Alaia Skyhawk: This is one I know Motives fans have been waiting for. The sub where Merlin realises just what it was he did to Nimueh, how he used her to save Gaius, and the power that let him do it. Prepare for angst, peeps, because there's going to be quite a bit of it.

Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin.

Music: Guild Wars 2 Trailer 3 music (the piano bit) again XD

"Whom History Won't Remember" Episode: N/A

~(-)~

Chapter 76: The Fear of Power ~Part 1~

The city was in darkness as the two made their return, only the flicker of a few torches to light the way through the streets, and only the presence of the physician of the two preventing awkward questions from the guards on the gates. Both he and his ward looked rather worse for wear, both of them splattered with mud churned up by a certain rainstorm, and the younger of them sporting a shirt with a ragged section missing from the front of it and a crude bandage wrapping his chest.

Merlin felt their stare, hunching over and trying not to wince at the pressure the movement placed on the burn he'd suffered. It was light enough that Gaius was confident it would heal without leaving a lasting mark, but that didn't mean it didn't sting horrendously when rubbed by the cloth they'd ripped from the edge of Gaius' cloak to cover it. The scorched hole in the shirt they'd simply ripped away, so that it looked more like he'd slipped and snagged himself on something, instead of the actual fact that he'd been struck by a spell.

Sensing his ward's discomfort, Gaius looked across at him from his seat atop his pony, giving him a smile of reassurance. They were back in Camelot, safe, and with the right story no one would be the wiser to what had really transpired. That was a fact that was severely tested when they arrived back at his chambers, for it was then than a certain very upset maidservant got up from her seat in there and rushed over to them.

Gwen looked like she didn't know whether to be furious, concerned, or relieved, but she seemed to be leaning towards the former two when she saw the state they were both in.

"Where have you been? Arthur's been demanding to know where you were Merlin, and how Gaius being missing all day wasn't noticed I don't know. You've been gone all day! I had to ask Morgana if it would be all right for me to tend to Hunith." She paused, sighing. "Not that I really had to ask. We only kept quiet about not knowing where you were so the fuss wouldn't worry your mother, Merlin."

At that remark she prodded Merlin in the chest, provoking a sharp intake of breath and a grimace when it landed on the burn.

Seeing that Gwen had noticed Merlin was hurt, Gaius quickly nudged his ward back from her and interceded with the story the two of them had agreed on.

"When I went out for herbs last night, I admittedly went where I shouldn't have gone after nightfall. When I wasn't back by dawn, Merlin came looking for me. I'd gotten myself stuck in a stream gully, and Merlin slipped and scraped himself while helping me. It was almost noon before he found me, and he spent the rest of today getting me out of there."

Gwen's worried anger at their unexplained absence faded, instead becoming simply concern for their well-being.

"Are you two all right?"

Gaius nodded, taking her by the arm and guiding her towards the door.

"Just a little chilled, and Merlin needs that scrape looking at. He's already in the best place for it, so I think it's best you head home and rest. It's late, and you'll have your duties to Morgana to tend to in the morning."

"But..."

She seemed a bit hesitant, until Merlin smiled at her.

"Thanks for looking after my mother while we were out. I knew I could count on you to come check on her when I went looking for Gaius."

His open statement of faith in her made her resistance falter, enough for Gaius to gently ease her out the door. She then stopped there for a moment, looking back through it.

"Thanks, Merlin, and your mother is feeling a lot better. Her fever's gone, and it looks like she's starting to recover." She started down the stairway, calling back quietly. "Sleep well."

At the mention of his mother, Merlin immediately turned and headed to his room, quietly opening the door and peering in. Hunith was asleep, and no longer did she struggle to breathe. The sores on her skin were fading, and at the faint creaking she stirred and opened her eyes.

Hunith sat up when she saw him stood there, seeming surprised to see him at all as she whispered.

"Merlin... But I thought you were going to..."

He went to her side, sitting on the edge of the bed and hugging her tight.

"Everything's fine. No one is going to die. Not me, not you, not anyone."

He seemed calm, but the way he held her tight spoke otherwise of what he'd been through. And so Hunith put her arms around her son in comfort, one hand stroking his hair while her eyes now looked to the old man watching from the doorway. The unspoken question in her gaze was answered by the physician, who left into the other room and returned with a small cup of a mild sleeping draught, placing his hand on Merlin's shoulder.

"Come on, Merlin. Drink this and get some sleep. After that magic you did today, you've shadows under your eyes dark enough to make people think you've been running into walls."

It was a bit of an exaggeration, Merlin looked exhausted and pale but certainly didn't look like he'd gained a pair of black eyes. But he didn't try to deny how tired he felt, and accepted the cup to down its contents. He then looked to his mother one last time, reaching out to stroke her hair, before he went to his makeshift mattress of sacks in the corner and lay down there.

Gaius followed him, cutting away the bandage and lathering an ointment from another jar he held over the burn on his ward's chest, and hen draping a blanket over Merlin. He would tend it properly in the morning. The salve would soothe and start to clean it in the meantime.

He saw Hunith's look of concern when she spotted the large circular mark, and with a knowing regard went and got a second cup of the sleeping potion. More explanations could come in the morning, but until then it was best that the both of them sleep.

~(-)~

Fingers tapped on the armrest of the chair, their owner seated and staring out the window at the light of the rising sun now reaching across the sky. No, he was not worried, certainly not about him. No, there was no way the Prince of Camelot would be worried about the sudden absence of his servant.

But then, his agitated tapping spoke otherwise.

Arthur sat there, unable to shake the feeling that in that strange conversation, Merlin had been trying to say goodbye. And why not? The day after, yesterday, the servant had not shown up for work. A word to Guinevere, when he'd passed her in the hallway, has resulted in her admitting she'd been to Gaius' chambers and that neither the physician nor his ward were there... and she'd looked worried.

He'd gone about his day after that, snagging another servant to get his meals with the excuse that he'd given his manservant some tasks that would prevent him going for them instead. He couldn't just go off and look for a servant who seemed to have disappeared, and then there was Gaius' absence as well. Perhaps the old man had taken his ward out to help him get something, and maybe any note they'd left saying where had fallen and become lost amid the clutter of the Court Physician's chambers. It was plausible, and it was fairly normal for Gaius not to go out on his rounds one day every so often so that he could restock his supplies. Being missing for one day, with no signs of foul play, did not mean the anxious prince could ask for a search party to be sent out.

For Gaius, obviously. There was no way a search party would ever be permitted for Merlin. He was, after all, just a servant.

Arthur let out a sigh, muttering under his breath. Why was he even worried at all? Merlin was probably slacking off somewhere. He'd walk in at some point with that stupid cheeky smile on his face and act like nothing had happened. It was almost a certainty, and the prince wanted to believe that.

The door of the chambers opened, making him jolt and turn his head to see a young man with distinctive black hair and large ears carefully pushing the door open with his back as he eased into the room holding a laden tray. But when he turned, Arthur could see there was no smile on Merlin's face. In fact he looked tried, and walked as though slightly stiff as he carefully made his way to the table to set out the prince's breakfast.

Arthur got up from his chair, frowning, his question tinged with ire even if inside he was relieved to see his servant show up at all.

"And where in the name of the gods have you been? I certainly don't remember giving you the day off yesterday, and yet the lack of your presence seems to say you thought that I had."

Merlin gave him only a moment's glance, before he solemnly resumed setting the items on the tray onto the table.

"Gaius went out to get herbs and didn't come back, so I went looking for him."

Arthur paused at that, folding his arms across his chest.

"And that took all day?"

The tart reply immediately shot the winds of irritation out of his proverbial sails.

"He slipped and got stuck in a stream gully. It took me hours to find him, and then a few more to actually get him out. What was I supposed to do, leave him there?"

"You could have gone to get help."

Arthur still frowned, but his servant remained stubborn.

"And if I'd done that he'd have been in there even longer. Have you never heard of hypothermia? It's what happens when people sit in the cold too long, and it can kill."

At the harsh edge to the reply, Arthur silently admitted defeat on the subject. But he wouldn't apologise, despite the fact Merlin looked slightly upset about something. Princes did not apologise to servants.

"Well, just make sure to tell people where you're going in future. No one had any idea where you were. And why was he out getting herbs? That's your job isn't it? As his ward."

Merlin, having set out the last of the breakfast things, moved away to start taking the dirty linens off the bed in the other half of the rooms.

"He went so I could stay with my mother. She came to visit but fell ill along the way, and was really sick when she got here."

Now that did cause an outward reaction from the prince, Arthur unable to hide the hint of concern he felt at that. Hunith was a good woman, and she was here and ill?

"Your mother is here?"

Merlin glanced back, nodding.

"She's using my room. She'll stay until she's well enough to travel back to Ealdor."

Arthur went to the table, deep in thought as he seated himself. If she was here, then maybe...

"Is this why you were acting so strange the other night? You thought you might have to help her back to the village?" He stared at his servant, irritated. "Seriously, Merlin. If you need me to give you some time off for something like that, I'm not going to be petty and say no; she's your mother. Be honest with me next time."

Merlin flinched, but otherwise didn't seem bothered by the reprimand. In fact for an instant there seemed to be a flicker of relief.

"Sorry."

Arthur sighed, shaking his head and swallowing the first mouthful of his food.

"Finish up your usual chores, and you can have the rest of the day to yourself to look after her. Just make sure you find time to clean my armour within the next few days. It hasn't been touched since we went after the Questing Beast, and I don't want it rusting."

Merlin nodded.

"I'll clean it while I sit with her. I tend to take it back to my room to work on it anyway. I get disturbed less in there than in the armoury or here. It lets me do a better job of it."

Arthur could have made a snide remark about that, about the chances of Merlin doing a job properly, but decided to stay quiet. Truth be told Merlin always did a good job. It was only his occasional bouts of clumsiness, and willingness to speak his mind and be stubborn, that gave rise to people thinking otherwise.

Continuing his breakfast, Arthur watched Merlin take the dirty sheets off the bed and take them away with the rest of the laundry. The servant then came back a short while later with clean sheets, made the bed, and then took the breakfast tray away. That was when the prince moved to his desk and started work on some reports, which he could do if a little awkwardly with his arm in a sling, and he watched as the servant came back again with cleaning tools to dust the furniture before sweeping and scrubbing the floor. Merlin then picked up the bundle of armour from the corner and left with it.

The prince watched it all, and thought again about the conversation Merlin had had with him that evening. He still couldn't shake the feeling that Merlin had been trying to say goodbye, and still found himself both shocked and touched by the sincere declaration by his servant that he was happy to serve him until the day he died. At any other time he might not have taken that seriously, but the the way Merlin had said it with complete and earnest certainty. And then what else he'd said, 'you need to learn to listen as well as you fight'. It was one of those odd moments of wisdom that Merlin came out with from time-to-time, but what had spurred it? Maybe it was his own close call with death. After all, from what he'd heard everyone believed he was going to die until Gaius' last-ditch remedy had worked.

Arthur sighed, shaking his head and setting aside those thoughts. He was probably just over thinking things. Who wouldn't after such a close brush with death?

~(-)~

It was with a deep sense of relief that Merlin lugged the armour and the materials to clean it up to Gaius' chambers. That Arthur had so easily accepted the story Gaius had come up with would spare them both a lot of questions, and it was thankful that so few had noticed their absence yesterday and fewer still had taken real note of it. So long as both of them acted normal for the next few days, it would all be forgotten within a week. That much was certain, and something to be glad of after the trails of the day previous.

His mind mulling over the events at the isle, the young warlock arrived at the physician's chambers to find Gaius noting down the reports of his morning's rounds. Rounds that, it seemed, hadn't taken all that long today given that there was still a good hour and a half before noon.

The old man smiled at his ward when he entered, eyes flicking downwards to where his ward's shirt hid a layer of bandage.

"How is the burn feeling?"

Merlin put down the sack of armour and tools, glancing down at his front.

"A lot better, thanks."

Gaius watched as Merlin tipped out the sack onto the table, the young warlock proceeding to get a bucket of water from the barrel near the door and return to the table to start cleaning the mud off the pieces of metal.

"I dosed Hunith with another sleeping draught. With her illness having been magical, it's best she sleeps most of it off. I'll wake her at noon, if you would go to the kitchens and get us some soup. I know I don't take advantage of that privilege often, but today we are both tired. I'll see about finding something simple to cook for tonight."

Merlin glanced over, nodding.

"I'll go get it after I've taken Arthur his meal. He's given me the afternoon off to look after my mother anyway. He accepted the story without question, and Mother being here helped."

"He has?" At his ward's nod, Gaius sighed. "Well it's good to know. One less thing for us to worry about." The both of them were now quiet, each working on their own tasks under the old man stopped and regarded his ward solemnly. "You know, I still haven't thanked you, Merlin."

Merlin looked up from his cleaning, puzzled.

"For what?"

Gaius sighed once again.

"You saved me, with a power you could only have just discovered, and the will that must have been required to achieve it... I knew I meant a lot to you, but the determination to save me that it would have taken, is something that greatly humbles me. You must have mastered that power purely out of the will bring me back."

Merlin started to look a bit confused and unsure.

"You mentioned something like that back at the isle. What do you mean? What power?"

The physician seemed a little surprised. How could his ward do something so remarkable and be unaware of how he did it?

"You don't realise it, do you? I was dead, Merlin. Killing Nimueh wasn't what brought me back, my death had already paid for your mother's life. Nimueh's life could not take the place of mine in that bargain. No, you brought me back to life with a new bargain with the Old Magic. Just as Nimueh placed my life to the Old Magic to replace Hunith's in payment for Arthur, you did the same with her life as payment for mine." His voice was quiet and solemn. "You Mirrored Life and Death, Merlin. You have a gift that very few ever possess; something that normally leads those who do down the path of becoming a High Priest."

Merlin, at hearing those words, felt like a chunk of ice had been dropped inside him. He went utterly still, an expression of dawning horror on his face. He'd Mirrored Life and Death?

~(-)~

Alaia Skyhawk: Uh oh... Things are going to get a bit awkward...