*J.K. Rowling owns Harry Potter!
**Title of this chapter comes from 'The A Team' by Ed Sheeran. Love it!**
"Isobelle, you've been lying in bed for two days. You need to wake up," Mum says, shaking my shoulder vigorously. I curse and turn over, facing away from her. She knows better than to wake me so early. "It's nearly eleven."
"Get out..." I mutter. Suddenly, a blinding light shines in my face, causing my head to pound. "Close my damn blinds!" Mum sighs.
"You need to wake up. You have to be at St. Mungo's in almost a half hour," Mum tells me.
I roll my eyes. I'm not in the mood to see any bloody Healers today. "I'm not going..." I mumble, laying back down. "Let me sleep."
"You haven't gone in three weeks, Isobelle," Mum reminds me. "You're starting to get that way again..." 'That way' is Mum's way of saying crazy. She won't admit it, but I'm not stupid.
"I'm not getting any kind of way!" I snap. Mum raises her eyebrows at me.
"That's exactly what I'm talking about. You need to go," she tells me.
"Why? So that I can be asked the same questions I've been asked for years, and give the same answers I've been giving? I'd much rather not, and I'm not a child anymore. You can't make me go." Mum sighs and gets up.
"Does not going make you feel as if you have some sort of control over all this?" She questions, giving me a cynical look.
"What?" I ask.
"Do you think that not doing what your father and I tell you to makes you more 'grown up'?" Mum rephrases.
I shake my head. "No. I'm just not going because I don't want to," I say simply. It really isn't any more complicated than that. "I'm not getting any better."
"It takes time," Mum tells me.
"You think I don't know that? I've gone for a total of eight years! Is that not enough time?" I demand. "I have other things to worry about."
"Like what?" Mum asks. "What do you have to worry about that's more important than your health?"
She can't really be that blind, can she? "Scorpius and Rose!" I answer. Mum frowns slightly.
"Rose and Scorpius aren't your children to care for," she tells me gently. I hate it when she patronizes me like this.
"But you don't know what it's like. Neither does Dad. Only I know. You don't know how important it is to be understood," I tell Mum. She seems slightly offended when I say this.
"Yes, I do, Isobelle," Mum tells me.
"Then you would have understood me!" I point out. "Rose and Scorpius need someone to understand them. I don't want them to end up like me. Do you want to see them in and out of Healers' offices for the majority of their lives? Do you want them to run away? Do you want them to try and kill themselves? Is that what you want?" I question.
"Isobelle, stop," Mum says firmly, glaring at me. I don't know why she's so upset. It could happen.
"They're so young... I know you don't want all those things happening to them. I know I don't want to see them happen, either."
"Nothing is going to happen, Isobelle."
I sigh. "I told them that, too."
"I would get dressed if I were you," Mum tells me in a cutting voice.
I give her a blank stare. "Why? I'm not going anywhere until later," I tell her.
"You're going to St. Mungo's soon," Mum reminds me, an edge to her voice.
"No, I'm not. I'm not going," I say again. Why doesn't she get it?
"So, you're giving up on this whole thing?" She asks.
I shake my head. "I'm not giving up. I'm just not wasting my time any longer," I inform her.
Mum shrugs, and I can tell she isn't in the mood to argue about it any more. "Fine, do what you want. Like you said, you're 'an adult'. But I hope you don't think overusing sleep potions to knock yourself out is doing you any good. You should just hope your father doesn't find out," Mum tells me in a warning tone.
I frown at Mum. "What?" I question.
"Isobelle, don't play innocent with me. I know what you're doing. Absolutely no one can go through all those potions you do in such a short amount of time. Especially when you mix them with alcohol," Mum tells me. "You're seriously going to hurt yourself."
"You don't know what I'm doing!" I shout. "Don't accuse me of anything!"
"I'm not accusing you, Isobelle. I'm just telling you that this isn't the way you're supposed to deal with your problems," Mum tells me calmly. How can she say that she isn't accusing me?
"Get out of my room..."
"Isobelle-"
"Get the hell out!" I scream, getting to my feet. I cross the room and throw open the door, pointing into the hallway. "Go! Get out!"
Mum puts her fists on her hips. "Isobelle, don't you dare speak to me like that!" She argues back. "I'm trying to help you."
"You can help me by getting out of my room and leaving me alone!" I inform her.
Mum shakes her head and sighs in defeat. When she walks past me, she looks me right in the eye. "You're only hurting yourself."
"That's more than I can say for you," I retort, rolling my eyes.
"Breakfast is ready, you should come downstairs and eat something. I'm sure your stomach would appreciate it," Mum tells me.
"What's that supposed to mean?" I ask, narrowing my eyes at Mum.
"You know exactly what I'm talking about," Mum answers, not going into detail. "You smell like Firewhiskey."
"Get out of my room." What the hell is wrong with Mum? I don't even look at her as I slam the door. I decide to quickly get dressed, and then go down to eat because I really am hungry.
My robes from yesterday are still on the floor, I must have forgotten to put them out for laundry. I pick them up quickly and check the pockets, making sure that those papers I got from Simon's office are still there. When they aren't anywhere to be found, I nearly have a heart attack. Where the hell else could they be? I didn't even take them out when I was telling Teddy about them, they shouldn't be anywhere else. There's no way. That's the thing about having something you aren't supposed to. You can't tell anyone when you've lost it.
Deciding there's no way I can dwell on it now, I get dressed and head to the dining room. The rest of my family is already seated and eating. Mum gives me a look, but she doesn't say anything.
"Good morning, Isobelle," Dad says to me.
"Good morning," I mutter back, putting food on my pate. I stop one of the house-elves walking by. "Bring me a glass of champagne, when you get the chance."
Mum and Dad both look up at me. "It isn't even noon yet," Dad points out disapprovingly.
"So?" I question. "Should that mean something?"
"You know Dad doesn't like it when you drink so early," Scorpius whispers, leaning in to me. I give him a look to shut him up.
Dad opens his mouth to say something as well, but Mum stops him. "Draco," she says calmly, gesturing to my other siblings with her eyes. Dad gets the message, and settles for giving me a dirty look instead.
"What's wrong, Daddy?" Nina questions, glancing between Dad and I.
"Nothing's wrong," I assure her.
"Your sister's right," Dad agrees. "There's absolutely nothing wrong with her and that habit she's developed."
"Draco!" Mum hisses. "Not at the table."
"Please, we're trying to enjoy a nice family breakfast. Don't ruin it," I tell Dad, smirking at him. The grip on his fork tightens, and he clenches his jaw, but he remains quiet.
"Mum, you said we were going to Flourish and Blotts today?" Rose questions, changing the subject.
Mum nods."That's right."
"Why do we have to?" Hugo asks. "I hate the book store."
"You can stay at home with me and Isobelle," Scorpius offers. What the hell, why am I staying at home?
Hugo nods happily."Okay-"
"Actually," Mum says quite loudly. "You have to come with me, Hugo. Isobelle and Scorpius' grandparents are coming over to speak to them tonight." I can't help the groan of protest that escapes my lips. I absolutely hate my grandparents. I hate them nearly as much as I hated Astoria, and that's saying something.
"I'm not staying for that," I decide. "And if that's the case, why isn't Nina staying?" If Mum and Dad are going to continue playing this game, then Narcissa and Lucius are Nina's grandparents as well.
"Yes, you are," Dad tells me. "They have something important they want to say to you."
"I'm sure all they want to do is call me a filthy cross-breed or something like they always say," I mutter so only Mum and Dad can hear. Dad narrows his eyes and gives me a look to tell me to shut my mouth. "Well, they do," I insist. Out of all my siblings, Scorpius is the only pureblood, and the only one of us my grandparents actually likes. They dislike Mum's children more than they dislike me, and they make it quite obvious. Whenever they're around, Mum makes a point to be sure that Rose and Hugo aren't anywhere in a ten-kilometer radius to avoid any potential arguments. They've met Nina a couple times, and they treat her about the same as they treat me. That's because they believe we have the same parents.
"Well, you can keep it to yourself," Dad says dismissively.
"I'm sorry that I don't want to stay and hear their rubbish. How rude of me," I retort.
"What do they want to tell us?" Scorpius asks curiously. He has a slight look of apprehension on his face.
Dad shrugs. "I'm not sure exactly," he answers.
"Even better reason for me not to stay. I don't like surprises," I say. "You said you were going to Flourish and Blotts?" Mum nods. "Great, I think I'll-"
"Stay at home and have dinner with your grandparents like your father wants you to," Mum interjects, giving me a final look. "I believe that's a brilliant idea, Isobelle." I sigh and roll my eyes.
"Whatever."
I'm still pissed that Dad's making me stay at home and have dinner with my grandparents. It's a method of torture. I don't even see why Dad sticks up for them so much, what with all the issues he's had with them. I'm sure they like Scorpius more than they like him.
"Isobelle," Grandmother says, completely emotionless.
"Narcissa," I reply. Dad glares at me.
"Isobelle," he chastises.
"What? I had other plans tonight," I inform him. "Really, I don't want to be here. I'm not even going to lie. Do you mind if we hurry this along a bit?" I ask sweetly.
Grandfather rolls his eyes. "This is exactly what happens when young people have children," he drawls, giving Dad an accusatory look. Dad ignores him. "They aren't taught any sort of civilities." If that's the case, what's his excuse?
"I am being civil. I'm just on a bit of a tight schedule," I explain.
"She means she wants to go and see Holden," Scorpius translates, smirking. Nothing can describe the look of utter distaste that crosses Grandmother's face.
"He's William's boy, isn't he?" She questions, turning to Dad. Dad nods, and Grandmother shakes her head. "William always was such a disgrace. I'm sure his son is the same."
"He isn't!" I snap. "Because Holden's father didn't want to be a Death Eater anymore, he's a disgrace? It's pitiful that you think that way." Both Holden and I come from staunch Death Eater families, but Holden doesn't know anyone from his Dad's side of the family was ever a Death Eater. It really upsets me that he doesn't know, but I feel like it isn't my place to tell.
"What's pitiful is someone who doesn't stand by their beliefs wholeheartedly," Grandfather corrects me, staring Dad down.
"Was it not the two of you who walked away from Voldemort?" I question. "Is that not turning from your beliefs? Or is it just cowardice?"
"Isobelle!" Dad shouts.
"Please Dad, it's the truth. The two of you want to act as if none of that ever happened. You're just as bigoted as you always were. How can you dislike someone for realizing they're wrong?" I question. My grandparents are absolute idiots. It's sad they don't even realize it.
"If I were you, I'd find it a good idea to quit repeating everything I was told by some silly boy," Grandmother informs me coldly.
"I'm not repeating anything! It's purely my own opinion!"
"That makes it all the more frightening," says Grandfather.
"You know what? I don't-"
"What'd you want to tell me and Isobelle?" Scorpius questions hesitantly. I notice that he's been awfully silent this entire time.
"'Isobelle and I?' We're getting there, dear," Grandmother corrects him, smiling in his direction.
"Really, why don't you go ahead and tell us?" I question. "I'm sure Scorpius and Dad are growing just as impatient as I am."
"I'm sure that would only be possible if either of them had prior engagements as well," Grandfather says, giving me that annoyingly bored look of his.
"Father," Dad sighs resignedly. "What was it you and Mother wanted to tell us?"
"Well, Scorpius asked Lucius and I to do something rather important, and we agreed," Grandmother starts, a smug look crossing her face. Scorpius' pale cheeks flush red, and he gives our grandparents a completely shocked look. I don't like the sound of this.
Both Dad and I turn to look at Scorpius. "What did you ask them to do?" I question. Scorpius won't answer. "Scorpius? Tell us."
Scorpius hangs his head and refuses to look at any of us. "I just wanted to know what she was like..." he mutters.
"What who was like?" Dad questions, giving Scorpius a stern look. "Scorpius Hyperion Malfoy, you tell me this instant."
Scorpius still won't look up. "My mum..." He whispers, just loud enough for Dad and I to hear. Nothing can describe the second of stunned silence that falls between Dad and I. Then I realize that I was right. Scorpius did take those papers out of my robes.
"You went in my room, and you went through my things," I say angrily, my voice rising. "Those papers weren't for you to take!"
"I'm sorry, Isobelle. I just heard you telling Teddy, and Rose and I thought-"
"No, you didn't think!" I scream. "Did it ever occur to you that if I wanted you to know, I would have told you?" Scorpius shakes his head silently. Dad can't even look at him. I don't know how I can stand to.
"What did he take from you?" Dad questions, doing his best to not reach across the table and strangle Scorpius. It seems to be taking a lot of self-control.
"I had papers with Ron an Astoria's addresses on them!" I answer, glaring at Scorpius still.
"Where-"
"That doesn't matter," I tell Dad hurriedly. "And they were in my robes Tuesday! There's no telling when that little git snuck them out!"
Dad turns to Scorpius, finally understanding the situation. "You did this?" He demands.
Scorpius nods ashamedly. "Yes," he mutters.
Dad runs his hand through his hair. "Go upstairs. I can't even stand to look at you right now. Just get out of my sight."
Scorpius gives Dad a bewildered look. "But, I'm not done eating," he protests.
"Go to your room!" Dad shouts. Reluctantly, Scorpius gets up and sulks away from the table. I'd feel bad for him is he hadn't been completely stupid, and stolen from me. Slowly, Dad turns to face his parents. "What the hell did you do?" I've never heard him take such a dangerous and accusing tone with them ever before in my life.
Grandmother raises an eyebrow at Dad. "Don't make such assumptions, Draco. It's very rude. It was dear Scorpius who came to us."
Dad waves his hand as if he doesn't care either way. "What did he do?" He demands.
"He wrote Astoria a very detailed letter," Grandfather answers smugly. "I'm sure it mentioned the basics. How he misses her, how he wishes she would return...how it would be better for our family."
"What does this have to do with the two of you?" I ask, narrowing my eyes at them both. Even though I know I'm about to hear something I won't like, I'm still not prepared for it.
"After Draco's separation from Astoria, Lucius and I didn't completely eliminate the Greengrass family from our lives," Grandmother explains to Dad and I as if we're idiots. "I simply played messenger."
It takes a second for Dad and I to realize what Grandmother is saying. "You gave her a letter from Scorpius?" Dad shouts. I'm positive Scorpius can hear him all the way from his room. "You know that I didn't want them to have any contact with each other!" I'm sure that Dad hasn't taken any legal action toward Astoria since she got out of Azkaban, and I now know that something like that must be done every five years for it to remain valid.
"It isn't about what you want, Draco," Grandmother informs him. I swear if I wouldn't get arrested, I'd murder both my grandparents.
"Scorpius is my son!" Dad argues, slamming his fist on the table.
"He's Astoria's son as well. Draco, you're harming the boy raising him the way you are. He especially needs a proper upbringing, considering that opportunity's been lost with this one," Grandfather gestures to me coldly.
"You mean a pureblood upbringing," I correct. "You want him to end up as pathetic as you and your wife!"
"As long as he isn't raised the same way you were. Honestly, Draco, it's still beyond me as to why you ever insisted-"
"Because I'm responsible for my actions, Father. That's one thing you seem to know nothing about!" Dad argues, glowering at Grandfather, who looks as if he could laugh at the entire situation.
"Don't take up such a tone with your father," Grandmother admonishes. "You should be grateful that we care for Scorpius as much as we do. He needs a mother in his life again."
"He has Hermione!" Dad yells. Even I know that isn't acceptable to my grandparents.
As if on cue, Grandfather rolls his eyes. "Your wife will never be Scorpius' mother. How many times must I repeat myself, Draco? Marrying that mudblood was the worst thing you ever did for this family, other than even impregnating her in the first place," he sneers, throwing a hateful glance in my direction.
I truly wish I could say that I remained calm and civil and didn't at all feed into my grandparents' immaturity. If I said any of those things, I'd be telling a great lie.
"Don't you ever use that word against my mother! The only thing ruining Scorpius' upbringing are your bigoted asses!" I scream. "How could you possibly be stupid enough to believe that someone like Astoria could ever raise a child? That's right, it's because you aren't at all concerned with her mothering abilities! You just care about what kind of damned blood she has!" I stand up from the table, disgusted with the sight of Grandmother and Grandfather. "I'm leaving. I can't stand either of you any longer!"
Grandmother and Grandfather don't say anything. I'm sure they wanted nothing more than to see me explode with anger, and I've given them that. Right now, though, I can't be bothered to care, though. "Isobelle!" Dad tries to call me once more before I disapparate.
Holden looks up from the television when he sees me, and he frowns immediately. "What's the matter, Belle?"
I shake my head, the feeling of lead on my tongue. I sit down heavily beside Holden. "He wrote her. He wrote to her, and he wants her back," I answer.
"Who?" Holden questions, wrinkling his eyebrows.
"Scorpius. He wants to meet Astoria again," I whisper, my voice faltering a bit. I know that this can't be good, and I also know that nothing can be done about it. I feel as if I have no control over anything.
Holden gives me a thoughtful look for a while, unsure of what to say. "What do your parents think?" He asks finally.
I exhale deeply. "Dad's absolutely outraged. Mum doesn't know yet. But, it's not as if they don't already have enough problems. You know how things are between them." No one can doubt that Mum and Dad love each other, but their marriage has been a difficult one. The fact that Mum's muggle-born impedes on many of our family's traditions. Even from knowing Dad as long as she has, Mum still doesn't quite understand pureblood ways.
"Yeah, I know," Holden says. "I'm really sorry to hear that."
"I'd suggest saving your apologies, I'm positive things are going to get a lot worse," I admit. How can they not? Having Astoria back in the picture will complicate everything even more. I'm not looking forward to it at all.
"How are you feeling?" Holden asks quietly.
"I don't know. This is all starting to bother me. I'm barely getting along with Mum and Dad anymore, and I have no idea what the hell was going through Scorpius' mind for him to do that..." My voice trails off, and I feel my breathing begin to quicken a bit. "I just..."
Holden takes my hand in his. "Hey, none of that, okay? You're fine." I look up at him.
"I don't think I am," I tell him in a low voice, my lip trembling. "I need you."
"I know. I'm here for you, Belle." Holden leans down slightly and my lips meet his. I pull him closer to me, and I let my shoulders rest on the sofa cushions. Holden's body is so near mine, he's holding himself over me with his arms. Being with him started off as nothing but awkward fumbling, but I've come to enjoy it immensely. Holden's hands move across my chest, under my robes, and I have to stop him in an attempt to pull his shirt over his head. Years of quidditch have given him a toned body. I lift my chin to allow Holden to kiss me again. I feel myself wanting to give more of me to Holden, but I just can't think only things I can concentrate on are Scorpius, and Astoria, and my Grandparents... and Scorpius, and Astoria, and my Grandparents...
"Merlin, Belle, are you alright?" Holden asks quickly, pulling away from me. It's only then do I realize that I'm sobbing, and I probably have been the entire time. I feel so embarrassed, and so childish that I can't even return Holden's concerned look. "What's wrong? Did I-?"
"N-no." I answer quietly, harsher than I mean to.
"It's just, you cry a lot when we..." Holden doesn't finish his sentence. He doesn't have to. It's just so difficult keeping such a rough facade at home, I often crack when I'm with Holden. It makes me feel guilty that he always has to deal with me when I get like this. I'm sure he'd much rather not.
Gently, Holden puts an arm around my back, bringing me closer to him. I rest my head on his shoulder. "I'm sorry," I apologize meekly.
Holden shakes his head and kisses the top of my hair. "It's alright, Belle. Really. I know things are going to be tough for a while, but you'll get through it. You always do." Even though that seems to be the truth, it feels as if I'm only floating along, and just getting by at that. And then recently, things have grown so difficult that I just can't cope by myself. I need something else, and I'm too afraid to admit that to Holden for fear of what he may think. I'm sure he, like Mum and Dad, would advise against it, but I really am afraid of losing the ounce of sanity I have left.
"It's a lot. And it's been this way my entire life." I know Holden knows this, but I don't think he knows that I'm growing very tired. I feel as if I'm trying to exist in two separate places at once. I'm trying to move on and begin my life, yet all the while, I'm trapped by my past, and no one seems to be able to fix that. Healers can only do so much. There gets to be a point where even they can't fix you. I've long since reached that point.
"I know. But no matter what happens, I love you. You know that," Holden tells me, rubbing slow steady circles on my back. I want to ask him how he could ever love me for so long. I understood it when I was younger because things aren't as serious at that age, but now? We're adults, and Holden has his entire life started. In actuality, Holden could have moved on without so much as a second glance in my direction. Why didn't he?
(A/N: Sorry for not updating in like a million years! So yep, Astoria's coming back (*Gasp!*) And something's going on with Belle! Any guesses? Let me know what you thought, leave a review, because I'm seriously NOT getting that many :(. Seriously, even if you don't have any comments on the story but just my writing in general, feel free to say something! Thanks for reading!)