A Brief Author's Note
Ah, once again, I'm forced to clutter up space and artificially inflate wordcount by answering comments by an anon reviewer.
While I don't mind anon reviews (really, I don't!) the problem is when those anon reviewers ask questions. I can't reply to anon reviews, folks, so if you have actual questions, I have no way of telling you the reasons or logic behind various things. If you're going to have such questions, please either sign up for an account here (so I can send a reply PM - I always reply to any story-based PM I get as long as it's not silly!) or register on this fic's "home away from home" on Beast's Lair, and leave your questions in the [FF] Tsukihime: Of Leaves and Lilac Topic in its Type-Moon Fanworks forum.
Now, to answer that anon reviewer: Yumizuka Satsuki does not want to be reminded she is a vampire, at all. That is why she was more than happy to scarf normal food - after all, Vampires have no need for normal food, just blood. Her warm body? Simple - notice her clothes were clean. That means someone was repairing them (Hisui) and it also means that Sacchin was showering or bathing during that time - it'd be normal for her to be warm from the hot water, wouldn't it? As for the eyes? This does flip-flop in her scenes in Tsukhiime. My logic is that when she's calmer and happier, they tend to be brown. If she's stressed, angered, tired, etc... that's when they become her now-natural red eye color.
Anyway... enough of that. Most of you came here to read Chapter 16 and not my explanations, right? I'd better get on that, then...
Chapter 16: "Rainbow Sky"
Tuesday, October 29, 2002
The next day I awaken in good spirits. I get up and shower, washing my hair and my body, and ensuring it is clean. The bruise Seo had left has completely disappeared now, as has the one I received nearly a month ago, I note, as I wash myself.
I look at my naked form in the mirror once more, and then with a sigh, I begin to get dressed in my seifuku.
One thing is for certain...
Seo had better be there today.
She ducked out on my yesterday. That is unacceptable. Yesterday was the day I had intended to get answers to my questions. If she is absent again today, then she had better be either deathly ill, or comatose.
Because if she is avoiding me... it will be more than fat I shall be removing. She will be lucky to get away with minor limb loss.
I walk out to the kitchen afterward, to find that Hisui has prepared a small breakfast.
...Well, perhaps "prepared" is a bit too extravagant. It is simply toast and cold cereal. But Hisui is trying, and I suppose that is really the important factor.
More interestingly, Yumizuka-san is there, eating it like it was, as they say, going out of style. Oftentimes, she will take a small sip of her blood pack, followed by several spoonfuls of cereal.
Curiously, I look at what she is eating. The box says "Count Chocula."
I laugh at the irony. This causes her to turn towards me, rapidly finish chewing the cereal, and swallow so she may speak. "What's so funny, Akiha-san?" is what she asks when she can.
"It is just the irony of a vampire eating a cereal whose mascot is a cartoon vampire," I say. "I did not mean to offend your table manners if that is what you were thinking." Although they are somewhat poor, again, I cannot blame Yumizuka-san for this. I would think even my manners would be poorer, had I not eaten food for a year.
"Ah, it's no big deal. But I'll try to refine my table manners, so please be patient, Akiha-san." She smiles slightly.
"Eh...?" I blink. Has she... read my mind?
"Well, I noticed how you looked at me yesterday and today. I'm guessing you're concerned about how I eat?" Reddish eyes look back at me.
"...Ah..." She is perceptive, then. "...I did not intend to make a fuss out of it, Yumizuka-san... but since you noticed, yes. At the same time, it has been a year, so I do not expect you to dine with large amounts of etiquette... and besides, you come from a working-class background, not a high-class one, so I do not expect you to just instantly know such things."
"Yeah, I know. Thanks for being patient, Akiha-san. I'm working on it." She says with a smile, and scoops another mouthful of cereal inside.
"...By the way, Yumizuka-san... your eyes keep changing color?" I ask.
"Oh. Uh, yeah... they kinda tend to become red when I'm angry or tired or something like that."
…...Of course. As a vampire, while I am just rising to start my day, Yumizuka Satsuki would be preparing to go to sleep. She can function during the day if necessary, but it is rather like how most humans would function at night – with considerably reduced efficiency. Going directly out in the sun, however, would begin affecting and burning her badly.
There are those few who can withstand the sun; they are called "Dead Apostle Ancestors" according to Ciel-san's conversations with me. A god among vampires, with unique and deadly powers. These are, however, few and far between – there are only, at most, 27 at any given time.
Yumizuka Satsuki is not one of these…... yet. In the future, though, it may be possible...
...Well, it would obviously be best to have someone like that on my side as opposed to against me. If this is all it takes to earn her trust and loyalty, it is but a simple thing to offer.
But, I am not doing this just to gain a possible powerful ally, really... I am doing this because I want to.
I smile to myself.
"Please have a pleasant rest, Yumizuka-san. I shall see the both of you when I get home." I grab two slices of toast, and head out towards my driver, to begin another day.
I walk into my dorm room after knocking softly. After being yesterday's sleeping beauty, today Hanei is up with Souka, combing her hair. Hanei, of course, has significantly more hair to comb than Souka, who merely prefers to tie hers back in a ponytail when class is not in session, or simply comb it down when she is. Right now, she is doing just that, as ponytails are "improper etiquette" for Asagami. To be fair, this is a rule they are considering revoking, since it is a bit old-fashioned, and even some of the female staff have expressed that they would like to wear ponytails.
"Mornin' Tohno," Souka offers, somewhat tiredly.
"Good Morning, Akiha-chan!" Hanei is considerably less subdued.
"Souka, Hanei." I acknowledge them in kind. "Has Seo been fluttering around yet?" I put my bag on the table, and look over myself in the mirror in between these two. My bow is a bit lopsided, so I begin to straighten it.
"Yeah, already saw her," offers Souka. "Looked none worse for the wear, so I guess her appointment went well." Her brush snags, and she tugs on it hard, hissing slightly as some hair presumably rips from her scalp.
"I hope so," I counter. "I have been a little anxious to talk to her."
"About what, Akiha-chan?" Hanei looks at me.
Souka begins to speak up. "Well, yesterday, Tohno came in talking ab–"
I shoot Souka a look, and mime the pouring of bleach.
"–Er, well, perhaps it's better if she tells you herself," she says with a slight laugh, neatly dodging the question.
I smile happily. Souka's clothes will retain their blue shade…... for now. "It is nothing serious, Hanei. She had asked me to give a message to Nii-san, and I am simply replying to her." A blatant lie.
"Awwww, that's all?" Hanei pouts. "I was hoping it'd be something ultra-secret!" Hanei looks sorely disappointed.
…...Well, it is something secret, of course. Souka and Kohaku are the only other people who really know. But Kohaku would not have the chance to tell Seo. Souka would, but that bleach threat proved to be good enough.
"I shall try to find her around lunch, then," I say as I sit on my bed and stretch.
I do have a bed here in the room, for the times I am here. Usually I am at home as I am more comfortable there, but occasionally I will stay over on the campus for some reason or another. It is nice to know that I do not need to intrude upon Hanei or Souka or Seo's sleeping spaces just to gain necessary rest.
"How'd you do yesterday, Tohno? Never got to talk to you again." Souka looks at me while she straightens out the pleats of her skirt. Her clothes are no doubt thanking her, for she does not mention what made me storm out of the room.
"Ah, that. I did about as well as I would expect to do. Most of the class was behind me, with the usual slower ones lacking. They will not last here much longer if it keeps up." I say with a slight smile. A smile that hints very, very carefully to watch her words.
…It is odd, though.
Usually the students who slack off and find themselves removed from here are those who have attitudes like Souka's. Yet Souka's grades are often around the top of her class. She is someone who could get perfect grades if she truly set her mind out to it, and yet, in line with her general laid-back attitude, she doesn't strive to be the top. She does her work well, yet not to the point that she sees being the top in class as her only goal.
"Souka, how do you manage?" I ask her honestly.
"Huh, me?" She looks at me. "Well, I just know when to be serious and when to kick back, Tohno. I ain't a slacker." She grins slightly.
"No interest in being the head of the class?" I lay my back against the wall.
"Nah. Why should I?" She finishes combing her hair down, and runs her fingers through it. "So that I can say 'I'm better than you are, get used to it?' That's bullshit. This isn't a race to the top. You should just do what you need to do, and do the best you can, but all that sort of crap is, is bragging rights, and I never really cared about any of that fluff."
"...I suppose not," I say as I look at her and Hanei.
While Hanei looks very attractive in her sailor suit, most would say that it is somewhat less befitting for Souka. It is not really Souka's fault, I would say – in fact, I think she honestly looks rather good in a medium-length skirt or a dress. She looks rather attractive in our seifuku, for example.
The reason why Souka probably does not like dressing in such a way is likely a combination of factors. Her generally small size, combined with somewhat large eyes and her desire to keep her hair generally short and close-cropped to an extent, make her seem more like a crossdressing prepubescent boy than a teenaged girl, if she were in more feminine clothing.
Then there is also the fact that she tends to speak and act rather masculine at times. She does not believe in things such as flowers, or romantic dating, or any of those sorts of things. Souka would not want to be wined or dined. To her, a relationship would probably work best with someone who was as simple and relaxed as she were, with someone who could match her mindset.
A date with Souka would probably be, say, ordering some food by delivery, and simply watching a movie or something. No huge pomp or circumstance, no expensive, gourmet meals. 2500 yen worth of delivery, and perhaps another 500 or 750 to rent a movie for a few days. Nothing majorly expensive.
…...Come to think of it, I would perhaps look a bit like a male if I cut my hair. I much prefer it long, though. Not just for attractiveness reasons, but also because of the nature of my abilities. Unlike Souka, I do try to maintain a look of femininity – I am female, after all. I could never see myself in, say, shorts, or hoodies as Souka wears. If it came down to an emergency or something, obviously, that is different, but as that look is her style, I believe my long, red dress is mine.
That said, I do envy the fact that Souka is able to be done with brushing her hair much sooner than I could ever hope to be. It does take myself and Hanei a good fifteen minutes to go carefully through our hair... ten if we really rush and do not mind a little momentary pain to get rid of snarls in it.
"Oh yeah! Akiha-chan, a boy talked to me yesterday!" Hanei smiles beamingly.
"Oh? Where was this, Hanepin?" I cross my arms and look at her. It is not that I doubt her, but it would mean she would have had to leave the campus for some reason or another.
"Ah, a few of us decided to go have something to eat off-campus. The boys kept staring at us, and one got the nerve to ask my name." She giggles.
Hanei really is a sweet girl. Her kindness and general happiness is very hard to ignore, and feeling depressed with her around is something that one would have to be really, truly hurt to maintain for long. Her smile simply warms people's hearts, and there would probably be many people in the world who would do things just to gain such a smile from such a beauty.
The downside of this... is that she is, shall we say, naïve. Hanei's family kept her rather sheltered from the male sex, so males are not something she has very much experience with. That is part of the reason why Souka and I ensure that we look out for her, to protect her from falling into someone's sex-crazed hands, and they would treat her as just an object for their selfish, carnal desires.
Or worse, that if it happens, that I find out about it and who is doing it, because if I do... they will not be doing it for much longer if I catch them. Indeed, they will be regretting that they ever hurt her in that way. I will not kill them... no, I am not that cruel. But by the time I would get through with this male-in-body-only, every time he sees any girl, he will be remembering what I did to him.
It will either drive them to celibacy, or homosexuality. Either will suffice, as it will not be affecting Hanei anymore.
"I see. You told him, I'm assuming?" My arms tighten their folding slightly.
"Yup! Gave him my name, and a phone number!" She finishes combing her hair, and runs her hands through the long, brown body of it.
"...We do not have phones here, Hanei." Well, minus the cell phones, but those are private... and technically still only to be used in emergencies.
"Home number, silly!" She hums happily as she runs her hands through her hair.
"...This boy... would he have been one I would have said something about?" I ask her straightforwardly.
"Huh...?" She looks at me and blinks. "…...Uhhhh, well, I don't think you would've had a problem with him, Akiha-chan." She begins counting off on her fingers. "He wasn't with any other guys. He seemed a bit nervous when he talked. He kept looking at my face. He didn't use the words 'baby' or 'honey' or anything like that. And he told me his name too."
"...Ah." Hanei remembered the five rules that Souka and I had set out for her, to try to minimize her exposure to such harmful men. Obviously, we cannot be around Hanei at all times, but despite her naïvete, Hanei is very good at following directions.
Well, I would suppose that if this boy was nervous and shy too, perhaps he is someone who is genuinely interested in Misawa Hanei, the person, and not merely what Misawa Hanei's "places that cannot be seen" look like. If that is the case, then I should only need to get a look at him once, perhaps twice, to determine his intentions.
Hanei deserves to find love too, after all, and someday she will be getting engaged and married. I do not know when that will be, but right now, I can help put ideas into her mind that would get her smarter about choosing out a man in the future for herself to marry.
"Well, good luck to you, Hanepin. Keep me informed about how it all turns out." I smile for her. "And perhaps if you really like him, then sometime, I would like to meet him, to see if he is as charming as you would claim he would be."
"'kay Akiha-chan!" She giggles slightly.
Of course, even after we are done with school, however, I will be more than glad to assist Hanei or Souka in any way possible. One does not let good friends like these go so easily.
Or, for that matter, Seo…...
"…...As for me, I am going to have some breakfast. Would either of you like to come?" I stand up off my bed and stretch slightly. This uniform is starting to get a bit small, as the faintest line of my abdomen becomes visible when I stretch as hard as I can with my arms above my head. To be fair, I have had it for most of last year, and my other ones are newer and fit me better. Hmm. Perhaps it's time to retire this one soon...
"Sorry Tohno, already ate," Souka says. "And you know Hanei, she'll finish grooming herself with 30 seconds to spare." Indeed, Hanei is now putting on some light perfume.
This is true. Souka tends to eat the first thing out of the shower, often before she dresses; the sight of Souka in a bra and panties, nibbling on some breakfast roll, is not a foreign sight to my eyes, even though I tell her that she should dress more just in case we have some random visitor.
Souka always gives me the same response when I do that. "What? We're all girls here, Tohno. Does seeing breasts scare you that much?" And then we proceed to look at our own chests, and Souka bites her tongue, lest she forget that, as far as males would be concerned, only one of us would have what are considered actual breasts.
I do not expect them to come with me much, I just make the offer just in case. Perhaps they will one day. I would like to eat with them more, even if the food is delivery food, or something pre-packaged. The quality time I would be spending amongst my friends would more than make up for any lack of quality in the food, and as for the unhealthiness... well, every once in awhile will not kill me. Tohno Akiha will not magically balloon up to the size of a whale just by having some take-out Chinese food, for example.
"Very well. I shall see you two later." With this, I get off the bed, re-straighten and smooth out my skirt, and I collect my bag. "A pleasant day to the both of you."
"Later," says Souka with a wave.
"See you later, Akiha-chan!" comes the voice and a glance in the mirror from a smiling Misawa Hanei.
It is actually a good thing they both said no today. I did not plan on going to breakfast at all.
Instead, I find myself back where I was yesterday, doing nearly exact same thing. Only except of sex, I am thinking about love on the bench near the building of my first class.
Hanei is naturally a very pretty girl. Many males will not care that she is a bit slow-witted at times. Males, I have generally found, tend to like physical appearances. To some, mental acuity is more important than physical beauty, but just about every male will care about physical appearances to some degree.
I sigh and look down at myself. My legs are toned, and freshly shaved. My shoulders are slender and sloped.
…...The front of my uniform barely protrudes outward.
Am... I not pretty enough, perhaps?
…...No. That is not it. Aside from my breasts, I think I am plenty attractive.
Rather... it is my attitude, I think.
...Otou-sama raised me very differently from most females. While a normal teenaged girl like Hanei or even Seo is focused on attempting to appear pretty, and act appropriately feminine, I was learning how to control my Tohno blood as best as I could manage, how to deal with disputes of different family branches, how to do a lot of things an average girl would not only ever have to know about, but learning those things would be more or less an impossibility to them.
I sigh.
It has made me come off as bitter, cold, condescending, and harsh. This is probably what drives males away. I do not consciously intend to do this, of course, but the simple fact is that such an attitude tends not to be an attitude that most males come to like. There are a few who like that, I would surmise, but the fact of the matter is that the sort of male who could put up with someone like me would be a special sort of person, one who is willing to work with – and deal with – my flaws.
…...But still…...
...Do I really want another male in my life?
Or... do I truly want Nii-san the most still?
...Perhaps that is why I unconsciously push males away. Not that I do not want them, but I am comparing them to Nii-san and finding them all inferior to him.
But it is not like Nii-san is this superhuman person. No. He has abilities most humans do not, but these abilities are not even abilities like mine. He cannot, for example, fly, nor can he pull heat out of objects like I can. Nor is he as superhumanly durable as I am. I was able to survive a fall from the top of the four-story dormitory building, no thanks to one Shijyou Tsukasa shoving me last January, and the worst that happened is I had a bit of a concussion, some scrapes, and some soreness. He likely would have been severely injured with broken bones, if not killed outright.
...Then again, it is kind of hard to top what he did. Saving one's life is a sure way to get them to be thankful for what you have done for them, since, after all, most people only get one chance at it. Along with birth, death is the only truly democratic thing in this world – everyone will get to experience it once. And for all but a blessed – or is it damned? – few, that one time experiencing birth and death is the only time they will get to do it.
This is frustrating me. Love is a frustrating emotion. It can be wonderful if it is realized, but until it is, it gnaws at you, maddeningly, until it consumes your soul completely.
And yet, it has the incredibly potent factor in that humans will do nearly anything to realize that love. People have waited years and years and years to be with someone they truly desire.
…...Such as myself for eight years. Half of my life, at that time. Waiting for Nii-san.
People have killed for love. Also, myself. Killing "him" so Nii-san could be freed from dying, from having his life inexorably linked to the one whom was nearly his killer.
All of this for love, huh...
"Heh." I chuckle at my own thought.
That was not something done out of love. "He" would say that it was, but that was obviously anything but love, what he did. That was madness, disguised as love. He may have been able to believe in his own lie, but I am incapable of doing such a thing.
But, for the boy who did take that blow for me...
...I have said it before myself, honestly. I love him. I love Nii-san. I love Nii-san in all of the ways a person can love another. Every hair on my body, every thought in my mind, every cell that constitutes the physical body of the woman who was named Tohno Akiha. They love him completely…...
…...Except for that one way. That one way, always to be denied to me.
With a notable melancholic tang, I sigh.
Is it Kohaku's fault? Not really. For one cannot, despite what they want, control what one person thinks of another. She did not intend for Nii-san to fall in love with her. The person who, ironically, was trying to destroy the Tohno, and wound up becoming the savior of the one true Tohno who was left.
I thought Nii-san would just willingly accept me as more than a sister. That was such a silly assumption. Just because he is not a Tohno by birth and blood, does not mean he cannot truly identify himself as a Tohno. We did raise him for some time, and he was with the Arimas for eight years. Even though he has only been physically in my life for about two years out of my seventeen, he does not, and never will, truly identify as Nanaya Shiki. He will always identify as Tohno Shiki.
…...And thus with that, Tohno Akiha can never be anything to him except a sister, whom he holds very closely, dearly, and important... but never can he stop loving her as a sister, and start loving her as a woman. As a girl. As a lover. As a wife.
I was wrong. Last year proved that without a doubt. And when I tried to remove that one link that would mess the whole thing up, I ended up simply making it worse. My desire to protect Nii-san nearly turned into my trying to kill Nii-san... and then my trying to kill myself.
How foolish it was, really...
I still hear "his" voice, though. I still feel him trying to exert pressure. I feel his influence boil every time I think of him. It is doing so even now, if I stop focusing on tuning him out and simply listen.
Traitor. Thief. Whore. Slut.
The words that are going through the border between my conscious mind and my unconscious mind.
The first two apply, to Nii-san.
The last two, apply to myself.
Even though I love Nii-san, it is fairly clear that, short of perhaps some apocalyptic, world-ending scenario, we may never become closer than how we already are. And even though I want him to be so much more to me, because I feel he is that important to me... as long as he is happy with himself and I know he is safe, I suppose that will be good enough for me and I can accept it happily.
Then, I will have to change. Or at least try to. Until love finally finds me, that is what I shall do.
Or, perhaps, as they say, die trying.
The Westminster Quarters chime the time, signaling it is 9 AM. It is time for me to go to my class.
I collect my bag, stand up, dust the back of my skirt off, and head towards class. I have bigger things to worry about as opposed to finding someone like Nii-san right now...
...Such as tracking down the highly-elusive Seo Akira, for example...
...Stupid Seo. She has me thinking about this far too much.
All because of that silly doujinshi of hers... well then. The solution?
Corner and confront her. Yes. That is exactly what I will do.
Next Week (9/26/10) – Chapter 17: "Confessions of a Teenage Kojin Saakuru"