Chapter 19 - Holiday
Christmas went by in a flash. It was almost so fast I didn't notice it moving, then suddenly it was over. Being with my family was amazing – for the first time in a long while I finally felt at home. I got some pretty awesome presents – even from Finn who surprised everyone by buying me a scarf that I'd been wanting for ages. (I promised to wear it forever and managed to hold myself to it for two days before I finally had to give in.) But from Blaine I got the best and worst gift of all. Silence.
Scott arrived in Lima on New Years Day. I'd been looking forward to his visit for weeks and just the sight of him pulling up outside our house in a rather shabby looking taxi filled my heart with joy. He'd barely stepped out the door when I assaulted him with a huge hug, but he simply laughed and pulled me in closer, muttering something about the journey price being more than his whole meal at Taco Bell.
"Dude! How was your Christmas?" We'd somehow managed to bring all of Scott's things into my room (Dad had been surprisingly lenient in letting him stay – obviously we were in separate beds but I was happy he trusted me enough to let us share a sleeping space. That and the fact I'd insisted several times that he was the most heterosexual boy he was ever going to meet) and were perched on my bed, me with my legs crossed and Scott lounging ungainly against the wall. Him and Finn were already best buddies.
"It was really good. Really good." I sighed happily and Scott smiled, obviously pleased.
"What did you get?"
"Oh, loads of stuff. Mostly clothes, Carole bought me stock ups for my moisturising kit" Gaga I loved her for that "and Finn got me the scarf I wanted." My hand gestured over to the said object, which was neatly draped over the top of my chair ready for me to put on if we went out. "What about you?"
"Oh, man!" I could tell he had been waiting for this question. "My Mum and Dad got me the raddest, coolest, most totally awesome thing in the world! Jumping up sharply Scott ran over to one of his bags, rummaged around, before pulling something out and hiding it behind his back.
"Are you ready for this bro?" I nodded, trying not to laugh. "Ta-dah!" Swinging his arm around I came face to face…with a lightsaber.
"Er…" Scott looked like an excited four year old, swooping his toy backwards and forwards whilst making his own sound effects to go with the movement. "A lightsaber?"
"Yeah! You know? Star Wars? Luke I am your father and all that jazz. It's an exact replica of the one Obi Wan has."
"Obi what?" The look that was sent my way was almost scary.
"DUDE! OBI WAN KENOBI! Have you even watched Star Wars?"
"I did when they came out…" That was another phase Dad had tried to get me into and failed. Thankfully Scott had enough enthusiasm for the both of us.
"So yeah, this is an exact replica and it lights up and makes sounds and everything. I totally freaked when I unwrapped it."
"I can imagine." I signalled to Scott to put the lightsaber down, as he was getting dangerously close to my bedside cabinet and he came and sat back down, energy still radiating out of his pores.
"What do you do for Christmas anyway?"
"Oh, we have a massive family thing. Relatives all crash at ours – it gets kinda crazy. My cousins all come over from Canada and we watch the ice hockey. I guess you don't watch ice hockey?"
"Er, no."
"Well it's totally awesome anyway. What about you?"
"Oh, we just have a quiet thing. It's the first time we've had a proper Christmas since Mum died." I watch Scott's expression falter slightly. Of course he knew about my family, and how I was fine talking about it, but I could tell he still found it awkward.
"Carole makes the best Christmas dinner is the world." I continued. Immediately the smile returned.
"Oh man, I freakin love pigs in blankets."
Later on in the day Scott, Finn and I were in the living room, playing Call of Duty. Well – I say playing. I was still no better than the first time I'd played, the day before I'd gone to Dalton. When Finn had taken the game out I'd felt a cold shiver run through me, the memories painful and somehow still fresh even after all this time, but thankfully I'd managed to hide it and was mainly watching. Scott was turning out to be more than a match for Finn, something that was highly entertaining as they resorted to dirty tactics to get the edge on each other.
"HEY! We said no machine guns!"
"Well I lied" A manic grin flashed across Scott's face, before he proceeded to annihilate Finn with his illegal weapon. The sound of my brother's protests made me laugh and I received a rather violent shove that almost sent me tumbling off the sofa.
"Jeez Finn it's only a game."
"Call of Duty is not a game – it's a way of life." I laughed again but ducked to dodge the flying arm, moving further along the sofa so I was out of reach.
"Do you play this when Rachel's around?"
"Um, sometimes. She gets quite into is actually. She likes telling me where to throw the grenades." Rachel had come to visit us on boxing day – her family celebrated Christmas with a Chinese round the telly so she wasn't quite as into the day as everyone else, however she did very much enjoy the presents. Finn, obviously on fire with his gift buying (or receiving very good tip offs) had got her a star necklace, and like me she hadn't taken it off the whole time.
"Rachel's the anal one right?"
"SCOTT!" I flashed my friend a look, rapping his sharply on the arm, but Finn simply laughed.
"No worries – I guess she is kind of anal. But in a really hot way…"
"What about any of the other New Direction girls? Have they had a good Christmas…?" Immediately a smirk spread across my face. Scott was trying to look innocent and nonplussed, but was failing miserably.
"Which girls do you mean?"
"Well, um, you know…Mercedes?" Gotcha.
"She's good." I was being mean. Ever since their date to the Lima Bean Scott was all Mercedes ever talked about – he was so polite, he opened the door for me, he tells such funny jokes, his ears are really cute (really? His ears?) he has a lovely smile etc etc. They'd been keeping in contact but recently Mercedes phone had died and both parties were going mental as a result.
"Mercedes? Wait – you're the guy she keeps going on about aren't you?" Finally Finn had tuned into the conversation and his reaction sent Scott crazy.
"What? Really? You serious?"
"Yeah! The other Glee clubbers are getting kind of cheesed off about it. Especially cause you're from a rival school."
"I'm not even in the Warblers! I can't hold a tune to save my life!" Another laugh escaped from my lips and the two other boys both turned to look at me, confusion and annoyance on their faces.
"Sorry. But sometimes you two act so gay. It's funny cause you're not." More silence. The boys looked at each other before shaking their heads and continuing to talk about Mercedes, Scott firing questions like the bullets of his illegal machine gun.
Dinner was an amusing affair. Scott surprised even Finn with his eating ability – I was shocked at how many sausages he could fit into his relatively small figure. My single piece of meat had sat growing cold on my plate as I watched him shovel them down. I gathered he hadn't eaten like that in front of Mercedes; otherwise he never would have got a second date. When we'd waved goodnight to everyone and left Finn sorting out his pillows on the sofa our feet had traipsed up the stairs and slipped through pyjama bottoms, ready for some rest.
"Spiderman pyjamas? Really?"
"Hey – I've got to spread the love out equally." Scott really did fit every heterosexual stereotype in the book. The fact that we were best friends was still something that confused me, but I was glad the abnormality existed. I jumped into my bed, drawing the sheets up to my chest quickly to trap in the heat and went to lean back, before he spoke.
"Kurt." The change of tone made me sit up, look towards my friend. He looked tense – like he was about to broach something he didn't quite want to.
"Look, I know you probably really don't want to talk about this, and I'm sorry to bring it up, but sometimes you hide how you're really feeling really well and I-"
"-Scott."
"How are you? Really?" There was that unspoken word between us. The one neither of us wanted to mention. I let go of my sheets and pulled myself up to rest against the head of my bed.
"I'm…coping."
"Really?" It was amazing how well he knew me – how he knew just the right thing to say, in just the right way.
"Yeah."
"Well, that's, good then. I'm glad." The silence stretched out and I felt bad for not saying more.
"I'm not saying it hasn't been hard." Dad and Carole had been more than confused when I'd appeared in the Dalton car park with all my bags, even more so when I'd dumped them all down to run into Dad's arms and cry my eyes out. I hadn't been able to tell them the full story so had made something up about Blaine and I having a fight, but the feeling of somebody close had comforted me and we'd stopped on the way home for chocolate milkshakes.
"I've looked at my phone a couple of times, just wishing something would appear, but I guess that would only make things worse." Scott sighed.
"I know you did the right thing for you, but Blaine's a nice person. He never meant to hurt you." My eyes flashed up. "Well – not in the way you think. You didn't see him after your big argument – he was devastated." I nodded my head slowly. I'd tried to avoid thinking about Blaine, especially when I'd been having such a good time at home. Annoyingly tears were beginning to prick at my eyelids.
"Oh god, I've made you upset now. Sorry." Scott reached over to place his hand on my arm but I waved him away, hurriedly flapping at my face to dispel the moisture.
"No no, it's ok. I suppose I need to talk about it at some point."
"I don't want you to feel like I'm on his side-"
"-Sssh." I stared intently into his eyes, my expression firm. "You aren't on anybody's side. I know that."
"I am on the side of Justice though." Now my eyebrows raised.
"What?"
"You know, 'the side of justice'… The Justice League? God!" Yet another fandom I wasn't part of.
The next day Finn, Scott and I were off to Breadstix for a New Directions lunch. It had been a while since I'd seen everyone, so I was looking forward to it. I had also been informed through a text from Tina that Mercedes was definitely attending.
When we arrived Puck and Santana were already there, having a heated debate about something so their hands were raised and their chests puffed out in an amusing manner. I saw Scott raise his eyebrows and remembered he had encountered Santana before.
"Hey…" Finn said, unsure whether to break up the argument or not. Both sets of eyes flashed towards us angrily, before they realised who we were and instantly softened.
"Oh, hey Finn, Kurt, random." Puck stated matter-of-factly. I laughed.
"Puck. This is my friend Scott, from Dalton." I waited for Scott to hold out his hand like he usually did when greeting any of my friends, but he made no move.
"Dude, that is a seriously cool Mohawk." Turning to look at him I saw him smiling. Puck pondered the statement for a second or two.
"Is that a Buckeyes jersey you're wearing?"
"Yup."
"Come on over." Holding out his arm Scott waltzed over and the two began chatting like they'd been buddies for years. Jeez, Scott was going to take over all my friends if I wasn't careful.
For a while Finn and I talked about Rachel's strange interest in Call of Duty whilst Scott and Puck babbled on and Santana filed her nails until the rest of New Directions arrived and everybody began greeting each other. I was happy to see Sam and Quinn still holding hands (for some reason I hadn't thought they were going to last) and Artie, Brittany, Mike and Tina all arrived together, laughing about something. All talk about football was pushed aside however, when Mercedes came into view. Scott immediately jumped up, which made me laugh and bowed, which made me laugh more.
"Well helloooo." Mercedes immediately blushed scarlet, letting out a giggle when he took her hand and kissed it lightly. Everyone else murmured comments of approval or realisation, now that the name of their friend's obsession was finally being put to a face.
"God I've missed that laugh." I couldn't believe he was being so cheesy – and that it was working. This was the guy that had tried to clean his shower plug at home with a Hoover.
"Shall we eat?"
"So, you're Kurt's friend right?" The amount of food on Scott's plate was actually fairly similar to everyone else's, due to the fact that he was constantly having to pause to answer questions.
"Best friend." I smiled at the correction, slipping another spoonful of risotto into my mouth. "We met in, Trig class was it? Oh yeah, when I busted all of your books."
"Yeah. I'm still trying to get the creases out of those pages."
"And you play football?" Tina seemed intrigued. I guess like most people (including sometimes me) she was wondering how on earth we clicked so well, how we could even stand hanging out with each other.
"Yeah. Got the scars to prove it. Wanna see?" Scott put down his fork to roll up his sleeve and I quietly patted his arm down to halt the movement. I guess the one thing you couldn't deny about the guy was that his enthusiasm was infectious. Puck and Santana were having another heated discussion, but this time Brittany was throwing in random comments to try and help, along with Artie uttering a gangster phrase every few sentences or so. Everyone seemed hyped, and I figured it had something to do with the energy my friend brought to the table. Glancing across at Mercedes I saw her gazing lovingly at him, the smile on her face as she watched him begin to tell a story about one of his many sporting injuries, the biggest I'd ever seen. The smile reminded me of something – I thought about it for a second before my eyebrows furrowed and I looked down into my food uncomfortably.
"Hey Kurt, what's up?" Finn's voice rang out and I raised my eyes back up to see him lounging in his seat, having already devoured his food minutes earlier. One of his arms was draped casually around Rachel and the other was playing with her fingers as she talked to Quinn and Sam about something.
"Oh, nothing."
"Hey, Kurt!" Suddenly Santana broke into the conversation, leaning forward so she gained everyone's attention. "Where's that guy you were always harping on about? What was his name…?"
"Santana no." Mercedes tried to intervene but she was too late.
"Blaine." Immediately my insides dropped. I'd been waiting for the topic to come up. Hoping it wouldn't, but waiting nevertheless. Now that it had though, another thought crept through my mind. Sitting at this table, I was surrounded by couples. Finn and Rachel, Sam and Quinn, Scott and Mercedes – in fact the only two people that weren't paired up had made their reputations from being so. I was the only one here that was truly alone.
"Santana shut it. Kurt…" Finn was taking over again, his big brother persona springing into action, but I was already spiralling, thinking about all the times I had missed Blaine, wished I could have talked to him, held him close, felt his breath on my skin…
"Kurt!" Violently I dragged my chair back, ignoring the shout from Rachel, and walked off towards the toilets, fighting the tears that somehow, even after all this time refused to leave me alone.
When I reached the men's room I walked straight to a cubicle and went to slam the door behind me when a force from outside shoved it open and made the wood ram into my shoulder.
"Ow!"
"Sorry! I just didn't want you to lock-" Scott apologised hurriedly but I interrupted.
"-I know." He always knew. Turning round to face the wall I rested my forehead against it, feeling the cold sweat that had begun to pool.
"What am I doing?"
"You're still grieving." Oh Gaga. That made it sound like someone had died.
"I'm not coping. I'm not coping at all. I miss him." My tone was disgusted, like I couldn't believe what I was saying. Even though it was true.
"I know. I kind of gathered when I was the one that had to bring him up." Dammit Scott. Dammit. "I bet he misses you too."
"Then why hasn't he called? Why hasn't he tried to contact me in any way?"
"Um, I'm pretty sure you told him not to."
"But that doesn't mean that he shouldn't! Oh Marc Jacobs I'm so stupid." I went to bang my head against the wall but Scott stopped me, his hand gripping my shoulder tightly.
"Hey - you are not stupid! You are confused, and that's natural. Things like this need time, everyone's the same. But you should not feel bad about this and you should not feel bad about not wanting to see people coupled up. Believe me, I disgust myself sometimes." A soft laugh escaped my lips and Scott relaxed, knowing he had got me over the worst.
"I'm pretty sure Finn has just given everyone a huge ticking off so nobody's going to mention 'the B word' anymore – do you want to go back?" Turning to face him, I looked at his calm friendly expression – an expression I knew so well – and nodded.
The rest of the days of Scott's visit flew by – I showed him the sights of Lima (including, for some odd reason McKinley. Stepping back into the familiar setting had been a strange but nice experience. I half expected to see Mr Shue there marking test papers.) Scott tried in vain to teach me how to fight like a Jedi and pitch like a baseball player, and Mercedes giggled and flirted more than I had ever seen in my life. When the day finally came for his departure I begged for him to stay longer, but eventually he had to take the shabby taxi back to the airport and leave me feeling like a piece was missing already. The next time I would see him would be back at Dalton.
Trudging back to my room Dad made some comment about dinner but I didn't listen, thinking about how I was going to fill the week of time I had left until I returned to school. Once inside I began to collect up sheets to wash, before I suddenly noticed something tucked inside my bed covers. Reaching over to pull it out I laughed, The lightsaber. Either my best friend was having the biggest panic in the world right now, or he had left it there to show that no matter where he was, he always had my back.