Fourteen Days

Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon get news that they are quarantined in their quarters for two weeks.

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Originally posted in 2020

Obi: Master, why can't I go to sparring practice?

Qui: We're not allowed out of quarters for the next fourteen days.

Obi: We're not what, what, who what, huh?

Qui: There is a contagion in the Temple and until they determine how to stop it from spreading, we must remain here.

Obi: That doesn't seem like a good idea.

Qui: It's not my idea.

Obi: We're prisoners in our own home. What if we run out of toilet paper?

Qui: There are options.

Obi: Ew and I don't want to know what that means.

Qui: The healers say it's the best way to contain the contagion.

Obi: Contain the contagion? Really, Master?

Qui: It's healer speak. That wasn't my idea either.

Obi: What does the Council think?

Qui: They are quite concerned about the contagion, but they are suspiciously overjoyed that you are quarantined.

Obi: You think they set the contagion loose, don't you? They waited until I was trapped and then set it free. Didn't they? You know they did. I put nothing past them, Master. They are led by a 4,000-year-old backward talking troll after all.

Qui: Yoda is not 4,000 years old and they did not purposely release the contagion throughout the entire Temple and endanger all Jedi and visitors just to lock you in your quarters. They could have done that with a simple Force suggestion.

Obi: I could have resisted that.

Qui: Sure you could have.

Obi: You have such little faith in me.

Qui: It's true.

Obi: What do I do for fourteen days trapped in our tiny apartment?

Qui: Anything that does not annoy me.

Obi: That's limiting.

Qui: Extremely. You can meditate.

Obi: For fourteen days?

Qui: I've done it on a sabbatical.

Obi: That's your problem.

Qui: Obi-Wan.

Obi: Sorry.

Qui: How about reading? I have some of my old paper books you are welcome to. As long as you promise not to drool on them or damage any of the pages.

Obi: Eh, boring and too many rules. What else?

Qui: Sleep?

Obi: Even I can't sleep for fourteen days.

Qui: Studies. You will have to keep up with those anyway.

Obi: Why?

Qui: So that you don't fall behind. The teaching masters are sending all studies to their student's data pads. The studies are required.

Obi: Then why would you suggest me sleeping if I have to study?

Qui: To annoy you.

Obi: Nice. It's what I would've done.

Qui: Of course it is. I simply beat you to it.

Obi: So for the next fourteen days I have to study, meditate, read and sleep. What about eating? Do we have food? Will they feed us? Did you get toilet paper?

Qui: We have everything we need to survive just fine for fourteen days.

Obi: Are you sure we have enough toilet paper?

Qui: I am certain.

Obi: Did you count the rolls? What if I get sick? What if you get sick?

Qui: Then we will be taken to the healers.

Obi: But then we've broken our quarantine. Why don't we just go to the healers now?

Qui: Because we are not sick.

Obi: Not yet, no.

Qui: As long as we stay put, we will not be exposed to anyone other than each other. If we are not sick now, we will not get sick.

Obi: What if the contagion creeps through the vents?

Qui: It will not.

Obi: How can you be sure?

Qui: Healer Terran has assured us on how the contagion is transmitted and airborne is not one of those methods.

Obi: How can they know?

Qui: It's their job to know. They are medical experts who have years of training behind them.

Obi: Did you ask Terran about the toilet paper issue?

Qui: There is no toilet paper issue.

Obi: But there could be.

Qui: But there is not.

Obi: I think we need more. I'll call the custodial office and have some delivered to us. About two hundred rolls should do it.

Qui: Two hundred rolls for two people for two weeks. You do not believe that might be overkill?

Obi: I do not. I like to be prepared. If this gets outside the Temple there might be a galaxy-wide shortage.

Qui: Of toilet paper.

Obi: Yes.

Qui: All right. We are not hoarding toilet paper. There may be others that need it.

Obi: Then food. We need lots of food. Being bored makes me hungry. I'll call the cafeteria and have them send up two hundred sweet pala cakes.

Qui: You honestly believe that I will allow you to eat that many sweets in a two week period?

Obi: I do not. I like to be prepared.

Qui: For a galaxy wide shortage of pala cakes.

Obi: Yes! Now you understand.

Qui: I do not.

Obi: Master, I'm bored.

Qui: You've been quarantined for less than forty-five minutes.

Obi: With no food or toilet paper.

Qui: Obi-Wan, we have both of those things.

Obi: But...

Qui: No buts, we have all we need. It's only fourteen days. You will be fine.

Obi: I feel stressed.

Qui: Then you must meditate.

Obi: What if I can't?

Qui: You will.

Obi: I'll have bad dreams.

Qui: About the contagion?

Obi: Toilet paper.

Qui: Of course.

Obi: You knew that.

Qui: I did.

Obi: You'll have to help me deal.

Qui: All right. If you have nightmares about toilet paper, I will put you into a Force sleep so the dreams don't disturb you.

Obi: I'm okay with that. So, what do we do now?

Qui: Pick one of the things I've already mentioned and do it.

Obi: Will you meditate with me?

Qui: It depends.

Obi: On what?

Qui: If you can be quiet as you meditate. You tend to 'ommm' a lot.

Obi: I do. It helps me focus.

Qui: Meditation is silence.

Obi: Then I don't think I can do it.

Qui: Read? Study? Sleep?

Obi: Dinner?

Qui: Too early for dinner.

Obi: It's never too early for dinner, Master.

Qui: No, we stay on schedule. If we eat dinner at lunch, then you'll be in bed by dinner.

Obi: That sounds kind of nice.

Qui: No.

Obi: Can I call my friends? I assume they are quarantined too. Or they'd better be.

Qui: You can call them.

Obi: Maybe they have extra toilet paper we can have.

Qui: Obi-Wan. You are not asking them for toilet paper. What is wrong with you?

Obi: Haven't you already make a list for that?

Qui: I have. There is no mention of toilet paper. I spend many hours defending my decision to train you, don't make me have to defend your need to hoard toilet paper. I'd never be able to explain it or live it down.

Obi: Your reputation?

Qui: What's left of it.

Obi: Fine. I won't ask them fo toilet paper. But they can't have any of ours either.

Qui: Why would they want ours?

Obi: Because they are in quarantine for fourteen days.

Qui: How long do you think fourteen days is?

Obi: About eighty-four years. At least it'll feel that way.

Qui: I probably can't argue with you on that one. It may feel longer on my end of things.

Obi: I'll be good. I promise.

Qui: Right.

Obi: I don't want to get sick, Master. I have things to do with my life.

Qui: Like training?

Obi: Well, yes, that. But other things. I can't afford to get sick and die.

Qui: No one can afford to die.

Obi: You know what I mean. I need more toilet paper, damn it!

Qui: Do you want a roll of toilet paper stuffed into your mouth?

Obi: That would be a waste and no. I'm sorry. That was rude and wrong. I'm hungry. I'm stressed.

Qui: The perfect time to meditate. Come, Padawan. Together. Even if you can't be completely quiet, you need to calm down and stop worrying over toilet paper. We stay put. We stay healthy. Understand?

Obi: I do. I'll be better. Will you hold my hand while we meditate?

Qui: No, that would be weird.

Obi: Will you hug me after?

Qui: That would also be weird, but we shall see.

Obi: I can accept that. So, fourteen days of this, huh?

Qui: Yes.

Obi: And it's been how long?

Qui: Right now? Just shy of an hour.

Obi: So we have 335 hours left.

Qui: Exactly. That was quick calculation.

Obi: I like numbers.

Qui: Stop thinking about toilet paper, Obi-Wan.

Obi: You're no fun.

Qui: Better prepare for fourteen days of me.

Obi: And fourteen days of me.

Qui: Let the battle of wills begin?

Obi: May the best man win?

Qui: Well no. I win regardless. You still have to listen to me.

Obi: You promise about the toilet paper and staying healthy?

Qui: Promise.

Obi: Okay. I'll listen. And I will let the healers do their job without bothering them. They are the ones facing this head on, so I will trust them and behave. It's hard for me to do all those things, you know that...

Qui: I do. Practically impossible at times.

Obi: True, but if Healer Terran can stop the contagion, he'll be a hero.

Qui: He is a hero even if he can't stop it. He and his team will do his best to keep everyone safe and to care for those who need help.

Obi: You are right, Master.

Qui: I usually am.

Obi: Well...

Qui: Obi-Wan.

Obi: Okay, I'll stop now.

Qui: Good. Now, let's sit and meditate into hour number two of the next 335.

Obi: Okay. I can do this. I'm ready, Master. Fourteen days... wait. This might go longer than fourteen days. Right? I mean, it's possible.

Qui: It's very possible. And very likely. But we still have enough toilet paper, so don't start.

Obi: I wasn't thinking about toilet paper.

Qui: Yes you were.

Obi: I was not!

Qui; Yes you were.

Obi: Okay, fine. I was. Are you sure we have enough for longer than fourteen days?

Qui: We are not going in this circle again.

Obi: It makes me dizzy.

Qui: Then stop doing it.

Obi: I worry.

Qui: Too much. Remember the healers. They will figure this out.

Obi: Yes. Okay. Remember the healers. If they can fight it on the front lines, the least I can do it stay home and not be overly concerned about toilet paper.

Qui: Or food.

Obi: Oh, food. I forgot. Do we have enough for...

Qui: More than fourteen days. We will be fine.

Obi: You didn't answer the question.

Qui: I don't need to answer the question.

Obi: But you should. I am your apprentice. It's my job to ask and your job to answer.

Qui: It's also my job to not feed your insecurities.

Obi: You make me insecure by not answering my questions.

Qui: If you wish, I can arrange for you to spend the next fourteen or more days with Master Yoda.

Obi: You would do that?

Qui: I might.

Obi: That wouldn't be fun.

Qui: It would not.

Obi: You or the troll, huh?

Qui: Please don't call him that.

Obi: You do.

Qui: Me or Yoda. Your choice.

Obi: I'll shut up now.

Qui: That's what I thought. Now, as I said before, we will meditate. Go sit in your spot. I'll join you in a moment.

Obi: Still hoping for that hug after.

Qui: The more you run your mouth, the less chance you have of anything after. Hugs. Food. Toilet paper.

Obi: Oh, um. Ah.

Qui: That's what I thought.

Obi: Okay. Fourteen days.

Qui: Or more.

Obi: Or more. Right. It'll be okay. Just stay at home and behave.

Qui: Exactly.

Obi: If I make it to day fourteen without you killing me, will you hug me then?

Qui: I suppose that would've earned a hug. Yes.

Obi: Incentive. I like it. Fourteen days for a hug. I'm really ready this time. Let's do this, Master!

END