A/N: okay, this chapter is terrible, but I need it for the next section to make sense, so sorry… please bear with me! I loved the reviews for the last chapter… thank you! Also, LOTS of Zammie in the next chapter… just saying ;)

Previously:

"No" Zach whispered as he gently smoothed my hair away from my face, running his hands through it, brushing out the knots until his fingers couldn't find any more. His hands moved gently to my hand, I winced as he found a shard of glass and gently eased it out. He then wrapped my hand up gently in his shirt so my hand was against his rising chest. He wiped the tears from my eyes.

"You're not meant to be with Dillon" Zach whispered. "You're meant to be with me"

()()()()

I didn't talk to anyone but Zach for the rest of the week. When my mother approached me I walked away. When Aunt Abby gave me a wave I stared at her blankly. When Macey, Bex and Liz talked to me I replied bluntly. When I was with Zach… I was a different person. He held me and I would smile, he spoke to me and I would laugh, he was just… there.

I didn't know why I was being like this, I knew I was hurting everyone, killing them inside by not telling them what was wrong… but the thing was, even I didn't know what was wrong with me. Yes; I wasn't getting on with my mom. Yes; I had been raped. Yes; I had gotten a threatening letter… but it wasn't any of that. I just felt like there was something else riding in the air, waiting for it's time to descend and cause even more havoc in my life. Or maybe I was just being stupid.

"You're going back to how you were before"

I jumped at Macey's voice. I'd been sitting in my room; daydreaming for hours, staring at a book without the words going in. It was always like this when Zach wasn't with me.

"What… what do you mean?" I asked innocently, but no amount of fake acting could hide the pain behind my words.

Macey sighed and looked around the room to check Bex, Liz and Zach were still in the library studying.

"You're turning into the girl you were before you settled down here…"

"Settled down?" I whispered her words to myself. Had I really settled down here? Did the fact that I hadn't spoken to my mom in over two weeks really mean I'd settled down?

"Damn it Cammie!" Macey shouted, making me almost fall off the bed in shock. "Will you just tell us what's wrong! Let us in for once!"

My anger burned in my stomach, but it was almost instantly replaced with the numbing pain I felt whenever Zach wasn't around. I'd never really been the girl to get hung up on one guy, to put all my trust into someone who could leave me in the space of a minute. But Zach was different.

"Cammie! Stop being so selfish!" Macey screamed. "Tell me what's up!"

I couldn't fight the feeling anymore, the anger was almost overwhelming.

"You have no idea Macey!" I yelled as I jumped off the bed and squared up to her, ignoring the way her supermodel legs made her tower over me. "No damn idea!" I repeated.

"Well no shit Cammie! Of course I don't bloody know, because you won't damn well tell me!"

I gave her a large shove, which she happily returned.

"You're a bitch sometimes, do you know that?" I raged.

"Back at you" Macey snarled.

I gave her another large shove and felt my anger subside a little as Macey grasped my arms in hers, but I couldn't help but notice how she avoided my bandaged hand.

I threw her body to the floor, but I was extra careful to make sure her head didn't smash against the bed.

She rolled me over so I was pinned tightly beneath her shoulders. We tugged each other's hair, we kicked each other until we were both bruised from head to toe. And then Macey giggled. It could have been mistaken for a cough, or a sneeze. But then I giggled too, and suddenly we couldn't help ourselves. Macey released her grip on me and we rolled apart and spread out on the floor in helpless fits of laughter, I could actually feel the floor humming with the sound of our laughing.

"Ah" Macey sighed contently as she laid her hands behind her head. "That was fun"

I nodded in agreement and let out another loud laugh.

"Girls!" Someone yelled from the door. Our laughter stopped immediately as we lifted our heads up from the floor.

"Girls" Mr Solomon said sighing. "I'm teaching a class downstairs and all I can hear is you two laughing! And do I even want to know what you're doing lying on the floor?!"

Me and Macey looked at each other, and then burst into another fit of giggles.

Mr Solomon sighed again. "Just keep it down okay?!"

"Yes sir!" We both said way too seriously, and as soon as the door closed again, we laughed ourselves senseless.

The room plunged into silence after a while; both of us suddenly seemed to be lost in our own thoughts.

"There was this guy named Dillon" I whispered, as if I were saying it just to myself. I grabbed the cushion that had fallen off the bed and picked at the stitches, they were almost identical to the stitches that had been on Zach's shirt.

"We were dating, he was an idiot, I dumped him… but he didn't like that…"

My fingers stopped picking the thread of the cushions and moved down to my sleeves. I rolled up my sleeves. It was almost as if my whole body was a memorial of what Dillon had done to me, the bruises, the slashes in my hand.

Macey stared at my wrists in shock. I glanced down too and saw the familiar bruises etched down my arm. Dillon would always be a part of me now; I'd never be able to get away from him.

"There was a forest next to our school, we were walking through it, Dillon was angry, he…" I composed myself for a second, preparing myself for the word that seemed to bring it all flooding back. "He raped me"

I couldn't say anymore, I didn't need to. What I loved was the way Macey didn't pull me into a hug full of sympathy; she didn't ask me to explain anything else. I loved the way Macey thrust her hair over her shoulder and simply said "Man, that does suck"

I rolled over to face her and sighed. "Yeah, it does"

"Well" Macey seemed to be pondering. "Shit happens"

I blinked in surprise. Those were the same words I'd said to Aunt Abby when she told me how guilty she felt about my dad dying… I'd never thought I'd hear those words in relation to my situation though.

"I know it sounds harsh" Macey sighed as her fingers traced the bruises on my wrists. "But these bruises will fade Cammie, and the memory of Dillon will fade along with them"

"It's just… the letters…" I looked down at the floor as I explained to Macey how Dillon had been sending me threats.

"Ah…" Macey turned onto her back, deep in thought. "Let me handle it"

I didn't have the heart to tell Macey this was way out of her league. Way out.

()()()()

"Cammie!" Aunt Abby's voice snapped at me and I immediately tried to focus my attention on what she was saying, I was too focused on the way Macey also looked immersed in thought… I was scared to know what she'd done about the Dillon situation.

"Macey!" She practically yelled. Macey jumped out of her daydream.

"Girls, what is wrong with you all today?! You all seem to be in a world of your own!"

We all blinked at up at her innocently. As she continued her lecture I felt myself drifting off again.

"Cammie, can you repeat what I just said"

I lifted my head from the table in a daze… oh my god, had I just fallen asleep?! I looked around the room and ten Gallagher Girl's eyes met mine.

"Cammie?" Aunt Abby repeated impatiently.

"I… urm… I"

"Repeat what I just said Cammie" Aunt Abby's voice was stern, but I could hear the hurt behind the harshness of her words. She was hurting; she wanted me to talk to her, to tell her everything, to tell her I was okay.

"You said… something about…" I raked my brain for anything that sounded even half-spy like. "About… sleeping gas?"

The class erupted in giggles conveying I'd said completely the wrong thing. I blushed.

Aunt Abby raised her eyebrows and that was when I remembered the sleeping gas I'd let out a while in my CoveOps class…

"Yes Cammie, you'd know all about sleeping gas wouldn't you?" Aunt Abby sighed. The class sniggered.

I stood up, my chair scraped against the stone floor loudly in the silence.

"Where are you going?" Aunt Abby asked immediately.

"Away" I said.

"Oh don't start this again!" Aunt Abby moaned, probably remembering when I'd first got here and walked out of her lesson. But I couldn't just sit here and pretend everything was fine anymore.

"Start what again?" I snapped.

The whole class was holding their breath collectively, waiting for Aunt Abby's reply. I expected her to yell at me, or moan at me, maybe even give me the slap I deserved. But one thing I knew about Aunt Abby is her actions were never what I expected.

She pulled me into a hug, in front of the whole class. "Please Cammie, I love you, please just talk to me" she whispered into my ear.

I could hardly breathe, suddenly the cold castle felt stifling. "Air… I need air" I murmured, pushing out of Aunt Abby's arms and out the door.

Voices yelled out after me, but the once voice I was focused on was Zach's, and when his arms wrapped around me from behind I didn't shake him off.

His hand gently grasped mine and he led me around the corner. We stayed staring at each other in silence until I heard Aunt Abby say "Everyone go back into the classroom, let's give Cammie some time alone"

I let out the breath I didn't realise I'd been holding.

Zach's hand gave mine a gentle squeeze and I instantly felt myself calming down.

"You okay?" Zach asked, although he already knew the answer.

"Fine" I whispered.

Zach raised his eyebrows and he moved in closer.

"I guess I'm just worried about what Macey's doing about Dillon" I shrugged. I'd already told Zach about Macey trying to sort it out, and he'd been planning something with her all week, but he refused to tell me what they'd done, and it was terrifying.

Zach suddenly grinned.

"This isn't funny Zach!" I exclaimed as I pulled my hands out of his.

"Oh Cammie, is that all you're worried about?" Zach laughed.

I felt sudden anger burning in my stomach mixed with humiliation. How could Zach treat this as a joke?

I collapsed against the wall, too shocked to speak. The anger dissolved as quickly as I'd felt it, and was replaced with the familiar numbing pain. The pain I'd felt when Dillon had raped me, the pain I felt whenever I heard his name, his voice, saw his handwriting.

I hit my fist against the wall, feeling the stone scrape against my skin as I screamed. "I thought you understood Zach! I thought you realised what Dillon's turned me into, what he's left me with!" I glanced at the bruises on my wrists, the cuts on my hand, and the newly bleeding scratches on my fist.

"It hurts Zach" I whimpered. "It just hurts"

He was rubbing soothing circular motions on my back, the smile from his face completely gone. Jeez, he must think I'm a complete mess

"I was smiling because me and Macey have sorted everything"

"What?!" I asked in alarm.

"We… wrote to Dillon"

I pushed Zach away from me frantically. "You idiot!" I yelled. "How could you?!"

"No, Cammie you don't understand! He wrote back to us!" I watched in horror as Zach got out a slip of paper from his pocket.

"Get that away from me Zach" I backed away immediately as I saw Dillon's scrawled handwriting that covered the page.

"No, Cammie, you need to read it! It's…"

"No!" I yelled, continuing to back away. "No, Zach, rip it up into a thousand pieces, I never want to read a letter from him again, never! Just get it away from me!"

And then I ran. And for once I was thankful that Zach wasn't following me.

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