The King's Speech

'You know I've… I've been here for a very long time. I remember many things… I remember being at a shore line, watching a little gray fish, heave itself up on the beach and an older brother saying, 'Don't step on that fish Castiel, big plans for that fish. I remember the tower of Babel, all 37 feet of it, which I suppose was impressive at the time. And when it fell, they howled 'Devine Wrath!', but come on. Dry dung can only be stacked so high. I remember Cain and Abel, David and Goliath, Sodom and Gomorra. And of course, I remember the most remarkable event, remarkable because it never came to pass. It was adverted by two boys, an old drunk, and a fallen angel. The grand story and we ripped up the ending, and the rules, and destiny; Leaving nothing but freedom and choice. Which is all well and good except...? What if I've made the wrong choice? I mean how am I supposed to know… I'm getting ahead of myself… Let me tell you my story. Let me tell you everything.'

And that everything was keeping Dean from sleep. He was too angry to sleep. Sure he was angry at Castiel for not coming to him for help and instead made a deal with Crowley, the king of Hell no less. But he was angrier with himself. The guilt was making his stomach hurt, and he couldn't but feel this was his fault. As if the guilt of letting his brother jump into hell wasn't enough, he had blamed his friend, who'd saved him and gave everything for him, for being brought back instead of his brother. This must have been part of Castiel's decision to not bother him or drag him into his own problems and instead make a deal with Crowley, while he was pretending to have a 'normal apple-pie life.'

If Cas had come to him in that moment Dean would have dropped everything to help, and Castiel probably knew it. "Damnit," he muttered. He rubbed a hand over his face and looked out the window, the rain had lessened and the sky was lightening as the sun began to rise despite the rain clouds. He sighed getting up and decided to find a bathroom to take a shower.

He stripped down and stepped into the hot stream of water letting it beat his back, soothing the aching muscles from the past few days. As the water rolled off his body he thought about all the things that had happened and he'd recently learned.

Even if those damn writers had it right, he still had time to change it. One thing he knew and had proven on countless occasions was that the future was not set in stone. That destiny was a crock of bullshit, and all that mattered was freedom and freewill. He huffed at the thought as soon as it cropped into his mind. 'That's what got us into this mess in the first place…' Because he had thought he had to teach an angel that taking orders from his douche bag brothers was bull. He doesn't regret it, but its caused problems, sometime more problems than it feels like its worth.

He lets his mind wander back over the past two days, where he'd meet Castiel's alter ego, Misha and had even come to terms with his feeling toward Cas through him. This brought a whole new sense of guilt. Thinking about being with Misha, and not being able to help himself or really even feel bad at the time for practically using him. 'Misha seemed alright with it,' he thought smirking, remembering their night together, and his dick grew hard at the images his mind played. Images of Misha above him, riding him, and the kissing and biting him. He groaned softly, bracing a hand against one of the showers walls, while the other slowly moved down, and he wrapped his fingers around his hard dick. He stroked it expertly, picking up the pace of his hand as thoughts crossed his mind, Misha and Castiel becoming the same person, until finally he'd imagined the angel seated in his lap, wearing his trench coat he had a strange attachment too and his blue tie and nothing else. Even for Dean it was a strange thing to imagine but it got the job done, he let out another louder groan as he pumped his dick to completion, coming against the wall he was now leaning on for support. He finished his shower shortly after; worried that Sam could be up.

He finished drying off and walked out of the bathroom and Sam was indeed up, grunting morning as he passed him tiredly into the bathroom. Dean sighed and went to get his things from his room and went back out the little sitting room, the script in his hand as he sat on the couch.

Sam rejoined him after a while, and found his brother reading. "What's that Dean?"

Dean looked up at him quickly, and almost considered hiding it from him but knew that he needed all the help he could get. He stretched his arm out, shaking the script in Sam's direction who took it with a questioning look on his face. "Misha gave me that, we uh… we have a bigger problem than we realized."

Sam sat in the chair across from him and read, Dean fidgeting and watching his brothers face worriedly, as it changed multiple times as he read. He finally flipped the last page, a solemn look coming over his face and closed the script, and looked up at his older brother. "You really think…" Sam started and trailed off.

Dean sighed and nodded. "We've gotta assume it is. I mean all the same things that were in their scripts were happening here as well, and it would explain Cas' elusive behavior. I mean the guy doesn't keep secrets unless they're that big. He's…" Dean also trailed off and Sam got up and joined him on the couch putting an arm around his shoulders.

"We'll fix this Dean. Cas is our friend, and even though he lied…. Which I'm still pissed about, he needs us. I just can't help but wonder… If he's the one who raised me from hell, did he really intentionally leave my soul behind?" At that Dean punched him in the side. "AH! What the hell man!"

"You know Cas wouldn't do that! He knows you needed your soul, Sam. The guy went through hell for you, and for me! The guy deserves a freaking medal! He was probably too afraid and maybe even embarrassed to admit it. We owe him everything Sam, especially me. He always said he did it all for me…" Dean said sadly and hung his head in his hands.

"So where do we start? I mean, we can't just go calling for him and springing all this shit on him, he'd run." Sam said and Dean thought for a long moment.

"Well… I know one place we can start." Dean said picking up the keys to the impala and headed for the door, with Sam behind him.

A lonely man sat on a bench at the edge of a frozen pond, snow dusting the ground around him. He had his hands folded in front of him, his trench coat pooling around him as he spoke to the sky. "So that's everything… I guess it's what you call a tragedy from the human perspective. But… maybe the human perspective is limited I don't know. That's why I'm asking you father, one last time. Am I doing the right thing? Am I on the right path? You have to tell me, you have to give me… a sign! Give me a sign… Because if you don't then I'm going to jus… I'm gonna do, whatever I… whatever I must." He dropped his head, seemingly defeated by his lack of answer, but a hand grasped his shoulder warmly. He whipped around startled, but stopped staring at the man behind him. "Dean?" He asked completely confused.

"Hey Cas, can I sit?" he asked and climbed over the bench as Cas deftly scooted over for him to join.

"How?"

"Balthazar. He said you liked it here, that it reminded you of your favorite heaven." Dean explained, and silence fell between them for a long while. "Cas, Dean finally spoke. "I…" and Dean paused as Castiel turned to look at him with his blue piercing eyes. Dean swallowed "I just… want you to know, that I'm here for you alright? And, I'm sorry…"

"What? Why?" Cas asked him and Dean could tell he was still being elusive.

"Sorry I haven't been there for you; that we've been using you for too long. You really are family to me Cas" 'more than family'. "I know we don't have much to offer you, but me and Sam are behind you, we just needed you to know."

Tears were shining in Castiel's eye but they didn't fall, his lips pulled into a small tight smile and patted Dean's leg. "Thank you Dean, that means… more than you could ever imagine."

Dean stared at the hand on his thigh for a moment longer than he intended to, and squeezed Cas' hand with his own briefly. "Cas, you have my loyalty, my respect and my trust," he said sincerely, 'and my heart' he added mentally, the thought bringing a sting to his eyes but he quickly blinking the threatening tears away. "But… could I ask for your trust in me? I know I don't deserve it…"

"Dean. You've always had that. I'd give or do anything to make sure you were safe," the conviction in Castiel's eyes made Dean look away and he stood.

"Well, we'll do whatever we can on this front, if there's a way to stop Raphael we'll find it," he said trying to sound tougher than he felt.

Castiel still sat as Dean looked at him and started to walk back to his car. He shouldn't have expected the angel to just spill all his secrets to him just for saying he trusted him, but it still hurt none the less.

"Dean…" Castiel called. "I have to tell you something... I, I haven't been honest with you,"

Dean stopped walking as he heard the words he'd hoped to hear but just shook his head and smiled at his angel. "It's ok Cas." 'I haven't either' he thought, the script burning in his pocket. "Come on, Sam's waiting," Dean motioned for Cas to follow him, and he rose from the bench and walked to his waiting friend and the walked back across the field side by side.

a/n hello again! Thank you for continuing to read. I already have the full outline of the next chapter so it'll be up much sooner than this one, I'm sorry! But in the meantime enjoy!