Chapter 14: "Westminster Quarters"
Monday, October 28, 2002
After I shower and change, I get dressed and head for my limousine with my bag. Approximately an hour and a half later, I arrive on my campus, Asagami Private Girls Academy.
Asagami is a very strict school for the elite. There are no males on the campus except for staff, and one is forbidden from a lot of things most girls take for granted, such as bringing in your own food, talking to boys, and a variety of other things. Officially, anyway.
Unofficially, these things can and do happen, of course.
I walk up to my dorm, and unlock it with my key. Souka whirls around to me as she hears the door open, half-dressed, covering her bra-covered chest with one hand.
"Oh... it's only you, Tohno." She relaxes.
I cannot help but smile slightly inwardly as I think of the irony of Souka covering up her chest, even though she is wearing a bra. Souka, after all, is one of the few people whom I can actually feel, well, bustier than.
Perhaps it is because every so often I have a milk tea to balance things out, and give me more energy to grow with?
...Then again, I would likely be even bigger if I did not have to support Nii-san's life for eight years. But that is another story...
"Apologies for not knocking, but I would not like to awaken Sleeping Beauty, or any other person on the floor." I quietly shut and re-lock the door behind me.
Sure enough, Hanei is still dozing away, sleeping until the last possible minute. Nii-san must have given her pointers somehow. She has a very strange smile on her face, and she is drooling slightly.
"...Feels nice," she mumbles softly as I observe her. The strange smile widens even more.
I simply shake my head, and leave her be for now. Let sleeping dogs lie, as the old saying goes... well, that actually fits Hanei very well, considering her loyalty and her steadfast dedication to whatever work she throws herself into.
"How was your weekend once you got back here, Souka?" I sit down on my bed after putting my bag at the foot of it.
"Eh. Not too shabby. Seo was panicking about something, but seemed fine on Sunday." Souka resumes brushing her hair, looking at herself in the mirror as she does so.
"Yes. She left a doujinshi of hers at my home."
"Oh? What one was it, that one about scantily dressed magical girls?"
"...Actually, it was one of the ones she produces herself," I tell her.
"Ahh, I see, I see. No wonder she was runnin' around like a chicken with her head chopped off." She chuckles slightly to herself, almost morbidly. "Well then... what was in it, eh? Let me guess, some ultra muscular dude saving some cute girl half his size or somethin'?"
...Hmm. This could be difficult. Souka does not usually blab about things, but who knows what Seo might have done for her to get her to subtly spy?
"Why do you ask, Souka?" I offer up a good time-stalling tactic.
"Because she was sweatin' bullets, Tohno. She wouldn't let me or Hanei even close to it to get a glimpse at it." Finishing combing her hair, Souka begins to put on the top of her seifuku.
"Ah, I see... did she put you up to asking me?" It would not be beyond the little devil to try to see if I would blab... but thankfully, Souka does not play for both sides.
"Eh? Her? Nah." She straightens her top and shrugs her shoulders a few times, getting comfortable in it. "Sunday she got some of her things and said she'd be back Tuesday. Some sort of doctor's appointment."
D...Doctor's appointment?ǃ That sneaky little witch... Y, you are trying to avoid me, aren't you?ǃ You had a feeling I was going to try to confront you today, so you found some excuse to go and get a shot or something, is that it...ǃ?
Souka must have sensed the disappointment. "What, you wanted to talk to her, Tohno?" She turns to me and looks at me, slightly worriedly, as she begins to tie up the bow on her uniform.
I sigh to calm myself down. If Seo is not here, there is no point in getting angry over it, and it will just make Souka suspicious. Having her suspicious may mean she finds out about that doujinshi, and if she does... I will never learn the humiliation down. More importantly, Seo Akira will not be capable of drawing ever again after I am through with her.
...But, there is also the fact that Souka is not the type of person who will tell secrets. Tsukihime Souka is a free spirit, someone who defies traditional expectations and roles of the female sex and forges her own path. This is a trait of hers that I admire, and honestly I wish that I were so bold that I could be able to just decide something, consider it done and settled, and deal with the consequences as she does.
But Souka does share one important trait that any girl, "proper" or not, should have – the ability to keep a secret. And I know that at the least, Tsukihime Souka can be trusted with those.
...However, I will make sure that I hit a weak point of hers as well to be one hundred percent sure that she will not betray my trust.
"...If I tell you what was inside, you must swear you will never tell Seo, Souka. Or I will throw bleach on all of your clothing." And I stare her right in the eyes so that she knows I am not joking.
She smiles slightly, even as she clicks her tongue. "...That bad, huh? Alright, Tohno. I'm game." She walks over near her bed, pulls out one of the chairs nearby, and sits down somewhat roughly on it, not particularly caring if she winds up sitting on the back of her seifuku's skirt or not. "So... what was inside it then?" She leans back in the chair slightly, crossing her arms.
Well then... here goes nothing. I sigh to compose myself, and then... I let it out.
"Well... what was inside... was basically herself and I... kissing." ...And even with this, I feel a little bit of heat rise up to my cheeks.
Souka's eyes widen slightly. "...No way." Even she seems surprised. The usually unflappable Tsukihime Souka is, for the first time in as long as I can remember, looking rather genuinely shocked.
"Am I the type to lie, Souka?" I glance at her slightly.
"...Nah, guess not..." She is, likewise, glancing. Neither of us are able to commit to the uncomfortable situation. "...Huh. You sure it's you and her?" Her voice wavers ever so slightly.
"She looked slightly older, but I looked almost identical, except in dress and lacking a hairband." Of course... how could I ever forget that image? It was just a sketch, but that much was very obvious. I doubt that I will ever forget it as long as I live.
"...Wow. Seo drawing a lesbian doujinshi?" Souka just smirks slightly, and her shoulders rapidly shrug as she manages to hold in some laughter. "I didn't think she'd be bold enough to do something like that... much less with you, Tohno. Yeah... that'd definitely explain why she was sweatin' bullets before she got it back. And she doesn't know you read it... hoo boy. She's a bit too young to die, though, y'know? So... what are you gonna do about it?"
"I do not know." I sigh. "I am not sure if it is just her being creative, or if that was her real thoughts... but since she explicitly asked if I had looked in it and seemed rather nervous about me having it, I have a feeling it might be her true thoughts, Souka..."
Souka hmms, and reclines back even more in her chair, putting her hands behind her head and resting her legs on her nearby bed. "Well, you could always just ask her for the truth, Tohno. I mean, you'd have to get around the whole fact that you actually know what's inside it, but there's probably no other way to know if she's just being fancy, or if she's taken a fancy, instead." Souka smiles very slightly.
"It's not that! I'm not romantically interested in girls, Souka! I'm interested in N–" I manage to cut myself off before I blurt that out. The last thing I need to be attached to my name is "Weird pervert who gets freaky with her own brother." Though, even if I explained why I feel how I do about him, I doubt that they would see the situation as anything but something as utterly disgusting as mindless, rutting incest.
"Oh? In who, Tohno?" Souka cracks a sly grin. Like a death's head, like a shark smelling blood, the almost evil, toothy grin of Tsukihime Souka spreads across her face as her lips part like a crack through glass.
"T-That's none of your concern!" I quickly stammer it out.
"Aww. Phooey." She laughs a bit, but soon gets serious. "Well, I mean, it's not like she's gonna rape ya or anything, Tohno. Akira knows you'd light her up." She shrugs. "So you might just be beatin' yourself up over nothin'."
"That is not the point," I say as I sigh. "I am not interested in women in that way."
"You're not, huh." Souka clicks her tongue softly as that slight, sly smile begins to spread across her lips again.
"W, What are you suggesting, Souka?ǃ Of course I'm not! Two women can't do that, anyway!"
Souka laughs. Not quite the falling-out-of-her-chair laugh Kohaku had on Sunday, but it still bothers me.
"What, you're saying it's possible?ǃ" I exasperatedly force it out of my mouth.
"Of course it's possible, Tohno!" She laughs once more, although it is sounding less like Souka's usual good-natured laughter and more of a mocking one. "Jeez. Your old man really did keep you cooped up in that mansion, didn't he?" She shakes her head.
"That has nothing to do with it! I know full well what men and women do in bed, Souka!" I feel my cheeks blushing as I confess that I have that knowledge.
"But what about two women, hmm?" She puts her feet down and leans so her chin rests on the fist of her left hand, and she looks directly in my eyes. Staring me down. Almost challenging me to find a way out of this torture.
"They do the same things men and women do!" Of course! Dinner and movies and such... right?ǃ Two girls can eat and watch movies together! Seo, Souka, Hanei, and myself have done this all, too, so that makes four of us doing it!
"Oh? So who enters who?" She grins slyly. She is getting such amusement out of this... it is making me angry. I feel the blood rising to my cheeks, full force now.
"It does not matter!" I stand up. "Look, I have better things to do than argue such a silly subject with you. I will see you later!" I grab my bag, and head for the door.
Souka laughs. "Giving up already, Tohno? Just say you don't know about it, it's really just that simple!"
I answer her by slamming the door, and I walk off in a huff.
I sigh.
I... really do not know.
As I watch other students begin to shuffle from their dorms to the classroom buildings, I sit outside of the building of my appointed class, thinking over Souka's words.
Whom enters whom...? Well... obviously she was suggesting... well... bedside manners... I guess would be the best polite way to describe that... but... more importantly...
...How CAN two women do that, anyway? Part of me wonders that, but most of me reacts with revulsion. A woman simply cannot love another woman in the way a man could. It is simply physically impossible. They lack the necessary organs!
And yet, it is true that women do make such pairings... I just do not see how. If they are interested only in women, then... it must be some kind of celibate love. It may be emotionally rewarding, and it certainly can be intimate. It may even be physical to a degree...
…...But sex? That is out of the question. It is literally physically impossible. The differences between the sexes mean that it is quite literally physically impossible.
...Even if it WERE possible, for the sake of argument, for two women to be sexual together, women do not have the proper chromosomes. Anyone who has taken basic biology courses know that females produce eggs, and males produce sperm. It takes both of these things to create a child. Furthermore, females can only produce an X chromosome, while it is the male sperm that determines the sex of the baby, for he can produce sperm with both X and Y chromosomes.
So, the matter of "who enters who" as Souka so vulgarly put it should be of little significance. So...
…...Why am I thinking about it if I do not really care about it?
...I sigh. This is getting me nowhere. The whole subject confuses me, and frustrates me.
Seo has a better grip on the concept than I seem to have. After all... she was drawing... well, what seems to be an older version of herself and me kissing. This means that she must know something that I do not. But I cannot ask her today. Worse, asking her will likely tip her off that I did indeed look in her doujinshi.
...Well, if worse comes to worse, I suppose I could ask Kohaku when she arrives on Friday... although doing so would mean essentially victory for her, and she will likely demand a favor for the explanation. After all... it is rare for Kohaku to have the upper hand on me, and so whenever she gains it, she takes the fullest advantage of her position.
But... Friday, I will not want to be thinking about that. I will just want that day to end. If I could, I want to never experience another November 1st in my life... I would gladly spend that one entire day asleep, from midnight to midnight, if I could. Sadly, not even half human bodies work in that way.
...Really, though, why am I getting so wound up over such a silly drawing? It is probably just a drawing, and Seo likely simply just used me as a frame of reference. Maybe it was even subconsciously so... and she would be changing the appearance of the girl when she went on to, say, inking or shading it.
...Why do I even care about this in the first place? I am not interested in women. It is probably just to tell Seo unequivocally that I am not interested in her in that way.
I get up and stretch my arms as well as arch my back backwards a little to relieve the tension in my body, then I head for my classes as the bells ring out the time. It is 9 AM.
Classes, thankfully, are generally uneventful. I paid attention well enough, but as we had just had an examination, it is mostly breaking down the results. Most of us did well, with the class lackeys, of course, lacking.
By now, it is approximately 3:45 PM. It is a lovely day outside, with leaves falling to the ground and warm temperatures, but tempering breezes. My favorite sorts of days. I even close my eyes as I walk, allowing the gentle feeling of the cool breeze to massage my face. I cannot help but smile slightly whenever I do this.
I walk back to the dorm, knocking and announcing "It is me" before I open the door. Just in case Souka is inside undressing this time, or something.
...But instead of Souka, Hanei is inside, combing her hair. "Oh, hi, Akiha-chan. Good afternoon!" She greets me with her usual, pleasant, warm smile. A smile that could steal a man's heart.
"Good afternoon, Hanepin," I tell her, smiling myself. "Is Souka here still?" I walk over to my bed and set my bag down at the foot of it once more, then I lay down on it, pulling the pillow under my head, and then turning my head towards her.
"Her? No. She got dragged into doing some stuff." She turns back towards the mirror and resumes combing her brown hair.
Souka dragged into doing things? Well... uncommon, yes, but unusual, certainly not. Even Tsukihime Souka does things from time to time... then again, maybe she just lied to Hanei and wanted to get out of the dorm for a little while.
...Maybe she figured I would probably not like seeing her for the rest of the day as well, which suits me just as good, really. I will get over our conversation by tomorrow... truth be told, I am mostly over it now, so Souka is simply being prudent and avoiding stressing me further, a sense of hers that has always been oddly keen and I have come to appreciate.
"Ah. Then I will stay for a little while. How was your weekend, Hanei?" I casually kick off my shoes, allowing my feet to gain much-needed air. I flex my toes a few times to get the circulation going.
"Oh, that? Was nice." Her reflection smiles in the mirror. "We all came back, but Akira-chan was a little jumpy Sunday." She glances at me in the reflection of the mirror. "Do you know why, Akiha-chan? It's not like Akira-chan to be like that."
...Well, I know fully why, but unlike Souka, Hanei would be the type to accidentally blurt out things she is told... and I have a feeling that if word of that doujinshi got out, not only would several girls be giving me hungry eyes... I have a feeling that a devilish few would pay Seo very good money to make them a copy so they could keep it... or worse, scan it... and I would prefer something like that to NOT make it to the internet.
Therefore, it would be best not to tell her.
"Did she say why, Hanei?" I stall for time a little more... but it also serves to tell me just how much of this Hanei knows.
"Nah. She said she forgot something though, and when she came back, she was fine, so she must've found whatever it was. Then she had to go to... ummmmm..." She thinks for a moment, having lost her train of thought. "...to the doctor's, I think. That's why she wasn't here today."
"Yes, I know," I reply. "I came in and talked with Souka before our classes. You were still sleeping or I would have talked with you, as well." I sort of wish Hanei had been awake... at least for when Souka began questioning me like a police detective questions a criminal. And grinning like a lunatic skull while she did...
"Awwwww." Hanei pouts. "That's no fair, Akiha-chan. Wake me up next time!"
"You appeared to be having a pleasant dream. It would be an injustice to interrupt such a pleasant dream... come to think of it... what were you dreaming, anyway?" The sudden curiosity as to what Misawa Hanei dreams piques me.
Hanei simply giggles. "Let's just say it was something good, Akiha-chan!" She beams and smiles slightly, knowingly, to herself.
"It must have been, Hanei. You were drooling and mumbling in your sleep." This is, of course, a rather unfair breach of Hanei's privacy, but perhaps it will get me my answers.
"Hey!" She she turns around and glares at me, hands on her hips and her brush still in one of her hands. "I couldn't help it that he was feeling me up, alright?ǃ"
…...Bingo. Hanei is easy to gain information from.
"Ah, a naughty dream, was it? Were you dreaming of boys taking off that lacy bra you bought?" I cross my arms on the bed and look at her more directly, smirking slightly, as I watch Hanei's brain begin to realize she had blurted it out.
Blink. Blink.
...Then the color begins to fill her cheeks and face. "Th-That wasn't it, Akiha-chan!" She quickly turns her back towards me once more, and moves so that I can no longer see her reflection in the mirror.
I cannot help but laugh to myself slightly. Even though Hanei is a little slow to catch up, she is still able to experience such dreams. Perhaps one day, she will experience the real thing.
...Then again.
When will I?
I am still yet to find one I love. I certainly will not find it here; the only males here are some professors. And the fact they are all old enough to be my father is... disturbing to me.
Obviously, I will not find a male here. This is an all-girls school. The only type of males I would find here are those aforementioned professors, who are far too old and not my sort of taste at all... or more masculine females, like Tsukihime Souka.
...But, that is not what I am talking about. I cannot have either of those for a partner. There was one time where I was betrothed to someone, a man named Kugamine Tonami, but he was... well, displeasing and disgusting to me. Far older than I was. Short. Fat, though I do not think I would care about that so much, surprisingly, as at least weight can change.
He was my fiance, and although I knew it was destined to be an unhappy pairing, good graces and Otou-sama's demands as head of the Tohno demanded that I accept it. For what it is worth, even though I felt rather ill at ease around him, he never dared to overstep his boundaries, and he did not treat me unfairly... though I wonder how long it would have lasted.
Anyway, in either case, once Otou-sama died and I became head of the Tohno, he was among the first to go. I had no intention of marrying him willingly, and now that the choice of that was left in my hands, I saw no reason to continue such an engagement. He will find someone else, I am sure.
At the same time... whomever I do have as a true partner... they would have to understand me. Not just the exterior Tohno Akiha, but the real Tohno Akiha. The slightly vulnerable Tohno Akiha. The dark side of Tohno Akiha. They must understand all of these things, and more.
Nii-san could understand them. Perhaps that is why I love Nii-san...?
I do not think I would be a horribly difficult woman to live with. I mean... I have my flaws, yes, because to be human is to be flawed. Neither human nor demon are ever fully perfect existences. To have a perfect existence, in short, would be to be a god, and things such as gods in the traditional sense do not exist.
But... on the whole... I really think I just have high expectations for myself and for others, and I will not allow those to be compromised. There are demands I make on myself, and demands I make on others... but they are not obscene demands, or impossible ones. On the whole, as long as I had someone who could meet those demands, and who would generally understand who I am and my fate, and be willing to take it on with them, I think I would be capable of loving them completely even if they were not the most handsome, or rugged, or masculine.
Because... someone who could wholly understand and accept me, even after they know about my cursed blood... that would be something so rare that it is not something that one just allows.
Petty things such as physical attributes are things that can, within certain limits, change. While someone cannot usually grow taller or shorter, for example, their physical fitness and abilities can change. However... things such as a person's mindset, their mentality, their ability to view the world from their unique perspective...
…...That is what makes me, me. And it is what makes Hanei, Hanei, and everyone else, who they are. A person's personality usually does not change suddenly, sharply, or dramatically as their physical side can, and on the whole... I would rather have someone who could understand Tohno Akiha's mind, rather than Tohno Akiha's body. For while I think I am, at the least, pretty... I admit that my body is not as nice as I would like it to be. Dancing lessons have shaped and firmed up my legs and my rear, but it is useless on my chest...
...And that is probably why most males do not even give me a second glance. For they would prefer a girl like Hanei – someone who is very physically pretty and who would find herself a bit dependent on them. This way, she can be shown off, and they can be sure she will always be by their side.
...As opposed to me, who would likely take charge in a relationship and make my demands and expectations clear. Most men are not ready for those sorts of women, and they know they would throw them off. Thus, most men do not have an interest in me.
...That could be why I love Nii-san, too. Because he understood even this part of me...
…...My thoughts are interrupted when I hear the noise of a car horn outside. I look at the clock in our room. My driver is here. 4 PM, right on schedule.
"I have to go now, Hanei. Please give Souka my regards, and if you see Seo, tell her I wish to speak to her tomorrow." I stand up, collect my bag, and put my shoes back on. "Have a pleasant day, Hanei."
"Uhh... alright, Akiha-chan!" She flashes me a quick smile, since her face color has returned to more or less normal. "Have a good day too. See you tomorrow, Akiha-chan!"
I smile slightly myself as I head out of the dorm room to my limousine that will take me home.
That Seo... she's a sneaky one. Always the type to look out for.
But, she cannot avoid me forever.
One way or the other... I will get my answers!
Next Week (9/12/10) – Chapter 15: "Neapolitan Blues"