Reflection Essay
Chapter One | Detention
Nobody really enjoyed the weekly staff meeting at Balamb Garden. Every Wednesday afternoon at 1600 hours, all instructors, faculty staff and a handful of rank A SeeDs sat themselves in the spacious staff room on the third floor, presided over by Headmaster Cid.
Not that he did much talking. Headmaster Cid would always start the meetings in his amiable manner, giving an impression of wanting to chat and genuinely check in with his staff, but within five minutes he would be interrupted by the two deputy faculty members, Instructor Shiro and Instructor Lars. They routinely ran the meeting in the same perfunctory, dry manner, leaving no room for difference in opinion.
Though it wasn't for lack of trying. There were a few instructors and SeeDs, and even the headmaster himself, who attempted to reasonably challenge a decision that seemed set in stone long before the meeting had started, or to offer a different approach and method in how certain things were run.
It was always met with a cold, hard shut down. Now everyone learnt to just dully sit there and go through the motions.
The only person who did enjoy these meetings was Quistis Trepe. She sat at prim, peak attention, eyes on whoever was speaking (usually one of the two deputies) and listening dutifully to each report and dull detail ranging from Garden curriculum to the menu of organic and healthy meals the cafeteria ought to be serving.
Xu liked to tease Quistis about her avid attention. It just went to show how much of a newbie she really was. She told Quistis to give it a year before she really saw how pointless it all was.
Today's meeting was a little bit interesting, at least. Even Xu sat up straighter as Headmaster Cid announced the arrival of a new shipment of monsters in two days' time, monsters that weren't Grats or T-Rexaurs. The contentious decision had finally been approved a month ago after several weeks of debate, and everyone who actually still went out on the field was looking forward to some new exotic monsters.
That had only taken about fifteen minutes of the meeting, though, and now they were looking at some dry policy document. Xu rifled through hers feverishly to see how many pages there were to go, and wondered why the faculty always wasted so much paper printing this stuff that nobody read, and yet were so stingy about everything else.
Could've been an email, she thought gloomily as Shiro's monotonous voice droned on in the background. She tuned in long enough to turn the page, the sheafing sound echoed all around her.
"Boots. Boots. What is this about boots on the ground?" murmured Shiro at the end of the page, glasses perched over his nose. Several of the Garden staff sitting around him merely shrugged. Headmaster Cid frowned at his document, peering closer at it. Everyone else clearly weren't following along.
It was Quistis who spoke, an arm raised in the air.
"It's a synecdoche for our cadets and SeeDs, sir," she said diligently and politely. "Boots representing the soldier as a whole."
"A what?" Instructor Shiro frowned at her, nonplussed.
"A synecdoche. A figure of speech in which a part is made to represent the whole. Like bread to represent food or suits to refer to business people."
A slight pause met the end of her words. Quistis shifted in her seat, wondering if she ought to clarify herself even more or if she should just wait a bit longer for the penny to drop -
Then a voice to her right spoke up, sardonic and dry.
"It's si-nek-duh-kee , Instructor Trepe," remarked Instructor Aki. "But that's alright, you're only young. Perhaps a few years more years and you'll know the proper pronunciation for bigger words." A few snickers met the end of his speech which were disguised quickly as coughs.
Quistis tensed. Hot embarrassment surged inside her but she kept her head up and gaze steady, maintaining the facade. As always.
"I stand corrected. Synecdoche," she said with dignity, inclining her head.
Instructor Shiro still seemed confused, but merely said, "Right. Moving on," and continued to plough on through the rest of the policy document.
At last the meeting was over and they were all dismissed. Xu widened her eyes significantly at Quistis as they exited the staff room but Instructor Lars called her back.
"Instructor Trepe. I need to speak to you."
"Instructor Lars," she acknowledged, turning round to him.
He had put back on his yellow hat, casting a shadow over his eyes and hiding most of his expression. Not that it really mattered. The Garden faculty were always austere and apathetic.
"You have no other additional duties on Friday. You are to preside over the evening detention beginning at 2100 hours."
"This Friday night?" asked Quistis.
"2100 hours. That is all."
He looked rigidly and expectantly at her and she quickly snapped to attention and bowed. One more wooden look and he had turned away in a swish of robes.
Quistis sighed internally. She really enjoyed being an instructor and put all her effort and energy into doing it flawlessly, but she never did feel good enough in front of the other instructors and the senior faculty. They didn't outright say it but they didn't have to; her rookie status seemed to sour the air all around her and became more prominent from every word they said or didn't say.
The rank A SeeDs were fine and she always got along with them. And thank goodness for Xu, who'd been in it long enough she swiftly cut down any insecurities or anxieties Quistis was brave enough to voice aloud.
"Aki is a grade A asshole. Asshole with a capital A," the older SeeD said petulantly later on as they sat in the cafeteria for dinner. "Whenever he turns around I like to give him a little greeting." Xu made an obscene gesture with her middle finger which made Quistis choke on her drink.
"You do not," she said reproachfully.
"You bet I do. I relish in it."
"Oh dear, Xu."
"Anyway those stuffy instructors and faculty can go eat a bag of dicks - "
"Xu."
"Oh sorry, no D-word around you, right. Can go eat a bag of phalluses. They're so pretentious. They have no idea what it's like being on the field anymore," continued Xu emphatically. "When I first made SeeD, Aki congratulated me for not having so many 'women feelings' and that I'd better not let them get in the way of a mission. Dick. Whoops, sorry."
Quistis had to chuckle, spearing a piece of baby corn with her fork.
"What did Lars want with you?"
"Oh. I have to take the detention on Friday night."
Xu made a noise of sympathy. "Friday night? Damn, girl. Sucks being the rookie instructor."
"Is that what you all call me behind my back?"
"I'm telling it to you straight to your face, Quistis."
Quistis rolled her eyes and Xu chortled. "They'll find someone else to pick on soon, don't worry," she said bracingly. "Stop caring so much about what anyone thinks and just make sure those kids don't pass out on the field exam." She glanced around and lowered her voice, "How many are you thinking, anyway?"
"Just four from my class," answered Quistis in an undertone. "No one else is ready."
"All passed the prereq?"
"One still needs to go to the Fire Cavern."
"Better get onto it soon, Trepe."
"I know."
Quistis was kept busy over the next two days, marking written examinations and overseeing cadet training. She was given an extra class to cover on Friday morning and by the afternoon she was ready for the day to be over, only to be approached by a student runner delivering messages. Quistis glanced down at the slip of paper and realised it was the list of students who would be attending detention that evening.
Her eyes popped a little when she saw the amount of names on the list. Five students on detention? That seemed excessive. She'd mostly presided detentions with two or three students. What on earth had everyone been doing lately to warrant them this? To warrant her this on a Friday night?
Quistis scanned the names. She recognised one or two vaguely and could put a face to them, but she grimaced when she saw the last one. One all too familiar.
Seifer Almasy.
Of course he was on this list. It was extremely ironic (and inappropriate, she thought) that the head of the disciplinary committee ended up being disciplined himself many times. Quistis herself had given Seifer detention on a few occassions, and she really tried hard never to do that to any of her students.
He was such a vexing student. A thorn to her side. The bane of her teaching existence. Undermining wisecracks at the tip of his tongue, an utter lack of respect for her authority, incomplete work or just plain not submitted, always with that brazen grin and eyes dancing with mockery and mirth.
Not for lack of trying on Quistis' part. When she'd been granted the role of instructor a mere eleven months ago, she vowed to be the kind of patient, caring mentor that saw through a student's difficult behaviour to the cry for attention and encouragement that was hidden underneath. She would not be prejudiced, she would not lose her cool or write them off as being difficult, and eventually her patience and unlimited kindness would win them over.
Right?
Right.
For the most part being an instructor hadn't been difficult. Sure the other instructors and faculty staff made sure to remind Quistis of her rookie status, but the students had taken well to her, aided and abetted by her fan club (which she tried hard to ignore). Most of the students were happy to be studying at Garden and had their own vested interests for doing well, so intrinsic motivation wasn't difficult to find.
But Seifer was a different kettle of fish. It was small comfort that he was a troublesome student for all his instructors, but he did seem to be especially defiant with her. With a kind of relish and satisfaction that was infuriating.
And Quistis just didn't understand why. Seifer had always been around in her cadet days. She didn't remember too well but she was sure he was never quite this antagonistic. Her memories were somewhat hazy from those years (probably from all the intense training and studying that had consumed her), but the lingering feeling she had was that they might even have been friendly with each other, if not a little competitive.
But now he just seemed to go out of the way to defy her order. It was exhausting. Discouraging. Nothing she tried worked on him. Unending kindness and patience he just took advantage of; strictness and toughness he outright undermined.
Suffice to say, Quistis wasn't looking forward to presiding this detention tonight.
At a quarter to nine she left her dormitory to make her way up to the classroom where the detention would be held, armed with a water bottle, a heavy volume on blue magic and the list of students she would be expecting.
There were already two people waiting outside the room when she got there. Both young, no older than thirteen years, a boy and a girl with a kind of innocent and eager-to-please air that didn't fit the bill of students going on detention. The boy was wiry and short with dark curly hair, the buttons of his uniform done all the way up. The girl had her blonde hair tied up in a neat ponytail and was carrying a sparkly green pencil case and a notebook. Quistis recognised her from one of her classes.
Both of them had been chatting when she approached but stopped immediately and snapped to attention when they saw her.
"Good evening, Instructor," stammered the boy.
"Hello, Instructor Trepe," the girl said breathlessly.
Quistis assessed the way their faces lit up as she drew to a stop before them, tucking everything under one arm to pull out her keycard. Are they… Trepies?
She cringed at the term. But it was easier to call them that than "students who are a little too obsessed with the idea of who I am for reasons unbeknownst to me".
"Hello, Addie," she said benignly to the girl who promptly beamed. She was surprised to see her there. Addie Bailey was an attentive, well-behaved, conscientious student. "And I'm not sure of your name…?"
"Sebastian Iguo, Instructor," the boy replied eagerly.
"Ah, yes. Let's go inside."
They had done no more than file inside and turn on the lights when another student arrived.
She was an attractive girl with wavy dark hair bleached to a violet ombre at the ends. Once again Quistis recognised this student and was surprised to see her. Midori Cole was known for being a social butterfly and involved in a number of extra-curricular activities, but she was also very studious and diligent and always in the good graces of her instructors. A model student.
"Hello, Instructor," she greeted politely with a bow before she chose a desk near Addie.
"Hello, Midori. You're here too?"
"Yep."
"What happened?"
"I skipped a class."
"You skipped a class?" Addie piped up, eyebrows contracted. "That's badass."
Midori threw the younger girl an amused smile, "Badass? Thanks. I've never thought of myself that way."
"Which class did you skip?" asked Quistis reprovingly.
"Instructor Aki's. Modern Magic. I can learn more from a textbook than from that man. Sorry if that's disrespectful, Instructor."
Quistis smothered a smile.
"Anyway, guys, if you get Instructor Aki in the future just choose a different subject. Or skip it. Just don't get caught. You didn't hear anything, Instructor."
They were interrupted then by the arrival of the fourth student. Tall and the oldest so far with the kind of good looks and cocky air of a boy perhaps too confident in his own skin. He walked in casually and gave Quistis a sure, charming smile as he inclined his head.
"Instructor Trepe."
Quistis glanced down at her list to the only name left she didn't recognise. "Aston Lee?"
"That's me."
"Take a seat, please."
"Certainly. Before I do, I must ask - how do you always look so radiant, Instructor?"
Quistis stared. Aston continued to smile at her, his gaze almost predatory. Much too bold for a student. From the corner of her eye she could see Addie and Sebastian stare open-mouthed, and Midori shift in her seat as if suppressing a laugh.
"Take a seat, please, Cadet Lee," Quistis found her voice a second later than she'd liked, injecting as much no-nonsense as she could. She shook her head slightly as Aston did just that, not at all perturbed.
The chatty, almost friendly atmosphere that had been present now vanished with Aston's arrival. Quistis was forcibly reminded of her role as a teacher and was determined to maintain the appropriate space and boundaries. So she remained silent and so did the four students as they waited for the clock to tick over to nine o'clock.
Her lips thinned.
8:58PM… Typical Seifer. Probably going to be late. Or not turn up at all. That wouldn't be too bad, she reflected hopefully, it would certainly make the evening easier…
At exactly 9PM the door slid open and Seifer stepped into the classroom. Tall, hulking, formidable as always. The tension in the room thickened even more, and Quistis did not miss the way the students stiffened up at his presence. Addie and Sebastian averted their eyes but their body language was uncomfortable; Aston levelled a challenging look at Seifer in a way that reminded Quistis of a dog sizing up another dog; Midori, on the other hand, perked up slightly with visible interest.
Which rather annoyed Quistis. Seifer always did command the room and attract so much attention. A part of her wanted to grab the shoulders of all the girls who fawned over him and shake them, telling them to run.
"I'm here, I'm here," he announced lazily. Seifer smirked as he made a show of standing right in front of Quistis' desk, in full view of everyone, and bowed deeply. "Always a pleasure, Instructor Trepe."
"Sit down, Seifer." Quistis tried to keep her tone as even as possible.
She watched with a critical eye as he slowly walked to the back of the room. She didn't see his face, but judging by everyone else's eyes he had to be wearing that trademark careless grin. Everyone's expressions were stony and set, except once again for Midori who was a little pink.
Quistis took a deep mental breath, feeling as she always did before addressing a class, and stood up.
"Now that we're all here, we can begin. I don't want to make this anymore difficult than it needs to be, so let me tell you what is expected of this detention."
"While you are here tonight, you are to compose a seven hundred word essay reflecting on your actions and how you are to correct them. And when I say essay, I mean an essay, not a single word repeated seven hundred times." At this she looked pointedly at the one figure lounging at the back, ever casual and unconcerned. His sea-green eyes glimmered back at her.
"You are members of a prestigious military academy and training to represent an elite force; it is high time you learn that your actions are not taken as an individual, but as a whole. Do you understand?"
"Yes, Instructor Trepe."
"Understood."
Only one voice failed to respond and Quistis repressed a sigh as she turned her eyes to him again expectantly, levelling her best instructor glare.
It never worked on Seifer. She should've known. If anything it made him more amused.
He just arched an eyebrow, hands in his pockets, legs leaned out in front of him. "Do you even know why any of us are here, Instructor?" he asked, and there was that subtle sarcastic inflection he always put on her title.
Quistis would have blinked blankly had she not been channeling her professional demeanour. That was not what she'd been expecting him to say.
And no, she had no idea why any of them were here tonight, save Midori. This did seem like an oversight on the part of whoever organised this detention, but Quistis didn't have time to dwell on admin problems.
"You can explain that in your compositions," she replied stoutly. "You will not be leaving this room until they are finished and of a satisfactory standard. Are there any questions?"
The students shook their heads, except for Sebastian who shakily put his hand up. Quistis looked at him and he spoke in a nervous yet determined voice.
"Instructor - please. I just want to make a case for myself, if that's allowed. I really don't think I belong here and that my actions don't justify my being on detention - "
"Give it a rest, Iguo," called out Aston from the side. "None of us believe we should be here. It's freaking Friday night at nine PM."
"Yeah, I had to miss a party for this - "
"Where are you having parties here on campus?" Addie wanted to know, nonplussed.
Midori smiled in a conspiring manner. "You'll find out when you're older, little one."
"It's not that I don't want to be here with you, Instructor Trepe," ploughed on Sebastian imploringly. "It's just that I thought an open discussion about my supposed misadventure might be productive - "
"I'm afraid I'm not here to have that kind of discussion, Cadet Iguo. I didn't make this decision. Perhaps that is something you can expound on in your essay and take it up with the Garden faculty."
"But they're so strict and unbending, Instructor. They're not like you. You're so kind and understanding, you listen to your students, you value our thoughts and opinions…"
Quistis glowed in spite of herself. She was practically certain this kid was a Trepie, but it still felt good to hear words of such high praise.
"I wasn't aware you were in one of my classes, Cadet Iguo…?"
"Unfortunately I'm not, but if you'd like to have me I would be delighted to join. Any class, really, I'm not particular…"
"Instructor Trepe's basic junctioning class is really very good," said Addie earnestly, "I've learnt so much from you, Instructor."
"Instructor," spoke up Aston suddenly. "Do you think I've been in any of your classes?"
"I… I can't say that I remember, Cadet Lee…?"
"Well, my dear Instructor, I could've sworn we had chemistry together."
There was a full two seconds in which his words made their impact on the room. Aston's face broke into a wide, smarmy grin. Quistis just stared for what seemed like the third time that night, feeling the heat in her face as well as a rigid shock permeate her senses.
That was enough for Seifer who snorted, drawing all eyes to him.
"Wouldn't bother with that crap, Lee," he said in a snide voice, eyes twinkling malevolently at Quistis. "Pretty sure Instructor Trepe's elemental, cold as ice and frigid as a doorknob - "
Her embarrassment was now replaced with a flare of anger and she opened her mouth to reprimand Seifer, but to her immense surprise several angry voices spoke up before she did.
"Hey, don't talk about Instructor Trepe like that!"
"Yeah, you shut your mouth!"
"That's enough, everyone!" Quistis said sharply, standing up in her spot and putting her hands on her hips. Hyne. It had only been fifteen minutes and she was already starting to feel things were slipping out of control. To her relief they all fell silent although the blonde girl and two boys glared in Seifer's direction who merely returned the sentiment with a smirk.
"You will begin your essays now," she continued in a steely voice. "I will be checking in with each of you in half an hour. There will be no more talking. Is that understood?"
"Yes, Instructor."