*J.K. Rowling owns Harry Potter!
*Sorry I haven't updated in forever, it was for personal reasons, and I'll leave it at that.
*Title comes from 'Lover's Eyes' by Mumford and Sons!*
***Please leave a review, I didn't get many last chapter!
My house-elf bows before me. "Young Mistress, you have a guest."
Frowning, I close my book and get up to see who my 'guest' is. I exit the library and walk into the foyer, and I'm not pleased in the slightest.
"What are you doing here?" I ask darkly, staring Teddy in the face. "I don't want to see you!"
"I came to apologize," he tells me cautiously, as if he's just realized that this might be a mistake. "I'm sorry."
"You've apologized, and now you can go," I say harshly, pointing to the door. The idea of an apology was much better than the actual thing.
Teddy gives me a confused look. "Let me get one thing straight first. You plan to beg and plead for Holden to take you back, but you won't even accept my apology? Seems a bit hypocritical doesn't it?"
"No, Teddy. Hypocritical is encouraging me to work out my problem with Holden while you're ignoring your own girlfriend! Or have you forgotten about Victoire completely?"
Teddy shakes his head exasperatedly.
"Why are you even apologizing to me? Do you have a heavy conscience?" I ask.
"I thought you wanted me to apologize because we were caught," Teddy mutters acerbically.
I don't understand why Teddy thinks I'm in the mood for his sarcasm. "You don't understand how serious this is, do you?" I ask. I don't even give Teddy time to answer. "Of course you don't! You don't have to suffer the consequences of your choices!"
"What are you talking about?"
"You've kept Victoire in the dark about the entire thing, so you can go back to her like nothing ever happened. And it's not like you have to deal with Holden anymore, considering you've probably ruined your friendship with him for good! It isn't as if you cared about him that much anyway!"
"And you do?" Teddy questions.
I stomp forward until I'm jabbing my finger into his chest. "How dare you ask me that question! You know how much I love Holden! And it wasn't me who forgot I had plans with him in the first place! If it weren't for you, this would have all been water under the bridge and he wouldn't have ever found out!"
"Go ahead and blame everything on everyone else like you always do," Teddy mutters.
"As if you didn't have a part in this!" I hiss. "Hell, all of it was your idea!"
"You never objected," Teddy points out. "Well, I mean unless you count that moment where you totally lost it and almost got me arrested."
"I'm sure I wouldn't have regretted it," I say through clenched teeth.
"Whatever gets you back with Holden, right?" Teddy questions.
I'm absolutely enraged by Teddy's comment. Before I can form a second thought, I draw my hand back, prepared to slap him square across the face. Teddy reaches forward and his hand closes loosely around my wrist to stop me.
"I'm the bad guy?" Teddy asks, slowly letting my wrist go.
"Why would you say that to me?" I demand. I can barely stand to look at Teddy right now.
"Being with Holden's made you think it's okay to hit people?" Teddy looks me dead in the eye.
"Holden didn't-"
"Save it, Belle. I know you didn't give yourself that bruise on your chin," Teddy gives me a knowing look. "That's what you want to go back to?"
"Oh, please, don't make Holden out to be such a monster! You wouldn't have been his friend if he was!" I remind Teddy. It frustrates me how Teddy always has to be the most perfect one. He acts like he knows everything, and he has all the answers when he really doesn't.
"I'm not making Holden out to be anything. But go on and defend him. I'm sure he would do the same for you."
I narrow my eyes at Teddy. "You can't stand the fact that I'd rather have Holden, can you?"
Teddy opens his mouth to say something, then shakes his head. "I honestly don't care. Whatever choice you make is up to you. You're the one who has to live with it, not me."
"You've made that clear, haven't you?"
I turn when I hear someone coming downstairs. "Isobelle, are you speaking to some- oh, hello, Teddy," Mum says uncomfortably.
"Hey, Aunt Hermione."
Mum looks between Teddy and I. "Isobelle, you didn't tell me Teddy was going to be over."
"Teddy didn't tell me, either." I back away and start up the stairs. "I'm going to my room, I'm tired." I'm not really tired, I just want an excuse to get away from Teddy.
I look into the mirror for the first time in a couple days. Teddy and Scorpius were correct. I do have a bruise on my chin. It's sort of faded now, but still visible on my pale skin.
Looking at myself, I don't know what to think. How could someone who loved me do this to me? Even so, how I could I push someone I love to the point of wanting to hurt me? Of course, I blame everyone else for my problems, Teddy was right. I wish I could just learn how to take responsibility.
Slowly, I roll up my left sleeve. The bruise on my upper arm makes me cringe. It's even worse than the one on my face. How could I ever make Holden so angry? No wonder he hates me. I hate myself for what I did, too.
I want nothing more than to see Holden. I just want to speak to him, to apologize and to tell him that I love him very much, and I was stupid to ever think otherwise. Teddy was a mistake, and nothing more. Perhaps this was the wake-up call I needed to realize that I need to be a better girlfriend to Holden. If I tell him how stupid, and selfish, and irritating I know I can be, I know that he'll want me back. How could he not?
Someone knocks on my door. "Come in, please."
When I see that it's Mum, I roll down my sleeve immediately. She has a rather blank look on her face, and I can tell that she's got a lot on her mind, whatever she's thinking about. I wonder if it's what Nina was talking about.
"Good morning," Mum says absent-mindedly. I move to sit on the edge of my bed.
"Same to you," I mutter back. "Is Teddy gone?"
Mum nods. "Yes, he seemed rather apologetic," she tells me. I roll my eyes inwardly. It's probably just an act of his.
"He isn't really."
Mum and I are both silent for a while. "Isobelle, I'm sorry about Holden," Mum apologizes finally.
"Why should you be sorry?" I question lamely. "Teddy and I were the reason for it all."
Mum shakes her head. "I'm not saying what the you did wasn't wrong, but it takes two people to break up a relationship like that," Mum tells me.
I know she's trying her best to make me feel better, but this is my fault. Mum's only denying it because she knows I'm upset.
"Perhaps I should have married Holden. I'm sure we wouldn't have ever begun arguing, and- and I could have given him a son with dark hair and beautiful blue eyes. We would have been so happy," I say longingly. Now, I'm not sure if that can ever happen.
Mum furrows her eyebrows. "You said you weren't ready for any of those things," she reminds me.
"Holden was, and it was my job to make him happy. You know how miserably I failed at that."
"Well, I don't think it's doing you any good to dwell on it."
I look in the direction of the window instead of at Mum. Why doesn't she understand? "How can I move on from Holden just like that? You couldn't ever understand how much I love him," I assure Mum. I didn't want to be married before, and I don't think I do now, but I would do it if it means that Holden will stay with me.
"You seem a bit conflicted yourself. Sometimes, you tell me you don't like how he treats you, other times you accept it. Isobelle, you need to make up your mind," Mum tells me.
I turn to face her. "Of course, I had so many opinions. You would, too if you were allowed! But now that Holden and I may be done for certain, I know that I want him back."
Mum nods solemnly. "I suppose, but Isobelle, I can't help but feel as if you're ignoring your own feelings."
I'm sure Mum's correct. "Paying attention to my feelings is what got me into this mess in the first place. I mean, look at me."
"Mum gestures to my face. "You can't honestly believe that was only your fault."
"How can't I? Do you know what Holden said to me? He said he would have never cheated on me. But I couldn't even give him the same sort of respect. How would I deserve him to be kind to me?" I ask.
"You say Holden cares for you, but if he really did, he wouldn't have done half the things he did to you, Mum tells me.
I put my head in my hands. "I hate myself so much for what I did. I wish I could take it all back, but I can't, and I hate that. I've ruined everything. I think part of the reason I'm so mad at Teddy is because I know it was just as much my fault."
"And moping around everywhere helps you to feel better?" Mum guesses.
That isn't it. I wish she could be serious. "You know exactly how I feel, yet you can't give me the benefit of the doubt. Why not?"
"Because I don't want you beating yourself up like I did. Guilt does a terrible thing to you," Mum answers. I know she means well,but she needs to let me get over this at my own pace.
Rose bumps into me on the way downstairs. "I wouldn't do that if I were you," she informs me. She has a book in one hand and the other hand is full of sweets.
I stop. "Why not?"
"Mum and Dad are fighting again. It's like a nuclear war-zone in the living room." Rose gestures her hand over the balcony. She's right. Even from all the way upstairs, I can hear Mum and Dad shouting at each other. I sigh. Some things never change.
"What are they fighting about?" I ask.
Rose shrugs. "Scorpius, I think."
"What did he do this time?"
"Nothing I know of," Rose shrugs. "At least Dad isn't mad at you anymore."
I rub my chin subconsciously, then wince. "I wouldn't be so sure."
Rose puts her hand on my shoulder comfortingly. "Don't worry, Belle. Holden's a jerk for treating you like that. You're better without him."
I don't say anything back to Rose. I'm not in the mood to discuss Holden right now, especially with a twelve-year-old.
"Whatever they're arguing about, it's been going on for a couple days now," Rose informs me. "I wish I knew."
Rose looks at me and raises her eyebrows.
When I realize what she wants, I shake my head. "No. I absolutely won't."
"Oh, come on. They'll talk about anything in front of you! Or you could just listen in on them," Rose suggests.
"If you want to know so badly, then why don't you do it?"
Rose rolls her eyes. "Because I'll get into trouble if I do. Seriously, Belle, you can't say that you aren't as curious as I am."
Rose does have a point. I really would like to know what Mum and Dad are arguing about. Maybe it's for the same reason that Nina said Mum was crying.
I exhale. "Fine, whatever," I relent. Rose's face lights up.
"Belle, have I ever told you how much I love you?"
"Not recently," I mutter, continuing down the stairs. I look up at Rose again. She shoos her hand at me, an eager expression on her face. I really need to stop doing what Rose tells me.
I go down the long hallway until Mum and Dad's voices are clear enough for me to hear.
"Draco, I swear if you do this, I'll never forgive you!" Mum says fiercely.
"At this point, I honestly don't care whether you do or not! This isn't about you! It's about Scorpius!" Dad argues back.
"Scorpius is just a boy! Do you honestly think you're doing him any kind of favors, planning out his entire life for him?" Mum questions.
"I am, Hermione! Excuse me for trying to give my son a chance!"
"Scorpius is my son, too! Sometimes, Draco, I think you forget that!" Mum shouts. I pray that Dad doesn't get into technicalities.
I hear Dad sigh. "Hermione, I'm Scorpius' father. I know what's best for him. In this case, the marriage would be good for him. He's even agreed to it, and I'm sure that doesn't happen often." Marriage? Scorpius hasn't even hit puberty yet.
"You're completely overlooking the fact that Scorpius is twelve! What if he changes his mind about Daisy by the time he's old enough to marry her? What then?" Mum asks. They must be arguing about Scorpius and Daisy being married one day. Still, I wouldn't see that as something for Mum to cry over.
"It isn't like that's going to happen. They've known each other since before they could walk. This would be great for Scorpius, Hermione. He'd have a respectable wife, we're already friends with the Zabinis, and their children would be-"
"Would be pureblood? Is that what you're worried about, Draco?" Mum demands.
"It is, Hermione. Don't you understand? I'm not doing this for any thoughts of superiority, I'm doing this so that Scorpius can actually belong somewhere!"
I understand Dad completely. I just wish Mum wouldn't be so stubborn about it. "And this is the only way to do it? This isnt fair."
"Hermione, raising Scorpius as a pureblood, then having him not fit into that lifestyle would be unfair!"
"Does rasing Scorpius as a pureblood mean not letting him enjoy anything? You're going to take his life away from his before he has a chance to live it! You make him so concerned with pleasing us that he's afraid to make any sort of mistakes! He's changed Draco, he's...he's turning into you!" Mum realizes.
It was such a mistake for her to say that. I know that will make Dad angry.
"What a surprise, Hermione, that my son is anything like me! Hopefully, his marriage will last, and he won't have to be on his third engagement!"
I hope Dad doesn't mean what I think he does. "Are you implying something, Draco?" Mum asks, dangerously quiet. "What'third engagement'?"
Dad makes a groaning sound. "Don't be so extreme, I wasn't referring to anyone after you. I was promised to Pansy before- well, before Isobelle happened," Dad tells Mum. I know my existence is a mistake, but knowing he was to be married to Pansy, I'm sure Dad's glad I happened.
"I should have known, the way you two were always so close to each other," Mum mutters in a suggestive tone.
"Oh, please. We both know that Pansy is an idiot, and that relationship had no emotion behind it whatsoever. Besides, I was much younger than Scorpius when I was told about my marriage. "
"How old were you?" Mum questions.
"About eight or nine. And I thought nothing of it, because it was what was expected of me, just the same as Scorpius," Dad answers. He's right. Pretty much his entire life, Scorpius has allowed Dad to mold him perfectly. He's rarely ever complained.
"I don't believe this," Mum says in a defeated tone. "Scorpius is a human being, not your pawn! He should be able to make his own choices, not follow a path you've laid out for him!"
"Scorpius agreed to this and, Hermione, I honestly don't need any more of your input, not that I ever asked for it in the first place! At least I'm concerned about being a father! Weasley not wanting to see his children has nothing to do with me!" Dad shouts.
Not wanting to see his children? What kind of parent just refuses completely to see their child? Well, there's Mum... but she at least had some sort of a reason.
"According to him it does, Draco. Apparently he'd rather not be involved with Rose and Hugo now that I've married you. That isn't fair to them at all."
It takes me all of a second to realize this was why Mum was crying. Anything to do with Ron and her children makes Mum completely sad and emotional. I just wish she would forget about him for good.
"This is the last thing you want to hear, but if that's how Weasley feels, then it's probably better that he isn't in Rose or Hugo's lives," Dad reasons. I know Mum won't be willing to accept that possibility so easily. She's extremely stubborn and dead-set on Ron somewhat being in her childrens' lives.
"Draco, they at least deserve the opportunity to know their father- their biological father," Mum adds matter-of-factly.
"If Weasley doesn't want to see his children- if he'd rather forget that he has any children- what would make you think he would be kind to Rose or Hugo, given the chance to meet them?"
"Draco, I know how you feel about Ron, but will you put that aside a moment-"
"I'm not that immature. Feelings discarded, it's a horrible idea. Things are going fine without Weasley, I don't see why you would want to upset that." Hopefully Dad can talk some sense into Mum.
"Things were going fine without Astoria, too," Mum counters, and edge to her voice.
"Are you seriously going to play that card?" Dad demands.
"And now, you're even crazier about Scorpius than you ever were! Are you forgetting that you have three other children and Isobelle?" I don't particularly like the way Mum says 'and Isobelle'.
"Of course not, Hermione. And what about Isobelle?" Dad questions.
"You keep talking about Scorpius being married, when you have a child that's around the actual age for it! This is what you always do between the two of them!"
"Please tell me, what do I always do?" Dad questions. I know exactly what Mum's talking about.
"You're raising Scorpius like he's the oldest, and not Isobelle! How do you think she feels knowing that Scorpius is more likely to be married than she will? You've already stressed the fact to her that aside from her inheritance, she won't get a thing from you!" Mum reminds dad heatedly.
I've gotten to the point where it doesn't really bother me anymore. Ever since we found out Scorpius was going to be a boy, Dad has been preparing me for this. I always knew that whether I was married or not, Scorpius would be. And whenever he does marry, he gets Malfoy Manor and everything that comes with it. Even when Dad dies, Scorpius will get everything from him and I nothing. Even if Scorpius and I had the same parents, things would still be that way because I was born a girl. The only way I could possibly inherit the Manor is if Scorpius dies before he has a child. To me, it just isn't worth it.
"To be completely honest, Hermione, I'm certain Scorpius would much rather be in Isobelle's place! I know I would have! At least she can choose who she wants to marry, and she doesn't have any expectations of her!" Dad argues.
I know from his standpoint, it must seem amazing to be that way. In reality, I'd want nothing more than to actually belong amongst one of my parents' backgrounds. I'm still not comfortable enough around muggle things to fit in with Mum, yet my blood isn't 'pure' enough to live the life I've been raised to have. Honestly, I'd much rather be muggle-born than a half-blood. It's better to be at one end of the spectrum than in the middle.
"Do you not think it hurts Isobelle to see you give Scorpius so many opportunities and her so little?" Mum questions.
"If that's your argument, then what about Hugo, Rose, or Nina?" Dad reminds Mum.
"They're Scorpius' step-siblings! They know the difference! And Nina is six. None of them were really brought up with Scorpius like Isobelle was! What are you so bent on, anyway?"
"You don't understand," Dad says finally.
"I don't understand what, Draco?" Mum's voice is softer.
"You don't understand how much I've managed to ruin for this- the Malfoy- family in a single generation, and it's my job to fix it. The only way I'm able to do that is through Scorpius. You may not like it, but it's what has to be done. I honestly believe that Scorpius has the potential to be a much better man than I ever could be, and I want his upbringing to reflect that," Dad explains.
"What reason would you have to believe that it hasn't?" Mum asks.
"The last time Astoria came over, she told me that she doesn't believe Scorpius is being raised the way he should be," Dad informs Mum. I don't understand why anything Astoria says would ever bother Dad. It hasn't for seven years.
Mum doesn't say anything for a long while. "Why would you listen to a word she says?"
"Believe me, I know that Astoria is a terrible, self-centered human being. That's why I'm sure that if she ever felt Scorpius would be a bad reflection upon her, she would say so," Dad reasons. He does have a pretty good point. Whether she raised him or not, Astoria would like nothing more than to present a 'perfect, pureblooded son' to the world. A son she never even wanted.
Mum sighs. "Draco, you know how I feel about this..."
"I know, Hermione. But this really is for the better. You'll see," Dad assures her.
Mum and Dad don't say anything more after that, and I suppose they've resolved the whole thing.
What am I supposed to tell Rose? That Scorpius has an arranged marriage and Mum thinks Dad's putting Scorpius above the rest of us? I don't think she would be interested in any of that.
But I couldn't possibly mention to her that her own father wants nothing to do with her or Hugo. That would absolutely crush her.
(A/N: So, yeah, Belle wants Holden back. Honestly, it's not like she would have thought she could made it long without him. That's what happens in those sort of relationships. And yeah, Ron's a bit of a loser (in this story, at least). But in this situation, I'm sure this is how he's act, like that little kid pouting in the corner. Sorry again I kept you all waiting! Thanks for reading! Leave a review!)