On The Edge
Chapter 37
FUCK IT, I LOVE YOU
"There's my obscenely spoiled little sister," Bucky laughed as Addison walked into the kitchen and set her purse down on the counter.
Addison cocked her head to the side as she reached into the cabinet for a glass. "What?"
"Is that a Birkin bag?" Eliza asked with wide eyes and her mouth hanging open.
"Yeah."
"You have a Birkin bag?"
"I have several. They're in my closet if you want to borrow one."
Bucky let out a chuckle. "I stand by my previous statement. Chanel tweed suit, Hermes bag… I almost forgot how well you can clean up… Except for those god awful ugly shoes. What are those!"
"Those shoes happen to be one of a kind Alexander McQueen armadillo heels!" Eliza scolded.
His brow raised. "How do you know that?"
She rolled her eyes and smacked him before turning to Addison. "How did you get a pair? Weren't they runway only?"
Addison grabbed the tequila from the wet bar and poured. "Bidding war at Christie's in London a few years ago..."
"Do I want to know how much?" Bucky asked with a humorless laugh.
"I think it ended at $300,000?...Fucking Gaga kept raising her bid. She already had 2 pairs!"
Bucky nearly choked on his coffee. "You paid $300,000 for an ugly ass pair of shoes?!"
She smiled and took a sip. "Nope… My mother did. They went on her account… It's a total power move wearing them today."
"You know, I think those might be my new favorite shoes," Bucky laughed.
"I figured they might be," she said as she downed the rest of her drink.
"Private jet… beachfront mansion… Christie's… Gaga… Couture…" Eliza shook her head and stumbled onto one of the stools at the breakfast bar. "This is a whole hell of a lot to process."
Addison raised her glass in a mock toast. "Welcome to the family, E."
"A little early for the tequila. Even for you."
"If you think I'm dealing with my mother stone-cold sober, you're wrong."
Bucky stood up and walked over to her, wrapping her up in a hug.
"...What are you doing?"
He took a deep breath. "Letting you know that no matter what happens today, I have your back."
She melted into his embrace. "Thanks, brother-dear."
"You're welcome, Addie-loo."
She rolled her eyes and pushed him away.
Bucky glanced at his watch. "Shit! How did it get so late?"
Addison glanced down at hers. "In what universe 7 am, late?"
"I'd like to get there before everyone else. Try to get a feel for the room as it fills."
Addison shrugged her shoulders and grabbed her purse. "Well, let's get this show on the road then."
As they approached the main doors to the lobby, Bucky stopped walking and turned to Addison. "You ready, sis?"
"As ready as I'll ever be, brother-dear."
They pushed the heavy glass doors open and strode across the lobby to security. Addison pulled out her gold Bamm! Executive card and flashed it to the guard as she walked past, by-passing the metal detectors.
"Hey! Why don't I have one of those?" Bucky whined as he had his laminated Bamm! ID card scanned.
"Perks of being the heir to all this," she said waving her arm around dismissively.
Bucky emptied out his pockets and walked through the scanner. "Seriously? How long have you had that thing?"
"Since my sixteenth birthday."
He rolled his eyes and shoved everything back into his pockets. "I'm changing the terms of my conservatorship. I want one of those."
Addison laughed as she scanned her card for the private elevator. "We survive this meeting and I'll get you one."
"Deal."
When they stepped onto the elevator Addison pushed the button for the top floor, while Bucky pushed another.
"Pit stop?" she asked.
"I need to stop by legal to check on some things. I'll meet you in the board room… unless you want to come with me… see if they've forgiven you for throwing a stapler through one of the glass doors," he teased.
She rolled her eyes. "I didn't throw it. You tripped me, and the stapler went flying… Besides, I was like what, 13 when that happened?"
"They still talk about it."
"Of course they do," she huffed in annoyance. "I'll just meet you upstairs."
"That's what I thought," he laughed as the elevator dinged and the doors opened. "I shouldn't be long."
Addison nodded and continued up to the top floor. When the doors opened once more, she took a deep breath to steady her nerves and stepped off, only to let out a curse the moment she walked into the executive lobby. All the anger she'd been holding in, boiled through her blood as her mother walked up to her.
"Hello mother," she managed through gritted teeth.
"Addison, darling… You smell of alcohol and cigarettes."
She smirked and rolled her eyes. It was easier to interact with her when she was out of public view and not pretending to be nice. "And you smell of loneliness and kitty litter"
"Oh, please darling...I'm far from lonely these days. I want you to meet my new husband..." she motioned to whoever it was that was getting off the regular elevators behind them, waving him over.
"You got married? Again?" She rolled her eyes and turned around to meet the poor fool who fell for her mother this time.
"Actually, I think you may already know each other..."
Addison barely registered what her mother was saying. She couldn't believe her own eyes. She blinked a few times to make sure she wasn't hallucinating. Slowly she turned back towards Missy with a look of absolute disgust on her face. "You married Pierce?!… We dated!… He's my age!"
"And he makes me feel just as young," Missy smiled as he walked up to her and kissed her.
Addison gagged. "Oh, God...I think I just threw up a little bit in my mouth."
"Good to see you again, Addison...or should I say, 'step-daughter."
"Yeah...you shouldn't say that… ever." she looked back at her mother. "So, why exactly is he here?"
"Oh, yes...Well, emergency board meeting and all."
"That explains why you're here...why is Pierce?"
"Because I gifted him your board seat as a wedding present, darling."
Addison's jaw dropped. "But that's my seat."
"Not until you're 25."
"Which is this fucking year!"
"Well, we'll see about that…" Missy smiled. "Just because you had Bartholomew erase any record of your little suicide attempt, doesn't mean I don't have proof of it. I'm surprised you haven't heard from my lawyers yet."
Addison took a few steps away from her. "Wait…" a slow smile spread across her face as the realization hit her. "You don't have the votes to sell! That's not what this meeting is about!"
"I will come September."
She gave her mother a fake smile. "We'll see about that."
"Woah…" Pierce laughed. "It's freaky how similar you two look sometimes."
Addison flipped him off and turned around, scanning her card that allowed her access to the executive wing. She quickly walked down the hall towards the one place she knew she could go and think. She opened the heavy double glass doors and walked past the woman sitting at the receptionist's desk.
"Um, excuse me Miss… you can't go in there!"
Addison turned and looked at the obviously new secretary. She pointed to the gold placard on the door that bore her name. "But it's my office."
The woman abruptly stood up. "Miss Donnelly! I'm so sorry! I wasn't expecting… No one told me… I'm new..."
Addison held her hand up. "Relax, please. What's your name?"
"Sylvia."
She nodded. "It's nice to meet you, Sylvia. When my brother comes up, can you please send him in?"
"Absolutely, Miss Donnelly. Is there anything I can get for you? Coffee? Tea?"
"Tequila?"
"Um… I…"
Addison waved her hand, dismissing the issue. "It's fine. I'm good. Thank you." She reached for the doorknob, stopping after only a partial turn. "Oh, one more thing… If my mother or her husband happens to stop by, call security."
"Yes, ma'am."
With a deep breath, Addison twisted the knob the rest of the way and stepped inside. Her name might be on the door, but this was still and always would be her father's office. She hadn't had anything changed. She walked straight over to the wet-bar and grabbed the crystal decanter. She carefully lifted the lid, bringing it to her nose. Her eyes closed as the warm aroma washed over her. Memories of sitting in this office with her father flooded her mind, instantly comforting her.
After pouring herself a glass, she walked over to the large, dark, hardwood desk that filled the center of the room. Her fingers traced the edges as she walked around, unable to remember just how many times she had done the same while growing up.
She sat down in the chair behind his desk, sinking into the soft leather and spinning around in a full circle like she always did. When she came to a stop, her eyes landed on a small framed photograph sitting next to the computer. Her breath caught in her throat, and tears filled her eyes. With shaking hands, she reached out and picked it up. There, in black and white, was her father hugging her as she held her daughter. A single tear fell onto the glass.
Addison quickly wiped her eyes. "Not the day for this…" she mumbled to herself as she opened the top drawer of the desk. She rooted around until she found the key she knew would be "hidden" in the back. She walked across the room to the old plaque hanging on the wall that represented Bamm!'s first gold record and swung it to the side, revealing a wall safe. She punched in the access code and turned the key, opening the safe. She placed the picture carefully on a stack of papers, but as she went to close it back up, an envelope with her name on it, written in her dad's handwriting, caught her attention.
"What in the…" she picked it up and closed the safe, walking back over to the desk as she unsealed the envelope. Sitting back down, she emptied the contents onto the desk. A small silver flash drive caught her attention. She picked it up and turned it over in her hands in disbelief. "It can't be..." Setting it back down, she focused on the sheet of paper, carefully unfolding it. Tears filled her eyes once more as she read.
Sweet-Pea,
Hopefully, by the time you find this, enough time has passed for you to have found some sort of closure. Things may have ended badly, but never forget the beauty that your love created.
Don't be afraid to love again.
I love you always,
Daddy
She wiped her eyes again. "This is why I don't fucking come here." She folded the letter and stuck it back inside the envelope. She picked the flash drive back up, unable to believe that he had kept it for her. So many memories contained in one small package. It had started, as most of their best ideas had, as a way to aggravate Mason with their annoying coupleness, but it had quickly taken on a life of its own. This was their personal playlist. Songs that they recorded for and with each other as a way to express how they felt when 'I love you' didn't feel like enough. She smiled to herself and plugged it into the computer. She pulled her earbuds out of her purse and pressed play, leaning back into the chair and closing her eyes as she let herself get lost in their memories.
"I have died every day waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more…
And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more…"
ZzZzZ
"Your love is my turning page
Where only the sweetest words remain
Every kiss is a cursive line
Every touch is a redefining phrase...
ZzZzZ
"Well, I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up…"
ZzZzZ
"Cause this love is getting dangerous
And I need some more tonight
Your touch is contagious
You know what I need tonight
I can't run and I can't hide
I'll be wasted by the light
I'm undone but I'm alive
Don't ever wanna see the morning light…"
ZzZzZ
"You're the light, you're the night
You're the color of my blood
You're the cure, you're the pain
You're the only thing I wanna touch
Never knew that it could mean so much, so much
You're the fear, I don't care
'Cause I've never been so high
Follow me through the dark
Let me take you past the satellites
You can see the world you brought to life, to life…"
"HEY!"
She grabbed her chest and spun the chair around as she ripped the headphones off. "Jesus, Bucky! You scared me half to death."
He let out a chuckle and sat down in one of the chairs on the opposite side of the desk. "Sorry… To be fair, I did call your name a few times. What are you listening to."
"Nothing." She took the flash drive out and stuck it into her bra. Thoughts of Zed and the nearly overwhelming desire to record again would have to wait. Right now, she needed to focus on why she was here.
"So… why are you hiding out? I don't think I've seen you step foot in this office since before Dad died."
"Avoiding my mother."
He nodded his head as he looked around.
"She doesn't have the votes."
He slowly turned back to her. "How do you know?"
"Because I already ran into her. This meeting isn't about her trying to sell. I don't think she even knows what this is all about."
Bucky let out a sigh of relief. "Thank God…"
"Don't start popping the champagne just yet, brother-dear," she warned in a low whisper. "She 'gifted' my board seat to her new husband. Who's my age. Who I dated in high school!"
Bucky's eyes narrowed. "When in high school?"
"Easy… It was like four months, sophomore year. He took me to his Junior Prom and then cheated on me while I was in Paris."
He visibly relaxed. "I wouldn't worry too much. That seat goes back to you in September along with the one I'm currently holding for you. Between our three seats, we'll have the majority back and then we can finally call for a vote to get her off the board for good."
"She said she filed to have it extended."
"I know."
She cocked her head to the side. "You do?"
"Yeah. I've got it handled. Why do you think I stopped by Legal? She doesn't have a case whatsoever."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"I didn't want you to worry."
She stared at him for a moment before getting up and walking around the desk. She threw her arms around him. "Thank you."
"For what?" he asked as hugged her back.
"For taking care of me."
His chest shook with silent laughter. "Isn't that what bossy, over-protective, older brothers are supposed to do?"
"I suppose so," she shrugged as she took a step back, straightening her suit before walking back to her father's chair and plopping back into it and spinning around again.
"You look good behind that desk, even if you are spinning in the chair like a six-year-old."
"I always look good."
He rolled his eyes and stood up, grabbing her glass and taking a sip. "That's not what I meant and you know it."
"Make up your mind. Do you want me to be a musician or an executive?"
He handed her glass back to her and met her eyes. "I want you to be you." He walked over to one of the large bookcases that lined the back wall of the office and picked up a silver frame from off one of the shelves. "You know.. This has always been one of my favorite pictures. When Dad sent it to me, I had it printed out and framed… It had been up in my room at NYU until I got tired of the other guy's comments about how hot you were."
Addison silently laughed and walked over to where he was standing to see what picture he was talking about. "I didn't even know he had taken this…" she said quietly as she took it from him. There she was on stage with a borrowed green Les Paul guitar, singing as she looked over at someone on the side of the stage. "This was from the music revue Junior year." Her fingertip traced the edge of the picture where the smallest sliver of Zed's hair was visible. "You are the only exception…" she sang softly under her breath. She closed her eyes, still able to remember the exact look in Zed's eyes when she told him she loved him for the first time.
"He was so fucking proud of you, Addie-loo... And I know he'd still be."
She opened her eyes and placed the photo back onto the shelf. "Please don't say that."
"So the whispers are true. You're actually here."
Addison spun around to find one of her father's best friends and Bamm!'s acting president standing in the doorway.
"Uncle Jamie!"
"My goodness!" he exclaimed as he walked in and pulled her into a hug. "When did you grow up on me?"
She took a step back, shrugging her shoulders. "Probably around the same time you got old on me."
He laughed and shook his head. "I swear you just opened your mouth and your father came out."
She smiled and lifted her glass to her lips.
"Bartholomew, my boy. How are you?"
Bucky walked around the desk and shook his hand. "Doing well, Mr. Chapman."
"I've told you unless we're in the board room, it's Jamie," he said with a kind smile. "So… What have you been up to?"
Addison's eyes went wide with sudden panic.
"Oh, not too much. Just trying to keep this one out of trouble," Bucky teased as he poured himself a glass of scotch.
"A full-time job, I'm sure! Isn't a little early for you two to be hitting the good stuff?"
Addison shrugged. "I have to be in a room with my mother."
"Ooh… good point. In that case, want to pour me one too?"
She couldn't help but smile. He was so much like her father.
Bucky handed him a glass. "Care to share why you called a board meeting out of nowhere?"
"Nobody told you, kids?"
"No."
He took a sip of his scotch and smiled. "Well, let's go into the boardroom so you can find out."
Addison rolled her eyes. "Really, Uncle Jamie? You're not going to tell us?"
"Nope," he said, his smile growing larger.
"So not fair."
"You don't like it, then take over."
"No thanks. You seem to be doing a good enough job."
He chuckled and finished his drink. "Your confidence in me is inspiring," he teased as he stood up and set his now empty glass on the wet bar. "Shall we?"
Addison sat at the head of the long conference table. To her right, was her Uncle Jamie, and on her left Bucky. At the opposite end of the table was her mother, with Pierce sitting beside her. Bob, the cranky old man who had frightened her since she was a small child, sat next to them, and Harrison, who at one point had been sleeping with Missy, rounded out the board.
Jamie stood up and cleared his throat. "Thank you so much for coming this morning. I know some of you know why this meeting was called, while others of you do not." He glanced over to Addison and smiled.
"Just get on with it…" Missy complained from the far side of the table. "Some of us have lives."
"If you don't want to be here, feel free to leave," Addison smiled sweetly.
Jamie bit back a laugh. "Alright, without further ado… We've been informed that Dale will be inducted into the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame this year for his contributions to music through production."
Addison gasped and covered her mouth in shock. The two highest honors a producer could receive were a lifetime achievement award from the Grammy's and induction into the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame. Tears filled her eyes as Bucky pulled her into a hug.
"Is that all?"
Addison's head whipped towards her mother. "Do you realize how huge of an honor this is?"
"It's just another award. I fail to see why we had to have a board meeting for this announcement."
Addison stood up, her hands clenched into fists by her side.
Jamie, placed a hand on her shoulder, silently urging her to sit back down. "Well, it's a little more than just another award," he answered through an obviously fake smile as he tried to contain his own anger. "Every year, the selection committee chooses a handful of artists or producers to showcase during the awards show. Given Dale's rather extensive catalog, he was an obvious choice. This meeting was called because we need to decide which songs, and which artists will be used to highlight his career."
"Don't we have PR people to deal with this sort of thing?" Missy asked as she picked at her manicure.
Bucky and Jamie both held Addison in her seat.
"If it were any other artist, I would agree with you, Missy," Bob said as he shuffled through a stack of papers in front of him. "But given Dale's involvement as president of Bamm! Records, it falls to the board. If everyone would flip to page four of the agenda you will find the proposed setlist."
Addison quickly turned the pages and read through what had been prepared. She tilted her head to the side and glanced at her Uncle Jamie. "You approved this?"
"It's just a proposal, Addison. If you have any thoughts, please speak up."
"What I think is that this is a generic ass list thrown together by someone who doesn't know shit about music or what songs meant a damn thing to my father."
"Don't hold back," Jamie laughed. "Continue."
Addison stood up and started pacing as she read the song titles out loud. "Seriously… there's no substance, there's no cohesion, this would play like a fucking disaster."
Bob slammed his hand down on the table. "May I remind you that this is a board room? A certain level of decorum is expected. We have a playlist. You should sit back down and act like a lady so that we can do our job and vote!"
"I was speaking…" she practically growled as she focused on Bob. "I have heard far worse come out of the mouths of this board's male members. What I have to say and how I chose to say it should not be judged based on my gender. May I remind you that while my mother may still be holding on to my board seat that was given to me by my grandfather, I still hold his seat and my father's? I am the only Donnelly on this board, and I will be heard."
Bucky and Jamie both bit back laughs as Bob's face turned red. Jamie cleared his throat, trying to regain a shred of professionalism. "As you were saying, Addison."
"My father would never allow this. It's an embarrassment to Bamm! And it's an insult to his legacy."
"Well, what would you suggest?" Harrison asked from across the table.
"That depends…" she said softly as she turned to look out the window. It was a subconscious move she had picked up from watching her father work this very room. "If we're going for chronology, we start with something off of Use Your Illusion. It was the first project he worked on and it always meant a great deal to him. Not to mention, it was a massive commercial hit."
"Absolutely not!" Missy interjected.
Addison rolled her eyes but otherwise ignored her. "And how could a list even be written without including anything from Nirvana, or Pearl Jam, or Soundgarden?" She turned back around and looked at the people sitting around the room. "Without my father, there would have never been a Seattle Grunge revolution! Not to mention the sheer number of female artists he helped bring to the spotlight!" She threw the agenda onto the table and sighed as she went back to her seat.
Bucky leaned over. "Goddamn, my dad was right. You're lethal."
She smirked and elbowed him.
Jamie stood up, addressing the room, "Clearly we're not going to find anyone else who knows Dale's work better, or is more passionate about making this the tribute he deserves… All those in favor of Addison creating the setlist?" Everyone except Missy and Pierce raised their hands.
"All right… It's all yours Addison."
"But the board will still have final approval," Missy sneered."
"Of course," Jamie said with an eye roll. "With that out the way..." he pulled out an envelope from his portfolio. "Dale did have a request."
"Oh, what now!" Missy exclaimed throwing her hands in the air.
"Addison…" Jamie slid the envelope to her.
She sat there, frozen in place. For the second time that day, she was face to face with a letter from her father. She let out a slow breath and reached for the envelope with a shaky hand.
The room was silent as she read it to herself.
"When did you..." she asked looking up to him with tears in her eyes.
"The lawyers sent it to me. It was included with his will."
"What's this all about, Jamie?" Bob gruffed.
"Dale had requested that if he were ever to be honored posthumously, that Addison perform a certain song that they had recorded for her album."
Missy almost spat out her water. "You recorded an album?"
Bucky rolled his eyes. "You're her mother, how did you not know?"
"From what I heard from Dale, it was his single proudest moment as a producer," Jamie said, not bothering to hide the pride in his voice.
"That's because he was her father, you dolt. Of course, he'd say that!"
Bucky was on his feet, glaring at Missy. "The album was amazing! He would have said that no matter who it had been...the fact that it was his daughter only sweetened it."
"His daughter is right here..." Addison said interrupting them. "And the album wasn't finished… we were still working on the last track."
"If it wasn't even released, why play it? Isn't this award for his accomplishments?" Pierce chimed in.
"You don't get to speak about my father!" Addison snapped.
Jamie stood up and straightened his jacket. "As I said, Dale was very proud of the album and considered it his greatest accomplishment. All those in favor of Addison performing the song he requested?"
Everyone in the room other than Missy, Pierce, and Addison, raised their hands.
"Those who oppose?"
Missy and Pierce raised theirs.
"Addison..." Jamie whispered.
"I…I..." she could feel the panic starting to tighten her chest. Without another word she stood up and walked out of the room. As she made her way down the hall towards the elevators she could hear Bucky calling for her. She pressed the call button just as he caught up with her.
"I can't do it, B! I have to get out of here!"
"Come here, sis..." he reached out and pulled her into a hug. "I know it's scary, but it's what Dad wanted."
"Yeah, well he wanted a lot! I doubt he wanted a never-was performing something he wasted his last days working on! He deserves better!"
"You are not a never-was! Do you hear me!"
"I can't! Other than the obvious, did you forget about the tour?"
"What about it? We can rearrange dates if needed."
She rolled her eyes and threw her hands into the air. "It's not the fucking dates! If I do this, the gig is up! Everyone is going to fucking know who I am!"
He sucked in a sharp breath. "Shit…"
"Yeah," she replied dryly as she stepped onto the elevator, furiously pushing the button to close the door.
He quickly shook his head and stopped the door from closing. "Doesn't matter."
She stared at him in disbelief. "What do you mean it doesn't matter? If this tour didn't fucking matter, why the fuck did you make me join?"
"I'm not saying the tour doesn't matter! I'm saying this is a hell of a lot more important than the bands and the fans realizing you've been using a fake name. Lot's of artists go by stage names!"
"Yeah, well lots of artists don't have the last name of Donnelly." She pushed his arm out of the way and let the doors close.
Addison sat in the middle of her California King bed looking around her room. It hadn't even been two months, but the peace and comfort she had felt then was now replaced with a cold emptiness that seeped deep into her bones. She let out a ragged breath and grabbed her phone out of her purse, calling the one person she knew would understand. The moment his face filled the screen, she felt like she could breathe again.
"Hey Baby, how'd the meeting go?"
"I don't want to talk about it," she whispered in reply, not trusting her own voice. "I didn't wake you, did I?"
He shook his head. "Not at all… Couldn't sleep for shit."
"Night terrors?" she asked, concernedly.
He nodded his head. "Yeah...I almost forgot how much they suck."
"You haven't had an episode in months, though."
"Probably because I've had you in my arms when I sleep."
She smiled, wishing like hell she was in his arms now. "I miss you."
"I miss you, too, Baby… I wrote you a song."
"You did?"
"Actually it's a duet for us," he replied with a soft, tired smile.
"Lacey's not going to like that."
"I don't give a fuck."
She bit back a laugh. "You have no idea how good it feels to talk about something 'normal' right now… Do I get to hear it?"
He nodded his head. "Why don't I send it to you and we can work on it together?"
"How do you always know exactly what I need?"
"Probably because it's the same thing I need. We just work like that…." He shrugged his shoulders as he messed with something on the screen. "It should be coming through any second."
Her phone dinged with a new email. "It just did, hold on…" She pulled up her email and quickly read through the lyrics and guitar tabs. "Z…" she wiped away the tears that had started to fall.
"Like I said, I've been missing you."
She wiped her eyes again. "Fuck, I feel like all I've been doing today is cry."
"Wanna sit at the piano and work this out?"
She flashed him a smile through her tears and nodded. "Yeah…" She stood up and walked out of her room and into her music room. She sat down on the cold black bench in front of her baby grand piano and set the phone up on the top. She cracked her knuckles and looked back at the screen. "What verse do you want me to take?"
"Why don't we sing the whole thing together?"
She closed her eyes and imagined the harmony, unable to deny that it would sound perfect the way he was envisioning. She opened them and nodded. "Whenever you're ready. What key?"
He set his cigarette down and picked up his guitar. "B minor…" He started to strum out a slow, mournful melody.
"I find the map and draw a straight line
Over rivers, farms, and state lines
The distance from 'here' to where you'd be
It's only finger-lengths that I see
I touch the place where I'd find you face
My fingers in creases of distant dark places
I'm miles from where you are
I lay down on the cold ground
And I pray that something picks me up
And sets me down in your warm arms
After I have traveled so far
We'd set the fire to the third bar
We'd share each other like an island
Until exhausted, close our eyelids
And dreaming, pick up from
The last place we left off
Your soft skin is weeping
A joy you can't keep in
I'm miles from where you are
I lay down on the cold ground
And I pray that something picks me up
And sets me down in your warm arms…"
Addison closed her eyes, fighting off tears. The emotional stress of everything catching up to her.
"Wanna talk about it now?" he asked quietly.
She shook her head. "No… but I need to." She wiped the tears from her eyes and took a deep breath. "Daddy's being inducted into the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame this year."
"What?! For reals?!"
She nodded her head. "Yeah."
"That's fucking amazing!"
Addison smiled and wiped her eyes again. "It would be…"
"I feel a 'but' coming…"
"...But… they want me to put together the playlist and artists..."
"...okay… so far still sounding amazing..."
"And they want me to perform."
"and there it is," Zed said with a sad smile. "Baby…"
She held up her hand to stop him. "I can't do it."
"Yes, you can."
"No, I can't! The last time I was on stage to honor my Daddy was for his memorial service. I had a fucking panic attack and passed out!"
"But you've been singing on stage since the beginning of the year. You've carried entire sets! You can do this."
She shook her head furiously. "No, Casey Jacobs has. Not me! She doesn't have a past!"
"Adds, listen to me! This is the same thing I was telling you last night before the show! It's all you!"
She took a deep breath and tried to calm the panic that she could feel rising in her chest again. "Even if you're right about that…"
"I am."
She rolled her eyes. "If I do this, there's no hiding anymore! It's all me. It's all out in the open. This whole safe space we've created for us on the tour is over."
"You can do this. I don't give a shit if it makes things harder for us on tour. We've survived a hell of a lot worse," he chuckled. "Baby…" he sighed, wishing he could hold her in his arms. "You are Addison Fucking Donnelly. You owe it to yourself and to your Dad to go out on that stage and show everyone who you are. No one else could do this like you can. Don't worry about anything else. It'll all work out."
She closed her eyes and dropped her head onto the piano. "I wish it were that simple."
"It is."
She sat back up and looked at the camera again. "But what if I can't?"
"I won't let you fail, Baby. I'll always be there to catch you."
She smiled sadly. "I wish you were here now."
"I wish I was too… When are you coming back to me?"
"I don't know yet. I kind of ran out of the meeting before it ended."
A gasp sounded from somewhere behind him. "Is that Chanel?"
Addison rolled her eyes playfully as Tracey grabbed the phone away from Zed. "Hey, Trace!"
"Answer the question!"
She laughed and stood up, showing him the full outfit. "Yes, it's Chanel."
"How is it possible that you look just as divine in tweed as you do in leather?!"
She picked the phone back up. "I'm going to show you this because I know you're the only one who will share my excitement." She switched the camera around and angled it so he could see her feet.
He gasped again. "You bitch! How did I not know you owned a pair of Armadillos! You better bring those on tour! They would go so perfectly with my snakeskin jacket!"
She laughed and flipped the camera back around. "Yeah, these are not coming on tour! I'd have to take an insurance policy out on them, and they can not be replaced!"
"Alright, alright… you two can discuss shoes later, let me talk to my girlfriend," Zed whined as he fought the phone back away from Tracey.
"This conversation isn't over!" Tracey called out just as he lost the tug of war match with Zed.
Addison was laughing when Zed finally appeared back on the camera. He couldn't help the smile that spread across his own face. "I miss you so fucking much, it hurts."
"I miss you too. Just as much…" she whispered, tears starting to fill her eyes again.
"Don't cry, baby. You're making me want to get in a car and drive out to you now. Damn the consequences."
She bit back a giggle. "I'm tempted to not stop you… I need to cuddle… and fuck… I need a cuddle-fuck."
Zed threw back his head and laughed. "Just say the word, Baby and I'm there."
She smiled through a yawn.
"You haven't slept yet, have you?"
"No," she answered, yawning again.
"Adds, you've been up for well over 24 hours and you performed last night. You've got to be exhausted."
She nodded sleepily.
"Alright, Gorgeous go get some sleep. I love you."
"I…" The words were on the tip of her tongue.
"Hey… I told you… I don't need to hear it. I know, okay?"
She nodded her head. "Forever."
"And after… Call me later?"
"I will."
He kissed the screen making her giggle before he hung up.
Alone again, she stared out the window. She couldn't help but reflect on everything that had happened that day. Her head rolled back in frustration, as her fingers found comfort on the cool ivory keys of her piano.
She always did her best thinking at the piano. As much as she hated to admit it, Zed was right. She was the only one who could do what her father wanted. Why should this be any different from what she did every night on stage? The beginning of a melody started to form.
"I like to light up the stage with a song
Do shit to keep me turned on..." she smirked at herself as she continued to play. Hoping, somehow she would figure out how to do this without falling apart again.
"...I flew to California, but it's just a state of mind
It turns out everywhere you go, you take yourself. That's not a lie
Wish that you could hold me and just say that you are mine
It's killing me slowly…"
Her thoughts kept drifting back to Zed.
"I used to shoot up veins in neon
That shit was so bright when you were gone
So many things I wanted to say to you
I want you
Dream a little dream of me
Make me into something sweet..."
Her father's words ran through her mind.
Don't be afraid to love again.
"When you moved from California, I nearly lost my fucking mind
Then I met you once again, wind through my hair, you blew my mind
And if I wasn't so fucked up, I'd know I've loved you all this time
It's killing me, slowly…"
Don't be afraid to love…
Don't be afraid...
She was afraid. Afraid of letting everyone down again. Afraid of succeeding. Afraid that saying what she wanted to say to Zed would make it that much harder when it all came crashing down around them.
Don't be afraid...
Slowly, a smile began to spread across her face. She knew exactly what she needed to do.
"Fuck it, I love you
Fuck it, I love you
Fuck it, I love you
I really do…"
"Figured you'd be up here."
She grabbed her chest, startled. "Jesus, Bucky! How long have you been standing there?"
"Long enough to get a reminder of just how beautiful your voice sounds."
She rolled her eyes and smiled, patting the spot next to her. "Don't think for a second you can butter me up with a compliment."
He chuckled softly and joined her on the piano bench.
"So… how bad was the fallout when I left?"
"Eh… about what you'd expect. The Wicked Witch went on a tirade about you not being fit to inherit the company, blah, blah, blah… most of the board had your back."
"Most?"
He shrugged his shoulders. "The ones your mother hasn't slept with."
"Bob was on my side?"
"I think you impressed him… or scared him… either way, it worked."
She softly laughed and leaned her head onto his shoulder. "Sorry I took the car and left you."
"Eh, it's fine. I had one of the company cars bring me back." They both sat in comfortable silence watching as the waves crashed to the shore. After a few minutes he whispered, "No matter what you decide, I've got your back… I always will."
"Thanks, B."
He kissed the top of her head affectionately. "But I really think you should do it."
"Fine."
He pulled away in shock. "Seriously? Fine? As in yes?"
She nodded her head. "Yeah."
"Wow… that was way too easy. I was prepared to grovel."
She snorted a quick laugh. "Please, don't let me stop you."
He playfully pushed her shoulder. "What changed your mind?"
Addison shrugged again. "It's what my Daddy wanted. I might be a complete fuck up, but I have to at least try."
"You are not a fuck up. You're a fucking musical genius who just happened to go through hell."
"Tomato, tomato."
He rolled his eyes and pulled out his phone, firing off a quick text. Almost instantly a response dinged. "Jamie just responded with about fifty smile emojis and a 'planning meeting tomorrow at ten,'."
"So we're here for at least another day?" She tried to hide the excitement in her voice as a plan started to form.
He exhaled and draped his arm around her. "Looks like it… I'm proud of you, sis."
"Hope you're ready to clean things up when shit hits the fan."
"I was thinking about that after you left…" he said as he stood up and stretched his back. "The ceremony takes place on April 7th. It doesn't air until April 28th. We have a show that night."
"And?"
"And, it means that no one in any of the bands or the audience is going to watch it when it airs. It gives us a chance to see if there's any buzz. If not, we can carry on like nothing happened."
"And if there is?"
He shrugged his shoulders. "Then we deal with it then." He held his hand out for her. "Come on."
"Where?"
"Let's go grab some food."
"Yeah, no. I'm fucking exhausted. I fully plan on staying here and sleeping until tomorrow."
"You need to eat."
"I can always order delivery. Besides, you should be taking your girlfriend out! Book a suite somewhere nice, get a couples massage, the whole nine! My treat!"
"Well, if you insist," he laughed.
"I do! Now go wake E up and surprise her."
"Alright, alright…" he said, bending over to kiss the top of her head. "I'll meet you at Bamm! Tomorrow at 9."
"Meeting's for 10."
"And maybe if I say 9, you'll actually be there on time."
"Ha. ha. ha." she giggled, pushing him towards the door. "See you then."
The second she heard the door across the hall close, she walked back to her piano and grabbed her phone, hitting the call button.
"Looks like I'll be in meetings again tomorrow… what are you doing tonight?"
Addison leaned against the driver's side door of her car holding her hand up to shield her eyes from the setting sun as she watched the Donnelly jet land. The moment the door opened she could feel her entire body relax for the first time all day. She fought the urge to run into his arms, opting to take the opportunity to truly appreciate just how incredible he looked in his black jeans, black leather jacket, and black sunglasses. He looked every bit the rock god she knew he was destined to be.
"How is it possible that you can make a Volvo look sexy?" He asked as he walked up to her.
"Genetic curse," she smiled as his lips gently met hers. "Hi…"
"Hi…"
"I missed you."
He nipped her nose and pulled her in closer to his body. "I more than missed you… I feel like this is the first time I've been able to breathe right since I watched you board that plane this morning."
"It's probably just the smog," she giggled, kissing him again.
"Brat."
"You love it."
"I do…" he smiled and kissed her again. "So, you flew me all the way out here… I'm assuming you have big plans?"
"Hmm… I don't know about 'big plans'… but I was thinking some burgers from In and Out and then I have a surprise for you."
His eyebrows raised. "Is it the naked kind of surprise?"
She shrugged her shoulders coyly. "It could be… if we do it right."
He shook his head and leaned down to kiss her once more. "Then what are we waiting for? Let's go!"
ZzZzZzZzZzZ
When Addison pulled up to the gates of her house in Malibu, Zed turned to her with a questioning look.
"I thought your brother was staying here?"
"He is, but…" she smiled, punching in the code for the gate, "he took his girlfriend out for the night. We're meeting back up at Bamm!, in the morning."
He pretended to sigh. "So are you saying we have this big ole' house all to ourselves for the entire night?"
She nodded enthusiastically as she pulled into the garage and killed the engine.
"Best surprise ever!" He crashed his lips against hers.
She giggled and pulled away just enough to be able to speak. "This isn't the surprise…"
"It isn't?"
She shook her head and smiled as she got out of the car. "Nope." She grabbed his hand and pulled him into the house and towards the stairs. "So, while I was in Daddy's office this morning, I happened to stumble across something."
"And what would that be?"
She stopped when they reached the landing on the second floor. She turned around and pulled a small silver flash drive out of her bra. "This…" she said in a breathy whisper as she looked up at him through her lashes.
"Is that…"
"Our old recordings," she answered with a smile.
"And you just happened to have that on your persons this whole time," he laughed.
She nodded and pulled him down into a kiss. "What do you say we add to it?"
He took her face in his hands and kissed her hard. "Are you sure?"
"It's all I've wanted to do since I found it this morning."
"All you've wanted to do?"
She rolled her eyes playfully and smiled. "Maybe not ALL…" she took his hand again and pulled him towards the recording studio door. "Thank you."
"For what?"
"For understanding how hard this could be for me."
He cradled the side of her face again, pulling her in for another kiss. "I told you, I'll always be here to catch you."
She smiled against his lips as she opened the door. They both looked into the room, aware of how big of a moment this truly was.
"Man, the memories hit hard…"
She snickered and rested her head on his chest. "Tell me about it. This whole fucking day has been one long trip down memory lane."
"You ready to make some new ones?" he whispered.
"With you? Always."
He leaned down and pressed a kiss into the top of her hair. "Whenever you're ready. We've got all night."
"I have other plans for tonight that don't involve standing in this doorway," she said looking up to him. "Let's do this!" She walked further into the room, flipping the lights on and sitting behind the soundboard.
"God I forgot how sexy you look behind a deck," he said adjusting the obvious bulge in his pants.
Addison licked her lips at the sight and let out a ragged breath. "Later… I promise… Right now, I really want to put something down."
Zed snapped back into professional mode. "Anything in particular?"
"You decide. If you want to record a Zombies song, I'll help in whatever way I can."
He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a folded sheet of paper. "I've got a better idea."
"Did you write another song on the plane?"
His shoulders shook as he silently laughed. "I told you I missed you…" he opened the door to the sound booth "You coming?"
Addison hit the record button and walked into the room, sitting next to him on the piano bench as he began to play a soft melody.
"My bed sheets feel empty, when you're not home…" he leaned over and kissed her gently.
"Your heartbeat, helps me sleep. Your breath soothes my soul.
Baby, you're all, Baby you're all, Baby you're all I've ever needed.
Your all I've ever needed.
I love you, more than I knew I could ever love someone…"
Addison ran her hand up his leg, taking over.
"I got it all so deep, I can barely even breathe.
If I need a shelter from the storm…"
He joined back in, looking into her eyes as they both sang.
"Baby you're all, baby you're all, baby you're all I've ever needed.
Baby, you're all, baby you're all, baby you're all I've ever needed.
You're all I've ever needed…"
The melody slowed as he leaned over and kissed her again. "I love you, more than I knew I could ever love someone…" His hands hit the finals chord on the keys as his lips met hers again. "I love you, Addison."
She closed her eyes, repeating her father's words to herself. When she opened them and looked up into his eyes, she smiled. "I love you, too."
He sucked in a sharp breath. "Say it again…"
"I love you, Zed."
His face broke out into a smile that took her breath away. "I really didn't think I needed to hear those words… but…" his smile widened even more as he kissed her. "I've missed the way those words tasted."
"And how do the words 'I love you' taste?"
"They taste like you..."
She giggled as she pulled away. "That was so much more romantic than 'I told you so,'"
"What can I say, I've matured a little over the years."
She kissed him again. "You know...That was an awfully soft song for THE Zed Necrodopolus of Zombies… what would your growing fan base think?"
"Baby, I can promise you there is nothing soft about me," he smirked, thrusting his hips for emphasis before he grabbed her and sat her on his lap. "And as far as any fans are concerned…" he whispered kissing her neck. "If they ever took the time to listen to any of my songs, then they'd know I'm all yours." He stopped just below her ear, focusing on the spot that had always driven her wild.
"I'm yours, too."
"I love you."
"I love you, too," she moaned and leaned back into the keys of the piano, pulling him down with her.
"Forever." His hand slipped under the hem of her shirt.
"And after." She closed her eyes and gave herself over to the feel of his hands and lips on her body.
The crackle of the intercom system sounded. "If you two are almost done in there, I'd like to have a word."
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Yeah, yeah, yeah, a cliff hanger. I swear I'm already writing the next chapter! Feel free to drop your theories and predictions in a review!
SONGS USED IN THIS CHAPTER
A Thousand Years, Christina Perry
Turning Page, Sleeping At Last
Won't Give Up, Jason Mraz
Young Love, Eli Lieb (As requested by WildFlowerChildGrace)
Love Me Like You Do, Ellie Goulding
Set the Fire to the Third Bar, Snow Patrol
Fuck it I Love You, Lana Delray
All I've Ever Needed, Paul McDonald & Nikki Reed