LACUS

Time seems to have lost its hold on me and I have certainly lost track of it. Seconds seem like eons but I've not moved on, not in the slightest. Right now too I lay curled up into myself, tears still racing down my cheek when I felt my mother come up from behind me and pull me into a hug. Gentle and ever patient she held me for a long while as I cried harder. She also noticed the cut on my hand which was by now bleeding profusely, as I meant it to and tied it up with her kerchief, not like that is going to have any effect. She was staining it unnecessarily. I had purposefully cut on a nerve and it will be a while before the bleeding stopped.

I don't know how long we stayed there but after a while my mom drove us home, either it is too late for school now or she doesn't think I am fit to go today. Whichever it is, it doesn't matter, staying at home means I can go back to Athrun earlier and spend more time with him as I do in the weekends. With these thoughts I ghosted back into my house returning to haunt my room, I curled up on my bed, as my hands clasped around the elongated purple pendant that hung around my neck on a thin metal chain, it was a gift that he had given me a long time ago and was also his personal favorite on me which is why it is the only accessory I ever wear…..my eyes closed as my mind let me relive the happy times and my heart echoed his name.

KIRA

The sunlight blazed at me with all its brightness, not caring that its efforts were wasted as my world with all its eternal darkness had no place for light and no need of it anymore. I was resting on his headstone; my whole body now stiff from sitting still for god knows how long was curled up as my hands were wound around my knees that were pressed against my chest. My train of thoughts had long been lost as I stared unseeingly. My heart felt heavier than usual and for once I let myself forget everyone else. Wallowing in my own pain was exactly what I needed now. But what I wanted I just didn't get anymore. As I blinked, my eyes caught the red on the grass. Of course I knew what it was, lacus's blood. My mind returned to her but surprisingly I felt calm. I didnt care that she was in pain too in fact I liked to know that she was hurt. This was all because of her after all. Sighing I stretched my numb fingers towards the grass, and entwining my fingers in their green depths I let my mind wander to other shades of green. I could see emerald green orbs filled with love and concern hovering above me as I suffered alone. but I could also tell that if Athrun could really talk to me now, he would admonish me for being such a baby…..huh! I would like to see him switch roles with me. yeah!That would be nice. To see how he deals with the pain of losing one part of him…..its so easy isn't it? to tell me you will always be there for me through everything and then relaxing in heaven when I deal with the worst of it…okay I'm going paranoid! I would never ever wish this on anyone let alone Athrun, the brunt is too hard to bear and Athrun would chose me over heaven this very second if he could, I know that and I really should not be thinking this way…..maybe I am finally snapping! No! I can't! damn it. disentangling my fingers from the greenery I slipped my hands into my pockets, searching…..until I found the pills I was looking for. Swallowing 2 of them I lay back down, this time on the grass with my head resting on the cold stone as my mind lost itself in darkness and succumbed to the over powering sleep.

Lacus

I stirred awake from my fitful sleep and slipping out of bed, I pushed away the black drapes and gazed out at the evening sun. it had just barely begun its descent. I still have enough time to pay Athrun one quick visit, without worrying my mother. I moved silently through my room, reaching my bedside stand I found the lunch my mom had earlier left for me, finishing the glass of water, I took the untouched food and headed out of my room.

My mother jumped as I entered the living room and I could see that she had been crying but I didn't really want to say much. I walked past her and left the tray on the dining room table and headed back to the front door when my mom called.

"do you want me to drive you there sugar?" she asked. Her voice barely above a whisper but I couldn't even find that in me. I simple shook my head in a negative. She sighed and got up, after disappearing into one of the rooms, she returned with a heavy scarf.

"its cold, have it on you, just in case" she said. I took it and left the room wordlessly. The walk to the grave didn't take me long and I paused at the entrance, looking at my place of solace….i felt something salty brush against my lip as I realized that the tears had already begun. I weaved through the familiar path again when I saw him asleep, curled up like a faithful puppy at Athrun's feet. I moved towards him silently, praying that he wouldn't wake up now. It had been forever since I last saw Kira this close. But now that I did, it took me by surprise. He was no longer the boy I had once known. Even in his sleep, his changes were obvious, his once lithe and athletic build, so like Athrun's had become merely a set of bones with pale skin covering them, his cheeks were sallow and there were circles under his eyes. His usually well kept hair was now just messy bangs lying there uncared for. The smile that tugged at his lips when i had seen him sleep before had now been replaced by a strange detached emptiness. This was no longer the boy i knew, he was a young man now, with a very heavy heart. Just a ghost of his prior self….was the best way i could sum him up and only then did it strike me that this is how i appeared to the world outside. Like a person dancing back and forth across the line that defined life and death. A tiny movement on pale alabaster skin caught my attention and as I gently brushed away the insect that had made itself at home on his palm, I realized how cold he was. Shrugging off the scarf my mother had given me, all the while hoping he wouldn't wake up, I placed it on him. he didn't even stir. I stood there watching him, debating on whether I should push my luck and stay here, which included facing him when he woke up or if I should simply head back. Deciding to leave I willed myself away but I couldn't do it. I wanted to stay, to be close to Athrun, just like kira was. I didn't want to leave, not now, not never. My place was here, next to Athrun, this is where I belonged forever. I fell to my knees and caressed the cold stone with my fingertips. As they traced the engravings of his name, fresh tears streaked my face and I curled up on the other side of Athrun. Something about lying down here with Athrun and with kira so close by, felt right. It reminded me of times when it had been just the three of us, lying down on my lawn and gazing up at the sky, relishing our perfect lives…something stirred within me and I suddenly found myself slipping into another reverie and it wasn't long after that when I fell asleep.

A.N : I'm caught up with stupid exams that i barely have any time for updating my stories. i'm really sorry for that. this was the best i could do (in the little spare time i got, when my mom wasn't watching). if you don't like the chapters or if any of you expect better, please do leave a review and let me know what you think of it. i'll get back to you ASAP... i also know that the triple update needs a lot of editing which i will do as soon as i can! for now adioz!