AN: I would like to thank my beta KareBear1965 and my pre reader Merc80 for all the help that they give me on my stories. I would also like to take the time to say thank you to all who have reviewed, alerted, and put me in their favorites, I appreciate the encouragement and or constructive criticism, I know I don't always answer you all but I do appreciate it. I really hope that this chapter finds all of you well and in a happy state.

Only when I stop to think about it

I hate everything about you
Why do I love you
I hate everything about you
Why do I love you

Every time we lie awake
After every hit we take
Every feeling that I get
But I haven't missed you yet

Only when I stop to think about it

Three Days Grace - (I Hate) Everything about You

BPOV

The fear completely left me after the family meeting and Carlisle giving me the assurance that I am one, of the family, even without Edward. I wrap my arms around my love, in a way I am glad that Edward broke up with me because I wouldn't have my Jasper this way if he didn't. Did he have to break me the way he did though? I wouldn't have been a zombie when my Jasper found me on the floor, hell I am still healing from it. The good thing about all of this is I am finally able to make my own decisions about my change. I will always have the fear of being left behind though.

I snuggle even further into Jazz, letting my fingers trace over the muscles in his chest. A purr comes from him, letting me know he is content. I clear my throat, getting ready to bring up the conversation of my change. Nervousness flows through me and fear comes to the forefront. What if he doesn't want to change me and is purely content to leave me human? Where would we go from here? I mean eventually I will grow old and die, or will he tire of me when I am old and ugly? These fears swirl around me. He shifts uncomfortably underneath me.

"Bella, just say whatever it's that has you so nervous and fearful Darlin'. You are starting to worry me," he says gently.

"It's about me changing….." I stutter out. He gently takes my hand in his, massaging it.

"Darlin', I am a selfish creature by nature. Of course I want you for eternity. However, it is purely up to you when, where, and if you want to change. I won't force this life on you, and you have to be one hundred percent sure that you want it before I will do so. If you choose to stay human, I will stay with you until you pass and then join you shortly thereafter. I will not live without you."

"I know what I want Jasper. I want you forever and more. One lifetime will never be enough where you are concerned. I do know that I will most likely piss off Rose when I say this, but I don't wish for the same things she did. I don't want children so it is a non-issue for me, I don't wish to grow old and die with grandchildren surrounding me. I have never felt like I belonged in that setting so why would I want it?" I ask timidly.

"This is between us and has no bearing on the rest of the family. My sister will eventually get over it." Then I started realizing, that I hated Edward, not only did he bring me into this life, but he made me fear other people's thoughts of me. I haven't missed him one bit; in fact, I have gained something that he could never give me. I gained in many ways. I have a loving family. I have a mate, and I have friends who mean more to me than he ever did.

I hate everything about Edward in retrospect because he made me feel worthless and used, but I was grateful for if he hadn't had brought me into the family I wouldn't have any of the things that I love so much. It really is a double-edged sword. On the one hand, loving him and at the same time hating him. I know things ended badly between us, and that things would never be the same between us if he came back (I am mated after all), but I would forgive him, his error in ways and try to be friends with him. Wait no fuck that I would want some kind of retribution from him before I would forgive him.

"Darlin', why do I feel extreme anger and hate coming from you?" My mate drawls out in that sexy southern voice that makes my panties melt.

"I was just thinking about Edward," I answered gently and a growl came from him as the name popped out of my mouth. I take it; he doesn't like him anymore than I do at this moment. Well, this is an interesting concept. His grasp tightens around me, and I feel his jealousy as clearly as if it were my own.

"Jazz, you know you have nothing to worry about right?" I ask gently not wanting to upset him further. I know that I love him but what if he doesn't know that I do? Great now I am insecure, fuck I know I shouldn't be but I am. I could go on about what if's but that won't get us anywhere so I steel myself waiting for his answer, and it comes quickly.

"I know Darlin', I am just upset with what he did to you. I am not worried about your feelings for him; I can tell you don't feel that way about him anymore. I can't help my reaction towards hearing his name though. Your feelings towards me overshadow anything you might have once felt for him. I know this and feel it every day." Good there is no self-doubt or loathing in his tone. I also can fully understand his thoughts on Edward. I mean fuck the stupid Emo-ward bullshit was bad enough from my stand point, but he had to deal with trying to pull me out of my zombie mode. Who the fuck knows how long it took him to bring me out and lord knows I don't think I could live if it happened with Jazz, I will say though I don't think it ever would.

I guess honestly that I would have to say that while I love my life right now, if something happened to Jazz I would die but if something happened to Edward, I would go on without a care in the world. That can't say much for my relationship with Edward and says everything about it with Jazz. I let my feelings of love and adoration flow through me, reaching up and cupping his face tenderly, before running my fingers over his bottom lip. The love I feel flowing from him overshadows my own, a sharp intake of breath coming out of him as my fingers graze his upper lip before I lean up and kiss him.

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