In the Dark Chapter 25
The two girls stood in silence for a long moment, trying to process the situation at hand. Jillian's hands shook as she bent down to pick up the test from the floor. She stared at it, taking in the meaning of the tiny, pink plus sign. She set it back on the sink and then leaned over. She looked even paler and as if she was going be nauseous again. Shilo wasn't sure what to say. "Everything's going to be okay" seemed shallow and to critizize her for not being careful would only make things worse. What else could she do? She closed her eyes and composed herself. She knew that Jillian would need her more than ever now. She needed support. It was time for Shilo to be the strong one. She placed her hand on Jillian's shoulder and began with a sigh.
"Okay, let's just take a deep breath and think about this for a second."
Finally, Jillian arose from her catatonic state and turned to look at Shilo, her face full of despair. "Think about what exactly? There's nothing to think about! I'm fucking pregnant!" she yelled.
Shilo could here the frantic rising in Jillian's tone and attempted to subdue it. "I know." She replied in an even voice. "Just calm down, Jillian."
Jillian let out a pathetic laugh. "Calm down? Really? How I am supposed to calm down? Don't you see? If anyone finds out about this my life may as well be over!" She grabbed the pregnancy test and threw it at the mirrored glass, creating a small crack. She then sunk down to floor and began to weep hysterically. Shilo bent down and placed an arm over Jillian's shoulder. She spoke soothing words as Jillian cursed herself. "What am I going to do, Shilo? I'm only eighteen and I'm a complete mess. I'm in no condition to raise a baby. I'll be the mother from hell for sure!"
"Don't say that! How could you be so down on yourself?"
"Shilo, c'mon. You know it's true. Not only do I have zero experience with children but my life is just one big train wreck." She sniffled and wiped her eyes. "You know, I loved my mother more than anything but it was so hard only being able to see her a few times a week. It was really Cynthia who raised me. Then when she died, there was no comfort, no one to protect me. No child deserves to go through that. It would probably best if I just got rid of it, save the trouble for everyone." She said darkly.
Shilo's mouth opened in shock. How could Jillian say such a thing about someone who hasn't even been born yet? Now it was time to be stern. "Just shut up, okay?"
Jillian turned her head. "What?"
"Look, I know that you had a really tough childhood but you know what? So did I. I grew up being isolated in my room and forced to take medicine for an illness that wasn't even real. My dad lied to me my whole life and when I decided to forgive him, he was taken away from me. Do you see me crying about it? No, I've cried all my tears. Now is the time to move on and be strong and you should do exactly the same."
Jillian stared at Shilo, astonished at how powerful her little speech was. It was true too. When it came down to it, Shilo was exactly right. There was no use in moping anymore. What good would it do anyway? Sitting down and crying wasn't going to make any of the pain go away nor would it make it easier. It had to stop.
Shilo's expression lightened a bit but her tone remained stern. "I'm not trying to be a bitch. I just don't know how you could be so quick to throw something away. I've never been in this kind of situation so I really can't fully understand how you must feel but how can you be so hopeless."
Jillian smiled and gave a light hearted laugh. "I am pretty hopeless aren't I?"
"Jill, I didn't mean-"
"No, you're right. I made a mistake and now I have to face it. I need to take responsibility for my actions. There's no use in dwelling on it."
"You know I'm here for you, right?"
Jillian nodded. "I know."
Shilo smiled. "Good." She rose up and held out her hand. Jillian took it and propped herself up.
"So are you ready to go and face the doctor now?"
Jillian sighed. "Not even close but I have to do it."
Shilo squeezed Jillian's hand and the left to go find the waiting room. They found it and took two empty seats after checking in with front desk. They waited for about fifteen minutes before Jillian's "name" was called. They rose from their seats and a Gentern led them to the doctor's office. A few minutes later, yet another blonde Gentern walked in and greeted them with a smile. "Good afternoon, Miss Defoe. It's an honor to meet you."
Jillian raised her brow. "Wait, who are you? Where's Dr. O'Grady?"
"Oh! I'm so sorry, let me introduce myself. My name is Kendra. I'm Dr. O'Grady's assistant and I'll be filling in for her while she's out for the day."
"Oh." Was all Jillian replied.
"So what seems to be the problem, Miss Defoe?" Kendra asked with a synthetic smile.
"Um, I've been feeling nauseous and vomiting a lot lately." Jillian answered. Shilo pinched her arm. "Ow!" She shot Shilo a glare.
Kendra grabbed a pen. "I'm going to ask you a few questions if you don't mind."
"Not at all." Replied Jillian, rubbing her arm.
"Okay, first of all, do you take any type of medication, Miss Defoe?"
"Birth control and pills to sustain my zydrate addiction." She answered quickly.
"Do have any type of allergies?"
Jillian nodded. "I'm allergic to cat dander and peanut oil."
"And when was your last menstrual period?"
"July 16th. I think it lasted about five days."
"Are you currently sexually active?"
"….Yes."
Kendra nodded her head and made some notes on her clipboard, writing in detail.
"Alright, then. Please wait here for just a moment and I'll be back to do a quick check-up."
Kendra left the room and then came back to take Jillian's temperature and check her pulse. "Everything seems to be in tact. You're temperature and heart rate is normal. Do you have any other symptoms that could be causing your illness?"
Jillian hesitated for a moment but then Shilo gave her a meaningful look. "Um, I think that I might be pregnant." She finally said. Shilo rolled her eyes and Jillian shrugged.
Kendra was dumbfounded for a moment. "Oh. Well…okay then. Have you taken any recent tests?"
Jillian nodded. "I took one before I came in but I don't know how effective it was." She said truthfully.
"Well, if you'd like I can send you to the ultrasound technician to confirm it."
"I think that would be a good idea." Said Jillian, feeling defeated.
"Okay, I'll just give her a buzz and let her know that I'm sending you up. She should give you plenty of information if the results are positive but I'd like to ask you to come back and report the results to me as well please. It's for Dr. O'Grady."
"Sure." Jillian replied.
Once again, Kendra stepped out for a moment and then returned to tell them that they could report to room 1125 on the third floor. They left hand in hand for the Maternity Ward and took the elevator. When they got there they were taken in right away to avoid being recognized by the other expectant mothers. They were led to a dark room and were soon joined by the ultrasound technician.
"Hello, Miss Defoe, I'm Dr. Ralls and I've been made aware of your situation. Please lie down on the leather couch there and lift up your shirt. Your friend can take a seat next to you."
"Um, okay." Jillian did as instructed and lay down. The technician switched on the monitor and grabbed a small tube.
"Just relax, dear. This may feel a little cold." She opened the tube and squeezed out some blue gel and rubbed it across Jillian's stomach. "Now then, let's take a look at the monitor and see what we can find."
The room was silent except for the low buzz of the machine. Then after moving the cord for a few times there was the sound of a slow and steady pounding.
"There's your baby's heartbeat."
Jillian turned her head and glanced at the monitor where there was very tiny peanut shaped thing that was seemed to be slightly moving. "That's….my baby?"
"Well, you're only about barely two months along but yes that is your baby. Congratulations. Now I won't be able to tell you the sex until you're about five months but…."
The technician's voice trailed off as Jillian stared off into space. She really was pregnant. This was really happening. The heartbeat of the embryo in her uterus was pounding louder and louder. The thing was alive and growing. It didn't really hit her until that moment.
"Miss Defoe?" the technician called.
Jillian snapped back into reality. "I'm sorry, what was that?"
"Do you have any specific questions?"
Jillian gulped, thinking of the medication she was still taking. "Is it…okay? Nothing's wrong?"
"Well you are still very early but yes, everything seems to be okay. The heartbeat is healthy; though I should remind you of the precautions to take. Obviously consumption of alcohol and smoking is strictly prohibited. Of course I would highly advise you to stay away from zydrate and getting any type of surgery." She wiped the gel from Jillian's stomach and took off her gloves as she continued. "You also shouldn't take any type of medication unless it's approved by your doctor. Any other questions?"
"No, I think you've made it pretty clear, thank you."
"You're welcome Miss Defoe. Now then, I'm going to go ahead and give you a referral. If you decide to keep the baby then I'd like to visit again in a month for another check-up or if you decide to have an abortion then now would be the safest time. Good luck to you Miss Defoe."
Jillian thanked the technician and Shilo and her headed back to Dr. O'Grady's office where Kendra was waiting.
"So what were the results, Miss Defoe?" she asked.
"I guess I'm about two months along."
"Well, congratulations!"
"Um, thanks."
"I'll go ahead and take a make a note of this. Now I'm sure Dr. Ralls gave you her card so you so can go ahead and give her a call if you have questions or concerns."
"Yes she did, but Kendra. Can I ask you something?"
"Of course."
"I know that Dr. O'Grady sends a medical report to Amber every time I visit and I'm sure you're supposed to do the same but I was wondering, if you could omit the pregnancy part?"
Kendra's smile faded. "Oh. Well, Miss Defoe I'm not sure if that would be a good idea. You're confidentiality is important but I could get into serious trouble if I keep anything from Miss Sweet."
"I know that it's a big favor to ask but I just don't want to worry her with anything until I make a decision about this. Please? I swear, once I decide I'll tell her myself. I just need time. Please, Kendra!" practically begging the Gentern.
Kendra hesitated for a moment. "Well…alright but please try and decide as soon as possible. The more time this is kept from her the more we could all get into trouble."
"Thank you for understanding."
"Yes, you're welcome. Now then, I just need to process this information but it looks like you're all set. Unless you have any more question's you're free to go."
"Thanks again, Kendra. Have a nice day."
The Gentern cleared her throat. "The same to you, Miss Defoe." She replied then immediately leaving the room.
"Let's get out here." Said Shilo.
Jillian nodded and the rose up to leave the building. After heading outside and making it back into the car both girls let out a heavy sigh.
"So, what are you going to do?" asked Shilo.
Jillian bowed her head and looked at her stomach, touching it with her right hand. "I really don't know, Shi. I'm nowhere near ready to be a mother but…is it justified for me to just get rid of it? At first I thought I could but now after seeing it on that monitor and, and hearing its heartbeat…"
"You don't know if you could kill it." Shilo finished.
Jillian nodded. "This tiny little thing is a part of me. I realize that now. Plus, my mother was pregnant with me and young age and she didn't get rid of me."
"Does that mean that you've decided to keep it?"
Jillian shook her head. "Not yet. I still have to consider all the options. I need to think of how this will affect me and those around me. I already know that Amber would be pissed."
"Why don't you talk to David about it? You're seeing him tonight aren't you? It would probably be best to tell him now."
Finally, Jillian stopped talking to her stomach and lifted her head up to face Shilo. "You're right Shilo, David does deserve to know but the thing is…what if it's not his baby?"