Disclaimer: Refer to the previous THIRTY-FIVE chapters and see if you still don't get it XD
A/N: Yay! I actually updated earlier than the supposed date again! If you all must know, I think this would be permanent until the end of the story, depending on my schedule. I go home late every Thursday for the new few weeks all because of my weekly meetings and I'm too busy accomplishing school stuff to even go online for a bit. But anyway, it's good news to all so there :D
Without further ado, I present chapter thirty-six!
Chapter Thirty-Six: Survivor's Guilt
A week had passed ever since Theodore Nott's untimely death and the changes in Hermione incognito were becoming increasingly noticeable.
The metaphorical sunshine that seemed to follow her everywhere she went was absent. Gone was the lively, cheery her, replaced by a sullen, brooding empty shell; she constantly chose to detach herself from the crowd and sit in an empty corner. The smile she usually flashed to her Housemates (the smile that had swooned a bunch of girls, actually) was gone. Her demeanor was almost pitiable; peoples' eyes hurt just to look at her face.
Dark bags were extremely visible under her eyes, which rivaled Filch's (which was saying something). Her cheekbones were more prominent than before. Some of her avid fans who creepily observed her during meals grew alarmed with the fact that she was barely touching her food or not arriving in the Great Hall for her meals at all.
One thing that they all noticed was this childish teddy bear that she always brought with her everywhere. They would all grow confused when she would look at her stuffed toy, eyes almost brimming with tears, before excusing herself from the class and staying in Merlin-knows-where until the bell rang.
The teachers also noticed her drastic change in behavior. Although she had forced herself not to enthusiastically raise her hand to answer a question, she was still known for offering the correct answer to the complicated questions asked by the professors.
Oh, how Professor Flitwick was astonished when he asked a question the class did not know and requested Hermes Austen, one of his best student, to answer the question.
"I'm sorry, sir, I don't know," she plainly said, empty eyes blankly staring at the Charms teacher.
Even Professor Snape, who rarely cared for such things, noticed the changes in her. Enraged, he had barked for her to go to the infirmary to get herself checked. Usually, Hermione would be affronted with such orders from a teacher but for now, she did not care at all. She stood up, head bowed low her nose almost touched her chest, before noiselessly going out of the Potions dungeons and went straight up to Moaning Myrtle's loo to cry her eyes out.
Hermione was so thankful to Merlin that Moaning Myrtle had finally found the love of her life. She was actually afraid that if the ghost was there to witness her numerous breakdowns, she would create a preposterous rumor and worsen her current mood.
The Slytherin incognito had noticed the strange looks she was currently receiving from the students. In truth, she grew more uncomfortable with their scrutinizing gaze, but the suffocating guilt she was feeling would be more overwhelming to the point of ignoring such looks from her peers. She knew she was slacking off; she knew she had not been following her schedule but for once, she chose to be mournful over something that should be rightfully mourned.
She long discovered that Dumbledore had never told them that she was the reason why Teddy died; that she was the 'friend' he was talking about that Teddy had saved. She had mixed feelings over the omission of truth. She was actually relieved that the headmaster did not reveal an important detail to the whole student body, fearing that Teddy's avid fans would join forces and make her last months in Hogwarts a living hell. But at the same time, she grew guiltier and more uneasy, thinking that they should know what had really happened during that specific Death Eater meeting.
What was worse, though, was that as days passed by, she more and more missed Teddy. Terribly. There were times when she would wake up in the morning and momentarily forget that he was actually dead. Her eyes would wander on his bed, expecting to see an adorable him greeting her with a cheerful 'good morning', only to remember the harsh truth and further crush her already-in-pieces heart.
She had successfully steered clear off Draco and Blaise. Hermione knew for a fact that they were itching to know the details. The blond even was audacious enough to finally ask her what had really happened but when she merely gave him a pitiful look, he had suddenly turned snarly and stomped to Dumbledore to ask him himself (but then, Dumbledore did not know about the details, too).
Hermione hated how they looked at her: pitied. She did not need a reminder of what had happened, thank you very much. She would have snarled them to piss off and mind their own bloody businesses if she weren't too keen in keeping the fact that she was the last person to be with Teddy before he died.
The brunette that time had stood up from the dirtied floor, haphazardly wiping her tears away from her face. Once again, she was in Moaning Myrtle's bathroom, alone and miserable. She had been crying an awful lot of time already and she reckoned that her tears would have long dried out. Apparently, she was wrong.
With a flick of her wand, her eyes lost their redness and puffiness. All traces of her breakdown were magicked away.
A rueful smile appeared on her face as she shouldered her bag.
If only her guilt could have been magicked away…
'Impossible,' she thought, before completely striding out of the abandoned loo.
Draco watched with weary eyes as Granger once again excused herself from Herbology, obvious tears gathering at the corner of her eyes.
He long discovered that she was the 'friend' Dumbledore had been claiming in his past speeches. It did not take a bloody seer to know it. Her absences… rubbish excuses… faraway looks… constant breakdowns… Those were enough proofs to him that it was Hermione whom Teddy had saved.
The gnawing emptiness he had been feeling had been present ever since Teddy's death. To say that he was devastated was an understatement. Although, it had bothered him immensely to see that Hermione Granger was somehow hurting herself over this matter.
Sure, he did not know the complete details. But he suspected that Hermione had once again tried to be reckless and save her parents, resulting to… that. He had been furious at first, yes, because of two reasons: obviously, her recklessness had caused Teddy's death and her recklessness could have caused her death. Both weren't exactly the most thrilling thing to think of.
But seeing her becoming almost sick and delusional with guilt? He thought she was mad. Mad, indeed! He knew she was blaming herself unceasingly for what had happened to Teddy. He would have blamed her at first, too, disregarding the fact that he had loved her for ages. But then, he was sane enough to know that it was Teddy's choice to save her. Not that she just suddenly saw the Killing Curse hurtling towards her and instinctively grabbed Teddy to serve as her shield.
Draco found himself glaring impertinently at Harry Potter's back. He was the reason for Hermione's sudden intense feeling of survivor's guilt. She had been awfully spending a lot of time around Saint Potter and his attitudes were rubbing off of her.
And it wasn't darn healthy.
The lunch bell rang almost shrilly all over the school and the students enthusiastically stood up from their stools after Professor Sprout dismissed them.
Frowning, he weaved through the hungry crowd, hoping to find Blaise and Teddy… 'Blaise only', he thought with a melancholic sigh. It had been a week now ever since Teddy's death but still, there were times when he would suddenly think of finding Teddy then realize the reality and further make him sullen for the whole day.
He glared at a scuttling first year, which bumped into him. A Hufflepuff, he discovered.
"Watch where you're going," he snarled. The first year was scared shitless and he whimpered, before scampering away from big, bad Draco.
The Malfoy heir was not exactly in a jolly mood as of late; thus, he shouldn't be blamed if he'd suddenly bared off his teeth after being bumped by a first year. And a Hufflepuff, no less!
Draco released a disgruntled sigh and continued his small journey. To his immense astonishment, somebody suddenly yanked him by his arm. A shout of surprise escaped from his lips and the next thing he knew, he was face-to-face with a glowering Harry Potter.
"Potter, a pleasant to see you," he snapped sarcastically, pointedly ignoring how the Gryffindor almost cut off his supply of oxygen, fingers tightly twisting his collar.
"Let's get down to business, shall we," Potter retorted back, his face contorting into an angry one. "What in Merlin's pants is going on with Hermione? Tell me, Malfoy, if you do not want me to punch you 'til Pluto becomes a planet."
Draco sneered. "Har har, Potter, your sense of humor had been improving," he said. "Having some secret training with Snape? I did not know that."
Harry's grip with his collar tightened and he did not miss how Draco flinched. "Just tell me, ferret, damn it!" he cried. "This is Hermione we are talking about and you and I both know that you cared for her. Hence, you should bloody know what was happening with her, seeing that you are her roommate!"
He scowled. "Who said I care for that bint?" he exclaimed back, cheeks coloring with anger. "Because breaking news, I do not!"
"Be serious, you bastard!"
He huffed. "If you continue to insult me, you bastard, then I suggest you let me go," he growled. "And besides, you have this weekly get-together with her. Why not ask her yourself?"
"I've tried to but she wouldn't reply to my letters," he simply said. "And besides, I really haven't found the right time to talk to her."
An amused smirk flitted on his face. "Off busy shagging with the she-Weasel?" he mocked.
Harry, with a dark glare, tightened his grip with his throat.
The Slytherin started sputtering and tried to pry his fingers off his collar. "Get your fingers off me, bloody Potter," he spat. "I might suddenly contract that so-called survivor's guilt germs of yours."
Harry grew confused, though, his grip with his collar slackened. "What are you on about?"
Draco rolled his eyes and tiredly sighed, all traces of his cheekiness gone. "Granger's blaming herself for Theo's death," he said, avoiding Harry's emerald eyes.
A deathly silence filled the whole empty alcove, save from the distant footsteps and voices of the late students rushing to the Great Hall for their lunch.
Just then, a loud gasp emitted from Harry's mouth and curious, Draco's mercurial orbs snapped back to his face. Realization dawned on the Gryffindor's face. "Don't tell me…" He faltered, his throat suddenly closing up.
"Yes, Potter," he said with a tired sigh. "She did."
A strangled moan escaped from Harry's lips and he completely released Draco's collar. He stumbled a bit and covered his face, as if in pain. Draco, dumbfounded by his actions, merely stared.
"Sh-she could have…" Harry looked up from his hands and stared straight at Draco, his eyes a mixture of horror and strangely, relief. "She could have… died."
"Yes," he firmly said, gritting his teeth. "I know."
"Why that bloody woman!" Harry cried, curling his hands into fists. "Thank Merlin Nott was there or else!"
"Hey!" Draco cried. "Give some respect to the… you know."
Harry gave him a sideways glance and grew sheepish. "Right, I'm sorry." And he meant it, which made Draco all the more flabbergasted. "I- is she all right?"
Malfoy raised a perfect eyebrow. "What do you think, Captain Obvious?" he spat, crossing his arms.
The raven-haired boy glared. "I'm just… asking," he replied. Harry then released a tired sigh and ran a hand through his hair. "Go away, Malfoy. I'm done with you."
Draco sneered. "Not a good host, are we?" he said, making a move to escape the alcove with Harry Potter. 'Oh the horror,' he thought, shivering.
"Malfoy, just… just go."
In normal situations, Draco Malfoy would have stayed behind and incessantly badgered the ever-great Harry Potter (oh, do mind his sarcasm). But there was something in his expression… in his eyes that almost scared him to death, urging him to turn around and walk away, never even giving him a glance back.
He walked away, dread in his heart, for he knew that expression in Harry's face. Fear. Every part of his facial muscle screamed 'terror' and not for his life. Goddamnit, for Hermione Granger's life.
After all, he had been wearing that same expression for months now.
"Mr. Malfoy."
Draco froze and turned around, finding himself face-to-face with none other than the Headmaster. He bristled inside. 'What's with people and suddenly disturbing my peaceful walks?' he asked, stifling his scowl. "Professor?"
"A word, please." Dumbledore looked eerily grim. Draco had no choice but to follow the Headmaster into a vacant Charms classroom.
He merely waited for the blond to cross the threshold before locking the door with a flick of his wand.
Perspiration formed on his forehead as he stared at Dumbledore. "What is it, sir?" he whispered, suddenly feeling a little nervous. "Is it about my… mother?"
Dumbledore looked fairly surprised. "Heavens no!" he exclaimed, offering him a reassuring smile. "Narcissa is doing well. In fact, she had been able to manage to walk around the gardens of St. Mungo's, which is a good thing, mind you, seeing that she had been too weak to walk to the comfort room before."
Draco released a sigh of relief, although a feeling of foreboding once again settled as soon as the grim look on the professor's face returned. "Then, what is it?" he asked.
The Headmaster sighed in exhaustion. Draco always thought that Dumbledore was very old but before his eyes, he seemed to be suddenly older than his true age.
He looked tired, he reckoned.
"It's about Miss Granger, Mister Malfoy," he quipped, his electric blue eyes connecting with his mercurial eyes.
His blood ran cold and he grew uneasy under the Headmaster's scrutinizing gaze. He looked away. "I'm sorry, sir," he slowly said. "But I cannot fathom why you are talking to me about her. You could have called her."
"Ah," Dumbledore said, gracefully sitting himself on the desk in front of the room. "That thought had occurred to me countless times before, my dear student. But I'm afraid I can predict beforehand what she would say." A small smile appeared on his face. "Both of us know that she is always too keen in hiding her true feelings, especially the painful ones, even if she is an obvious liar."
Draco smirked. Yup, that's Hermione Granger. "Yes, sir," he softly said.
The aged wizard nodded and brought his hands together. "Now, ever since Mister Nott's… death," he started, "there are obvious changes, drastic ones, in Miss Granger's behavior. I believe you are aware of that."
Draco's smirk disappeared and he nodded, his eyebrows slowly knitting together.
"Alas," he continued, "even the teachers are noticing her behavior and they are getting worried. I, for one, am alarmed by her behavior. Had she been eating, Mister Malfoy?"
He was tempted to lie, just to assure the poor old man, but changed his mind in the end. "Barely, professor," he said.
Dumbledore nodded, disturbed. "And her sleeping pattern?"
"Err…" he said, averting his eyes away from his face. "Not that good, either."
The Headmaster hummed. "Do you wish to tell me more, Mister Malfoy?"
He scowled. Was today "Ask-Draco-Malfoy-About-Hermione-Bloody-Granger's-Life Day"? Because seriously, he would punch the person who ever came up with that brilliant idea. "She's been crying an awful lot," he muttered under his breath, looking at his hands.
"Yes," the aged wizard said. "And do you have any idea what was happening to Miss Granger, Mister Malfoy?"
He couldn't help it but to sneer. "What do you want?" he asked, bordering rudeness. Upon seeing Dumbledore's eyebrow raise, he merely sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "She's suffering from an extreme case of survivor's guilt, professor."
"Indeed," he said, nodding his head once again. "'Survivor's guilt' is a very, very dangerous thing, Mister Malfoy. Especially if you are blaming yourself over something that is not your fault. And Miss Granger… she had been lately doing unhealthy things all because of this. Now" – his electric blue eyes stared squarely into Draco's eyes – "I am asking you, Mister Malfoy, to look after her, seeing that you are the closest one to Miss Granger."
Draco seemed surprised with Dumbledore's request. Heck, he was the closest one to Hermione Granger? It was Blaise, for goodness' sake! Blaise! Like how Teddy was closer to him than Blaise.
A frown marred his handsome face and stared at his hands. "I'm sorry, sir, I cannot," he said.
"And, why is that?" The student could detect the surprise in his headmaster's voice.
The Slytherin's frown escalated into a scowl. "Because… I just can't," he said. "I haven't suffered from survivor's guilt before, Professor. For Merlin's sake, I am sane enough to know that some people actually give up their whole life for your safety. Granger could not see that Theo did that to her." He paused and took a deep breath. "And besides, she's a damn stubborn girl. She would not allow me to knock some sense into her."
Dumbledore chuckled, ignoring his use of language. "Indeed," he said. "But I'm afraid you can try, Mister Malfoy. It's alarming to see one of the brightest witches of her age acting strangely. Aren't you? Especially with your current predicament regarding one Hermione Granger?"
Draco's eyebrows knitted together. 'What in Merlin's bloody beard is this man talking about?' he asked. 'And goodness! Should his eyes really twinkle knowingly that much. If I didn't know him better, I'd say he makes it a point to sprinkle fucking fairy dust in his eyes every morning.'
Which was stupid, really.
"I am actually not good in talking to people about their feelings," he chose to say, avoiding the old man's gaze. "Even I have a hard time expressing my own feelings."
Dumbledore sighed and thoughtfully ran his fingers through his fingers. "Nothing can be done, then," he said. His electric blue eyes grew grave. "I'm afraid the only solution to our current problem is to send Miss Granger to a Healer of the Mind."
Draco, unable to help it, guffawed. Boisterously. "Are you kidding?" he asked, gasping for breath. Goodness gracious, Dumbledore was serious. "Professor, please, you are further bruising her already bruised ego," he assured. "Instead of helping her, you're making it worse."
The Headmaster frowned. "You have a point there, Mister Malfoy," he said. "This is bigger than what I've initially thought."
The blond smirked and slowly shook his head. The old man was sometimes impossible. And to think that he was one of the greatest wizard, if not the greatest wizard, of the century. He was worried for Granger, all right. He hated watching the love of his life ('Meh') wasting her whole life blaming herself over something she didn't purposely do.
Both Dumbledore and Potter were quite ridiculous, he reckoned. But then again, she was… is Hermione Granger. It would be such a waste to see a great mind being overwhelmed by a serious case of survivor's guilt.
Wait - Potter!
"Potter!" Draco exclaimed aloud, realization dawning on him.
"Harry?" Dumbledore said.
The Slytherin eagerly nodded his head. "Potter could help her," he said. "He was the one who had been having survivor's guilt. Diggory and Sirius Black's death are enough proof. But look where he is now. Still alive and bragging off his lightning bolt scar. Surely, he had a solution to survivor's guilt."
Dumbledore looked absolutely delighted. "Why, yes, of course," he said. "Mister Potter, then." His eyes merrily twinkled again. "Would you mind telling him? I suppose that it will not hurt to tell him yourself, don't you think, Mister Malfoy?"
He grimaced. "Not at all, Professor. Not at all," he said. Deep inside, he was imagining different ways of ending his life before initiating a bloody conversation with Potter.
"Very well," Dumbledore said, clasping both of his hands in finality. "I thank you for your time, Mister Malfoy. And I do apologize if ever I robbed you off from some hours of studying. This meeting is adjourned and I am ecstatic to see that it had been fruitful. Good day, Mister Malfoy."
Draco inclined his head and watched as the aged wizard turned around, his periwinkle robes billowing behind him.
But then, Dumbledore turned around, a knowing smile on his face. "Miss Granger will be fine, Mister Malfoy," he reassured. "Ergo, I suggest that you start eating properly and getting enough sleep instead of fretting too much over Miss Granger's welfare. It is not healthy, my dear student. I repeat, it is not healthy." His eyes twinkled merrily. "Good day, Mister Malfoy."
Flabbergasted, the blond only watched as the headmaster completely exited the room. Once he heard the soft 'click' of the door, he hissed.
Damn Albus Dumbledore and his bloody accurate perceptions.
"What the – HEY!"
"Be quiet, Potter, if you do not want me to silence you," Draco hissed, pulling Harry into a hidden alcove. A bunch of giggly girls passed through their hidden place and the blond held his breath. At the corner of his eyes, he could see that the Gryffindor mimicked his actions. Wryly, Draco thought that the two agreed on one single thing: they did not want to be in each others' presence for a very long time and also be seen by other people together.
As soon as the girls' laughter faded away, Draco rounded about and stared directly into Harry's eyes, his infamous Malfoy smirk stretched widely on his face. "Now, the tables are turned, don't you think?" he asked. This time, it was Harry pressed up against the wall with Draco's fingers fisting his collar. And not gently, mind you.
"What do you want?" the Gryffindor snarled, looking genuinely annoyed. "If you must know, Malfoy, I'm famished beyond comprehension; I could even eat my own hands now."
Draco looked fairly disgusted. "I always deemed you barbaric, Potter, but cannibalistic?" he sneered. "Now, that is plain disgusting."
Harry, fed up with his antics, sighed and rolled his eyes. He roughly pushed the blond away and crossed his arms, glaring through his spectacles. "What do you want?" he repeated. "If this is to once again mock my go - ."
"It's about Hermione," Draco had cut him off, sounding irritated.
The-Boy-Who-Lived froze on his spot. His menacing position softened, his arms falling limply beside his sides. "Hermione?" he echoed, suddenly growing worried. "What about her?"
The blond rolled his eyes. "Are you daft, Potter?" he asked. "She's suffering from an extreme case of survivor's guilt. You once suffered from survivor's guilt. Isn't it logical for you to talk to her or… I dunno, give her some advice or something."
Harry grew thoughtful for a while, his forehead scrunched up in pure concentration. "I'll… try," he finally answered. He pointedly noticed how Draco's shoulders sagged in relief. "But I'm telling you, Hermione's one - ."
" – stubborn bint. Of course, I know that, Potter," he said. "I've been around her for ages. Hell, the whole school practically knows about her astounding, and really annoying, steadfastness over particular matters."
Draco grew serious and slightly threatening. "But for Merlin's sake, give everybody a favor and knock some sense in that nuisance, will you?" He scoffed and crossed his arms. "Blaise had been driven crazy with worry over her."
Harry's eyebrows rose, almost hidden behind his fringes. He scrutinized Malfoy, a small frown gracing his features, and shook his head. "You lied about one thing, Malfoy," he said, almost accusingly.
"What is it?" he hissed, glaring.
"You do care for Hermione, you jerk," he spat. "Denying it will be extremely futile."
The Gryffindor did not give him time to respond for he brushed past him, not even glancing back.
And Draco, ever intelligent Draco, merely stood there on his spot, dumbstruck and frozen.
Damn him and his transparency when it came to Hermione Granger. No, scratch that. Damn her.
A small squeak escaped from her lips when somebody suddenly pulled her aside inside an empty alcove. "Malfoy!" she exclaimed when she whirled around and saw the face of her captor. "What do you want?"
Draco, at first, smiled at himself, amused. Merlin, he'd been in either a hidden alcove or an empty classroom for countless times today.
"Earth to Malfoy," Hermione said, snapping her fingers in front of his face.
The blond scowled and swatted her hands away. "Knock it off," he said, annoyed. When she merely gave him a pointed look, he sighed and rolled his eyes, muttering sullenly under his breath a string of curse words that even made Hermione blush like a silly, little girl. "You have to come with me. Now."
"What? Why?" she asked, suspicious.
"Just come with me, you annoying nuisance," he said, grabbing her elbow and dragging her into Merlin-knows-where. Thank goodness almost everyone was gathered in the Great Hall already, eager to eat their last meal of the day.
Hermione recovered from her shock before digging her heels in the stone floor and halting him in the process. "Let me go," she hissed. "I have something important to do."
Draco turned around and glared, scrutinizing her form. His eyes wandered to her toffee-colored eyes and noticed that they were suspiciously too shiny and almost red.
She was about to cry again.
He tiredly sighed and pursed his lips upon seeing the teddy bear she had received from Teddy tucked snugly inside her school robes. His hand absentmindedly slid down from her elbow to her hand and tightly clutched it. "No," he stubbornly said. "You'll come with me."
Hermione tried to pull her hand away but his grip was just too tight. "No," she said, equally stubborn herself. "Let me go."
"You're leaving me with no choice, Granger," he spat, brandishing out his wand and pointing out his wand. The brunette was too slow to brandish out her own and the next thing she knew, she was petrified and almost hit the floor when Draco's arm suddenly wrapped itself around her waist.
He lifted her off the ground and broke into a brisk jog, pointedly ignoring the burning glare she kept on shooting at the back of his head.
And then soon, they were facing the bare wall opposite the tattered tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy.
Draco gently settled her down on the floor until her feet were firmly placed on it. With an arm still encircled around her, he walked thrice in front of the Room of Requirement until a door materialized. He removed the spell on her and before he knew it, he'd been the receiving end of a not-so-gentle slap from the brunette.
"What the hell?" he growled, massaging his stinging cheek.
There were tears already gathered at the corner of her eyes but Hermione was too infuriated to care. "You… you bastard!" she shrieked. "How… how dare you? What was that for?"
He snorted and glared at her through narrowed eyes. "I'm doing you a bloody favor, you nuisance," he hissed, removing his hand from his face to tower over her. He ignored the painful stinging of his cheek and continued to glare. "Heck, I'm doing everybody a favor and curing Hermes Austen from his so-called survivor's guilt."
She gasped, affronted.
"Oh, damn it all, Granger," he exclaimed, ignoring the fact that he was addressing her by her real name even if they were in an open corridor. "Stop with your wallowing of self-pity, will you? It's fucking annoying."
Tears trailed down from her eyes but he continued, unable to stop.
"And you are insensitive, do you know that?" he hollered, already seething with rage. "You are blind enough to see that others are worried shitless over you because you are not taking care of your bloody self!"
Me. I'm fucking worried over you, you bloody cow. I could not eat seeing you barely touching your food. I could not sodding sleep a wink hearing you sob loudly in the night. I could not fucking concentrate in class knowing that you've once again ran off into Merlin-knows-where, crying your eyes out. Damn you.
Oh how he wished he could voice that aloud. But then suddenly, the door of the secret room burst open, revealing an exhausted Harry Potter.
"Malfoy," Harry said with an exhausted sigh, reaching his hand out and clutching Hermione's hand for comfort, seeing that she was crying because of fury, exhaustion, and guilt. "Leave her to me. I can handle her."
Draco glared darkly, especially seeing that The-Boy-Who-Lived had the audacity to hold her hand in front of him.
"Malfoy," the Gryffindor said, almost threateningly. "Just go."
Draco looked from Harry to Hermione (who refused to look at him) then back to Harry before releasing a huge sigh, his resolve crumbling down. "Fine," he spat. "Just… just…" He pursed his lips, unable to think of anything to say, before turning around and striding away from the two, not even sparing them a glance back.
As soon as his footsteps were gone, Harry turned to Hermione and ushered her inside the Room of Requirement. He settled her down on the couch while he chose to stand up and unconsciously paced in front of her.
"Are you all right?" he asked, halting in front of her. "I couldn't help but overhear your… row. Thank goodness this corridor is mostly vacant or else, your secret might have been busted then."
Hermione sniffled and haphazardly ran a hand through her face, glaring into nothing. "That… that bastard," she hissed, more tears leaking from her eyes. "Who does he think he is?"
"He's just… helping you, Hermione," he said, slightly grimacing. "Although he could have done it in a gentler way."
She sighed and looked up at Harry through her wet eyelashes. "Why am I here, anyway?" she said. "Why ask the ferret to drag me here without my permission?"
The-Boy-Who-Lived observed her for mere minutes before sighing and plopping down beside her. "Why are you not answering my letters?" he said. "I've been owling you for days now."
She refused to look into his eyes. "I… have important matters to do," she said. And by that, she meant wallow in self-pity.
"Hermione, really," he said, running a frustrated hand through his already mused up hair. "We very well know you're a bad liar."
The Slytherin in disguise scooted a little away from Harry and looked down at her hands. "I-I don't know what you're t-talking about," she said, her voice cracking. She cleared her throat.
"Is it about Nott?" he carefully asked, enunciating every word. He noticed how her back suddenly snapped ramrod straight, her shoulders tensing. "Malfoy… told me you were suffering from an extreme case of survivor's guilt over what had happened to… him."
A sob escaped from her lips and he, startled, looked at her with wide eyes.
Hermione, on the other hand, desperate to contain her emotions, pressed a firm hand against her lips and looked down, refusing to look into Harry's searching eyes.
Just then, she suddenly felt his warm hand clasped comfortingly on her shoulder. "Do you… do you want to talk about it?" he asked. "About what had happened on the day Nott… died?"
She furiously shook her head, her tears steadily flowing down from her eyes this time. Harry could distinctively hear her muffled sobs behind her hand and his heart broke into two for his distressed best friend. He gathered her into his arms and just allowed her as she sobbed into his shirt, not minding the fact that she was soaking his uniform.
"It's fine," he said. "You're fine. You'll be fine."
"Y-you don't get it, Ha-Harry," she gasped out in between heaving sobs. "Y-you weren't there to witness i-it."
"What happened?" Harry murmured, starting to draw circles on her back.
She had grown silent for a while, except her cries. And Harry patiently waited for her to calm down. When she finally did, she started to talk, "I-I've seen him die." She shifted on the couch and buried her face on his shoulder. "I-I had been reckless that day. Selfish, even. I-I was so focused in saving my parents' lives. A-and then, Te-Teddy came and he o-offered to help me." Her crying fit started again but she continued, nonetheless. "Be-bellatrix Lestrange came" – Harry tensed – "a-and… you know."
"What happened to Bellatrix Lestrange?" he asked, spitting out her name like it was poison.
"I… Obliviated her memory," she croaked out hoarsely. "I-I even think I've completely wiped off her whole memory."
She sniffed and pulled away from his hug, staring at him squarely in the eye. Harry couldn't help but flinch at the raw emotions etched on her face. "I-it was my fault," she cried. "It was m-my fault, he died. If only I ha-had been selfless enough. If o-only I had thought about his welfare. I-if only I - ."
"Stop," Harry firmly said, and her voice died down. "Don't do this to yourself, Hermione. Don't blame yourself." She looked away from his firm gaze but he held her chin and gently forced her to look back at him. "Seeing that you were saved instead of the person who was trying to save you is painful, yes. And soon, guilt will form at the pit of your stomach and dig its painful claws deep into your whole body, especially in your heart."
He paused and ran a hand through her short hair, comforting her more. "But what you are doing to yourself is not healthy, 'Mione, trust me. I've been through that already, remember? Wallowing in self-pity and crying almost every time will eventually make you sick. You know, it beats the sole reason why Sirius and Nott died – to keep us alive."
Hermione, despite her tears, managed to make a small smile. Trust Harry Potter to say such profound words at the right time. His little speech had made an impact in her heartbroken, little heart, and although it had not completely healed the wound, it was starting to bandage up.
"Thanks, Harry," she said, awarding him with a sloppy kiss on his cheek. "That's the most comforting and sensible thing I had ever heard so far."
"You okay now?" he asked, also smiling.
She shrugged. "Not really," she said. "But… your words got me thinking and I actually agree with you." Hermione sighed and closed her eyes, absentmindedly wiping her tears with her hands. "Oh, but I… I-I miss Teddy so, so much." She pulled away the teddy bear from her robes and stared at it, looking at it both fondly and wistfully. "Sometimes, I just forget, you know. My eyes couldn't help but seek for his cheerful smile in a crowded corridor and when I realize that he's not here anymore, I just… I feel that gnawing guilt."
Hermione sniffed and looked down at her hands. "He didn't deserve to die," she continued. "He was… he has a little sister, Annie, who loved him dearly and it breaks my heart to know that I'm somehow the reason why her beloved brother died." She started crying again. "I couldn't help but to hate myself, Harry. That isn't bad, yeah?"
Harry pulled her close and kissed her forehead. "There are times when we couldn't help but hate ourselves," he said. "But, we should ultimately love ourselves first before loving others, isn't that correct? That's actually one of the basic rules of love, after all. It's perfectly understandable if you want to curse yourself, mercilessly, but not to the point of making others worried sick about you. I hate to say this but… Malfoy's right. Sometimes, we should actually check our actions and see if we are being too insensitive already."
She looked ashamed. "I'm sorry," she whispered.
Harry chuckled and fondly ruffled her hair. "What's there to apologize?" he asked in disbelief. "You're undergoing such a very rocky path in your life now." Something flashed in his eyes as he continued to stare at her. "You should be darn thankful you have roommates that actually care for your welfare."
Hermione smiled, thinking that what he had said was the closest compliment she ever heard from Harry Potter to Slytherins. Her smile then turned more rueful and she stared off into space. "You know, Teddy once told me he hated me seeing depressed. He said that it pulls his mood down."
"Well, there," he pointed out. "Wherever Nott is now, probably in Candyland, he might be frowning at you now for crying your eyes out, nonstop."
She hastily wiped her tears away. "I'm sorry, Teddy," she playfully said, eyes looking heavenward. "I'll try to be happy for you." A small smile appeared on her face. "Only for you."
Harry smiled at her best friend and couldn't help but to pull her into a tight hug again. Somehow, their meeting for today had been productive. Although he hadn't completely 'cured' her from her survivor's guilt, she seemed wiser than the time she entered this room.
"Will you be okay now?" he asked once again. "Are you going to start answering every bloody questions of the teachers and boasting your intelligence again?"
She giggled and playfully punched his shoulder. "Oh, Harry," she said. Hermione then grew serious and held Harry's hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. "I think I'll be fine now."
The-Boy-Who-Lived smiled and squeezed her hand back. "Good," he said. "That's good."
And Hermione, with a somehow relieved sigh, knew that no matter how huge the damage of Teddy's death had been to her heart, she knew that it would gradually heal, knowing that there are people out there who actually care for her and would help her through and through.
Review Responses:
Nocturnal Rose: Short review, but nonetheless appreciated by me! Thank you for reviewing :D
gemini rose: Haha, don't worry. You're not the only reader of my fanfic who cried. Thanks for reviewing!
Someonewholovesthisstory: FIRST OF ALL, I love your not-really-penname XD And I try my very hardest to update on time. I know updating late is frustrating. Trust me, that's how I feel every time my favorite story is not updated on time. And by 'reveal', did you mean Draco realizing it was Hermione's fault Theo died? If yes, then I must agree with you that their relationship did get somehow closer, instead of them drifting apart. And Draco's POV's? I think there was a lot of that in this chapter. What do you think? :D Anyway, thanks for your review!
Too lazy to log in: The scene where Teddy's casket was being lowered to the ground, just BESIDE Hermione's fake grave, was truly, TRULY sad. And when she was constantly apologizing to him for his death. T_T Sad, indeed. Thanks for your review!
Too lazy too login – Cinna: Another person who was too lazy to log-in XD. I think your review was cut off, or maybe it was just me. Nonetheless, I could feel your sadness through your review T_T Thanks for your review!
supbrawh: Wow, THANK YOU. You have no idea how much your simple compliment about my writing skills made my day. And to think that the previous chapter was un-beta-ed! I try my very hardest, especially now that I'm part of the Yearbook Club XD Anyway, thanks for your awesome review!
Marama: Pretending he's dead? Sorry to break your bubble, honey, but unlike Hermione's fake death, his was real. I think this chapter had quite established that already. Although I'm tempted to do THAT T_T I do love Teddy, too, if you must know. Anyway, thanks for your review!
silverwolf1492: Aww, you've read it in one sitting XD I wish I have the eyes and the time to do that XD My eyes are always killing me, if you must know. Staying up late is bad for my eyes. And haha, your request XD STOP GIVING ME BRILLIANT IDEAS :D Kidding, I do not have the heart to kill off Blaise, too. That's all :) Thanks for your review!
A/N: And, end! How did you like it? I personally thought that Draco and his various encounters with Harry and Dumbledore were hilarious. And aww, Hermione's survivor's guilt T_T Still can't get over Teddy's death. So, review! Speaking of reviews, I got a whopping 41 reviews for the last chapter! My god, people, you really make me cry. I'm hoping to get a thousand reviews by the end of the story, but at the same time I am NOT hoping. I think you get what I mean XD
And Merlin Almighty, have you all watched DH 2? It was EPIC. It was BEAUTIFUL. And it was the end of my beautiful childhood XD Kidding, but seriously, it was wonderful. I was heartily clapping, together with my friends, by the end of the whole movie (including the CREDITS part). We even brandished our straws and exclaimed "Mischief Managed". We received weird looks from people, but we did not give a damn =).
I cried countless times. I mean, which avid fan would not? I cried when Fred died. I cried when Hermione and Ron kissed (it broke my heart into a million pieces, seriously). I cried when the Malfoys fled from the war. I cried when Neville was in the scene (of LAUGHTER. Goodness, Neville was one of the awesomest character in the whole movie XD And to top it all, he was GORGEOUS! MATTHEW LEWIS WAS FRIKIN' GORGEOUS)
And Snape… OH MY GOD, SNAPE! I lost it when he was killed by Nagini. I FUCKING lost it when Snape's memory was viewed by Harry. "The Prince's Tale" was my most favorite chapter among all of the chapters in the whole series, and I am immensely glad they did it some justice.
I still cannot believe that the HP movies are done. I remember the times when a new year would come and I would anticipate the upcoming HP movie. T_T But, despite the end, Harry Potter will always be in my heart XD And there's still POTTERMORE, anyway!
So, that's it for now. AGAIN, reviews please! It would be awesome that together with your comments about this chapter, you'd include your thoughts about the movie, too. Probably, we could talk XD As you can see, I'm replying to your reviews again and I hope these reviews make you happy :D
'Til next Wednesday or Thursday!
With love,
WickedlyAwesomeMe!