Data Pad

Yappy Obi is at it again when his data pad stops working.

(All in fun and inspired by the constant battle with IT equipment)

Obi: Master, my data pad stopped working.

Qui: Is it turned on?

Obi: Of course it's turned on, I just... oh, whoops. It was not turned on. Okay there. I'm good. False alarm.

Qui: Why are you using your data pad ? You told me you were caught up on all your classes.

Obi: I am.

Qui: So why the data pad ?

Obi: I can watch the Star Races live.

Qui: Obi-Wan, if you gambled on those races again.

Obi: I didn't, Master. I swear on my braid, but why is it okay for you to gamble on them?

Qui: I am an adult.

Obi: Master, in certain parts of the galaxy, I am considered an adult.

Qui: You are thirteen.

Obi: That's right.

Qui: Name a planet were you are an adult at thirteen.

Obi: I didn't say on a planet, I just said in certain parts of the galaxy.

Qui: So on some random ship floating aimlessly in space, there is an adult thirteen year old boy.

Obi: Well... You make it sound ridiculous when you say it that way.

Qui: It is ridiculous.

Obi: Did you win last time you gambled on the races?

Qui: I did.

Obi: Why?

Qui: Because the racer I choose won the race. That's generally how races work. You win if your pick wins.

Obi: I know that, I mean, how did you know which racer to pick? Do you follow them on the galactic net? Get the intel? The inside scoop? Master, do you fix the races?

Qui: Obi-Wan.

Obi: Sorry, a sentence too far. You don't have time to fix the races, always busy yelling at me for talking and hugging too much.

Qui: I do not yell.

Obi: Then why to your eyes bug out and veins in your neck get purple?

Qui: Do you not have something you need to be doing?

Obi: Do I not have something I need... what? I don't not have anything to do or need to do, Master, I don't get it.

Qui: What are you supposed to be doing right now?

Obi: Following you around.

Qui: Is that really part of your scheduled day?

Obi: Yup. See, I have a check list on my data pad . Oh wait, damn it! It stopped working again. Master!

Qui: Turn it on.

Obi: It's on, see? Even I'm not that stupid.

Qui: Well...

Obi: I need to get in touch with the data pad fix-it people.

Qui: That's not what they are called.

Obi: But you knew what I was talking about so, point made.

Qui: Yes, now I know what time it is. It's wash-your-mouth-out-with-soap-o'-clock.

Obi: Ha! That's a good one, Master. That's not on my list.

Qui: Check back tomorrow morning.

Obi: It's not working! Maybe shaking it will help. Shake shake shake! Ugh! Work!

Qui: If you break that, you don't get another. Stop shaking it.

Obi: Stupid data pad . What's the point of having these things if they never work? I can't do my job if the equipment doesn't operate.

Qui: Most of your job has nothing to do with that data pad . Unless you've decided to quit field detail in which case I am free of you and you can figure out the rest of your life on your own. Oh, that felt good to say.

Obi: Nah. Where would I go without you, Master? Life would be so normal and boring. Who wants normal and boring?

Qui: I could live with it.

Obi: You say that, but you don't mean it. I see how much you want hug me right now. Looks, you're all twitchy.

Qui: Less hugging and more... strangulation actually.

Obi: I give up.

Qui: On us?

Obi: No, never.

Qui: Damn.

Obi: I give up on this data pad . It's useless. Look, now it won't stay on. Turn on, goes off, turn on, goes off, turn on, goes off, turn on, goes of, turn on, goes off, turn on goes off.

Qui: Stop it.

Obi: But look, see? Turn on, goes off, turn on, goes off.

Qui: Obi-Wan.

Obi: Then what do I do, Master?

Qui: Did you not say you were going to take it to the data pad fix-it people?

Obi: You told me that wasn't their name.

Qui: It's not.

Obi: Then how can I take my data pad to them if they don't exist?

Qui: I did not say they didn't exist, I said that was not their name.

Obi: Isn't that the same thing? No name, no exist. Seems like solid logic to me.

Qui: You're making my head hurt.

Obi: I can hug you, make it all better.

Qui: No. Go get your data pad fixed.

Obi: Where?

Qui: To the data pad fix... ugh! No. Take it to the Tech Office. You know where that is.

Obi: Tech! That's it. It's on level eight. I remember because the last time I was there they got so angry with me they chased me from the office and into the stairwell and I had to run up ten flights of stairs to escape them. And when I got out of the stairwell, I was on level twenty two and well that wasn't right. Because eight plus ten is eighteen, not twenty-two. So, yeah, I was lost.

Qui: Our apartment is on level three.

Obi: See what I mean? Level twenty-two is weird. Have you ever been there? It's dark and creepy and filled with droids. I think it's where droids go to die or something. Weird. Anyway, um, what were we talking about?

Qui: Take your data pad to the Tech office. Behave. Don't irritate them. Have them fix your data pad. Return home. Go it?

Obi: Got it. Okay. Bye!

—-

Obi: Hi, Master!

Qui: Why are you here?

Obi: I live here? I do still live here, right?

Qui: You were gone for five minutes. That's not enough time to get to the Tech office.

Obi: It is and it was. They saw me coming and locked the door.

Qui: Hmm.

Obi: I rang the chime and said this was Obi-Wan Kenobi and they still didn't respond. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say they are trying to avoid me.

Qui: You think so?

Obi: Pretty sure, yeah.

Qui: Right. Well, you still have your broken data pad ?

Obi: Nope.

Qui: Where is it?

Obi: I left it outside the door.

Qui: What door?

Obi: The Tech office door.

Qui: Why?

Obi: Because it's broken, remember? It's nothing more than a fancy useless rock.

Qui: Then how will you do your class work?

Obi: I will not.

Qui: You will.

Obi: I will.

Qui: Good. How?

Obi: Well. Oh, I can borrow your data pad .

Qui: No.

Obi: But, Master...

Qui: Mine works. Always has. Never had an issue.

Obi: Perfect! Just what I need.

Qui: No.

Obi: Hug?

Qui: What?

Obi: Will you hug me instead?

Qui: For what?

Obi: Because without my data pad , I will fail and if I fail, then I flunk out of Jedi school and end up on a desert planet somewhere living in a tiny hovel like a sad hermit.

Qui: Jedi school?

Obi: Yes.

Qui: You do know that's not how this works. I know you do. And why would you end up on a desert planet?

Obi: It's my destiny, Master. I've told you about it.

Qui: Right, the strange dreams with the kid and the pod racing and the guy with the tattoo face. All of this happens because your data pad is broken?

Obi: Tragic, I know.

Qui: Among other things. Obi-Wan, come with me. Hurry now.

Obi: Where are we going?

Qui: To the Tech office.

Obi: Why?

Qui: Did you fall on your head this morning?

Obi: I don't think so.

Qui: Hush and follow me into the lift. Level eight.

Obi: Hey, they've got new music in the lift today. Good thing, that old stuff was stale and sounded like dying trolls.

Qui: Did I not just tell you to shut up?

Obi: Did you not just... man, that again? And no, you told me to hush.

Qui: Shut up.

Obi: There you go.

Qui: Level eight, get off the lift. Follow me.

Obi: They're gonna lock the door, Master. They know it's me.

Qui: How do they know?

Obi: People have a sixth sense about these things, they know when I'm coming near them

Qui: Has nothing to do with the fact that you announce yourself from fifty feet away.

Obi: Nope.

Qui: Look, the door is open, not locked and we can enter. Keep your mouth shut and do not wander off. Put your hand on my robe and don't let go.

Obi: That's kind of like a hug.

Qui: It's nothing like a hug. Quiet. Hello, Padawan Vkes, I need a data pad please. Sign out to Kenobi. Perfect. Thank you. Good day. Obi-Wan, let's go.

Obi: What the hell just happened?

Qui: Excuse me?

Obi: What the heck just happened?

Qui: Here, I got you a data pad. Don't lose it, break it or drool on it.

Obi: But how... they just... walked in and just... Master, tell me how you did that.

Qui: Simple. I am not you. Certainly, I am connected to you, but I have the ability to control myself and they know that. There you go.

Obi: Huh. I need to start using you more. You've got power. I need me some of that. You use all of that power for good, right?

Qui: I use some of it to irritate the Council.

Obi: Master, you are so much cooler than I thought you were.

Qui: Cooler?

Obi: Neater? Radical? Awesome? Too sexy for your shirt? Not sure how else I can say it.

Qui: Please stop saying it. Here, we're home now. Go inside and do your studies.

Obi: Okay.

Qui: Just like that? No argument?

Obi: Nah, I'm tired. That walk was exhausting.

Qui: You walked for three minutes and took a lift to and from the office.

Obi: But I talked the entire time. That takes effort. You've no idea.

Qui: All right.

Obi: Are we done?

Qui: For the moment. I'm sure you'll come charging out of your room in five minutes with some crises of ridiculously small proportions.

Obi: Probably.

Qui: Probably.

Obi: I'll go study. Bye.

Qui: Obi-Wan?

Obi: Yes?

Qui: Did you forget something?

Obi: Oh, right. I forgot to hug you goodbye.

Qui: There is no goodbye, you are going to your bedroom which is five steps away.

Obi: So, then what am I forgetting?

Qui: What did we just spend the last hour doing?

Obi: Talking?

Qui: No!

Obi: Master, have you seen my data pad?

Qui: Damn it, Obi-Wan!

Obi: Oooooh wait. My data pad. That's what I was forgetting. I got it, I'm good.

Qui: I find that truly hard to believe.

Obi: Hey, Master, look! It works too!

Qui: It's brand new, we just picked it up ten minutes ago and you are surprised that it works?

Obi: I am... not?

Qui: Study. Now. And take your damn data pad.

Obi: Lots of damning going on right now. I got it this time.

Qui: Thank you. Once you finish your studies, you can meet me for dinner at the dining hall.

Obi: But people will see you with me in public. What about your reputation?

Qui: Go. Study. Now.

Obi: Hey, this data pad has a location setting. Master, I think maybe I can track you with it.

Qui: No, it's for tracking the data pad itself. Therefore I can track you when you have it in your possession. If I know where you are at all times, I can then walk in the opposite direction when I see that you are someplace you should not be, probably annoying the hell out of people.

Obi: So, you had ulterior motive for getting me a new fancy data pad. Hmm. You probably broke my old one on purpose.

Qui:

Obi: Master, why are you not saying anything?

Qui:

Obi: Uh huh. Only the guilty remain silent.

Qui: You are guilty all the time and you are never silent.

Obi: Exceptions to every rule. But in this case, you did... you broke my data pad! Master, that's so wrong.

Qui: You don't like the new one?

Obi: I love it, it has all the bells and whistles, doesn't take forty seven minutes to power up every morning and it's actually from this century. I'll have to forgive you for the tracking thing. At least now you won't call my comm and yell at me for harassing Master Windu about hair products, or Master Yoda about skin cream. You'll already know I'm doing that ahead of time. Might be a nice change.

Qui: Good. Go study.

Obi: You said that already.

Qui: And you're not obeying.

Obi: Do I ever?

Qui: No.

Obi: But I will this time.

Qui: But you are not.

Obi: But I will.

Qui: But you are not.

Obi: But I will.

Qui: When?

Obi: Now?

Qui: Yes.

Obi: Right now?

Qui:

Obi: Is that a yes?

Qui:

Obi: That's a yes. I should go now?

Qui:

Obi: Master, please say something.

Qui:

Obi: I will go study now?

Qui:

Obi: And you will say something if I do?

Qui:

Obi: Soooo, this is weird now. I'm talking to myself but talking to you while I talk to myself and you are watching me talk to myself while I talk to you and you are not talking. Yeah, one... two... three... yes, that's right.

Qui: Fine. I give up. You beat me down, all right? If I hug you, you'll shut up and go away?

Obi: I will.

Qui: Fine. Come here.

Obi: Yes! Okay, hug! Oh, that's good, Master. All better now. We have a weird relationship.

Qui: Gets more so every day.

Obi: Yeah, okay, bye!

Qui: Wait, wait. That's all it took to shut you up and get you to do your work? A three second hug?

Obi: You make me more complicated than I need to be. I'm a simple kid, Master. Remember that next time.

Qui: Next time, right. Joy.

Obi: No more talking, Master. I need to go study now. Bye!

Qui: You are not confusing child.

Obi: I do my best.

END