Chapter 40: "I Won't Become The Thing I Hate!"
I feel the heat blast through my body as I let go. Letting go of myself is a rather difficult sensation to describe, but I suppose a rough analogy would be the feeling most people would get after having avoided being struck by a vehicle by a distance of six inches, while simultaneously having your head pound like a red-hot railroad spike was being beaten into it with a 5-kilogram hammer, your eyeballs burning as if they were getting sandpapered and then salted, and your tongue and lips sizzling and crackling like they were dipped in battery acid.
I feel my hair lengthen. I feel my blood boiling, my nerves firing, my muscles tighten. My teeth bare themselves automatically as my hands curl into claws, and then fists, all on their own. My heart begins to surge inside of my chest, like some out-of-control clock. My chest begins surging, heaving, thrashing as if it were some feral beast. The breath that comes from my mouth is of heat, and the noises from my throat sound like the very chattering of death. I feel heat, adrenaline, and power surge through every fiber of my being.
This feeling that you are barely alive, and yet, that you have never been more alive, all at the same time. An adrenaline high, unlike any other.
It is paradoxical. A human should not feel most alive right before they die... and yet they do. Because they know that their life may come to an end, in an instant. One moment, they are thinking, and reacting, and then a brief, sharp pain... and a black void envelops the senses, with all connections to the brain being lost upon their fatality.
That is how I feel whenever I am in the state that is called "Crimson Red Vermilion." A state brought on by the "Inversion Impulse." A state that I have killed my human side, in exchange for the cursed powers of my bloodline. Powers that turn me into a highly efficient killer, if only I would stop having morality and a conscience...
When Tohno Akiha is in this state, she is no longer human. Instead, she becomes a demon, in a human's skin. The demon brain, naturally, wants to control the demon body... but the human mind is the form a Tohno learns to make their primary one, as opposed to the Kishima, who live by the way of the demon, only adopting a human mentality upon its necessity.
The human side of her must struggle to maintain its grip on her psyche. If it fails... Tohno Akiha could walk out of this ride, and every single person in her sight would begin inexplicably dropping dead. According to what Nii-san has told me about my abilities, it would look like the amusement park is home to some gigantic spider, whose gossamer crimson threads bind and hold all of her prey, sucking all of the warmth and fluids out of their body, until withered, desiccated husks of men, women, and children lay lifelessly on the ground.
That said... with "his" influence gone, it is a surprisingly quiet malevolence. No whispers... no suggestions... just a desire for gratuitous, wanton violence. Not madness. Not the desire to dominate. Nothing of those sorts. Just... simple thoughts. Exterminate. Destroy. Kill.
...But I have resisted their voices before. They were stronger then. They are far more feeble now. For only one person is in control of the mind of Tohno Akiha, even if two sides of her are in a fight to the death.
That person is neither the "human" side of Tohno Akiha, nor the "Demon" side of Tohno Akiha. No, the only person who ever fully controls Tohno Akiha's destiny...
…...Is Tohno Akiha herself.
I grip the pillar firmly with my hands, and begin to push against it with all my power. Even in this form, this pillar feels heavy and thick. But with effort, and strain, it begins to slowly budge. I feel my teeth grind against each other, and I can feel my arms and legs already beginning to plead with me to simply stop lifting the pillar.
"...T-Tohno-senpai?ǃ" The stunned voice of Seo Akira... from the sound of which, there is absolutely no doubt that she has to be looking at me.
But I am not paying attention to her. Right now I just want to get this off of her legs, get the blood flowing, and get all this weight off her legs and her ankles before it snaps under the contortion... and to do it before my mind decides to press the pillar down even harder, ensuring that, at best, Seo Akira would be having what could quite possibly be the first broken bones of her life.
"Crawl out from there, Seo! I can't hold this thing forever!" I shout back at her. For such a relatively small thing, the weight of this object surprises me. There is no doubt it is, at minimum, three times my body weight. It has to be heavy; this sort of thing is meant to bear the weight of some of the structure. It is not something I would usually be able to lift; even someone the weight of myself or Seo would be difficult to do normally. In this state, I can do it, but that does not make it easier. I am taxing my body well beyond normal limits. The slight grinding I feel in my bones, and the very present shaking of my arms and legs, is proof of that.
I hear Seo begin to crawl out from it as I have it lifted, my fingers hooked like claws, my arms trembling slightly with strain. I wait until I see she is well clear of where it fell, and then I let go. It slams back into the floor with a resounding WHAM, and I feel pain from straining my body blast through my arm muscles. I collapse to the floor, panting, shaking.
"T-Tohno-senpai..." Seo's voice. A voice of shock, of horror. "Did... did you go... Super Saiy–"
...Shit.
She DID see it then. Damn it... Damn it! I didn't want her to! I told her not to look, for that very reason! And she had to!
"Just stay there and don't move! Don't worry about me, I'm fine!" I yell back, my voice hoarse and shaky. The natural, immediate urge has already come up.
The urge of "Kill anyone who finds out about your secret."
Kohaku and Hisui were the only ones who were supposed to know. Nii-san found out my secrets on his own. To be fair, living with these people... those sorts of secrets tend to be the kind one cannot hide forever.
...But outside of that group, is the people of this world. Those beyond my gate. And even though they are my friends, Hanei, Seo, and Souka all count among these here.
…...But I do not want to kill them. I easily could, but just because one can do something, does not mean that one should do something.
...No. I will not give in to this urge. Even though Seo knows my secret... my secret loses to my friends, eventually, no matter what.
So... I practice my breathing technique once more.
Breathe. Deeply. Slowly. Inhale positive, good energy with every deep breath. Exhale negative, bad energy with the accompanying deep sigh.
Inhale... Exhale. Positive in, negative out. Equivalent exchange.
Get rid of the killing feelings, the desire to take this pillar and slam it on Seo over and over until she is paste, laughing at the noise of the crunching until it just becomes a squishing, watching the limbs twitch as the muscles get confused by the random, errant electrical activity still left in them...
Looking up at her, I can see that Seo lays still as a corpse after a moment or two of fidgeting. The feeling of one's limbs falling asleep is never a pleasant one, especially not the legs... especially the WHOLE leg.
...She is definitely looking at me. Her eyes, widened with surprise. A glance reveals my hair is still reddened.
…...Damn. There is definitely no hiding this from her anymore. Not from her, at least...
I close my eyes, and focus solely on my breathing, driving away the thoughts of how to handle my secret with Seo for now. I think about nothing else but slowing my body down, banishing those thoughts.
After a few moments, the lust to kill begins to ebb. The demon blood in me slowly recedes. The human side of Tohno Akiha once more takes over as the dominant of her two personalities. Like a slowly dying flame, the enhanced strength from that side flickers in a few final, desperate, agonal breaths, before it disappears completely.
With a sigh, I open my eyes. My thinking is clear once more. I get up from my hands and knees, and I walk over to Seo, kneeling down by her. She looks at me, eyes dancing with questions.
"...Your hair's black again... what happened...?" Her green eyes blink as they look into my blue ones, as the first question of what are sure to be many come out of her mouth.
"...It would be difficult to explain, Seo," I reply. "It is not something you were meant to see, but I was also not going to live with the guilt of you being possibly wheelchair-bound for the rest of your life if I did nothing," I admit. There is no point in hiding any more secrets now – the one she knows is the worst of them all.
"...Tohno-senpai?" She looks at me, blinking. She looks very confused, disoriented.
"...Do not tell Hanei of what you saw. Do not tell ANYONE of what you saw. Or if you do, you will regret it for the rest of your life, and I am NOT joking, Seo." I give her my coldest stare possible, to ensure she gets the point.
"...A...Alright..." She swallows slightly.
I sigh. "Good. Can you move your legs yet?" I look her over.
She sits up slightly, and moves them slowly. "They still feel a bit funny..." She reaches down and massages her left calf a little bit.
"They probably will. Blood is flowing back in and out of them, after all, and you might be sore for a day or two." I feel her right calf slightly. Yes, the muscle tone is fine, so there is no damaged nerves. She winces slightly when I touch the regions closer to where the pillar had rolled over them, feeling pain... another good sign.
"Hmm. You are going to be sore for a few days. You will be fine after that, but for at least the next few days, you should focus on taking things easy, and not stressing your legs any more than you have to. Perhaps take tomorrow off from class."
"...I'll see how I feel in the morning, Tohno-senpai... right now, I might..." She stretches her legs out, wincing as the blood flows back through them, and with it, the pain from moving them. "...So... what happened, Tohno-senpai?"
I sigh. I cannot explain it away... and I know there is no point to lie. So I suppose the next best thing will be to wait until later, when we can have some privacy.
"...If you are given the okay to leave, I will tell you at my home. But not before then. I do not want Hanei to find o–"
"AKIRA-CHAN!"
Almost as if on cue, Hanei runs in, with two rather fit, strong looking men. "Akira-chan! Are you okay?ǃ" She runs over to her, hugging her close. Seo wrinkles her nose, obviously being too kind to tell Hanei she smells a little like... well, urine.
"Y-Yeah, I'm fine, Hanei-san. Tohno-senpai managed to lift that thing up just enough for me to squeeze my legs out, barely..." She once more flexes her legs.
…...That excuse will be good enough, I suppose.
Hanei lets go of Seo and runs over to me, hugging me quite firmly. "Wow, Akiha-chan! You're so strong and brave!" As if it were a move in some bizarre hentai fighting game, Misawa Hanei once more pushes my head into her chest.
Between being pushed into Hanei's cleavage and feeling her wrapping her arms and squeezing them into the small of my back hard, I feel like I am being smothered. What makes it worse... this is the second time this has happened today... within the last two hours.
"...Hanei... loosen... your grip..." I try to push her away slightly so I can get some air.
"O-Oh! Sorry Akiha-chan!" She lets go of me, allowing me to breathe.
...For a girl, Hanei has surprising strength when panic takes over. It felt a little like a vise. Then again, just about everyone has heard of stories of mothers being able to lift whole cars off of their children in sheer desperation. Granted, I was not so desperate to lift this pillar off of Seo, but...
...Does Hanei's strength really have to be the ability to push my head into her chest? It looks so... perverted...
"Man, you're lucky you were able to lift this thing..." One of the two men is grunting slightly, even as he and his friend lift the pillar prop, and begin getting it out of the way. "I dunno how you got that off of her... but she's definitely lucky. If it hit her head, it probably would have killed her." The fact it is taking two strong-looking men to lift it and even then it is a bit hefty shows the weight I was pushing up.
…...No wonder my arms and legs feel like they are on fire. I shake my arms and move around on my legs a bit, so that the burning sensation ebbs.
"Seo, can you stand?" I ask her as I walk over and hold my hand out to help her up. She looks at my hand, then nervously takes it and begins to slowly get up, and, noticing she is not crying out in pain or obviously injured, I slowly withdraw my hand from hers after a moment.
"…...It's stiff and pretty sore, but I think I can walk." She tries to after a moment or two. "Agh...! Okay... ankle's sore, but I can walk on it, I think..." A slight limp, but nothing that will not heal, from the looks of it. Probably a severe sprain.
"...I will help you walk if you need to. I think it is pretty safe to say you want to get out of here, then?" I straighten out my shorts.
"Does Toriyama-sensei draw ridiculously huge boots?"
"…...…..."
"...The answer's yes. Let's get out of here." She says in exasperation as she limps off.
Hanei follows behind her, and I follow behind them.
...Who is this Toriyama-sensei? I have never seen him or her on the campus...
There are a few medical personnel there to check Seo when we come out, but they see she is walking and after a fairly quick examination, they have determined she is more or less okay, though she will probably have a nasty bruise on her calves for a few days. In exchange for the examination, she signs a waiver exempting the park from liability.
We are also rather disinterested in the gift shop by this point, as well, for rather obvious reasons. The desire to get gifts to remember this day is suddenly not so ideal.
As we walk out of the park gates, I help Seo out by letting her lean against me, allowing her to walk – or more accurately, hop – with her good leg, and keep her body weight off of her more injured one.
"Hanei, I am going to return with Seo to my mansion so that I can give her some medicines and let her rest a bit. You are more than welcome to join us, of course, if you wish to," I tell her.
"...Ah... I'd, uhhhhhh... I'd love to, Akiha-chan, but I think I've had enough for one day." She nods in affirmation.
...Hm. Well, I cannot blame her. And in some ways, it is actually a good thing. One, it will let me have some privacy with Seo, for her questions. Two, today pretty much ensured she will not remember that creep who tried to pick her up and hit on her. Three... sooner or later, she is bound to notice that she peed in her pants. Hopefully sooner, rather than later...
"Alright. Do you wish to get a ride home, or something?" I offer.
"No... I'm fine, Akiha-chan," Hanei tells me with a simple shake of her head. "Besides... I kinda stink, so... I probably should shower first thing, huh?"
...Hanei impresses me. Seems she is aware of her accident after all.
"Very well then. The shirt I gave you is in your bag, right?" I gesture to it with one of my free hands.
"Yeah. Thanks, Akiha-chan. But, uhhhhh... what does it mean by guns? That's what you said it was talking about. I don't own any guns... aren't they illegal in Japan, anyway...?" Hanei looks upward and blinks, lost in thought, with the most pure, innocent look on her face.
Seo cannot help but laugh slightly. Even I cannot fully hide my smirk.
"…...Do not worry so much, Hanepin. It is just showing off some of your best assets, is all," I say with a slight smile.
"...Oh. Okay, Akiha-chan!" comes her quick reply to that.
...It is rather clear she does not get it. Either that, or today's events have numbed her brain up.
"Well then... I take it you are heading back to campus?" I ask.
"Yeah... I got stuff to study for, and Sou-chan will probably want something to eat when she gets back. Cooking, cooking! Scrubbing, scrubbing!" She mimes both activities as she says their names.
"I see. Then, please give her my regards, as well as her shirt," I tell her. "Also, tell her I would like to speak with her tomorrow, if you would be so kind."
"'kay, Akiha-chan!" With this, Hanei blows us both a kiss - one of her ways of telling somebody goodbye - and she turns and walks off, humming happily. Indeed, you would probably never know she was a girl who soiled herself... well, until you got close enough to smell it, that is. Cherry Blossom perfume backed with urine is likely a stain few will ever forget.
I turn my attention back to Seo. "Well then... we can take our time going home. Nobody is going to be interested in two flat-chested girls walking without Misawa Hanei, the 'Brunette Bomber.'" I smile a bit.
My attempt at getting Seo to laugh a little pays off, as she chuckles slightly. "Yeah. Funny, you think all the pervs would be hitting on us."
"It is better for them that they do not, really," I say. "They probably would not find me someone whom they could easily manipulate or control."
"...Yeah... hey, Tohno-senpai..." Seo begins. "...About what happened back there–"
"Wait until we return to my mansion, Seo, or I will not tell you a thing." I quickly cut her off.
"...Alright, fine," she says with a sigh. "I don't see why you're being so secretive about it... I mean... well... you seem to have super powers or something... but nobody's around, so..."
"I have my reasons, Seo. I would much prefer to get to the privacy of my own home. As after all... you are the only one who saw that, even though we both know it is true. Will anyone believe you, or will they just think it is the random, hyperactive imagination of a teenage girl?"
She sighs deeply in defeat. "...You got me there, Tohno-senpai. Fine... but when we get there, you're gonna tell me EVERYTHING! Or I'm gonna draw you in one of my super sentai comics!" She says this with a very triumphant grin.
…...Dear God.
There are times in every person's life when they will either take a gamble... or not. Needless to say... this is not the time to take a gamble, lest I end up as the "Red Rooster" or some other bizarre character, with a skintight outfit and... eugh.
"...You have a deal, Seo," I tell her after shaking that horrifying image out of my head.
"Great! Then let's go back, Tohno-senpai." With that, she hangs her arm around my shoulders. With the other, she carries her bag, and after I put my arm around her back to help support her, we begin to head home, even though I could very easily just have called Ishizaki at any time.
As I knock on the door with my foot, my arms are absolutely tired and sore. As bad as they are, I am sure that Seo's legs are even worse than my arms feel.
The door opens. Hisui, who answers the door, blinks, looking me up and down as if I am some sort of wolf in sheep's clothing.
"...A... Akiha-sama...?" She appears bewildered at my state of dress. That is natural. It is, after all, unusual wear for me.
"Yes, Hisui. Pleasant evening to you. Please take these bags in." I set mine down. Pain shoots through my arms once more, but the relief begins. I rotate and shake them a bit, to get the blood flowing through them once more.
Seo sets hers down a few feet behind me, and winces. "Ow ow ow..." she hisses slightly through her teeth. She hobbles a bit, as she is trying to keep her weight off of her more injured leg.
"Settle down, Seo, we are home now. Come, let us go inside and get some ice for your leg," I tell her, as I wrap her arm around her shoulders once more.
"Yeah. That'd be great, Tohno-senpai." She nods, readily accepting my assistance.
"...What happened to Seo-san, Akiha-sama, if you don't mind my asking?" Hisui asks a simple question.
"She had a bit of a mishap on our trip. It was not her fault, but we must treat it regardless. She already had an examination, so Kohaku does not need to have to worry herself with having to give her a checkup."
She blinks at me, but soon nods. "Very well, Akiha-sama. Please, yourself and Seo-san should come inside."
I walk past my bags, before remembering the shirts I had gotten earlier. "Ah. One moment, Hisui..." I tell her as I bend down and carefully rummage through the bag, pulling out the shirt that I had gotten for her. "Here you go. This is a gift from me to you. I think you will like it."
She pulls it out and looks at it. "Uhh... Akiha-sama, I hate to admit this... but my grasp of English..." She blushes slightly in embarrassment.
...What, for not knowing a foreign language? She is a domestic servant... I would not expect her to have much of a reason to learn a foreign language, save for her own volition on the subject.
"It says 'Dinner is ready when the smoke alarm goes off.'" I smile slightly.
"Dinner is ready when the smoke alarm goes off...? I don't get it, Akiha-sama. Usually, that means dinner is overdone, doesn't it...?" She blinks in confusion. Behind me, I can hear Seo stifling her giggle.
"Perhaps someday you will understand, Hisui. For now, do not worry." I smile and walk in past her. Seo hurries behind me, trying her best to hold in her laughter.
...So my secret is no longer hidden from Seo Akira.
I am about to change her perceptions of "Tohno-senpai" forever.
...And soon, I will find out just how important my friendship with her is...
Next Week (3/13/11) – Chapter 41: "A Moment In Time, Frozen Forever"