A happy Halloween, everyone! Don't get too gorged on your candy now. Instead, save some of it for me. :)

Chapter 22: "Under the Shade"

The day flies by. Unlike yesterday, where it seemed like it would not happen soon enough, I cannot wait to see Seo.

I stare at the clock. Agonizingly, the expert in torture slowly moves its hand but once a minute.

CLICK.

A light buzzing.

…...CHK.

And the minute hand moves.

I sigh, and I grouse to myself. I feel very antsy, nervous even, to get out of my seat. I notice that my right leg has been bouncing up and down in nervousness.

…...Or is it anticipation?

I consciously will it to stop, and it obeys.

"Really..." I tell myself quietly. "It is fine that you want to see her so badly, but..."

…...But why?

Well, that is simple, is it not? I am eager to patch things over. I know I have erred, and she has forgiven my transgression, as I have forgiven hers. Therefore, it is only natural that I am eager to resume my usual relationship with my kouhai.

But... this eager? It is as if my will is the only thing keeping my body here. It wants to go. It wants to go now, to run under the tree that I had planted as an underclassman, and the site of previous lunches with Seo Akira before.

…...So what makes this one so special, really...?

The human mind is truly a strange thing. It is capable of thinking things that the owner of the mind, themselves, do not consciously understand, realize, or even know.

…...Is this one of those moments? Where I want to meet Seo Akira, but I do not know why...?

It must be. There is no other logical, realistic, rational explanation for how I feel.

…...But there must be.

Even if one is a friend, people do not meet other people for no particular reason. When we all go to see a friend, we know why we want to go see them – to talk over something, perhaps to discuss homework, or events in our lives.

…...Truth be told... I had not even thought of what to discuss with Seo. Perhaps I should–

…...…No. Yumizuka-san said yesterday that pre-thinking things just makes them come out unnaturally and awkwardly. And based on my apology earlier and how well it seemed to work... I must say that I would agree with her opinion.

After all, pre-thinking it out means you are rehearsing it, refining it. And ultimately, that means it comes out completely fal–

BBRRIINNGG!

The bell rings.

I break my record attempt of yesterday. For yesterday, I had nearly run. Today... I am fully running.

The door to our dorm flings open as I race inside, nearly losing my grip on the handle and skidding slightly.

The cries of two girls inside.

"W-WAHHH! A, Akiha-chan, is that you?ǃ" The voice of one whose name hardly matters.
"Yo! Where's the fire, Tohno?ǃ" The voice of another whose name is entirely unimportant at the moment.

"Sorry, I'm late!" I race inside the room, and I grab my lunch out of the small refrigerator we keep stashed in the room. I am in and out in seconds, the door closing behind me with a firm SLAM.

I am sure Hanepin and Souka are looking at each other in bewilderment. But they are the furthest thing from my mind.

"...Hah... Hah... Hah..."

My lungs struggle to keep my body fueled with energy as I push it harder than I normally do. Usually, the only times I run this fast is when I am sprinting towards some sort of scene of disturbance.

I am sure several girls are bewildered by the sight of the Demon Mistress of Asagami Private Girls Academy, Tohno Akiha, running about as fast as she can, her bag bouncing on her shoulders and her lunch firmly gripped in her right hand, but it is a fleeting thought, out of my mind nearly as soon as it entered. They are not important now; this meeting is.

And if they have something to bring up as a result of it, they can speak to me later.

I push open the doors that lead out to the courtyard grove with my shoulder. It gives way readily, unable to resist my force of will.

I take three steps into it, and then I stop, as I look at my tree.

Much to my surprise, I am not the first to my usual seating spot.

A purple-haired girl is sitting on the nearby bench, panting hungrily for air.

"...S-Seo," I gasp.

"T-Tohno... senpai..." She is similarly out of breath. Her right hand lightly clutches her chest, as she attempts to keep air in her lungs, her body greedily desiring oxygen, not unlike myself at the moment.

I walk over to the bench, and sit next to her, as we both try to calm down our breaths.

I swallow sharply. My throat, from my panting, is dry and coarse, and the swallow re-coats it with moist, much-needed saliva. It feels like sandpaper scratching, but only for a moment, and the temporary cessation in breathing results in my body seeming to readjust their clock, for my inhales are now a little deeper and slower, as are hers.

We look at each other in nonverbal communication. Her eyes seem to be saying "I can't believe you ran all the way here too, Tohno-senpai."

I am sure mine must have been saying something similar.

After a few moments, our lungs have stopped heaving. I look at Seo. "I am surprised you ran here even faster than I did." I swallow again. While I can control my breathing fairly well now, it is still a little rapid.

"Heh, I kinda felt I should be first here." Seo scratches her head and exhales sharply. "It was kinda my fault that we had that fight anyway, so..."

"No, it was not," I quickly state as I shake my head. "My lies caused this, not your drawing, so do not blame yourself."

"Well, it wasn't right that I reacted how I did... but we're supposed to be putting that behind us, aren't we?" She smiles slightly.

"Ah... that is true, and you are right. Well, I am glad we are on the same page. Although I am not first." I laugh a little.

"Yes. It's good that we are. So... let's eat! I'm starving!" Seo giggles happily, and begins to unwrap her lunch, as I unwrap mine.

Seo Akira is a growing girl. She will be sixteen in about two months, and so she is in the middle of her growth spurt, the peak of accelerated growth and the midpoint of puberty. A year ago, her body was still much like a younger girl's, but now, as I have grown in proportion a little, so has she, and while still very slim, her body is definitely starting to resemble that of a more mature woman.

Puberty is hallmarked by several changes, besides the obvious physical changes such as breast growth, voice deepening, and armpit and pubic hair. One is the mediation of the mentality of the person. Another is, in the case of girls, regular periods.

But two other less-obvious signs are increased need for sleep, and increased appetite.

Seo Akira is a girl who could literally eat nearly any food, no matter how fattening it seems to be, and seemingly never gain weight. It is a miracle, really. I feel odd if I eat a dessert that's 350 grams, as if I am fattening already even as I eat it.

Seo Akira, meanwhile, once ate a dinner that was 454 grams in one sitting. It was some brand of western-style convenience food, that boasted proudly on its package "1 lb. of food." The brand escapes me, but I watched her eat the whole thing in about 20 minutes, diving into it like she had been deprived of food for a week.

It was simultaneously awe-inspiring, and absolutely filthy and disgusting.

Seo's lunch is fairly simple, mostly cold sandwiches. They do look rather nicely made, however, nearly as good as Hisui does them.

Of course, Hisui's ideas of what to actually put in her sandwiches is... eclectic, to say the least. Good if you like plums, perhaps, but if not... well, they may be best left untouched. It may be pure coincidence, but not even birds will use Hisui's sandwiches for food.

I open my bento box.* Everything is neatly partitioned, from the rice to the vegetables to the small snack.

"…...That looks pretty good, Tohno-senpai..." Seo Akira's eyes are dancing over my lunch.

"Does it? Would you like a little, Seo?" I ask, knowing full well the answer that would follow.

"Ah, if you wouldn't mind, please!" She smiles.

I carefully dole some out for her into her own box after she makes room, smiling happily as she watches me carefully move some of my lunch from mine into hers.

"...Seo. Would you mind if I were to perhaps eat lunch with you a little more often?" I ask.

"...You mean you'd want to eat lunch with me once in awhile?" She blinks as she stuffs a mouthful of food in her mouth.

"Of course," I tell her. "I only rarely get the chance to eat with Souka and Hanei, and every once in awhile some extra company is nice. That is, if you are comfortable with the idea of eating lunch with me..."

"O-Of course I am, Tohno-senpai!" It comes out so honestly that I cannot help but think it is true.

"Then let us try to meet for lunch here at least once a week on Wednesday. Is that acceptable to you?"

"Yeah," she says as she smiles. "That's fine, Tohno-senpai."

"Good. Then we are in agreement." I smile back and begin to eat my own lunch.

I feel truly relieved that Seo and I have made up. Neither of our behaviors were very acceptable, so logically it was only natural that we would both feel guilt for what we had both done and apologized.

Seo seemed to be more sure of her desire to apologize, though. Of course I had planned to seek her out, but not only had she waited inside our dorm for me to enter, she shooed Hanei and Souka away for necessary privacy.

...Still... did she make up because she thought what she did was wrong...?

…...Or did she have some sort of ulterior motive in apologizing...?

"…...Seo."

"Mmm?" She looks up, tearing off a piece of sandwich with her teeth and chewing.

"…...Let us say that somehow the events you foresaw would happen. How would you feel about it?" I have to know. Neither Seo nor myself are interested in the other in that way, but perhaps it is some sort of strange circumstances that make it happen.

"Hm," she says followed by a swallow. "Well... I guess realistically it wouldn't be too bad. I mean... I know you're no sick rapist or anything... a little hardheaded and shortsighted, but there's definitely worse people than you, Tohno-senpai."

…...It is quite the interesting answer. And considerably thought-out.

It is unlikely that Seo and myself will be a couple, barring some great catastrophe such as every single human male on the planet dropping dead, of course, but at least it is nice to know that she would not be completely repulsed at the idea.

Because, the truth is... I am not fully repulsed by it either.

Much as she said, I could certainly select worse people than Seo Akira. Sure, she is hyper, a bit shady, and she utilizes her cuteness to her advantage so much it is bordering on unfair, but at the same time she is a charming, attractive girl. A perkier version of Hanei, perhaps, although admittedly without the breasts.

As long as Seo does not grow a larger bust or find a boyfriend before I do, then I shall be comfortable with that answer. But were it up to me, she would definitely be switching to a low-sugar diet.

"…...How about you, Tohno-senpai?" Her question comes out suddenly.

"Eh? Myself?" I think about it for a moment. "Ah, well, I suppose I would not mind it either. You have your own flaws, but a relationship with someone means not only accepting that they have flaws, but accepting the flaws themselves, does it not?" I scoop some rice into my mouth.

"Yeah, it does Tohno-senpai," she states. "I mean, I'm not perfect either... look at me... I'm short, I'm flat, I'm a bit too hyper at times..."

"Ah, do not worry about any of that, Seo," I say. "You are sure to find some boy who likes you quite a lot someday, so do not rush it. Those sorts of things attract certain types of boys. ...Well, maybe not the 'I am short' and 'I am flat' parts, but surely you get the idea, correct?"

...Then again, some males do like smaller-busted women. Where they are, I would like to know, as I certainly have failed to find them, but then again, I am talking about a school where we have set up our own "We love Misawa Hanei" page on our internet domain.

An all-girls school, that has written a webpage for her. There is no doubt that Misawa Hanei has her admirers among the students at Asagami. Perhaps I should be thankful that there are no boys here...

"Yeah, I think so, Tohno-senpai," she nods. "Basically you're saying that I shouldn't try too hard to change myself or I'll stop being myself, right?"

"Yes," I say. "That is exactly it, Seo. Even though some of these things drive me insane, I admit that they are also the things that make you the friend that I like. So please, do not change them unless you want to. I have seen what change can do to someone firsthand, and... it can be quite scary."

Well, I have done more than "see" it. I have done it. I have transformed – or rather, reverted to something less than human – under extreme stress.

I was no longer who I was. I was just... a shell. And someone else was inside that shell.

No longer a human. A demon. A true demon. Not the demon that I am joked to be here. This demon was a pure demon. Only caring about what it wanted. Not caring about anything else but her single goal, like some kind of zealot.

All she cared about was making one person hers. And that one person refused. So the demon no longer needed a reason to keep him alive. She resolved to try to kill him.

But he outsmarted her.

He used her one-track mind to his advantage. He was able to predict how she would react. He knew her better than she thought he would.

And when he outsmarted her, she tried to kill herself.

And that happened on…...

…...…...I shake it out of my head. No, I will have at least one more good day before I deal with it! I will have one more good day by eating lunch with Seo and forgetting about this!

"Tohno-senpai? Are... you okay?" Seo Akira looks at me, her deep green eyes blinking. A slight look of worry and concern is on her face.

"...Yes, I am fine, Seo. Just a strange thought. Nothing serious." I resume eating my lunch.

As we continue to eat and talk, I cannot help but notice that Seo Akira genuinely seems to be happy to be here, spending time with me. She is smiling slightly, even as she eats.

Well, that should come as no surprise, really; the girl seems to idolize myself and Nii-san.

It is admittedly strange to have someone looking up at you like that. I am not used to such amounts of attention. For someone like Hanei, being a school idol is an easy thing; She has most of the qualities one wants in an idol. A gentle personality. Very easygoing. A very well-proportioned body that just about any girl would be jealous of.

Myself? I have a sharp tongue, a cold attitude, a small bust, a reputation for being someone not to cross, and my one positive trait, a hard work ethic.

Still... Seo Akira looks up to me.

Why? I do not fully understand why.

"…...Seo. What do you see in me?"

"...Mmm?" She looks up at me, chewing a piece of apple.

"I mean, what do you see in me that makes you idolize me? I am not the prettiest girl or the easiest one to talk to, so... why me?" I want to know this. I want to know why. I want to know why someone like Seo Akira would ever willingly put up with my occasionally cruel words, thoughts, and punishments...

Seo swallows the pieces of apple in her mouth. "Well... I like people who are smart, and you're one of the smartest people I know, Tohno-senpai. Plus, you are attractive, in your own way. I'm kind of amazed you don't have a boyfriend yet, to be honest."

...Well... I thought I did at one point... but Seo would probably drop dead if I told her who.

…...But... attractive? Me? I think I am pretty, perhaps, but... attractive...?

"Well... a lot of males go for physical attractiveness, Seo," I say with a little difficulty. "Surely you realize this. Instinctively, they are seen as more fertile and able to produce children. A woman such as myself does not have that same appearance, so unconsciously, males tend to avoid me..." My voice trails off.

Yes. That is the reason why, really. My body is not as attractive as Hanei's, or even Shijyou Tsukasa's, so a male is usually not interested in Tohno Akiha. If one is, then usually my attitude and demeanor will scare them away...

"...And if they aren't driven away by that, your attitude or words will do it." As if reading my mind, Seo Akira aligns herself with my thought.

"...Yes," I say, confessing some of my flaws. "I try to keep them in check, but I am only human. Sometimes they get the best of me, and I regret it later..."

"...Yeah. I know that feeling..." Her own voice in solemn agreement.

Yesterday. She does not even need to mention it.

"...Do not beat yourself up over what has happened, Seo. Live for tomorrow. Someone has been telling me that for awhile now, but I think it was really only very recently when I learned the true meaning of the phrase."

"...It's a nice phrase, Tohno-senpai." She smiles. "And they're right, too. Everyone makes mistakes, so rather than think of it as flaws, just try not to repeat them."

A surprising amount of maturity from a usually immature girl.

"Easier said than done, of course," I add. "Still... if we made no mistakes, we would be gods, not humans. And if we were gods, this world would be a vastly different place."

…...Though, whether better or worse is hard to say. For after all... if we were all gods, what point would there be in being a creator of existences?

"...Tohno-senpai? Can I ask you something?" A sudden question from Seo Akira.

"Of course, Seo. What is it?" I look to her.

"...Do you believe in a God?" It comes out a little nervously. "...Uh, I know it's a sensitive question, though... so if it's a sensitive issue, it's okay not to answer it. But if you don't mind... I'd like to know what you think."

…...…...Hm. Come to think of it... I never really thought about the question all too deeply. I mean, I know some truths from Arcueid-san and Ciel-san that Seo could not possibly know, but still...

…...Well, I suppose that Seo has been patient with me, and was willing to forgive my lapse in judgment yesterday. On those grounds, then, I will answer her question.

"Well... Now, I am not sure if there is a god or is not. I suppose I would be of the camp that would say rather than 'Does a god exist or not,' I would be of the group that would say 'We cannot prove if a god exists or not.'"

"Ah, so agnostic, then?" Seo blinks and nods slightly as she looks at me, a bit surprised by my answer.

"Yes. Although, when I was younger, I used to think that there was a female goddess that has created us and all life as it exists. Most life is just pure life, life for the purpose of living, but to a select few, she has given intellect and sentience – us. And it is up to us what we do with our lives, whether we become good or evil, and we will be judged according to how we did things once we pass on from this realm to the next."

"...That's pretty deep, Tohno-senpai," Seo quietly says as she tries to process my thought. "And honestly... a really surprising answer. I figured you would have gone for something like Shintoism or Animism..."

"Well, it is Animism to a degree," I answer. "Everything has life, and all life is life that is worth living, but some have reached the peak of consciousness, and those ones are humans. I am not sure if it is the 'correct' answer, but I believe that as long as you strive to live a good life, that whatever god you face at the end of your time, they will take that into account. It is hard sometimes, I confess. If a god does exist, I do not think that they would judge you based upon whether or not you worship that exact, specific god or not, but if you were a good person in your character. Otherwise, most people are destined for hell, as only one religion can be correct, and I find such logic to defeat most religious arguments."

"Yeah." Seo smiles. A special bell rings... signifying that lunchtime is over. With a sigh of regret, Seo stands up and dusts off the skirt of her uniform.

…...I sigh too, and look down. It is... already over? It seemed like it was just starting, just beginning to get interesting, really...

"Well... it was nice to sit with you today, Tohno-senpai. Let's hope we can get a few more times of doing it before it begins to snow." Seo Akira opens up her bag. With a smile, she puts her empty box in her bag, bows to me in respect, turns, and walks off towards her classes.

I watch her as she walks off. There is a light, but notable bounce in her step. A bounce of happiness, one could say.

Well... I suppose that is good. For I feel happy too.

Usually, we have lunch with Souka and Hanei. Only once in a great while have Seo Akira and myself had lunch completely by ourselves... usually when we both had to work on some kind of project for the Student Council or Student Association. Those were more of a business lunch, however, and not a simple lunch that is shared between two friends.

This one, however, was something different. This was a lunch between two friends, and both asked the other for some more personal thoughts.

It is strange how that works. Two friends can fight one day, and make up and become closer than ever the next. Nii-san said that his and Inui-san's relationship started that way, with them fighting the other to exhaustion, and bloodied and battered, they simply became friends through that, somehow.

I shake my head and smile slightly to myself at how silly it is. But I know it is true.

There is definitely one part of this that is quite clear, though.

Having lunch with Seo Akira more often...?

…...Yeah. I think I would like to do that more too, Seo.

* A "bento box" is a common type of Japanese cuisine, usually a single-serving portion or a home-packed meal, usually containing rice, fish, or meat along with one or more types of pickled or cooked vegetables, and packed into a box. Obtainable literally almost anywhere, but it is also common for housewives and mothers to make bento boxes for their husbands/children.

...I wish we could have stayed under that tree longer.
I enjoyed that... far more than I thought I would have.
That is not a bad thing... right...?

Next Week (11/7/10) – Chapter 23: "Sweet Home"