In this farewell
There's no blood
There's no alibi
'Cause I've drawn regret
From the truth
Of a thousand lies
So let mercy come
And wash away
What I've done
I'll face myself
To cross out what I've become
Erase myself
And let go of what I've done
Put to rest
What you thought of me
While I clean this slate
With the hands
Of uncertainty
So let mercy come
And wash away
What I've done
I'll face myself
To cross out what I've become
Erase myself
And let go of what I've done
What I've Done- Linkin Park
EPOV
The only thing I can hope these days is for forgiveness, I have done some awful things and most of them to Isabella, I know now that I am strong enough to stand the test of their relationship. The lies I told the lives I broke the pain I caused, I need to face it and I need to face myself. Maybe when I do I will finally be free of the daydreams that haunt me, my love what have I done. The lies that she believed, broke my heart into a thousand tiny pieces, there is no chance on earth for it to be repaired. How can she believe what I said? She is worth more than the world to me and she believed me when I said that I didn't love her. Thoughts of her heartbroken face plague my mind, my heart shattering even further.
I turn towards the house that I used to think of as mine, but now shelters my love and her mate. I slowly start walking towards the door as Carlisle comes out of the door. He sees smiles, at me that friendly smile he always reserved for me. The one that lets me know that I am loved, my heart soars, maybe not all is lost.
"Edward, I know you wanted to leave the family, but if you want to come home then please do. I would miss my first son, your mother and I love you," he says gently, probing to see if I will do as asked. The fears of rejection course through my veins as I ponder the possibility of rejoining my family. I know that she will never forgive me, however I know that I need to forgive myself. Could I ever be in the same building with her without feeling pain, pain of my own causing but pain nonetheless? Yes, I believe I could, it would be torture but I would be close to my one true love, which would make everything worth it in the end.
"Fine, I will come back to the family Carlisle," speaking gently letting him know without a doubt I am ready to rejoin them. I can hear the little pixie I call sister bouncing around inside the door, obviously excited that I am returning. Knowing that my love is inside with Jasper damn near breaks my heart and I steel myself, wondering if I should try to gain back her love. No, not at the present, I have to learn forgiveness for my sins and myself before I have any hope of it from her. I want to be worthy of her, her beauty and grace, her forgiveness, her love. I have to be stronger, more caring, and more attentive to her needs, more everything. First though I need to earn her friendship back, if that is possible at all.
The thoughts full blown in my mind, give way to fear, fear of the unknown, what if she loves him more than she loved me, what if she won't come back to me? Do I want her back? Yes I do, would I play dirty if need be to get her back, yes I would.
"Edward it won't work, she is in love with Jasper. She is his mate, there is nothing you can do," I hear the tinkling voice of my pixie sister, say. His mate you say, that can't be, I thought the pixie said she was my mate not Jasper's. I scoff internally at the thought that my Isabella is mated to someone other than myself. It just can't be I will go on with my plans there is nothing that she can do to stop me. I walk into the house and up to my room, yes I know I left the family but they kept it the way I left it. I wouldn't have it any other way.
The thing with my love for Bella is that if she wanted to be changed I would do so now, I have lost her once I wouldn't be able to survive it were it to happen again. The sad thing is she still believes the tripe I fed her, when I told her I didn't love her anymore, that she wasn't good for me. That hurts more than having to lie to her, the fact that she would actually believe me makes me upset and depressed. As if I could ever stop loving her, I couldn't nor would I really be able too. Thoughts of life without her take over, drowning me in complete despair. I love her with my entire immortal being.
I just wonder how I will fare with my love, will she accept me, will she turn me away, will she love in return, and will she allow me into her life once more.
JPOV
I could feel the feelings of someone I thought was gone for good. What the fuck is Edward doing here? Could he be wanting my Bella, could he burning with feelings and thoughts about hurting her once more? If he is I would tear him apart, he can't just come back and expect things to be the same, nor can he just expect to be able to tear her world apart once more. If need be I will let my more dominant side out to deal with him, oh yes the Major would just love to tear him a new one, mostly for already hurting our mate. Our adorably gorgeous and sexy human mate, an internal snarl comes from the beast that is rattling his cage as thoughts of Edward hurting her flood my mind.