Sam, feeling more rejected than Miranda Cosgrove, naturally burst into tears.

What sam didn't know was that lafawnda was super turned on by grown ass men that cry. She went over to Sam and tried to jackhammer his pants off.
"stop" whispered Sam
The jackhammer ignored him
"Stop" he said louder
Lafawnda paused
"what" said Lafawnda, annoyed
Sam held up his hand to show her his dora the explorer ring
"i'm waiting til marriage"
"fuck!" said lafawnda "ur such a jonas brother, i knew this was a mistake!"
Sam got up, sniffling, and went over to wait by the impala while Lafawnda waited by the statue entrance.

Suddenly Dean came flying out of the statue
"GO GO GO" he yelled at Sam.
Sam jumped in the impala and started the engine. Dean somersaulted through the window and they sped off. When they were somewhere around Michigan sam asked "did you find her?" Dean reached into his jacket and pulled out the most radiantly beautiful piece of fruit anyone had ever seen.
"I sure as sonovabitchin hell did"
"what?"
"sorry, i was just trying to sound more badass"
"well you sounded stupid"
"excuse me, at least i wasn't the one sitting on his ass while his brother fought nicholas cage and jackie chan"
"hey! i was lookout! and you never told me jackie chan was there"
"yeah, i guess they own a timeshare in florida and he came to help. speaking of lookout... where's lafawnda"
"she was right by the statue entrance, i thought you grabbed her when you came out"
"SON OF A BITCH"
just then, dean received a text. He opened it; it was a picture of Lafawnda tied to a chair. He got another text, and when he opened it it said: I've got your precious jackhammer, so come and get her back (hammer)
"that sick bastard! he didn't even have the decency to rhyme her name well!"
his phone beeped again; If you want lafawnda bring the banana, meet me in Louisiana
"wow, he really cannot rhyme" said sam

When they were somewhere around Utah (they both failed geography) Sam got a text; 尼古拉斯·凯奇的恶棍，我可以帮你找到电钻。
"wtf" said sam "this shits in like chinese or something"
"ignore it sam" said dean "it's probably just a notification from my Busty Asian Beauties online account, they send me those sometimes"
sam just rolled his eyes, and kept trying to figure out how maps work. After a while Dean just decided to text the number that they were lost. A few minutes later he received this; You're so stupid, but I'll take pity, meet me in salt lake city (it's three miles to your east).
"um... which way is east?" asked dean
"Never Eat Soggy Waffles."
"DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO! I EAT MY WAFFLES HOW I WANT."
"no dean, it's just a saying to help you remember directions... i think east is through those woods"
dean started driving east while mumbling something about pie. Sam's phone beeped: 他保持手持式凿岩机在地下室的一个塔科钟。
"OMG WHY WON'T THIS CHINESE PERSON STOP TEXTING ME!?" said sam, starting to tear up
"why don't you try google translate to see what it says" said the banana groggily from the back seat.
"BANANA YOU'RE UP!" cried dean (nick cage had chloroformed her)
"yeah, and you guys are such dumbasses... like literally... i could not have chosen two worse people to save me"
"jeez, you don't have to be so sassy" said sam "i'll go on google translate."
a second later same was like "OH EM GEEEEEEEEEEE! Jackie Chan has been texting us this whole time!"
"well, what does it say?" asked Dean
"um... it's kind of hard to tell..." started sam
"holy crap sam! if you don't tell me right now i'm gonna fucking summon lucifer on your ass"
"ok ok, it says something about how he doesn't like nicholas cage... and that Lafawnda is... in the basement of a taco bell?"
"Impala!" dean yelled, "Where's the nearest taco bell!?"
"what do i look like?! a fucking gps... I WAS MADE IN THE 1800S!"
"wait wut?"
"wut?"
"wut?"
"wut?"
"wut?"
"wut?"
"wut?"
"nothing"
"how the hell are we supposed to find her?!"
"hey! why don't we ask keifer sutherland!"
"what are you talking about?" asked dean
"look!" said sam
dean turned his head and sure enough, there was keifer sutherland hitchhiking with a baby. He pulled over
"Hey Keifer! get in!"
He got in, "Thanks guys, I just stole this baby from the president of the united states
"um... ok... whatever... we need you help finding my jackhammer in the basement in a taco bell"
"ok... just let me think... if we take into account the speed at which this car is going and multiply it by the number of buttons on sams shirt, that's 5,028 which is ¼ of the population of cambodia, which means that your car is from the 1800s and based on the number of branches on that tree we just passed... your jackhammer lafawnda should be in the basement of the Taco Bell at 67 Main street, 6 miles that way."