It only takes two seconds in the office to realize why Mary Margaret loves Dr. Cooper Friedman so much. James walks in with the car seat in hand just as the pediatrician swoops into the waiting room with a patient on his back, making airplane noises. He stops at a dad sitting in one of the chairs, smiling at the sight.

"We've reached our final destination!" Dr. Freidman bends down so the little boy can jump off. "Thank you for flying with Dr. Cooper Airways. We know you have many choices for your travel." He reaches into his shirt pocket and plucks out one of the lollipops sticking out, handing it over. He then gives one to the dad.

James smiles a little, walking past the doctor to the front desk. "James Spencer, 8:30 appointment."

The receptionist checks her computer. "I don't have a James Spencer."

James wrinkles his eyebrows. He had gotten the appointment yesterday, along with four confirmation texts.

"Is that your name or the baby's?"

James internally smacks himself in the forehead. "Her name is Sera, erm, Serafina Spencer."

The receptionist smiles. "There we go," she types it in. "Yup, 8:30. Just fill out some paperwork."

He's passed a clipboard and directed to the chairs. James settles the carrier at his feet and looks down at Sera. She's contently sucking her pacifier, still half asleep from the ride over. The car always put her down.

James looks over the forms. They're less intimidating than he initially imagined. Basic stuff like address, date of birth, weight and height. After filling out his own information, he reaches the portion for Parent 2. He hesitates. Some of this, he doesn't even know. Jack's current address, even her birthday, is a mystery. There's a line asking who is the primary parent and which one has custody. At this moment, they both do. At least that's what he assumes. He's meeting with a lawyer later on to figure all that out.

"Serafina Spencer?"

James quickly sprawls out Jack's name on the line, leaving the rest blank. With the clipboard in one hand and the carrier in the other, he passes the clipboard to the receptionist before looking up at Dr. Friedman. He has a goofy smile and kind brown eyes.

"Let's go back."

"I assumed the nurse would take us."

"I like to do everything in the initial appointment, get to know both of you."

James smiles a little, following him. The room is bright, inviting with yellow walls covered in baby versions of Disney characters like Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck. There's a baby scale in the corner, with a small exam table in the middle.

"Why don't you start by getting her undressed? Then I'll weigh and measure the little lady."

As the doctor washes his hands, James nods, undoing the tight straps of the carrier. Sera shrieks a little, calming once she's in her dad's arms. He lays her down onto the exam table and removes her onesie, diaper still dry. Dr. Friedman lifts her into his arms, instantly supporting her head. She's got a lot of hair, dark, just like her mom. Sera fussed at the unfamiliar touch, but Dr. Friedman silences her by humming a soft lullaby. She's laid on the scale, wiggling a bit. He writes a few things down on his clipboard before taking the measurements. She's crying by the end of it, her pacifier discarded.

"8 pounds, 7 ounces. 19 inches," Dr. Friedman reports. "And a healthy set of lungs, I'd say."

"She hates being put down. Is that normal?"

"Very." Dr. Friedman picks her up, passing the pacifier to him. James frowns, her screams tearing at his heart.

The doctor hums once more, settling her into the exam table and holds his hand back out. James gives him the soother back and soon she's calm once again.

"I'm going to check your head now, Serafina," Dr. Friedman tells her. "We'll start from the top and work our way down."

The exam is thorough. Dr. Friedman checks the soft spots at the top of her head, before moving to her ears and mouth. Serafina cries through most of it, especially when her diaper is changed so he can examine her lower half. James watches it all anxiously, tapping his foot and digging his fingernails into his palm. Dr. Friedman keeps saying "looks good", but not much more than that. Eventually, he pulls away and gestures for James to get her dressed. He sighs in relief, doing her onesie back up and quickly taking her into his arms.

Dr. Friedman grabs his chart. "Is she breastfed or formula?"

"Formula," James says. "Enfamil, it's what the nurse at the hospital recommended."

"And the reason she's not breastfed?"

James narrows his eyes. "Is it important?"

"We just like to ask. There's no judgement. Just in case there's a physical reason the baby can't latch."

James softens a bit. "No, uh, it wasn't Sera. Her mom…her mom isn't around."

Dr. Friedman nods. "Ah. I see." He jots that down.

"It's not a problem, right? I mean, she won't be stupid or something? I read some mommy blog…"

"I'm going to stop you right there. Stay away from the internet. It'll scare you." He laughs a little. "Formula is fine. Breast feeding won't put her ahead in any way, it's truly down to both parent and baby's preference." James lets out a small sigh of relief. Dr. Friedman consults his clipboard. "How often does she get the bottle?"

"She gets 3 ounces usually around every 3 hours. Sometimes she's super fussy so I'll give her an ounce in between."

"And sleep?"

James scratches the back of his neck. "They're supposed to sleep?" He gives a small smile, which Dr. Friedman matches. "No, uh, usually about 2 to 3 hours at a time. When she's awake, she doesn't do much outside poop and eat."

"Typical for her age." He looks up from his chart. "And how are you doing?"

James blinks. "Me?"

"Most of the time, the mom does these and I'll screen to see any signs of postpartum depression. Which, in this case, the mother really should see a doctor."

"Like I said, she's not around."

"I understand. But your mental health matters too. You're not getting as much sleep. I'm sure you're not eating like you used to."

"I'm…I'm…" James wants to lie and say he's okay, but the doctor is giving him a look. He's never been able to lie to medical professionals. It's something about the eyes. "I'm surviving."

"That's what a lot of the first months will be. Survival mode. But you need to take care of yourself and make sure you're talking to people about your feelings. Do you have any help at all?"

"My brother and sister-in-law. And a neighbor."

"Lean on them. You'll need it."

James nods. He finally showered the night before, when Belle insisted she'd look after Sera for a few minutes. Lathered in his leather scented body wash and letting the warm water wash over him was the closest he felt to human since he found out.

Dr. Friedman asks more questions about Sera's development and schedule, humming with approval every so often.

"Any questions for me?" he asks, putting the clipboard onto the counter.

James cuddles Sera closer. "She'll be okay, right? I mean, she's normal?"

"Perfectly healthy."

"I'm not totally screwing this up?"

"You're doing everything right. I promise."

"And she…I mean, have you had patients without a mother? I'm sure plenty without a father but a mom…I mean, kids need moms right? All that maternal stuff?"

Dr. Friedman shakes his head. "I'm a single father myself. I have a girlfriend but she's not his mother. Is it hard? Yes. Does he miss his mom? Absolutely. But I also know that I can give him everything he needs. Because I love him and I show up."

"Is that really all kids need?"

"They need a parent, at least one parent, that gives a damn." He looks down at the baby in James' arms. "You're here, you're doing your best. She'll be okay."

James nods, wanting to believe it more than anything.

"I won't need to see Miss Serafina for another 3 weeks," Dr. Friedman explains. "You can make the appointment with Eileen. Fair warning, she will need a vaccine at that one."

James groans. "I don't know who will hate it more, her or me."

"Most likes you." Dr. Friedman reaches into his pocket and produces a lollipop. "For being a brave dad."

James rolls his eyes but accepts the root beer flavored treat. He's gonna need this sugar.

"Hello?"

Jack's voice fills James' air pod. He lowers his phone onto the ground and begins to pace the balcony. Sera's baby monitor sits on the patio table, showing the baby sleeping peacefully.

"Hey, uh, it's me."

"Figured when I saw the caller ID. Is everything okay? Is she okay?"

James nods, then realizes she can't see him. "Yeah, she's great. Just had her checkup, a few days late. But she's healthy, everything's normal."

"That's good. I'm…I'm glad."

A beat of silence.

"James, you don't need to call me," Jack whispers. "I don't need updates."

James stops his pacing. "How can you not want to know? I mean…she's yours."

"Maybe, but this will be too hard."

James sighs, running his hand over his stubble. "I didn't even really call to give an update."

"Oh?"

"I talked with a lawyer. He's filing for me to have emergency sole custody. From there, we have to figure it out. It can become permanent, if you agree."

Jack's response is quick. "I'll sign whatever I have to. I mean, can I have my rights terminated?"

James grows quiet. It was so easy for him to say yes and take Sera. The moment he held her, there was no going back. He didn't even carry her inside of him for 9 months. James never felt those kicks or heard the heartbeat on the sonogram. Jack did all of that and is just as quick to let her go.

Jack sighs. "I know what you must think of me," she says. "I love her, you know? I love her so much. She's my daughter."

"Then how can you just walk away?"

"Because I love her enough to know she deserves more than me. I'm starting grad school, James. If I raised her, my entire life would be different."

"Like mine isn't?"

"It's different for you. You're established. Business owner, college degree, a stable place to live. I'd have to give up grad school."

"I could take care of her while you go."

"You have to work. And even if we figured out childcare and custody, I still couldn't split my heart to both."

"You could, if you tried, if you wanted to."

"I don't want to."

A soft sob crackles over the phone. James sinks into the chair.

"I wish I did. I wish when I held her, I felt that pull. The one that said I could become a super mom and be all she needs. And you're right, I could find a way. But the truth is, I never wanted kids. I want a career, to travel. I don't want a baby. And if I faked it, she'd tell. That'd probably hurt worse than a mom who was never around."

James considers it. Both of his fathers have let him down. Robert didn't fight for him and David after Ruth died. It hurt, but James barely gave him headspace. The real pain was George. The man who chose him, adopted him and still treated him terribly. James would never live up to the son his adoptive father wanted. To live with that pain and rejection hurt a hell of a lot more than the biological father he never even knew.

He doesn't want that for his daughter.

"You don't want to see her? Ever?"

"No. It'd just be confusing. Maybe one day, when she's older, if she wants to. But for now…" Jack trails off, sighing a little. "I'll sign whatever."

"I won't go after you for child support."

"Thank you," she whispers.

"Uh huh." He thinks about what Dr. Friedman said. "And Jack? Take care of yourself. I'm sure the school has counselors…"

"I'm fine, James."

The line goes dead.

"How can I hate her and understand her at the same time?"

Belle and James sit in the living room that night, two beers on the coffee table in front of them. Gideon is with his dad again. James still hasn't met him officially. He was supposed to come over tonight but Craven switched days because he had to work this weekend. Belle seemed annoyed but wouldn't press on that long. Instead, she insisted on hearing about the meeting with the lawyer and James' call with Jack.

She nods, sympathetically. "Because you may get her reasoning, but that's still your baby. You want more for her."

"I do. I grew up with two shitty dads. Not that I ever saw myself with kids, but I didn't want this for her."

"It's out of your control."

"But why? Why can't everything go exactly how I want?"

"I think you know the answer there."

James sighs. If he had it his way, neither of his moms would've died. There would be a way so he could have them both. George and Robert would disappear from this world forever. Sera, Emma, Neal and Gideon would never face an ounce of pain or sadness.

Unfortunately, he's not God. Just a mere mortal, a puppet, left to do the best with whatever life hits him with.

"The daycare called back," James says, changing the subject. "She can start in 5 weeks. They don't take anyone younger."

"What are you going to do until then?"

"Bring her to work with me. There's no alternative care and I can't miss much more."

"Make a set up in your office. It's not ideal, but it's better than nothing."

"What do you do? For work, I mean."

"Oh, I'm a speech pathologist." James tilts his head. "Basically, I help children with speech delays. I work at both the elementary and middle schools."

"That's cool. David stuttered a lot as a kid, I think he got speech therapy at some point."

"Gideon's not talking much yet. I'm having him evaluated next week."

"He's still little, right?"

"He's 18 months, not hitting the milestones."

James glances at the monitor. "I don't even know if I'd know what those are supposed to be."

Belle smiles. "Your pediatrician will guide you. And you'll have me."

She squeezes his arm and he looks down at her lingering hand. Chipped white nail polish. A charm bracelet around her wrist. No wedding ring.

He quickly shakes his head. Belle is becoming a friend. She's helped him so much and has more insight to offer. He won't screw that up by sleeping with her.

James carefully pulls away. "Another beer?" He swears he sees Belle frown but in a blink, she's smiling again.

"Yeah, sure."

He pushes himself up from the couch and heads for the fridge, hoping his brain will tell his dick to keep quiet.