Dean and Sam pulled up at the Taco Bell and ran inside. "Stay here and watch the banana" said Dean to Keifer Sutherland.
"God u guyz, I don't need a babysitter!" pouted the banana
Dean just rolled his eyes, grabbed his light saber, and ran inside.
Sam walked up to the guy working at the counter
"Hey Carl," said sam
"um my names tom actually..." said the guy
"apples and oranges... anyway, I was just wondering if you could let us know where the basement is?"
"I'm not really supposed to tell that to people that aren't employees"
"you know carl, i used to work at a burger king, and those were some of the most trying years of my life..."
Sam went on to tell a sob story about his years in the fast food business.
This compelled Dean to almost shoot himself in the mouth, except that
A) he left his gun in the car and
B) he remembered he had to save lafawnda, so
C) instead he just sliced Carl's head off, and busted down the nearest door, which
D) just so happened to be the door to the basement.
Dean started tip-toweing down the stairs
"um dean..." said sam "you did just kill a guy and bust down this door... I mean... they've probably heard us by now"
"shut up sam, nobody asked for your opinion!"
When they reached the floor it was pitch black
"sonovabitch! i can't see a fucking thing!"
just then a light turned on to reveal Nicholas Cage lounging on an aligator, wearing nothing but a cheetah print thong.
"pringle?" he asked, holding out the tube to sam and dean.
"Where's lafawnda" dean growled
"whoa whoa whoa, hold on there Fluttershy...why don't you sit down and have a drink first? let's see I have shirley temples, apple juice, lemonade... ooh! and I have some capri suns too!."
"you're kidding me right?"
"what? not a fan of capri suns?... I have a whole bottle of minute maid if u-"
"SHUT UP AND TELL ME WHERE YOU'RE KEEPING THE JACK HAMMER!"
"Dean?" asked a strange voice
"What!? Who said that!?" said dean, flailing around... the voice sounded familiar.
"It's me" said Benny, stepping out from the shadows.
"wut"
"oh dean! thank chuck! it is you!"
"slkfnvoasdilljfnsd Benny! wat are u doing here!?"
"He's my assisstant," cut in nicholas cage "he's the one who sent all those badly rhyming texts"
"Benny... how... could...you" choked out Sam.
"OMG SAM JUST SHUT UP" yelled Dean; He shot him in the face to keep him quiet.
"But... but... he... he... just... butchered... the english... language."
He looked up and glared at Benny while clutching his face. "You're a disgrace to vampires everywhere."
"Sam, go wait in the car" Dean said in his dad voice, Sam limped out of the taco bell, mumbling about puppies. Once Sam was gone, Dean turned to Benny.
"I can't believe you're working for this asshole!"
"He's making me Dean! He's holding... something of mine... hostage."
"What Benny! What is so important that you would betray me like this?!
"he has... my balls."
"your what?"
"my balls!"
Benny gestured over to a corner of the room that had a glass case. Inside were two big, shiny bowling balls.
"GOD DAMMIT BENNY, YOU BETRAYED ME AND WORKED FOR NICOLAS FUCKING CAGE FOR A COUPLE OF MOTHER FUCKING BOWLING BALLS?!"
"um... they were my grandfathers..."
"just... just give me a second"
They all stood around awkwardly. Nicolas Cage was getting uncomfortable on his crocodile, so he left the room to put some clothes on.