given a ride back out to the truck in a wheel chair, Olivia half carrying her and helping her inside the warm cab before thanking the nurse and hurrying around to the other side. Sliding in next to Tyler she started the truck and manoeuvred it out of the car park.
They both groaned when they realised it was getting close to 5.30am and the ranch would be just starting to wake up. By the time they got back Olivia might as well just pull up in front of the Mess and help Tyler inside. She wouldn't be moving all day.
The ride home was filled with comfortable silence, each lost in their own thoughts, Olivia still a little stunned by what Tyler had hinted at. After 12 years in SVU she shouldn't be but this was different, this was her lover, her life partner and Tyler's pain and anguish was hers as well.
As they approached the Ranch Olivia frowned when she thought she saw the reflection of a vehicle ahead in the powerful spotlights.
"Ty is that a vehicle up ahead?" she asked and Tyler squinted hard, making out the tail lights reflecting back at them.
"Looks like it" Tyler frowned "Who but us would be fool enough to be out at this time of day?" she chuckled.
"Maybe we'll get lucky and catch Chase in the act" Olivia stated, but figured it was someone broken down, maybe a ranch hand who lived in town heading out to work for the day. Tyler shot her a look as they got closer to the vehicle, close enough to be able to identify it was a truck, a large black truck.
"Holy Fuck" Tyler breathed and reached for the radio "Fuck me Liv, it is Chase's truck!"
Olivia's jaw fell open in shock, really? Could they be that lucky? She cursed though, they had no weapons, and they were both injured. Then her blood ran cold "Alex" she whispered, fearing Chase was somewhere on the ranch and her friend and her friend's lover might be targets. Tate had already been injured once. Oh God and Sofia and Rafe were there too!
"Tyler!" she exclaimed
"I know, I know. Tyler to base, Tyler to base, urgent" she called through the radio, glancing at the clock 5.40am. Tate should be in the Mess now and able to hear it, her ma may even be in the kitchen in the main house, Callum would be up and about in his place too. "Olivia under your seat there should be a pistol"
"What?" Olivia was astounded
"After yesterday I made sure every vehicle has at least one firearm in it. Chase is getting dangerous. I told all the hands so they knew"
"You didn't tell me" Olivia grumbled as she watched as Tyler opened the glove box and pulled out a revolver "Tyler that isn't safe" she scolded as she reached gingerly under her seat and felt cold metal, searching around carefully to withdraw it by the handle to find she held a pistol. She checked the chamber indicator realising that there was no bullet in the chamber. Well that was safer.
"Tyler to base, Tyler to base" Tyler kept calling while Olivia did slow 360's in the middle of the road to look for any signs of their Prime Suspect.
"Base here, Tyler what's the matter?" Judy came back at them.
"Mum, alert everyone now. Olivia and I just came across Chase's truck near our property. After yesterday God knows what he's up to"
"Tyler you don't know it's Chase, he could have broken down" Judy was still stubborn in her belief that neighbours didn't hurt neighbours.
"Mother I love you but stop thinking with your heart and start thinking with your head. I'll apologise later if it isn't him. Get the ranch hands out and searching NOW" Tyler ordered and Olivia reached over gently and placed a hand on her thigh.
"Easy love, your mother is just stuck in the old ways" Olivia calmed her and Tyler took a deep breath to relax.
"Yeah well the old ways could get someone hurt if she doesn't hurry up" Tyler raised the radio again "Mother please just do as I ask OK"
There was no answer and Tyler and Olivia shared a concerned look.
"Base to Tyler I copied that, I will get the hands out" Callum came over the airways and Tyler nodded but was concerned about her mother's lack of response. She tried her mother again, still no response. Olivia made up her mind and floored it, heading back to the house.