Author's Note: Ahh, what the hell. I decided just to update. Just so you guys know, I probably won't be posting the next chapter of this for quite awhile. I'm still trying to figure out what to do with this story, and I am in love with every one of these characters. I hope you've enjoyed, and if you'd review, it would give me inspiration to update! :)
I'm not sure how much I like this chapter so please let me know if you have any opinions on how to improve it, etc.
Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or any of the characters. Kurt Hummel/Chris Colfer and Blaine Anderson/Darren Criss are not mine (unfortunately). (I do own Hunter Birdell).
Summary: "There's a knock at the door and Kurt opens it to see a drenched Blaine Anderson looking lost and defeated." Blaine tells his parents about Kurt with disastrous consequences.
Genre: Romance, Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Drama
Warnings: Possible language, abuse
Rating: Upped to M (just to be safe)
Pairings: Kurt/Blaine (Klaine)
COURAGE
It's when Kurt is cleaning out his locker that he pulls out a crumpled Polaroid from underneath his history textbook. He unfolds the picture, pressing it flat against his locker door, and stares, awash with emotion.
The picture is—was—his favorite picture from his time with Blaine. In the photograph, Kurt and Blaine are sitting on a couch at Mercedes's house. Kurt is sitting in Blaine's lap, his head nestled back comfortably against Blaine's shoulder, his smile wide and bright, filling up his entire face. Blaine's head is craned as he plants a kiss on Kurt's cheek, his eyes pressed tightly closed, the curve from his smile pulling up the side of his lips, his eyebrow arched.
Kurt remembers Mercedes's squeal of delight upon taking the picture ("You two are probably the cutest freaking gay boys I will ever see"), remembers Tina's comment as she took a break from making lovey eyes with Mike ("When you guys adopt a baby from China, I'm going to be her godmother"), remembers Santana wink of amusement ("Get a room, you two"), remembers Finn smiling gently at him (probably relieved that Kurt no longer had the hots for Finn himself). He remembers Blaine's warm breath against his ear and his whispered, "God, I love you," and how Kurt flushed pink with happiness and a sense of belonging. He remembers how Mercedes had handed him the Polaroid and how Blaine had stared at it, his eyes radiating absolute joy, and how he had briefly stroked the smiling picture Kurt's cheek before wrapping an arm around real Kurt's waist. He remembers how Blaine had grabbed his hand and forced Kurt to sings with him, loudly and ridiculously, in front of everyone.
He doesn't even realize he's crying until there's a trickle of wetness on his cheek, until he's blinking rapidly to keep the tears from bombarding him.
"Oh," Kurt hears a light voice say, and he turns to see Hunter. Hunter, who looks at him, mouth agape, but eyes full of a new understanding that Kurt has never seen in him before. "It's him."
Kurt doesn't register Hunter's words before he sees the teary film that mists over Hunter's eyes. Hunter's voice is hurt, and he wraps his arms protectively around himself, but he bravely stumbles onward.
"I'm sorry, Kurt. I-I should've known... You're not ready for someone new; I shouldn't have pushed you. I just thought that maybe," his voice cracks painfully onto a higher note, "that if I j-just gave you time, then m-maybe you'd... start to love me. But Kurt, it's okay. If you're okay with it, I... I'd still like to be friends."
And then it hits. Kurt feels his throat close up, but he forces words out anyways.
"Wait, Hunter—wait, no. What do you mean?" There's a climbing desperation in his voice and he wants to stop sounding so weak and pathetic, but he can't help it. He finds himself forcing his hand onto Hunter's arm, grasping distraughtly.
"Kurt, I get it," Hunter says, sounding defeated. He makes a motion to brush Kurt's arm off, but looking at Kurt's face, he drops his hand and lets Kurt continue holding on with a vice-like grip. He looks into Kurt's eyes, his bottom lip wobbling precariously, but he makes an effort to give Kurt a hint of his hitched smile. "I know, Kurt. And Kurt, as I said, it's okay."
"What? What do you know?" Kurt is blinking back tears, "Hunter, please-"
"You still love Blaine," Hunter says, with an offhand shrug, but Kurt can see the blatant pity and pain scrawled all over his face. "And maybe someday you and I can," he swallows hard, "h-have a chance at being together, or maybe I'm not the right person to help you through t-this, but," Hunter swipes his hand across his eyes, a fast, brash motion, "but I still want to be your friend."
Kurt's voice is escalating in alarm. "No, Hunter! I don't love Blaine! He's a jerk, he's an asshole—I hate-"
"-that he left you. That he broke your heart. That he hurt you. That he didn't fight for your relationship," Hunter finishes for him, offering Kurt a tender smile. "But you don't hate him. And God, Kurt, I'd do anything, anything, to be the one to fix—to help—you, but I can't make you love me. You hate what he did to you, but you don't hate him. You still love him."
And with that revelation, it's like Kurt has been hit by a train. He almost staggers from the weight of Hunter's words, and when he calms his breathing to a steady rate, he looks up at Hunter apologetically.
"It's... true," he manages to get out, and he latches onto his now ex-boyfriend. He runs his hands through Hunter's hair and hugs him close, and whispers, "God, Hunter, I'm so sorry."
"I just want you to be happy," is the quiet murmur back, and Kurt closes his eyes and just breathes in his friend's scent. His stomach doesn't do a somersault when Hunter walks by, his heart doesn't start beating faster when Hunter kisses him chastely, his cheeks don't flush with delight every time Hunter compliments him.
Those are the things that happen with Blaine.
Hunter is right.
And with that, Kurt is thrust back into the confusion he was in before.
His friends and family are back to being hypersensitive around him, his grades are slipping because he can't focus in class, his sleep is disrupted with nightmares of Blaine breaking up with him, telling him he's not good enough, and Hunter standing in front of him, an accusing note in his voice and tears spilling from his eyes. He rarely sings in Glee, but mainly looks out, staring at nothing until Mercedes or Tina punches him in the arm.
He's isolating all of his friends. None of them want to be around him; it's as if he's a ticking time bomb and they're afraid that any day now, he'll blow up in their faces.
It takes Tina and Mike sitting at opposite ends of the practice room for Kurt to be shaken into reality. During Glee, Kurt finally notices that the club lacks its general brightness and enthusiasm—and as he looks around to understand why, he sees Tina sitting in a corner by Mercedes and Artie, sniffling as she brushes bright tears from her eyes, her mascara leaving dark streaks, and Mike sitting with Sam and Puck, looking bitterly at the floor like the world has ended. Mercedes is rubbing her hand in circles along Tina's back and throwing a nervous look at Sam, who returns it as he slaps Mike on the back in what is supposed to be a comforting gesture.
After Glee, Kurt clambers after Tina. "Tina, wait!" he says, as he grabs her shoulder, and Tina turns with a look of surprise and almost fear.
"What?" Tina asks, and her expression is one of genuine astonishment. Her makeup smears down her cheek and her lip is trembling precariously.
"Tina, what happened with you and Mike?" Kurt's words are coming out of his mouth in almost an uncontrollable stream, and he watches Tina's face collapse like a house of cards. She doesn't answer, but runs helter-skelter to the girl's bathroom, Mercedes hot on her trail.
"You don't know, do you?" comes a drawl from behind Kurt, and he looks to see Santana, standing by her locker, studying her reflection in her locker door mirror.
"Know what?" Kurt bites back sharply, alarm jumping into his voice.
"Lady Goth and Changster have been bitching at each other all week," Santana says slowly, applying her lipstick. She slams the door and looks at him, flipping her hair. "It finally comes out that Changster's parents don't like Ruby Gloomy and think he can do better than her, and they want him to break up with her. And even though he didn't, he asked her to change to make his parents happy, she got royally pissed, and then now they're both walking around like the Apocalypse has come early."
Santana sashays down the hallway after she's done, but turns back to look at a shell-shocked Kurt. "Hummel, this isn't really my place to say but since I'm a first-class bitch, I don't really give a damn and I'm gonna say it. Things with you and the hobbit didn't work out so hot, and neither did they with the California Gay, but you gotta see that things are moving on, with or without you. Start paying attention to your friends." She swivels her head back around, and continues, her heeled boots clicking the floor.
Kurt stares numbly after her, his reply stuck in his throat because he knows. He knows, that just like Hunter, she's right.
Kurt spends his lunch period wiping tears and makeup off of Tina's face and consoling her, telling her that, no she's not a weirdo Goth freak, and no, she's not ugly in the slightest and that Mike is just being dumb and he'll come around. He talks with Tina on his phone for two hours at nighttime, until her sobs subside, trying to make her feel more whole.
It's kind of hard, really, when he feels like he's in a thousand pieces himself.
When Kurt gets his AP Calculus test back in class and a big, red C- is scrawled at the top, his breath catches in his throat. He's never gotten a grade this low on any of his assignments before. Kurt isn't the smartest student at McKinley, but he prides himself on his good grades—after all, his claim that the bullies will one day be washing his car can't be unfounded.
As he scans through the test to see which questions he's messed up—and there are many red marks to filter through—Kurt fumes.
At the end of Calculus, he stabs the sidewalk with each step running to his car. He's going to take care of things once and for all.
Kurt barges into Dalton's ivy-covered brick building, fury causing his heart to pound wildly in his chest. He walks angrily down the hall, his face flushed, so mad he's nearly seeing red.
He ignores some of the boys that open their dorm doors and look at him with recognition.
"Hey Kurt! How have you been?"
"Kurt, man! Long time no see!"
"Kurt! Where are you going?"
Kurt brushes past a thrilled Thad, ignoring the boy's attempt for a hug, and marches straight down to the room he's looking for. Without knocking, he kicks Blaine's door in, barely registering Wes and David staring up at him in shock from where they sit on Blaine's bed, before he nearly launches himself at Blaine, who's sitting in a chair by his desk.
"What the hell did I do wrong?" he starts, hating himself for the hysteria and the crack in his voice. He slaps Blaine hard across the face. "You owe me that, at least!" Kurt is screaming, crying, and he ignores all of the dorm doors opening and the Dalton students crowding the hallway and Blaine's doorway to get the best view. It's like a damn soap opera, but this isn't a fucking soap opera, it's Kurt's life and everything is so screwed up because of him.
"What the hell, Blaine? How do you go from 'I'm proud of who I am' to 'I'm a damn coward' the next day?" Kurt is spitting in fury; he knows his hair is disheveled, he knows his face is red and blotchy, but frankly, he doesn't give a damn. Blaine looks at him in shock, his hand cupped over the red mark left by Kurt's hand. "Why wasn't I worth fighting for? Who the hell do you think you are? Who gave you the power to make the decision about us?"
And then Kurt's shrieking, unintelligible sounds that turn into barbs of hate. Kurt calls Blaine an asshole, he calls Blaine a delusional, spineless coward who's afraid to come to terms of the truth, and it is absolutely glorious.
Until Blaine starts to fight back.
Because suddenly, Blaine is holding Kurt's arms to prevent Kurt from pummeling him with his fists, and his face is right there up in Kurt's, red and angry, and he's yelling back, throwing his own insults and curses back at Kurt. Kurt has never seen Blaine lose his absolute composure—well, as far as his vocabulary is concerned—but then again, Blaine has been proving new things, lately, huh, like his sudden identity crisis?
And then there are hands on Kurt's back and he sees arms around Blaine's shoulders as Wes and David forcibly tear the boys off of one another. Wes has pulled Kurt off of Blaine and is calling Thad in for extra support, while Blaine has been thrown back into his chair by David.
Kurt glares at Blaine, his eyes fiery and hateful, and bristles. With as much dignity as he can muster, he shrugs Wes and Thad (who look absolutely petrified) off of him and walks impassively toward the door, ignoring the shocked glances and wide eyes of the other Dalton boys.
"I'm sorry."
He hears a voice and turns to see Blaine, standing, rubbing a hand over his cheek.
"Kurt," Blaine offers lamely, tears lacing his voice, his hand raised in surrender, "I-I'm sorry."
And Kurt stalks regally out of Blaine's room and back to his car. As he sits behind his steering wheel, he tries hard to convince himself that he must have allergies because that's the only reason tears are spiking his eyes.
"Mercedes."
"Kurt! Is everything alright, boo?"
"Yeah, everything's fine. So, I was wondering if you'd like to accompany me to the mall today to look at the new Marc Jacobs collection?"
"...Kurt, are you sure everything's alright?"
"Of course. Why wouldn't they be?"
A week goes by and Kurt is surprised at how well he's doing. He's really working on himself, delving into his friendships with the kids in Glee and with Hunter, and refraining from relationships. He's there when Mike does a snazzy dance performance in Glee Club to express his undying love for Tina, and is genuinely happy for them when they're back to being absolutely adorable and exchanging "Asian kisses." He's stopped thinking about Blaine (well at least for every second of the day), his grades are improving, his family seems to find him more tolerable.
He might be able to do this.
That's why, when David calls him to invite him to Warblers benefit concert, Kurt only hesitates for a second before accepting. He can do this. The Dalton boys were good friends to him when he was lost and still a fragile, confused boy hiding from Karofsky, and he can still be friends with them, in spite of the fact that they are all close to his... well him. He can go to the concert and cheer on the Warblers as a team, and ignore Blaine completely, of course.
The day of the concert arrives, and Kurt drives over to Dalton and gives good-natured hugs to his friends, before they push him down to the audience seats where they've reserved a place for him. Kurt has brought Hunter along (for Hunter's own enjoyment, Kurt tries to convince himself, not at all for his own protection), and is glad that the Warblers embrace him with open arms (in spite of the fact that Hunter had foiled Wes and David's futile attempts at Operation: Reunite Kurt and Blaine). Hunter's eyes are alight with excitement, as he's never seen a Glee Club perform other than the New Directions—and possibly the fact that the Warblers are bursting from the seams with talented, good-looking boys.
The lights dim and Kurt sits next to Hunter, his breath hitching as the curtains open.
Kurt's not surprised when the Warbler boys start layering on the notes for "Perfect" by Pink (of course it's the clean version), because if Blaine has had anything to do with it, of course it's a Top 40 song by one of Blaine's favorite artists. Kurt's not surprised that the Warblers are swaying as a unit, synchronized in all their movements to the choreography. Kurt's not surprised that their voices overlap in complete harmony, that they belt out the notes effortlessly.
Kurt is surprised, however, when Wes takes the lead. He finds himself searching through all of the Warblers' faces, and he is surprised when he doesn't see Blaine at all.
Kurt feels something rising in him, a new anxiety. Where is he? Even if Blaine had been informed that Kurt was coming, he would still have come to do the show—after all, all of the proceeds from the concert are being donated to a battered women's shelter, and Blaine is too damn charitable of a person not to show up.
"Where's Blaine?" Hunter whispers in his ear, and Kurt looks at him, shrugging, pretending not to care.
"I don't know."
Kurt doesn't really pay attention to the rest of the Warblers' line-up because he's too busy searching for a smaller boy with chocolate hair and dancing eyebrows.
Blaine doesn't show up the whole time.
It's after the show, when the Warblers are whooping and hi-fiving and hugging that Kurt puts on a false mask of happiness.
"You guys were stunning," he compliments, returning several hugs. "But, um... where was Blaine?" he asks, feigning disinterest.
Thad's forehead is lined with creases. "I'm not sure. He was supposed to be here because he always sings lead and we nearly all had heart attacks when we realized he wasn't here—but Wes took his first solo and then we just alternated from there."
Ah. So Blaine was supposed to be here.
"Where do-" Kurt starts, when he feels a hand on his shoulder and is spun around to meet another face.
It's Wes, and anxiety and shock are etched deep into every one of his futures. He anxiously fumbles his cellphone in his hands. "Kurt, you need to come with me. Blaine's hurt."
Author's Note: AHHHH the cliffhanger! I'm sorry, guys, I had to!
Those of you who don't like Hunter are probably happy. But then... the Klaine angst. I know that Kurt bursting through Dalton was a little bit melodramatic and unrealistic and I'm sorry if you guys think he's OOC but I needed to have him snap somehow.
What do you guys think? Please leave me reviews (if you want me to update!) I literally will leave you guys hanging there... haha I actually draw a lot of inspiration and ideas from my reviews, so please, please leave me feedback. :)
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Also, if you get antsy while waiting for the next update, check out my other Glee stories :) (New Klaine stories include Unexpected and Our Little Hideaway. Crack! fic is Unruly Behavior)
...Thanks guys :)