Alaia Skyhawk: This is going to be one of those moments where I'm sure Gaius will likely wish he'd not mentioned anything...
Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin.
Music: N/A
"Whom History Won't Remember" Episode: N/A
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Chapter 77: The Fear of Power ~Part 2~
The words were still sinking in as Merlin swallowed uncomfortably, the horror still rising inside him. Had he really heard that? Was what his mentor said, true?
"Are you saying that I did to her what she did to you? That I pulled the life from her so that someone else could have it?"
Gaius, realising the effect of his words, winced. His ward's immediate reaction didn't look good, and it was understandable, but still he tried to ease things.
"You could term it that way, but Merlin, you couldn't have known what you were doing. I doubt you did it consciously, not after the way you reacted to me coming back to life. Your magic must have acted on it's own."
Merlin was quiet, very quiet. His mind churned over what had happened the day before, the moment when he'd rushed to Gaius and held his dead mentor in his arms.
"...I wanted it so badly. I wanted you to live, as much as I wanted her to pay for what she'd done." He started to go pale, his horror only growing. "I murdered her, Gaius. It wasn't about protecting Arthur, she'd made it clear she'd never hurt him. She wasn't the one who started the fight, I did. I attacked her, and I killed her, and now you're saying that my wish for you to live used her to bring you back?"
Gaius quickly got up and went to him, putting his hands on Merlin's shoulders in response to his wards rising agitation.
"Don't think like that. She'd taken someone important from you, and you were angry. She'd as much as toyed with you up until that point, and you had every right to feel the way you did."
"You mean like how Uther blames magic for all the tragedies in the kingdom, and slaughters every sorcerer he can find in revenge for it?"
Gaius went still at that, letting go of his ward and frowning.
"You and I both know you are nothing like him. You admit your mistakes and learn from them, while in all but rarest of cases the king does not. But in this instance, I must say that I am grateful for what you did. Not only did you save my life, but your actions also mean that Nimueh can no longer cast a shadow over this kingdom. Remember the plague she sent and the dozens of innocents she killed with it. Remember how she tried to sabotage the treaty with Bayard, and think of the knights who were killed by the wraith she summoned. She committed many crimes against the innocent, for which she needed to atone and had no intention of doing so. You have ensured that she harms no one else, and in the process of saving me have also helped all those who I will go on to treat and tend as Court Physician. Your actions have done far more good than bad."
Merlin didn't answer, but he no longer seemed as pale. Assuming his words had reassured the young warlock, Gaius moved off to start brewing remedies while Merlin proceed to scrub at the armour. This continued until his ward gave up and used a sharply uttered spell to finish the job.
Gaius twitched at that, and might have reprimanded him for it, were it not for the fact Merlin immediately went into his room to sit with his mother. Trusting that the boy was just worked up about everything still, and needed the time with her, the physician said nothing.
Inside the smaller room, Merlin sat down and took hold of one of Hunith's hands. Most of the sores and blisters were fading, drying up and peeling away leaving barely marked skin beneath. Her breathing had cleared up as well, and she was no longer fevered and shivering, but the memory of in her that state was still raw.
Nimueh had done that do her, with the power to Mirror Life and Death, a power he now knew he had as well. He'd called her and that power selfish and cruel, and now found himself with the same terrible ability. He'd barely even begun to scratch the surface of his own powers, he could feel that, and yet he already had a skill normally possessed by High Priests of the Old Religion? And the way he'd killed her...
Merlin shivered. He'd summoned a storm in the sky without uttering a single word, calling its fury down on her. He'd felt fear when he'd realised she had the skill with magic to start spells silently, and yet he'd done more than the equivalent without saying anything at all. If he could do such things now, then what things might he be able to do in the future?
He didn't have the answers, and there was no one who could tell him. Not Gaius, who knew as little as he did, and not the dragon, who he now refused to speak to. Now that he thought about it, he could sense the creature's anger simmering beneath the castle, but he felt no regret for severing ties with it. The dragon had brought this on himself, by betraying the trust and faith he'd placed in him.
And so Merlin sat there, watching his mother sleep. Glad that both she and Gaius were alive, but at the same time haunted. Why was it that he kept finding himself forced to face things like this? Why couldn't destiny just keep things simple?
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The day had begun as normal, but had swiftly taken on an awkward edge. And now Arthur sat watching a subdued Merlin doing his chores. He couldn't deny that such a morose servant was become rather unsettling, especially given how cheerful and cheeky Merlin usually was. Eventually he could endure it no more, and rose to his feet as casually as he could.
"I'm going for some fresh air. Make sure my food is brought up on time; I'll be back then."
Merlin glanced up from his work sharpening the prince's sword, nodding.
"Yes, Sire."
Arthur walked out, pausing outside once he'd closed the door to look back as if through it in concern. Maybe Merlin's mother was still badly ill. Maybe that was why the servant seemed so depressed.
He made his decision, turning and heading for Gaius' chambers. He'd check on Hunith himself, otherwise he was just going to drive himself to distraction. He wouldn't even have to admit his real reason for going, not when he had the plausible excuse of getting the physician to look at his wounded shoulder again. If he just happened to check on another of his patients while there, well he was just setting a good example as a prince. Royalty needed to show a good face to the people now an then, or the population could become disgruntled and cause trouble. Though how visiting one woman in an out-of-the-way tower in the castle was supposed to do that, he pointedly didn't think about it.
His arrival there was greeted by Gaius, who immediately hurried over to him from whatever he'd been doing.
"Is there anything I can help you with, Sire? Is your shoulder paining you?"
Arthur glanced down at his arm in its sling, and the shoulder whose wound required the support.
"It's aching a little. I was just wondering if the bandage needed changing. You put this one on three days ago. After you spent that day stuck in a gully, I think you may have lost track of the time."
The physician blinked, before he bustled into action and guided the prince to a chair.
"I'm deeply sorry, Sire. I should have checked it sooner. I'm afraid I may have been a little distracted."
He eased Arthur's arm out of the sling, helping him out of his shirt so that the bandage beneath could be removed. It came away cleanly, with only a trace of long-dried blood, and the wound it had covered was clearly healing quite nicely.
Arthur watched unconcerned as Gaius examined it, although he couldn't help but wince a little when the old man decided the edges had sealed together enough to remove the stitches... So long as the prince remembered to continue resting the arm so as not to reopen it.
"I heard from Merlin that his mother is here and that you're tending to her. I got the impression she was quite ill."
The physician nodded, not taking his eye off the task of removing the stitches. The wound wasn't large, and with time to fade it there would be barely any mark to show it had been there.
"She's much better now, and should be able to return to Ealdor in a few days. It was just an unfortunate instance that she fell ill on her way here. She was supposed to be coming for a social visit before winter made it impossible, and yet she's spent all of her time here thus far in bed." Stitches removed, Gaius now briskly wrapped a much lighter layer of bandage over the wound to protect it and helped Arthur back into his shirt. "There, that should be fine. You can dispense with the bandage from tomorrow, but I must insist you continue using the sling until the end of the week. You can resume your duties as the Commander of the Knights once I'm certain the wound has healed fully. While your sword arm is in good shape, you are in no condition to be using a shield for a while."
Arthur rose to his feet, nodding.
"I'll keep that in mind." He glanced towards Merlin's room, trying to remain nonchalant. "Would it be all right?"
Catching the meaning of the unfinished question, Gaius quickly nodded.
"Of course. She's sat reading a book I gave her; there's little else she can do up here while Merlin is attending to his duties. I'm sure she'd be honoured by the visit."
Arthur needed no further permission, quietly walking over to and up the steps to the smaller room, while behind him Gaius directed a knowing smile at his back. The prince wasn't fooling anyone, certainly not him.
Hunith looked up from the book in her lap when the door opened, her expression one of surprise when she recognised her visitor. The signs of her illness were still clearly visible, however even just one more night had seen a great improvement from the day previous. She certainly didn't appear as though she'd been dying of a terrible magical affliction just three days ago.
She would have risen if she had been strong enough, but instead bowed her head in respect.
"Your Highness. You wish to speak to me?"
Arthur walked over to the bed, sitting himself in the chair set beside it. Part of him wondered where Merlin had been sleeping, but then he'd spotted the rumpled pile of sacks off to one side. The servant had been sleeping on the floor.
Turning his attention away from that, he answered her.
"I just came to check how you were doing. Merlin has been a bit distracted, and until he told me you were here I'd been wondering why."
Hunith stiffened a little at that.
"I'm sorry if I've caused you any inconvenience, Sire. I'll have a word with Merlin when he gets back here."
"That's not necessary." Arthur set his hands in his lap, sighing a little. "It's perfectly normal for a son to worry about his mother if she is ill. Were I in his situation, I would do the same."
She relaxed, smiling. Now that he was here, she didn't find his visit strange. This was the prince who had followed her son and helped protect her home because of him. That he would take the time to make this small detour in his own castle wasn't surprising. It was simply another sign of the respect he had for her son, even if he wouldn't voice it openly.
"Thank you, Sire. I am grateful for your concern."
Arthur looked to her, leaning back in the chair as he too began to relax a little.
"So how is the village? Has there been any more trouble?"
"None, Sire." Hunith looked at her hands, which were still holding the book. "Things have been more solemn since you helped us, in part because we no long have Will. He was always the upstart, but I don't doubt one of the younger boys will be taking his place come spring, as the one the eldest members of the village grumble about."
She didn't seem to find it odd to mention the supposed sorcerer, not when in her mind she knew that Will was not one, but Arthur did to a certain extent. It reminded him again of that wavering line that existed in his mind, the one that questioned if everything about magic truly was evil. The events at Ealdor were one reason that stuck in his mind, and the other was the events with the unicorn. And then that light, in the Caves of Balor, all those months ago.
He remained quiet for a few moments, thinking about those things, and nodded.
"I'm sure he will be missed by those of your village, and his sacrifice one that they will continue to remember. He saved your lives, and he saved mine, I will not forget that."
Hunith regarded him with a smile, a proud one.
"I can see why my son holds such respect for you. With you, I know he is in safe hands."
Arthur reacted in a little in surprise, before returning her smile with a small one of his own and rising to his feet.
"I will do my best to keep him out of trouble. You have my word."
"Thank you, Your Highness."
When Arthur left the chambers a few moments later, Gaius watched him go with a very thoughtful expression. If Merlin were still subdued enough by what had happened, for Arthur to come check on Hunith assuming her illness the cause, then it was clear the young warlock had not come to terms with what he'd done to Nimueh. If that were true, then he would need to be spoken to again, and this time the physician would choose his words far more carefully.
Especially when his careless words yesterday were the reason Merlin doubted himself now.
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Alaia Skyhawk: And there's part 2. Poor Merlin, he's really feeling down. But on the up-side, I thought Arthur's conversation with Hunith was sweet. I hope we get some good scenes with her in Season 4 :)