Chapter 27: Fringe of the Lunatic Dawn
tHieVes. tHiEvEs And wHORES.
Green GrasS, CRImSOn eDGeS.
A fInE chINa PlAtE tO decapitaTe wITH.
REd HOT IntEnTion. RuSTED iRon celL.
A SEVERED heaD, LiPs sTiLl tWitChING And mOViNG.
cHECK thE ground. onCE. tWiCe. THriCE. The SideWAlks ArE BLeeDIng.
a BabY wITh SMALLPOX CRiES.
LaRge Red mOON, aPpRovInG OF sin, Of MaLIce afoRetHOUgHt.
riP AND PuLL aND twiSt And TEAR.
a CLOWN, lAughiNg As HE sLitS a chiLd'S tHROAt.
A Man ANd A WOmAN sTare. bLOOd poUrS FRoM OPENiNgS on theIR bOdIES.
a tigEr aND a dRaGOn, In A BattlE To THe DEAtH.
The tRuTH ABOUt CEllULiTE.
hAnd iN a BlEnder, LIQUeFYIng.
AN IcepICK To ThE EYEbAlL.
tHE dog baRkS. brEak its nECk. SnAP-CRuNch.
a WoMAn liES ON A taBLe, HoLE In her HEaD, brAINS oN her plaTE witH SPagheTTI. IT looKS deLIcIoUs.
brOken body, HoLdIng a shAttErED sWoRd.
aN iNfECTEd Leg ExPlODES, ShOWERInG PUS.
tHe eleVaTor OpeNS, aNd bloOd pOURs OUt, cLeaNsINg eVERYTHinG.
pIeCEs oF a cORPsE cONTinUE tO Go dOWN THe EscalAtoR, GOINg uP. fOuRth FLooR. houSEkEEpiNg.
sEX anD vIolEncE; In ThE enD thEY arE thE sAmE. staB, STaB, sTab, s... T... a... B. pOke.
FrESh MEat. stALE PorK.
a skeLeToN in A tATterEd CLoAk, FINGeRs stAinED RED aNd coated in GOrE.
gLoRIOus letHal EuphORia.
BECoMinG The ARcHeTYPE.
MolecUlaR dESTabiLizaTiON oF QUANTum NeUTRINo FIeLDS.
in THE nIgHT, PeOPlE die in whiSpeRS.
wHEn tHE bloOd Is ShED, it'S a LONely VIEW.
ThRow tHE Woman OFf ThE bUiLDInG. HEaR her sCREams Stop WheN A moIsT cruNCh Is HEARD.
tWO SKELEtons, locked In IMMORTAL emBRAcE, onE inCOmpleTE withOut THe oTHeR.
RoTtiNG CoRpSE. COVErED In MolD, maGgoTS, mIldEW, aND cOBWEBS.
a MAn, havINg SEx WItH A hEAdLESS bodY; bloOD sPUrTS FroM hEr nECk aS hEr boDy bounceS on TOP OF hIS, a FoUntAIN of lOve POUrING fROm botH.
a tHundERsToRm, With BlOoD shOwerInG DOWN, BaPtiZiNG ME, MaKiNG me ReboRn.
A cHiLD'S SKIN MeLTIng aS aCID is PouRED on Her.
throUgH IT all...
no remORse,
And no REGreT.
yOU wILl shED TeArS OF scarlET.
and MY NAme...
is kUrenai sEKIShu.
dRoP THE mAN. NO moRe Blood. EMptY. sAd.
"...There you are."
...VoiCE. fAMiLIAr.
TURn. faCe.
...BLONd. femAle. reD EYes.
hEr.
...MUst dRInk HeR dRY. EVerY Drop.
No, you won't!
STep. tOwarDs. Yes. imMortalitY. no mOrE hungER.
"Shiki said you'd be here, probably. He was right. Don't worry, little sister... you'll be free soon."
YeS. frEe. no MoRE HUNGEr. STEP.
Yes. Die. Die so I can be freed from this nightmare...
SmEll. So STRong. exCItINg...
"Are you ready for peace? I'll give it to you."
Yes! I want peace!
No. WanT BlOOd. wANt HER BLood. alL.
WAiT.
stop.
PlaNninG SoMEthiNg...
"...? Is there something human in there after all, little sister?"
Yes, me... but... kill me to save me, Arcueid-san... hurry...
…...nO. fLEE. tOo WeAK...
JuMp!
PaIn. bacK. IGnORe!
"Going to run again, eh?"
No! Fall!
...FOoT SliPpiNG?ǃ NO!
gRoUNd. cruNCh. PAIN!
stAnD!
...FALl.
can't stAND...
...GoIng tO die.
"Ah, how unfortunate. Oh well. I will make it quick, little sister, because I liked you a lot when you were once human. Hold still and I'll make it quick... I promised her that."
Please... just kill me so I can wake up soon... even if I don't wake up, that will be okay...
Arcueid-san swings her arm of death – no, her arm of peace – effortlessly at my neck. To cleave it from my shoulders. To end my suffering; to destroy this horrible, wretched, lie of an existence.
To put down a rabid animal who no longer has a sense of itself.
To strike down that which appears human, but no longer is.
…Then, this is what death is like.
The world shatters. Into thousands of tiny fragments, crinkling like glass scattering on the floor.
…...But, I am still here. In a black nothingness.
…...…...…Until a child appears.
The half-succubus, half-dream familiar looks up at me like she wants to cry.
No, more than looks like... she is crying.
She has been crying for some time. Somehow, I can feel her pain as if we are acutely connected.
Somehow, I can tell what she's thinking, just by how she looks at me, with reddened, tear-ridden eyes... it's as if she's asking why I have such painful dreams...
I look away slightly. "It's..."
...It's because I cannot truly let go of my past. Because I am always afraid of it. Until Tohno Akiha is dead, this... this will always be a part of her. He... he cannot truly die until she dies, as well.
This is the new curse I took upon me when I killed "him." The curse of always being reminded that one is not human, no matter how much one tries to believe it.
The child sniffs and swallows hard, and then proceeds to walk over, slowly. A look of determination is on her face. A look that says "I don't want you to have those dreams ever again."
...I don't want them either. But I can't help what I dream...
The brain is a complex thing. It is capable of great imagination. Even if that imagination is of being a demon; a hellspawn, as natural as any other creature, but without any of the innocence or kindness.
"...I wish I could be more like you sometimes, Len..." I confess for absolutely no reason at all.
The girl tilts her head slightly. She does not understand. She blinks.
"...Surely you have a darker side to yourself, yes? That is what I am afraid of in me. I worry that someday, I will fail to keep it away... and if I fail... I'm... scared that..." My voice wavers and trails off.
I feel arms wrap around my waist and a head press carefully into my hip as Len hugs me.
As soon as she does, everything brightens. I shield my eyes from the sudden light pouring into them.
As they gather focus, I become aware I am in a long, grassy field. The sun is setting, and casts a magical glow on the blades of grass swaying in the air, possessed with life. The air breathes reassurances.
I look around as my eyes begin to focus and I can stop squinting. A tree is not too far from here. A girl in a black dress sits against the back of the tree, and she beckons me over when I see her. As I do so, the wind blows, and I can feel my anxieties blown away with it as it restores my sanity.
Walking over slowly as I look around at this place, I sit down next to her.
"...Where is this place? It is beautiful..." I ask.
I cannot help but look around. It is so... serene. Calm. Placid. I feel greatly at ease just by my presence here, as if everything would be okay if I could come here. That this place... is a safe place.
There is... incredible comfort in this absolute silence... the only noises being the slight shuffling in the grass as the winds encourage them to grow. To live. To endure the hardships of what life brings.
To keep on going, because that is our destiny as long as we are alive.
A creature's primary goal is to pass on our genes. Anyone who has taken a biology course will be able to tell you that. However, the condition of being human – or at least sentient – brings with it some extra, interesting challenges.
The need to have a full, enriching life.
The need to have a loved, desired, trusted companion.
The need to raise one's offspring the best that they can, so they learn from your wisdom and hopefully live a better life than you do, as some sort of twisted penance for bringing them into this hell of a world.
For Len, such an existence is impossible.
Even though she is certainly old enough to have children, many times over, as her body is that of a child's, she is physically incapable of reproduction in the sense that we would understand it. Even though her human form is nearly completely human, save for her ears, her body is simply immature, and could never sustain a child growing in it.
Her primary goal, instead, was simply to do the requests her master orders her to do. Master's order was law, and to not obey it was risking them simply destroying her and creating a new, more obedient familiar.
Even if that request is something sure to destroy her.
...Even if that request was to strip naked and service her master's more carnal needs.
This is Len's secondary purpose, after all. What she was created from hardly mattered – the magus who created her made her into a succubus type, one who lives off of feeding from the energy of others.
It does not need to be sexual; Len can bond with a human by simply licking their blood a single time. But the simple fact is that, for Len, sex the most efficient method of "feeding." Of restoring her energy.
However... Nii-san would not expect such a thing from her. Nor does he demand it from her. Indeed... if anything, as far as I can tell, their exchanges are... well, more on her demands than his. I try my best not to notice such things, but the simple fact is sometimes it is impossible to tone out the grunts of a girl from one's head.
I get the feeling that when she is not doing her tasks, this is where Len escapes to. But...
"...Escape for me is not that easy..." I hear myself say.
No. If it were as easy as going to a wonderful place, then I would have figured that out years ago.
This is why my walks are but temporary respite from my problems. For even though I can escape them, for a brief while... eventually, I must return to them. I cannot avoid them forever, no matter how hard I try to...
To do so would be to run away, and turn myself into a hermit. To do so would ruin the Tohno.
...Or worse, to do so would be to allow some of our less... sensible branches make a claim for the head of the family.
No... no matter how much I want to run away, I cannot. I cannot just flee all my problems and worries, as Len is so easily able to do.
The only time I would be able to do that, would be when I sleep. And sometimes, my dreams are pleasant and surprising. Sometimes, they are intriguing and interesting.
…...Sometimes, they are erotic and sexual.
But lately, they have been none of those. They have been horrible, vicious nightmares. Visions – no, premonitions of war, death, devastation, destruction, and horror.
…...It makes one wish that their dreams were simple, mundane things, like gardening.
Honestly, that is perhaps the easiest and simplest thing that some people are fortunate to have... they simply never dream badly, or have something where they are always the hero, or the princess is always saved, and so on.
…...How I envy those people.
It is not their fault, really. But when one dreams of such horrific, terrifying things night in, night out... one begins to become afraid to dream, both while laying down and when awake.
...The thing is, I do not know how to do this. And no matter how hard I wish that I would, such a task seems impossible for me to learn. If it were that easy, I would have already done so...
"Anyone can learn to control their dreams, though, Akiha. It just takes practice. Practice, and a little determination."
"Huh?ǃ" I turn to her. L... Len doesn't usually talk... even though she's slowly learning, she's still a very quiet girl. But here she spoke as if she had been doing it forever.
She smiles, happily. Her lips do not move, but her voice... her thoughts... they are communicated to me as if they were fully vocal.
The smile on the girl remains. It is... beautiful. There is no other easy way to describe it.
...I know she talked. I know what she said.
That I could control my dreams.
...How?
If I could control my dreams, I would do so. I do not enjoy those nightmares, at all. If it were that easy, I would have obviously found a way to stop having them. I do not particularly enjoy being reminded that no matter how human I want to be in my heart, it matters not because at its core, that heart is still the heart of something inhuman.
If it were up to me, I would banish these nightmares entirely. I would dream mostly of Nii-san. Because whenever I dream of him, my dreams turn out okay. He protects me. He guards me.
…...He is my savior.
I would be dead if it were not for him. Years ago. Whether this was a good decision or not, I cannot say fully... but it matters not ultimately. It is what happened, and as reality is relative to me, the only reality I know is the one where Tohno Akiha was saved by the boy named Nanaya Shiki, who would become Tohno Shiki, after the boy who originally had that name was assumed killed.
...He would have been if Otou-sama had stuck to the procedure of what happens when one of the Tohno invert.
But he did not.
For some reason or another, Otou-sama saw it fit to imprison him instead. Why? I do not know. All I know is that it created a vast amount of the problems we now have.
If he had killed him, Nii-san would not have had his life stolen and would have made a full recovery. If he had killed him, I would not have had to be in pain for eight years of my life. If he had killed him, Yumizuka-san would not have been turned into a vampire. If he had killed him...
...If he had killed him... if he had killed him... that bastard, if he had killed him, things would not be the mess they are now…...!
It is so simple. So much of this pain and suffering could have avoided, if only Otou-sama did not have a sudden change of heart and go completely against what was historically done in our family to stop those who have inverted for millennia.
It was a simple thing, really. "He" had inverted. All Otou-sama had to do was kill him.
…...And yet for some reason, he failed to, completely.
...Perhaps it was because he was already slipping into madness himself. I do not know. I know that, at nearly the same time Otou-sama died, unbeknownst to me, "he" had escaped from where Otou-sama had apparently hidden him.
Kohaku told me all of this after the fact, after Nii-san and I nearly fought to the death. How Otou-sama would have her go and bring him supplies he needed... as well as sating his bloodlust... and other lusts.
It sickened me to hear it. Not only did Otou-sama rape Kohaku... so had "he."
As if her life inside the mansion were not bad enough, leaving the mansion only meant that, besides delivering supplies to "him" and prolonging his wretched, miserable life, she took the chance that perhaps he, too, would desire to know the insides of a girl growing into a woman.
Kohaku had lived a living nightmare. When she recalled that, and all the abuse Otou-sama had done to her... well, I could not exactly blame her desires to destroy the Tohno. Had it been me, I probably would have wanted to, myself.
When you subject someone to that sort of situation, that sort of abuse... inevitably, hatred, fury, and rage all will build up in them. It is only logical. The human mind is simply not meant to be abused, warped, or twisted in such a way. To do so, time in and time out, will serve to do nothing but distort it into a horrible shade.
That was why I granted her request to leave. It would do her no good to stay in such a place where so many bad memories reside. And I could tell that she felt bad enough about what she had tried to do, perhaps realizing that out of all the Tohno, I was the only one who did the least harm to her... even if inadvertently, although I would not have harmed Kohaku without a very good reason at any rate.
With that done, and "him" dead, I thought things would improve. For awhile, life slowly improved... and then Nii-san was involved in a horrible accident when a truck struck him, and put him in a coma for the better part of a month.
...This was when Len came into our lives. Arcueid-san was very worried about Nii-san's condition, and said that she knew someone who could help. The next day, she brought this small, blue-haired child into Nii-san's room, and was with him nearly constantly from then on, hiding only when she had to hide from the hospital nursing staff, who would come in to move Nii-san's arms and legs and ensure his muscles did not atrophy too much.
…...Len nearly died watching over him. It was apparent to Arcueid-san, and she knew Len needed a source of energy, but as a vampire, Arcueid-san could not be her master, the girl would not accept any of us, and she refused to be moved from the room bar a very good reason to be.
She seemed to be wasting away. Still she watched.
Eventually, she barely moved. Still she watched.
Near the end, all she could do was look at us semi-consciously as we entered the room. Still she watched.
In the end, though, Nii-san woke up. And when he did, the girl was overjoyed and seemed much better. She then came to live with us as soon as Nii-san came out of the hospital. She has been a part of our lives ever since.
...This girl, that I am looking at now, who is warmly smiling.
"Is that what you want, Akiha? To control your dreams?" Her eyes ask the question... yet I hear it almost as if she had spoken them.
...Well, if given the choice... yes. I do not want to have nightmares. My nightmares are not occasional... they are fairly regular, especially as of late. Doubly especially as of the last few nights... where it seems like every time I have fallen asleep I have been given another nightmare, that are somehow even more horrifying than the ones before it. The only exception is the time I slept with the aid of drugs that put me in a dreamless sleep.
All I really want is to stop the nightmares.
...Is it that much to ask?
Dreams can be an escape from reality. In dreams, we have the power to be anything we want to be. Hero. Savior. Villain. Destructor. Mother. Executioner. God. Devil.
...The problem is that most of us have no way of controlling them.
There are some who learn this, through practice and hard work. It may take these people years, or even decades, to master their minds so completely that they can affect their unconscious.
…...I am in no such position.
Therefore... if I wish to be freed from this burden, I will have to ask Len to do it.
"...I want to be freed from my nightmares," I say as I swallow my pride.
The child smiles and leans over.
And she kisses me on the lips softly.
My eyes widen in surprise.
What... what good would a kiss do to free me from my nightmares...?
A nightmare is not something that is resolved by a kiss. Granted, when I had a nightmare as a young girl, occasionally it would be Otou-sama who would comfort me, but usually it would be Hisui, or sometimes Kohaku...
…But that is different from this. This is still... during the nightmare... sort of...
…...No, this is no longer a nightmare. It stopped being a nightmare when Len decided that intervention was the best thing to do.
This is now a dream of peace, and of hope, and of serenity. Simply put, it is just the sort of dream that I really needed, considering what has happened all of this week.
It is no longer a nightmare. Len has changed that. She, who is adept at controlling dreams, has stopped my nightmare dead in its tracks, and changed it to this field of bliss.
...But why...?
Why would she do that for me? Just because I am the sister of someone whom she has a personal relationship to? That makes no real sense...
…...What have I done for her? Nothing, really. I have tolerated her presence, and while I have not been unkind to her or anything of that sort, I do not see why I would be so deserving of having this...
…...But does it matter?
People help because they want to help. Nobody can be forced to take on someone else's burdens if they do not want to, with some exceptions. Hisui and Kohaku had become family, and as long as they felt like family they were welcome.
Hisui chose to stay. Kohaku chose to leave. Despite that, Kohaku is still family to me, and if she wanted to come back, I would allow her to do so, no questions asked. Were it not for the bad memories she has stored up from Otou-sama, I doubt she would have left.
I had no reason to help them. I simply felt... it was right to do so, I suppose. To not do so would have been an injustice.
...Is that why Len is helping me, then? Because not doing so would be an injustice...?
…...Well, it may be her way of simply saying "Thank you for putting up with me," but it is a strange extent to go for someone who you really do not know...
At the same time of her kiss, I feel... a piece of me, being pulled out. No, not pulled. Ripped. I can feel it fighting this, somehow. Struggling.
She looks up at me. The look in her eyes says something like "Trust in me and I'll lay all your nightmares to waste."
…...Do I trust her?
Can I trust somebody whom I have never really known on a deeper level before?
...Should I?
…...It is more difficult than most people think for me to trust someone, really. The simple fact is... I am very reluctant to trust anyone, usually because I know what it means they will eventually find out. That I cannot be fully human. That I cannot ever be a fully normal girl, because my fate was sealed from the moment of my conception, in early 1985.
...But Len is not just some random person. She, too, is a creature who is just as unnatural as I am. A human, crossed with a cat. Able to take on the forms of both, but having mannerisms of the other in one form. And even then... she is a familiar, a powerful magical creature, and someone who lives off of the inherent energy inside living beings... the most potent way to get them being sexually.
…...…She, better than anyone, really, would understand me. Because she knows what it is like to struggle with another side. To deal with not being able to decide whether you are this, or whether you are that.
...All I had to do was ask, really, and she probably would have.
…...And so I do. I trust Len, fully.
As I do, that thing struggling to stay inside is ripped out. Somehow, I can feel it screaming and scratching to stay attached to my soul... but it is gone, and it is replaced by a sense of peace.
Calm.
Serenity.
Hope.
Dreams.
Promised Dawn.
Her lips pull away from mine when it is done. I blink a few times as I look at her, and I am greeted by a smile.
A smile that says that everything will be fine from now on.
A smile that guarantees that whatever was just ripped out of me is crushed, destroyed, and gone forever.
I stare at her as she happily curls up into my lap, as if she were my familiar and not Nii-san's. A small, light form, yet one that feels warm and soft, and fits my lap perfectly.
As if she were not just his familiar, but almost a family familiar... or a pet, perhaps.
I... I am unsure of what to say in reply. She must see it in my face, because she audibly giggles, and pushes herself into me even more, completely comfortable and at peace here.
…...It is not fair. To have such... complete and total faith in someone she does not even need to feel that way for...
...Why? Why would she so selflessly take such burdens on for my sake...? What... how... could I ever repay such an act of kindness...?
This is not something that is so easily given. This is not money, or a meal, or something that can be easily granted by an IOU. This is... something I honestly have no idea how I could ever possibly repay.
...This would be a debt like the one I owe Nii-san. He saved my life... and so I am doing my best to make his life as pleasant as possible, striving to see him happy and content. I feel good when I know he is happy and satisfied.
But, Nii-san being Nii-san, he is a fairly easy person to support. He does not ask for much at all – some simple furnishings, working class food. Nothing fancy, nothing expensive, nothing that, admittedly, I would buy if I found it and it might, perhaps, be a waste of my money. Nii-san seems comfortable wearing fairly regular clothes, and his friends, which occasionally a bit brash, tend to be an interesting group of people.
...But even then, what would cause them to want to help someone? Sure, Ciel-san and Arcueid-san benefit vastly from keeping The Dead down, but... do they gain some personal kind of pleasure out of it?
More importantly... I simply fail to understand the logic of others. Nii-san is happy with me being how I am. Yumizuka-san says she would not change a thing on him. Now, Len helped me... out of the simple goodness of her heart, a heart that has not actually lived for centuries, and yet... is beating loudly.
...A familiar who is able to have incredibly human emotions, feelings, and worries, because she is made from one.
The girl was crying when I found her interrupting my nightmare. Crying because it hurt. Crying because she did not know how I could withstand such pain, even though that pain hurt every time, ripping me open like a band saw slicing from my crotch up.
She did not want me to suffer anymore. She could not bear to watch the brutal violence of the dream, of a madwoman who only looked like Tohno Akiha killing whomever she met in a never-ending lust for blood.
So she put a stop to all of that... because she could. Because she did not want to see someone she knew, someone who was important to her master, someone who helps shelter her and feeds her... she did not want to see that person suffering a horrible, sleepless night.
"...Akiha. You're strong. You're a lot stronger than you think you are. So keep it up, okay?"
The words of the blue-haired girl in my lap, who looks up into my eyes as she says it. They ring of sincerity.
…...I know I am strong, but this is something I am always weak against. Confronting oneself is difficult. One's worst critic is always oneself, and I criticize myself very often.
…...Too often.
Too often, I underestimate myself, I think. Simply put, I blast myself firmly and harshly for any perceived misgiving. If my clothes are not right. If my hair is not managed. If my work is not done on time.
...Perhaps her message is to stop judging myself so harshly. To be more open to myself. To explore things more.
As humans, we cannot grow if we maintain complete rigidity. Growth requires expansion, and expansion requires flexibility. If we try to keep things perfect, we inevitably fail because humans are not perfect beings.
…...And neither are demons.
Demons are powerful, but flawed creatures by nature. The demons, then, are fated to fail just as Humans seem to have done as of late.
It sounds so easy in the books of magazines. "Change your wife, change your life!" To be actually effective, however, one almost has to bend over backwards in order to maintain this level and diet – and if people do not eat things they are used to, they tend to eat more than they usually would.
"…...Alright." I tell her somewhat hesitantly.
She smiles, and rests against me.
...Is this what heaven is like, maybe? If it is, then I hope whatever gods or goddesses exist allow me to live there.
I do not believe in a god or a goddess, truth be told. The very notion of a demon actually following such a thing is silly to most people and most religions. But, honestly...
…...If there is an afterlife, I hope it is something I can be a part of.
Admittedly, I would want to see some people again after they pass on. Fortunately, nobody whom I would really want not to be dying has died yet, but this would almost no doubt be with things to come.
Tohno Akiha already has had a hard life. The years ahead will certainly have their own challenges, both desired and not. How she handles them, and how she tolerates them, are very important things, and not simple little decisions that can be taken lightly, with a grain of salt.
All she wants is a little peace and happiness. Nii-san gives her that. Does she want more? Yes, of course. Nobody will get sick of the things they truly enjoy... well, not for a while, at least.
Yet as of late, I cannot focus on the things I usually focus on so easily. Nii-san going away for a short time did not help. Neither did the condition he come home in. And, of course, things are now complicating the situations in my life, thus creating even more stress for me to handle and deal with.
But with so many people wanting me to be there, and so many people saying that I am strong... well... perhaps they are more right than I am.
Perhaps they see something in me that I cannot see in myself.
…...Perhaps they know me better than I think they do.
Kohaku certainly had me well-predicted. She tended to know how I would react to any given situation fairly reliably. She knew when she could push me, and when I would allow things to slide.
Hisui knows what I like and what I do not. She takes strides in making sure that, in absence of Nii-san, my things are carefully maintained, ready, and waiting for me whenever I need them.
...Nii-san, of course, is someone whom I always look forward to seeing. My day does not feel complete without talking to him, and if he is gone, I will find myself thinking about him more to compensate for it.
Souka, she who is in many ways a polar opposite to me, and it is because she was raised even more strictly than I was, so her only choice to refuse it was to rebel. It is something that has penetrated her so completely that it has become a full-blown part of her personality now; it is not an act. When one talks to Tsukihime Souka, one is always talking to the real one, for she is straightforward and honest, telling you if she likes or dislikes something straight to your face, not bothering to hold back any sort of criticism she can think of.
Hanei, she is a very sweet girl. She seems to know what I am thinking, generally – or at the very least, she has a good idea of the direction my thoughts are going. While she is not the sharpest needle in the pincushion, she certainly has a keen intuition, and more importantly, us to look out for her. Anyone who dared to call Hanei stupid would be pretty much eating my shoes as I kick them in their face. Then again... this is mostly pointless thinking, as Misawa Hanei is more or less the school idol in our campus, with no doubt more than a few girls probably desiring a friendship with her... if not a Class S, or possibly more.
...And of course, then there is Seo, my excitable younger kouhai who makes me both want to praise her and choke her, all at the same time. Her little story with her doujinshi threw me for a very bad loop, making me anxious, nervous, tense, and when I thought I could confront her on it, she had an appointment so, much to my bitter displeasure, I found that I had to wait even longer... which only made me think my suspicions were all correct. They were not, and it led to a nasty little rift between Seo Akira and I for nearly a day or so. I am glad that we patched that rift up so quickly, but it is not something I would personally like to repeat anytime soon, if ever.
…...Now, Len has realized that my dreams were not pleasant, but nightmares, literal hells. Perhaps she approached me so she could see my plan. Perhaps this was just luck and coincidence that allowed me to fall asleep with her on my lap. Either way, the end result is the same – the girl has done something for me that hardly anyone else could.
She ended my nightmare, effortlessly, and brought me to this place. This place of green and gold, were life exists in a static, yet alive state, never aging, never ending. An almost perfect existence.
...And yet the girl who usually sits here almost never sits with anyone.
Len has companionship in reality, but here, she would usually be alone unless she created someone. She certainly could, but I do not think she sees it as the same thing, and truth be told, it really is not.
She could create them as carefully human as she wanted, and yet she would still fail, in a way. She would fail because she would know, and remember, that they are her creations. They might act in unpredictable ways, but the simple fact would always be that as she made them, she can also unmake them with a mere thought.
This world, as peaceful and enlightening as it is, is also a pure creation of hers. It may be based on memories; indeed, it seems too lifelike for it to not be anything but based on memories of hers. However, this world, like most who could inhabit it, are merely backdrops in a play, settings in a story, pure figments of imagination.
She could crush this world just as easily as she crushed mine. She does not have to live the fantasy if she does not want to. That particular setting must bring her enjoyment and calm her, or else it would not look so vibrant and strong in the face of all the hardships she is enduring.
The hardships of having a master who sometimes is not there, making her worry about his life.
The hardships of his sister treating you kindly, yet with distance.
The hardships of not ever being able to fully fit into human society.
…...And yet, here I want to simply live in this happy paradise, without even really acknowledging that Len could very easily have wishes of her own...?
...That is injustice.
If I were her, I would come back here every night. It seems like a wonderful place. A place where, no matter how depressed, or hurt, or anxious one feels, they can always feel safe here, and smell the fields and the slight moistness to the air.
"...I wish it could stay like this forever. Don't you, Len...?" I ask as I squeeze her slightly.
She looks at me slightly, and shakes her head. Is she... saying no? No... she's saying that it cannot, I think...
"Special places stop being special when you can go to them every time, Akiha. You have to make sure you don't use it too often, for it to stay special."
…...This is true.
When one does a certain activity, or has a certain food, or enjoys a certain thing again and again, it becomes surprisingly easy for people to just fall into a false sense of complacency.
If I came here every time, there would be nothing special about this place. It would just turn into a field, with nothing remarkable or special about it at all.
What makes it special, is the fact that it reminded me that I am alive. It reminded me that Tohno Akiha may be half-human and half-demon, but she Is fully alive. She is able to make up her choices, for better or for worse, and she is able to plot ahead and act accordingly to the response of any sort of situations that arise.
For me, I try to plot ahead and keep use of my powers to a minimum, to reduce the effectiveness and strength of my power. They used to be considerably harder to control, but since a year ago I have gotten much better at controlling when they enact... although sometimes it tends to be the result of a large amount of stress, and sometimes it is simply spontaneous, with no known problems.
...She is right, sadly. I still have things to do in life. I cannot allow myself to die yet...
"...But from time to time, I want to come back here. Promise me that, Len." I ask her this.
To this, she smiles, and nods happily, promising me wordlessly. And with another, gentle kiss...
...I wake up in my bed.
...Though... I do wonder...
...How can I ever repay Len for this... for what she did?
I am not used to depending on others like this at all...
Arc 2: "Reassembling a Shattered Soul" END.
Arc 3: "Yin-Yang Dualism" START.
Next Week (12/12/10) – Chapter 28: "A Lust for Life"