Chapter 28: "A Lust for Life"
Friday, November 1, 2002

...My eyes open.

I am in here. In my room. Daylight streams through the doors leading to my patio. Mustard-colored leaves sway lightly in the breeze that is blowing just outside, prevented from coming in by the shut doors.

As I sit up, I feel a soft form get up off my lap, and with a slight thump land on the floor and walk out of the room. It is a black cat. It walks off with its tail held high, as if it were proud of something.

…...How did I get here? Did... I really sleep the whole day away…...?

I try to remember. I... had a dream, I think... but I cannot remember what it was. Trying to remember what it was is making my head hurt a little bit...

Scant moments later, there's a knock on the door.

"…...Enter," I announce. In comes Kohaku, with a tray of sweets and tea.

"...Kohaku? You're here unusually early." I blink a little. She... should not be here for a few hours yet, should she not?

"Ah, well, Hisui-chan told me that you were in a really bad way yesterday, so I came by and arrived late last night," she says with a bit of a soft smile as she sets the tray down. "I've been checking up on you, Akiha-sama. You were looking pretty bad last night, but it seems you were able to sleep soundly, because when I checked on you around... mmm, two in the morning I'd say?" She pauses and her eyes roll slightly as she thinks. "Anyway, you were sleeping quite deeply and soundly."

"...I see," I say as I sit up in my bed. Kohaku places her hand on my forehead. "Ah, your fever seems to have reduced, Akiha-sama."

"...Fever, Kohaku? I do not remember feeling ill," I state as I watch her withdraw her hand.

…...Well, aside from vomiting next to Yumizuka-san, but that was more stress-caused, not exactly illness...

"Yes. You took a fever not too long after Hisui placed you in your bed, Akiha-sama. She got worried, because you rarely get sick enough to develop a fever, and that is why she called me a little earlier than usual." Kohaku folds her hands together, interlocking her fingers, at waist level.

"I see," I say as I look the sweets over. She clearly knew I would want some sugar for some form of energy. Normally, I would protest such... rich sweets, but... my stomach immediately reminds me that I have really not eaten since Wednesday afternoon with a very low growl, not unlike that of a dog.

"...Kohaku... if it would not be so much to ask..." I blush slightly in embarrassment at the loud noise my body had made. O... Of course I could not control that, but still...

"...Breakfast? Of course, Akiha-sama. It shall be along shortly. Please save the sweets for afterward, and enjoy your tea for now." She bows deeply in respect.

"...Yes. I will do that. Thank you, Kohaku." I sit up and reach for the teacup.

She smiles. "It is nothing to thank me over, Akiha-sama. I'm simply doing my job." She says sweetly as she turns and walks towards the door.

…...Sweetly...

…...Sweetly... yes... that's it...

"…...Kohaku."

"...? Yes, Akiha-sama?" She turns back towards me.

"…...After you are done, please make some strawberry shortcake, and serve a slice of it to Len."

Kohaku smiles and bows. "Of course, Akiha-sama." With this, she turns once more and leaves for the moment, closing the door behind her.

That is what made me remember the dream. The sweet smile of that child, under the tree. The child who wanted to help me for no real reason at all, except to see my pain and suffering stop.

…...Perhaps it is slightly unusual for me, but... after what Len did for me... and knowing full well how much she treasures strawberry shortcake... something like this, is the least I can do for her. As a way of saying "Thank you." She deserves at least that.

I sip on my tea. Flavorful Aki-Bancha. The warmth immediately is felt as it slides down my throat and into my stomach. It actually contracts slightly painfully, due to not having eaten fairly recently and the tea being quite hot. I groan slightly and clutch my stomach. My next sip is considerably lighter in volume, but I felt so thirsty–

…...Thirsty like in my nightmare. But Len took that away from me.

I think that was what she was pulling out... what was left of "him" perhaps. For that is all he existed as... a bad memory, a dream. That is Len's power, to manipulate such dreams. Such a task, for her, is probably trivial, and as easy for her to do as it is for a human to scratch their forearm when it itches.

I have had nightmares ever since I had killed "him" really, but they truly began to intensify only in the last month or so. I went from really only having them when I was under intense stress, to having them when I went to sleep with nearly any sort of problem or worry on my mind.

Perhaps Len could sense the malevolent energies in my dreams, and decided she could not stand by idly.

Perhaps she simply feels that she wants to look out for me, as well as for Nii-san.

…...Perhaps she simply wished to do a good deed.

Either way, she really did not have to interfere. She is Nii-san's familiar, not mine. She does not need to be a part of my life unless she chooses to be. That is why giving her something like cake, a simple thing to make, is the least I can do to show my gratitude. It is rude not to reward someone who helps you out of simple good will, after all.

But perhaps she has reasons for that. Perhaps she knows it would stress Nii-san if I were to take a mental slide.

Perhaps she knows it would be dangerous if I lost myself.

Perhaps she had her own reasons for doing so.

…...Perhaps she helped out simply because she felt obligated.

I shall have to ask her sometime, I think. Len does not speak very often, but as long as I phrase things in yes or no answers, she will readily nod or shake her head, or point. It is not that Len is mute; far from it. She can and does speak, on very rare occasion. She shows no difficulties speaking. It does not physically harm her to do so. Her enunciation is quite clear and crisp. It is just that she simply prefers silence.

My door opens back up. Kohaku has prepared a wonderful Japanese breakfast. Distasteful as it sounds, my mouth begins to water from the smell alone.

…...Then again, the last time I ate was that pizza after I had stitched up Nii-san on Wednesday.

"...Kohaku, how is Nii-san doing?" I ask.

"Shiki-san is doing better. He is still resting. From what Hisui-chan has said, you actually stitched him up pretty well. At this rate, you might even manage to learn medicine as well as cooking, Akiha-sama." Kohaku smiles.

…...Her praise makes me blush a little.

"Well, I did the best I could. I do not have your knowledge, or equipment," I humbly reply.

"I know that, Akiha-sama. Still, it was quite good. Good enough that all I had to do was give him a little bit of antibiotics, clean the wounds with some disinfectant, and drain the pus. As Jinan-sensei once said, 'Ubi pus, ibi evacua.'"* She waves her finger in the air as she imparts this little bit of advice.

…...Those are not wise things to talk about when one is quite hungry, Kohaku.

...Still, I suppose it is a good thing that I did a good job tending to Nii-san's wounds. I have no such formal medical training, unlike Kohaku. For me to actually be praised by her... that means I have done far better than I thought I would.

Such praise is not something Kohaku would dish out lightly. She is not someone who would grovel at my feet. Indeed, if she did, I would begin to suspect that she had gone back to the way she was before all of this happened.

"Well... I will leave him to you for now, Kohaku. After all, I know you will want your time with Nii-san as well."

"Yes. I will take good care of Shiki-san, so please, focus on your recovery for now, Akiha-sama." With a smile, Kohaku brings the tray over, and after setting a pillow upon my lap, she places the tray on it. "Please eat your fill, Akiha-sama."

"...Thank you, Kohaku." I carefully grip the chopsticks with my right hand. "Itadakimasu."

Kohaku smiles, bows, and after refilling my teacup, leaves the room to allow me to eat in peace.

And so, I eat. Usually I would be concerned about how much I eat, but since I did not exactly eat yesterday, I believe my body can afford to indulge a little on calories.

It seems like it was barely a few hours ago. Has it really been nearly a day and a half...? Perhaps my mind is that exhausted and was catching up on rest.

…...That may be a rational explanation, really. It... has been a long week. I have been under lots of stress, for a variety of reasons.

The start of the week began with me confronting Seo about the doujinshi she drew, of her and a girl that looked strongly like me kissing. And she got very angry, and rightfully so, when I accused her of making such... filth with me in it, only for her to confess the next day that after a mutual apology that it was, indeed, me in it.

Then, not long after that apology, when I was feeling very good about myself, Nii-san came home, and in fairly bad shape. I had to switch from being happy to being worried about his condition. It was not a very pleasant experience, and I definitely would not recommend such an emotional game.

…...Then, my nightmares began coming back in full force. Both were ugly, disgusting, horrible things. One, of a bloodthirsty, mentally insane savage, guided purely by the feeling of blood pouring down her throat and the most basic, animal, killer instinct. The other... arguably the bigger monster. A monster who not only loved dishing out violence, she got sexual gratification out of it.

"...These are not wise things to think about when one is eating, Akiha," I tell myself.

But... morbid as they are, they are true.

It is no wonder I slept so late... and if what Kohaku said about my sleep is true, I really could not sleep deeply until after midnight at any rate. Therefore, it is not too unusual for me to have slept so deeply.

…...And that is probably thanks, at least in part, to Len.

As I have noted before, I do not generally like cats, but if every cat were like Len, I probably would have to change my mind. Far from the pride, vain cat that most felines are, Len is actually a quiet, and somewhat shy girl. Despite that, if she likes you enough, she will make her favor known, and crawling into one's lap is something she is fond of doing if she likes the person enough.

I smile a bit at that thought, as I begin to more rapidly attack my meal.

By the time Kohaku arrives back in my room 20 minutes later or so, the tray is off to the side. Not a single thing was uneaten, and my teacup is empty once more. My stomach feels swollen, but satiated. Breathing too deeply is uncomfortable, and I feel like I do not want to move for at least the next hour.

…...Thankfully, as I had noted I would be absent today, all that would be awaiting would be some of the usual paperwork. That can easily be done quickly. I can make up for an hour of lost time, if need be, it just means my hand may cramp up a little afterward.

"I am glad you ate everything, Akiha-sama," Kohaku says with a smile as she takes the tray.

"Gochisousama deshita,"** I reply.

"...Wow, you really must have been hungry. Usually, Akiha-sama is reluctant to even eat 350 grams of food in one sitting. That had to be at least 500 or 600, ufufu." Kohaku giggles in the strange way that she always does.

"...Well, when one has not really eaten for nearly a day and a half, I think one is a little more entitled to have a larger portion, if they so choose to," I say. "Though if I ate another thing, I think my stomach would burst..."

Kohaku giggles a bit. "Well, please rest up, but when you're feeling better, today is supposed to be a lovely day, so try to get some air, alright Akiha-sama?"

"Yes," I reply. "Thank you once again, Kohaku."

She smiles, and leaves the room, taking the tray with her.

...Kohaku is really like a mother figure to me. She does look out for my well-being... well, it was only nominally, perhaps, until the incident with Nii-san, but ever since then, her care has taken on a very genuine and sincere tone.

The only thing strange about it is that Kohaku is only about a year and a half older than myself.

And yet... she was the only real stable female presence in my life besides Hisui. But while Hisui was the one who cleaned the mansion, Kohaku is the one who cooked and prepared things for me. It was Kohaku who ensured that my clothing was cleaned, my baths were prepared, my meals were cooked just as I preferred them.

…...In some ways, it is incredible to think she could have ever been plotting against me. But she was, at one point.

But, that is in the past. The past is not something to dwell on. Live for tomorrow, right Nii-san?

...I wonder. Will Kohaku ever have children? And if so, will it be with Nii-san? What would they be like? What sorts of life lessons would she teach them?

...Surely, they will not learn of what happened to her as a child until they were older. I see Kohaku fully guarding them with her life if need be, and there is no doubt that she would raise them well. Kohaku is an ideal housewife; she can cook, she has medical skills, she can clean... well, outside, anyway.

I think she would make a good mother. I think she would want her children to have a very happy childhood, and not have to grow up nearly as quickly as she, Hisui, or myself had to. Our childhood was stolen from us all before any of our ages were in double digits.

I think she would spoil them a bit. I would have to watch over her and advise her. And, admittedly... I would hope that I am in a sound mental state at that time... Otou-sama made a prediction on my blood, but there is no guarantee that it will hold true, and I have to be careful the rest of my life, no matter what.

…...Still... Aunt Akiha... I must confess, I like the sound of that.

A short while after I relax in my bed, I become aware of the pressure in my lower abdomen.

…...Well, naturally after having eaten such a large meal, it would be pushing on that, but if I have been sleeping most of the last day and a half or so, it is little wonder that my body has those needs at the moment. Anyone who has taken a basic anatomy course would know that the body can only hold so much waste products, and if those limits are exceeded, it can be fatal.

I walk, a little slowly and carefully, to the bathroom and shut the door, locking it behind me for privacy. As this is a western-style mansion, the toilet is also a western-style sit-down toilet, as opposed to a more traditional Japanese-style squat toilet. Either sort is fine, though I admit I am more used to the western style.

I unclasp and unzip my dress, stepping out of it, then pull my underwear down around my knees as I sit, leaning forward and pulling my legs together while I wait for micturition to begin.

"…...…Hahhhhh."

I can feel the pressure relieving as nature takes its course. I unconsciously close my eyes as the relief rolls through my body.

Eventually, my eyes reopen as the sensation of relief begins to fade, and I await while it finishes up. An odd shiver runs up my spine as my bladder empties, causing me to shudder slightly. I then push the button on the toilet to cleanse myself.

As the warm water carefully sprays along my anatomy, I shiver once more. It is... oddly sensate. Likely because I have just awoken. I have to slightly move my body so it is less direct. After a few moments, I gather some toiletpaper, fold it carefully, dry my anatomy, and stand. The toilet flushes automatically once I do so.

I pull my underwear back up, step into and refasten my skirt, and exit the bathroom. On Kohaku's advice, I think I shall take a walk out to the balcony.

Walking over to the door to my balcony slowly, I open the door, and look outside. It is a beautiful day, for November. A partially clouded sky, and the temperature is just warm enough to be pleasant to the skin, yet the breeze that blows gives the perfect amount of delicious chill.

Everything is bathed in a mellow golden glow.

"...Like..."

...Like in my dream. The dream that Len gave me after seeing my nightmare.

I sit down in my chair, and close my eyes and remember that place.

A warm sun.

The wind whispering through the blades of grass, like it were having a private conversation with you.

A promised dawn.

This place is the sort of place that one could look at every day in their life, and always find something new. A treasure for not only the senses, but for the existence.

An existence, outside time.

To Len, that place has been her refuge, her shelter, her place of safety for years innumerable. I feel... blessed, that she decided to share it with me.

A safe haven.

Even if I never get to see that place again in my entire life, I shall remember it always...

Truly, it would not be a bad place to be. It would not be a bad home to have, out in the countryside. Indeed, several of the other Tohno have such places, and it would not be inconceivable for me to have one either.

…...Though, usually my duties tie me to Misaki City. I would not be able to just up and go without warning. And I would definitely have to inform at least Arcueid-san and Ciel-san about my vacations to such a place, along with a way for them to reach me in an emergency.

That said, I certainly have the funds to buy such a home. Or even have one built. Indeed, that may not be a bad idea to pursue sometime. A home the way I want it to be. My home.

A home that I could have that would be free of pains and sorrows, even for Kohaku. A home that she could look forward to the sight of without having to remember all the horrors and atrocities that have been committed there in years past.

A home whose distance from society would mean that, hopefully, if the worst did happen and I did suffer a permanent Inversion Impulse, the number of victims would be minimal. Indeed, with nobody around, if I am extremely lucky, I would be the only victim – dead of starvation.

...But those are morbid thoughts for a day as nice as today. No. I should be leaving my past and my worries firmly in that very place – the past. In a year, Tohno Akiha will be eighteen. Two years until she is legally considered an adult by society and the law. I must begin planning ahead, and dwelling on mistakes or fears from the past will not do me any sort of good.

My thoughts are interrupted when there is a knock at my patio door. I turn to it. A pink-haired girl in a kimono awaits.

"Yes, Kohaku?" I ask her as I turn towards her a little more fully.

The door opens. "Akiha-sama, you have a visitor today," Kohaku announces.

…...A visitor? At this time of day? My mind races as to who it could be.

"…...I see. Please send them up here, Kohaku."

"At once, Akiha-sama." She bows and departs. I think about whom it is likely to be.

Not Souka, Hanei, or Seo. They are all at class. …...Well, considering the time, they are probably all still snoring for an hour or so, anyway. Especially Hanei, both on the sleeping and the snoring part. Hanei is virtually impossible to easily awaken, and there have been times where I would be woken up by Hanei's light shaking and cheerful calls of "Good morning, Akiha-chan!" only to open my eyes and stare into a face with goofy doodles and cat whiskers, and I would have to shield my face so that Hanei could not see me laughing. Souka's shoulders would be shrugging from stifling laughter for at least the next half hour... especially if Hanei forgot to check herself in the mirror.

Not Arcueid-san. She COULD be awake, but she is likely sleeping. Indeed, with me, shall we say, "indisposed" over the last few nights, it is fairly likely that both she and Ciel-san have had to pick up some of the slack. I would imagine she is not terribly happy with me, but at least I do have a bit of an excuse for the last few nights, considering that Nii-san did return home in fairly bad shape, and I did have to actually care for him and watch over him for that time.

…...Speaking of Ciel-san, she is also certainly a possibility. That would make sense. Ciel-san and I have a bit of an unusual relationship. Although the Holy Church may accept "natural" demons such as myself, they certainly tolerate them only because they are creations of God, in their eyes, as much as humans or any other lifeform on the planet. Ciel-san and I manage to get along and take care of this city's business together, but it is not like she would, say, like to go window shopping with me or anything of that sort. When she is not combating The Dead, she tends to keep to herself, or is spying somewhere, or some other thing.

However, I am also the sister of someone whom is an important ally of hers, and she knows I would never let harm befall Nii-san if I could help it. Therefore, we are cordial, but if I somehow do uncontrollably invert, Ciel-san would likely be the first to attempt to kill me. This is fine. Truth be told, I would probably prefer that sort of arrangement. At least I could be quite confident that Ciel-san would kill me. More importantly, if I killed her, she would simply come back... although she would probably not prefer to remember that.

The door in my room to this patio opens up once more. Indeed, my visitor has blue hair. But... it is not the blue-haired woman whom I had in mind.

"Yo, Tohno." The girl greets me with her usual casual wave.

"S, Souka...?"

* Latin. "Where there is pus, evacuate it."

** Gochisousama deshita - Common compliment said after eating a meal you have not prepared yourself. Literally means "It was a feast" but is more generally used as a way to say "Thank you for the meal."

Why is Souka here on a school day...? It is unlike her to skip.
It is also unlike her to visit me so suddenly and unannounced...
...But she must have good reasons for it, I am sure.

Next Week (12/19/10) – Chapter 29: "Strange Friends, Stranger Relationship"