A/N: Well! Here's my third chapter! This is part of my birthday present for my friend Lawrence (HI, LAWRENCE). We have a nice little kiss in this chapter, so enjoy!

CHAPTER THREE:

Donkeys and Clowns

* * PART ONE * *

"You still don't have a date for Hogsmeade?"

"Er... no..."

"Mm, I don't know, tomorrow's Hogsmeade, and -"

"Oh, sod off, Nat," and Sirius walked into the Great Hall. Girls suddenly appeared in front of him, blushing and smiling flirtatiously.

"Hi Sirius -"

"Tomorrow's Hogsmeade -"

"Have a date?"

"I mean if you want -"

The mound of girls became greater and greater as Sirius soon lost sight of Natalia. Suddenly he caught a mound of black hair and he grabbed her shoulder. A plan stirred in his mind as he spoke loudly.

"Sorry girls, I'm going to Hogsmeade with Nat?" he said desperately.

"I'd love to!" said Natalia cheerfully, covering up for him smoothly. The throng of girls let out a disappointed sigh, and a couple of boys at the desks shot Sirius death glares as the pair left for the Great Hall.

What? Sirius is going with Nat?" James blurted, "when did this happen?"

Lily looked especially shocked. She glanced worriedly at Natalia for an explanation.

"Work of Fate," Natalia smiled as Sirius grumbled into his dinner, "Sirius needed an excuse to get out of that crowd."

She grinned at Lily, who relaxed and smiled back. Remus raised his eyebrows but didn't comment on the girls' peculiar behavior. Twenty minutes later, Natalia suddenly hit Sirius hard in the arm.

"What was that for?" he yelled, rubbing his arm.

"You were going to weasel out of getting asked a date by telling people you were going with me!" Natalia snapped, "Since when was this planned?"

"Did you see the girls out there? They were going to bloody force me to go with them!"

"Does it look like I bloomin' give a -"

"Lover's fight," Peter mumbled.

"After all my note-taking for you, this is what I get?"

"I guess it is!"

"Stop your bloody bickering!" James roared, "It's hard enough eating this horrible casserole Mum gave me!"

Natalia and Sirius quieted, but continued to glare at each other.

"I never knew you could send food through long-distance owl post," remarked Remus mildly, glancing at the sickly green dish. James groaned.

"You can't," he said as he tossed it onto a plate of roast beef and grabbed a couple of Cornish pasties.

"Lily?"

"I'm here, Nat."

Natalia hurried over to the bed. "What are you doing? You're supposed to meet James at ten! And it's..." she looked at her watch, "nine-forty."

"It's a crisis, Nat, a crisis!" Lily suddenly cried. Natalia looked extremely worried.

"What happened?" she asked, furrowing her brows. Lily bit her lip.

"I... I..." she began.

"Lily Evans! What kind of bloody crisis is this?" Natalia shouted. In her right hand, she held a light green blouse. In the other, she held a blue shirt with long sleeves and flower design.

"I don't know which one to choose!" Lily wailed. In her hands, she held three pairs of different looking shoes.

Natalia rolled her eyes. She nearly tore open Lily's trunk of clothes and randomly through out clothes.

"Here, put on these," she said shortly, shoving the pile of clothing into Lily's arms and dragging her into the bathroom, "Get dressed in five minutes."

She walked out, thoroughly steamed, but she couldn't help but feel the slightest amused.

In five minutes, Lily stepped out into the dormitories. Natalia barely gave her a glance and clapped her hands.

"Bravo, let's go," she grabbed her again.

"Are you sure I look all right?" she whispered worriedly, tugging at her clothes.

"Yes, you look wonderful, Lily," Natalia replied exasperated, "but I didn't know you became such a Robertson."

Lily snatched her hand back and stopped; looking as though it was the worst insult she had ever been given.

"I am not Shara Robertson," she retorted angrily. Natalia chuckled and patted her head.

"'Course you aren't. I'm just confused as to why you're so worried about Hogsmeade. It's just Potter, you know," she said mischievously. Lily tried to look dignified.

"It's an outing," she explained a-matter-of-factly. "It's only polite to spend some time on your appearance."

"If you say so, Lil," Natalia laughed to herself.

When they reached the front entrance, Lily suddenly went into a nervous frenzy, tugging at her clothes and brushing her hair. She nearly used her wand to summon her makeup, until Natalia slapped her.

"And be glad there's no bruise on your cheek," Natalia had said. Lily was still self-conscious, so with a yielding sigh, she conjured up a mirror for Lily to see for herself.

Lily stared. There she was, clad in a simple brown top, which she never wore because she thought it was too brown. But, it seemed to fit perfectly with a faint purple skirt with a floral design that flounced at the bottom. She wore no socks, but practical, black sandals that gave her a slight elevation off the ground. Her dark red hair framed her face, falling gracefully below her shoulders. The makeup would've been too much, she thought to herself, satisfied with her appearance.

"Nat, thanks." She smiled warmly, her green eyes twinkling happily. Natalia blew at her nails.

"I have bloody good fashion sense, if I do say so myself." She grinned, "Come on, your date awaits!"

She swung open the front doors dramatically.

"Lily, you look fantastic!" James ran over, grinning at the red-headed girl. Lily blushed slightly, but mouthed an innocent 'what?' when Natalia raised her eyebrow, cocking her head to one side.

"Should we go line up?" James motioned to the queue line, where Filch was signing out the students. Lily nodded her head.

"Have fun with Prince Charming," Natalia whispered so that only Lily could hear. Lily gaped at her, but took the hand that James' offered her and began walking out of the grounds. Natalia winked, and disappeared back into the Hogwarts grounds, bumping into an already changed Sirius.

"Ready to go?" he asked, before looking at Natalia's changed shirt and skirt. "Okay, bad question. You were probably ready a long time ago."

"Unlike a certain Miss Evans," she remarked amusedly.

Sirius grinned, ignoring the envious looks they got from the other people around them.

"You - you aren't still sore about yesterday?" Sirius asked in amazement the next day at breakfast. Natalia blinked.

"What should I be sore about?" she asked, then narrowed her eyes, "Were you acting like a drunk monkey again?"

"What? No!" Sirius held up his hands, "I didn't! I thought you'd still be sore about me asking you out," he said, looking slightly embarrassed about his statement.

Natalia snorted.

"Nah," she stuck out her tongue and smiled, "You're too adorable to be mad at for long." She playfully pinched his cheek.

"I am not adorable!" Sirius said in protest, his words somewhat slurred from Natalia still pinching his cheek.

"Aww, you're as adorable as a teddy bear!" She exclaimed, pinching his cheek even harder.

"I am macho and manly!" Sirius shouted randomly, his cheek starting to hurt.

Natalia stared at him before she burst out laughing, letting go of his cheek.

"That's got to be -"

(Hahahahahahaha)

"the worst comeback -"

(Hahahahahahahaha haha hahahahaha)

"EVER!"

She wiped her eyes, cheeks red from laughing.

"I can always count on you for a laugh," she patted him on the back.

"More like ridiculing laugh," he muttered, rubbing his cheek.

"Fine, what can I do to make it up to you?" She crossed her arms, still grinning.

He pretended to think, scrunching up his face. Suddenly he came up with a devious thought.

"You promise to do anything?" he said innocently.

"Sure..." she said, looking at him suspiciously.

"Instead of walking, you have travel in handstands for the entire day," he said triumphantly, remembering the time Natalia had done a handstand in fourth year.

"What? I can't do that! I'll die of the blood going to my head!" she protested, "I'd - I'd rather kiss a donkey!"

"Then do it, kiss a donkey." He smirked, watching Natalia amusedly. "You don't have to travel in handstands if you kiss a donkey. On the lips," he added.

"Fine," Natalia muttered, before she got a gleam in her eyes. She walked over to Sirius and planted a sudden, light kiss on his lips, despite the furious girls (and boys) watching. She let go quickly, smirking at Sirius' shocked expression.

"I thought I said a donkey," said Sirius slowly, the shock still in his eyes.

"Well, Sirius, you are quite an ass sometimes," she snickered as she pushed him out the portrait hole, "Have a nice day!" The Fat Lady closed in his face.

Sirius stood, staring at the Fat Lady, trying to comprehend what just happened. It took him a while to realize that he had just been insulted when Natalia had kissed him. For some reason, he wasn't too upset with her.

* * PART TWO * *

"Bloody hell, Nat! My nose is purple!" Sirius bellowed the next morning. Natalia looked at him, amused, while sipping a hot mug of milk.

"I was trying to look at Mars, Sirius," she said simply. "Mars was in the opposite direction!"

"That was when I realized that you couldn't see the sun during the night," Natalia smiled cheekily at him. Sirius glared at her, rubbing his nose tenderly.

"If you want, you could go to Madam Pomfrey," Lily pointed out as she read her usual copy of Transfiguration Today, "She'd have it fixed for you."

"It's really swelling up, mate," James added, "Nat slammed that telescope pretty hard."

"Tripping me was bad enough!" Sirius complained, "but honestly, the telescope!" Natalia rolled her eyes patronizingly as she set her mug down and grabbed Sirius by the arm.

"Come on, to Madam Pomfrey we go," she said, trying to sound annoyed to suppress her laughter. Along the way, many people holding onto newspapers were pointing and whispering at what seemed to be Natalia and Sirius. Thinking that they were whispering at his nose, Sirius growled at her.

"See? They're all talking about my bruise!"

"Be quiet, it'll be gone in five minutes," she told him, and looked at the people. They immediately turned away and pretended to be chatting to their friends, though not very subtly.

"Back again are we?" Madam Pomfrey peered at them, "what happened this time?"

"He tripped, and then a telescope bumped into his nose," Natalia explained, resisting the urge to laugh. Sirius glared at her.

Madam Pomfrey looked at Natalia, who was trying hard not to smile.

"Trying to get a look at Uranus, I assume?" she raised her eyebrows knowingly.

"Mars," she broke out into laughs. Madam Pomfrey shook her head as she applied a yellow paste onto Sirius' nose. Within seconds, the bruise was gone and Sirius was back to looking flawless.

"There you go, young man," Madam Pomfrey said, "off to classes, go! I don't ever want to see you here again, you hear me?"

Sirius and Natalia nodded as they walked out of the Hospital Wing and to their first class. Whether they planned to heed her words, was subject to debate.

"Eye of newt, and toe of frog, wool of bat and tongue of dog!" Sirius cackled to himself. Natalia looked up from her work and raised an eyebrow at him.

"Brilliant, Shakespeare, but this is Muggle Studies," she laughed, "and this," she held up a Muggle paper bill, "is not an eye of newt."

"Shakespeare was Muggle, and this is Muggle Studies, so I think a quote from ole Billy is quite appropriate," Sirius replied smugly.

"Actually, recent discoveries have stated that Shakespeare might have been a wizard," Natalia said, "that's why he's so well-known in our world."

"Fine, hand me that paper thingy over there," he reached out his hand.

"Adder's fork, and blind-worms sting, lizard's leg and owlet's wing!" Natalia crowed as she gave him a fistful of paper money.

"For a charm of powerful trouble, like a hell-broth boil and bubble," recited Sirius loudly, earning strange looks from people working beside them, one including a tall, brown-haired Hufflepuff boy.

"Double, double, toil and trouble, fire burn and cauldron bubble!" Natalia cackled wildly, waving her arms in the air. Sirius barked a laugh as she threw confetti of money, watching it scatter all around the room.

"Miss Lynx! Pick those up and ten points from Gryffindor!" Professor McGrognon snarled, "And stop reciting Muggle poetry!"

"But this is Muggle Studies, Professor," Natalia said innocently. Professor McGrognon glared at her before turning away. Sirius snickered as she gathered the paper up with her wand.

"Add there to a tiger's cauldron, for the ingredients of our cauldron," Sirius whispered, "Double, double, toil and trouble -"

"Fire burn, and cauldron bubble," Natalia replied, aiming her wand, "cool it with a baboon's blood -"

"Then the charm is firm and good," Sirius finished, aiming his wand as well.

"Transformus Balatro!" they muttered at the same time. Two streams of white lights sprung from their wands and hit Professor McGrognon. The professor was suddenly dressed in an overly large, bright yellow suit with red polka dots, and wearing long red shoes. His balding hair was replaced with twisted, rainbow colored curls.

The Professor turned round, revealing a white face with bright colored makeup. Even with his white makeup, his face was beet red.

"Like a hell-broth, boil and bubble," Natalia snickered as the two of them returned to examining their Muggle money.