After packing all of the boxes and bags full of things for the wedding as well as supplies salvaged from the shopping center, Michonne slammed the trunk shut and turned toward the others, who were talking about what the next move would be.
"There is just one more stop I would like to go to," Beth said.
"It's almost dark," Daryl argued.
"This is important to me Daryl! I just want to visit our farm." Beth continued.
Michonne leaned against the trunk of the car. "Hear her out."
Beth smiled. "I just want to get some of mom's things, we haven't been to the farm since the herd..."
There was still a little doubt in Daryl's eyes. Carol saw this and gently grabbed his arm. He quickly turned her head to her. "It will only take a few minutes I'm sure."
"So this used to be your place huh?" Michonne said as she sat in the back seat with Beth.
Beth nodded. There was a distant stare in her eyes as the car drove into her old driveway. This was the first time she had returned to the farm, or had any of her family members returned. She stared at the black pile of ashes and burned wood which used to be her barn, where they kept the zombified versions of her family, friends, and neighbors. She stared at the rotting corpses scattering across the fields where she used to ride her horse, which were probably ripped apart in their own stalls months ago. The whole farm was just a painful memory. It used to her home, now it was just a grave.
Daryl, in the driver's seat, looked over to Beth and Michonne in the mirror. He saw the pain and sadness in Beth's face, but there was a purpose in her coming back, that was all that kept her from crying. As he parked in front of the house, he looked over to Carol. She had remained quiet the whole ride. She was turned away from him so that he could not see his eyes, but Daryl saw something change in her than from earlier. There was a strange emptiness in her being, like she was actually there beside him, but somewhere far away.
Daryl pulled the car into the drive and looked around for any other stray walkers. It looked relatively empty and quiet. "You think any got in the house?" Beth asked fearfully, while staring at the dark hallway through the front door.
"We'll stick together," Michonne reassured her as she opened the car door and stepped outside. Beth followed her and held a tight grip on her knife.
Daryl popped open the driver's seat door and turned over to Carol, who was still sitting in her quiet, thoughtful position away from him. "You coming?" She didn't respond. "Hey." Daryl snapped his fingers. "You listening?"
Carol slowly turned her head towards him, smiling blankly. "Actually...um I think I'll just go for a walk. Is that okay?"
Daryl scratched his head and looked around the empty farm. "Be back in fifteen minutes."
Carol smiled. She quickly got out of the car. "Yeah don't worry about me. You better check out the house. See if one or two lurkers are hanging around."
Daryl nodded but still watched as Carol quietly walked away, arms crossed. After a few seconds, he slung his crossbow over his shoulder and went up the road to follow Carol.
"I thought you were going inside," Carol said as Daryl began to walk beside her.
"It's best we're not alone," Daryl responded, but this was only a small part of the reason why he followed her. He looked over at her and she had an empty, but thoughtful look on her face. "You didn't come to just stretch your legs huh?" Carol didn't respond. They just walked together in silence for a while in a straight direction. After a few minutes Daryl realized their destination, and then made sense of why Carol came with them today. She knew they would end up back here.
Beth quickly led the way to he father's old room, Michonne close behind her watching intently for any stray walkers. Once they reached the room, the door was shut. Beth took hold of the handle and slowly twisted it. As it opened, Beth was welcomed with a familiar sight. Beth smirked. "A mess, as usual." She poked head in and looked around just in case, then she stepped in and immediately went into her father's closet.
Michonne followed closely behind her and watched as Beth quickly pulled out everything from the closet. "What are you looking for?"
"Something that belonged to mom," Beth said intently.
"Oh." Michonne sat down on the bed across from the closet and watched her. "If you don't mind me asking, what happened to your mother?"
Beth paused and thought over a response. "She died." Then she went back to her work. "Daddy thought he could save her somehow, that one day they could all be saved. So he locked her in the barn, and we fed them. And we just went on with our usual schedule, until the group showed up on our doorstep." She sighed. "You must think we're crazy don't you? Us believing in something so absurd, clinging to it."
Michonne smiled comfortingly. "No. Believe me, I understand."
Beth to her words to heart and smiled. "Anyway, long story short, when they found out they killed them, all of them. After that Daddy was so angry, so hurt. He spent the next hour locked in here ripping up all of mom's things, her clothes, her photos, her wedding dress." She pulled out small hat box from the back of the closet and delicately opened it. She quickly tossed it aside when she didn't find what she wanted. "Ugh it's not here! I just... I just want something from Mom's. Just something to make her present." Beth looked under the bed and pulled out some more boxes, all useless. "Nothing!" she yelled again in frustration. She moved around to another walk-in closet across the room. As Beth appeared out of sight Michonne listened to the rustling and busy moving of objects, until suddenly it stopped.
Michonne jumped of the bed and walked into the closet. Beth was sitting on the floor, surrounded by piles of clothes, boxes, and other items Beth found useless. She sniffled as she began to shed a tear. "It's here. Mom."
"Sophia? Sophia baby? Can you hear me?" Carol kneeled before her daughter's grave and placed a small flower that she pressed and put in her pocket on the grass. "Happy Birthday baby girl." Daryl watched as he stood behind her, arms crossed. "Mommy loves you Sophia. She loves you so much." Although he heart was heavy, Carol didn't cry. She shed all her tears long ago. For days and nights she cried about her beloved daughter, so much so that now she had nothing left. She had said these words over and over again in her head before. "I miss you so much baby. I... I'm... I'm sorry Sophia."
Daryl watched over her and didn't know what to do. Should he leave her be? Hold her? Tell her that everything will be alright and that Sophia is in a better place? Would that even be the truth? Daryl used up his strength and took a step towards Carol. She didn't look at him nor noticed him. She just stared at the wooden cross before her and gripped the grass under her. Daryl sat down and beside Carol. She didn't respond too it, Daryl looked over at her and sat there with her in silence for a while. He wanted hold her hand and to say something to encourage her, but didn't. After a while Carol finally let loose of all the thoughts in her mind. "It's my fault," she said, still not looking at him.
"No," he said firmly. "It's not."
"Since the beginning everyone said to not blame Rick, it's not Rick's fault. It's no one fault. That's a lie. It's always someone fault, and for a while I did blame Rick. But now I realize that I was just trying to seem innocent. It's my fault. It always has been." Carol confided in Daryl in an emotionless monotone. She was done crying. At least she told herself she was. She told herself over and over again. She wasn't allowed to cry anymore. She owed it to Sophia to be honest. "I was her mother. I should have protected her. I should have gone out as soon as she disappeared, not Rick, not alone."
Daryl faced her. "You were scared. We all were."
"What kind of excuse is that?" she said angrily. "It's because I was scared that Sophia had to live her whole life in fear, fear of her father, fear of walkers, all my fault. I... I... I should have just ended it right at the beginning. I should have made sure she wouldn't have had to endure this."
Daryl was starting to get frightened about what she was saying. Killing her own daughter? Just to save her from her own future? "You don't believe that."
"I don't!?" Carol was now filled with emotion. She was starting to get hysterical. "My baby, my sweet, innocent Sophia died in the woods. She died slowly and painfully. And worst of all, she was alone. I had the choice to end it for her before she suffered. To make it painless. To be there for her." Daryl was struck by these words spewing out of Carol's mouth. He had no idea she had these thoughts or felt this way. She always seemed so optimistic, so strong. Was she really contemplating this? "But I was too weak and too scared to do anything. I was selfish. I thought only of how I needed her. And now this is my punishment..." She then finally faced Daryl. "What's buried here is not my Sophia. This is a thing. And now whenever I try to think of Sophia all I see is this thing!" she yelled angrily. Daryl stared at the woman, paralyzed. What should he do? Tell her that he felt the same? Because, in a way, he did. He would be lying if he said that he wasn't angry with himself over his brother's death, that he wasn't haunted by the image of his brother's dead, lifeless eyes at least once a day. Still, Daryl didn't know how to comfort the woman. Carol fell to the grass, utterly emotionally beaten. "I'm sorry baby. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry..."
Beth delicately held two pearl flower hair pins in her hand and smiled while crying tears of joy. Michonne watched over her while smiling also. "Those are important to you huh?"
Beth gently rubbed her thumb across the pearls and glass. "Daddy gave these to mom one Christmas when I was little and she wore it every Christmas afterward. She always looked beautiful in them, like a queen. Although she wasn't her real mom, she loved Maggie as much as me and promised them to her when she was older." Beth couldn't stop grinning. "I don't know what is but... It's like she's alive again. Holding these... It's like she's never left." Thinking of her mother before, Beth was always reminded of the rotted flesh and the yellow teeth that was gnawing and reaching for her neck. But at that moment it all just flowed away. All that she saw was the bright image of her mother on Christmas morning.
Woah it's been a WHILE huh? Anyway I was really conflicted on which way to go with this story, but now I am making a goal to update at LEAST once a month hopefully more. So give me your thoughts, any ideas are gladly appreciated. Although this story is staying Carol/ Daryl centric, I do want to incorperated other characters into it. Tell me was you think about that!
PLEASE REVIEW! Reviews keep me going!