Author's Note
This chapter was just something I wrote up because I happen to like celebrating April Fool's Day. Furthermore, I wanted to see how well it would be handled - and how many people would notice - that I had released a chapter "out of date" so to speak.
Obviously, this is NOT the real chapter 44. So if you're looking to just continue the smut, smack the "Next Chapter" button. Otherwise, if you're here for a laugh and to see how horribly I could break my own plot... you're in the right place.
Oh yes: Response to it was quite good. Thanks to the reviewers who "reviewed" it. I hope you all had a good laugh. :)
Chapter 44: "An Excess of Divine Material Energy, Part III"
(Warning: This chapter contains sexual content. If you are offended by such content, or do not like to see straight pairings, you may wish to skip this chapter.)
It is far too late to hide what we were doing. Nii-san was naked. I was nearly naked, with my bra off my breasts and my panties pushed aside, and my organs drooling my arousal onto Nii-san's body.
"What are you doing, Tohno-kun? You were supposed to wait for Kohaku-chan and Mech-Hisui-chan!" Yumizuka pouts.
...And what did she just say...? Mech... Hisui-chan...?
Something's not right about that...
"THAT'S what I forgot!" Nii-san slaps himself stupidly in the forehead. "Yeah, sorry, Yumizuka. Come on, Akiha, get off me."
"E-Eh?ǃ Nii-san, wait–"
Disregarding my plea, I am quickly shoved off by Nii-san. The fluids that had joined us arc together like a dolphin doing a backflip in midair before they break.
"Y... You can't stop now, Nii-san...! After all of those things you told me...!" I feel my throat tightening.
"Oh, it's nothing. Besides, it's all part of Yumizuka's Ultimate Plan of Misaki Domination." He shrugs his shoulders apologetically.
"U... Ultimate Plan of...?ǃ Nii-san... what are you babbling on about?ǃ?" I shout.
"Really, it's nothing fancy," Yumizuka-san answers with a smile. "Just to get some nice, incriminating blackmail material. Then this way I can fuck Tohno-kun all I want, and you have to watch me do it because I have the photographic proof." She holds up a small camera. "You didn't even need to smile for the camera... you already were smiling, fufu."
"Th... That's inexcusable! Give me your camera now, Yumizuka-san!" I begin to storm over there, after getting up off of the bed.
"I'm afraid I can't do that, Akiha-san." Yumizuka-san answers with a somewhat cold smile as she slips the camera down the front of her top.
"...Maybe I should make you, then?" I can already feel my blood starting to boil. My hands clench into fists as I approach.
"Eh, it's up to you," Yumizuka-san says with a shrug of her shoulders. "Although I know one person won't be happy with it."
"Well who cares about them?ǃ " That's enough... if Yumizuka-san won't give the camera willingly, then I'll just have to take it by for–
"OCEAN SPRAY!"
Immediately, the room fills with a huge swell of seawater. A wave pours into the room. It is all I can do to hold my breath before the wave hits. It slams into me, dragging me under. The sheer force of it makes me black out.
When I come to, I am on a beach. Crabs walk sideways, looking at me, debating if I am a very large meal or not. I kick sand at them until they scurry away... sideways.
...There's something fishy about this, but I can't quite put my finger on it.
It takes some effort to get off of the ground, as if I had been stuck to it like an octopus tentacle. But eventually, I pull myself up off of the ground, and look around.
It's definitely a beach. But at THIS time of year? The beaches should be fairly cold, if not the water itself. Yet the water was definitely warm as it lapped at my body, like the sticky remains of a jellyfish that had been left out in the sun for too long.
In the distance, is a white-haired man, sitting under an umbrella, calmly sipping on a pink colored drink. He notices me standing, and shouts "Over here, dudette!" in a very loud voice.
...What the hell is this...?ǃ
I try to keep my calm while walking over... ignoring the fact that I'm nearly naked, in just my bra and – thankfully – my underwear.
"Yo," the man says with a grin as I walk up.
"You... what is the meaning of this?ǃ Where is Nii-san and Yumizuka-sanǃ?" I shout angrily.
"Whoa whoa whoa... calm down, dudette. Don't be a buzzkill." He laughs heartily. "Sit down. Have a drink. Maybe you wanna hang ten?"
...Hang... Ten...?ǃ
D... Did this man just propose what I think he was...?ǃ
"...What kind of a girl do you think I am, you pervertǃ?"
"An awesome one." He points at me while giving a thumbs-up gesture. "Who's awesome? You're awesome. And that makes me awesome!"
"...If you think I am some sort of participant in Enjo Kosai, forget about it! Find somebody else for that!"
He laughs. "No way, dudette! Why would I want something like that? I already got someone for that. HEY, MIYA, COME ON OUT AND SAY HELLO!"
...Well... fine, then. I suppose that maybe I was mis–
"Zelly! You called for me...? Huh, oh, hi Akiha!" An all-too-familiar voice.
"...W... W, W, W, WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?ǃ?ǃ?ǃ What are you doing with Nii-san's younger cousin?ǃ?ǃ?ǃ "
"Oh, you know each other?" The man looks surprised. "...Heh, that's awesome! You should've told me you know her, Miya!"
...Arima Miyako. Nii-san's younger step-sister. Well, she's as related to him as I am, but...
"...Miyako is ELEVEN, you pervert!"
"Hm? Oh well. You know what they say... if there's grass on the field, play ball!" This horrible man laughs at his own tasteless joke.
"...Miyako. If you do not wish to be by this... this... foul man anymore, just say the word and I'll–"
"You're not gonna take me away from Zelly!" She shouts and gets into a fighting stance. "C'mon! Bajiquan doesn't need a second blow!"
...Really.
This is just too much. Way too much.
"...Fine, forget it. Stay with him. Just don't beg me to rescue you!" In a huff, I walk off.
"Eh, oh well! Seeya, dudette! C'mon, Miya! Let's ride the waves!" The pedophile in the Hawaiian shirt says.
"Radical!" The little girl who does not know better chimes in.
...Really... those two... I don't want to be near them. If she insists on letting him be a damn lolicon, then fine, Nii-san can deal with it!
I have better things to bother with...
...Like figuring out where the heck I am, in the first place...
"Over here, Akiha-sama!"
...A familiar voice.
"...Kohakuǃ? Wait, I will be over there in a second!"
Immediately, my body shifts its energy into running. The voice was somewhat distant. It is perhaps a hundred yard sprint, maybe one hundred fifty. But I make the run.
"...Kohaku, where are–"
...you...?
...Why do you have the tail of a fish?
...Why are you sitting on a rock?
"Pleasant day to you, A-Ki-Ha-Sa-Ma~~~" She sings.
"...Kohaku, why are you dressed as a mermaid?"
"Eh? This is how I've always been, Akiha-sama. You remember that, right...?"
Remember...? No, I do not...
"You pulled me out of the water as a sea cucumber and kissed me. And that let me turn back into my native mermaid form!"
Native... mermaid form. Kohaku.
...Riiiiiiight.
"Kohaku, I have no time for games."
"Oh? Not even the one you'd get by reading the first handful of letters at the start of the chapter?"
"Idiot, don't change subjects like that! Such things hardly matter! Look... just... take me back to Nii-san, alright?ǃ "
"Fufufu, of course, Akiha-sama." With this, she hops off the rock and dives under the waves.
"W... Wait! Kohaku! Where are you–"
SPLASH.
I'm suddenly grabbed and pulled underwater... and kissed firmly. Hard.
...By Kohaku. Of all people...
It lasts for a good ten seconds before it breaks. "There! Now you can breathe underwater, Akiha-sama." Then without warning, she slaps me hard in the face with her tail.
"OW! KOHAKU, YOU WILL STOP THAT THIS..."
...Instant...
...I can breathe underwater. I can speak underwater. I know kung fu. One of these things is not like the other, one of these things just doesn't belong.
"Well? Did you like the Miracle Oxygen Formula Amber? Fufufu..." The mermaid in front of me grins in the manner of her bottom half's arch-enemy. "Come on, Akiha-sama. I'll swim slowly, since I know you're not so good at it." Of course, this is followed by the thief... fish shooting off like a sea cucumber if you stroke it.
With a sigh, I watch as she swims towards a dome in the distance. I suppose I should follow her...
"Welcome to Atlanta," The blue-haired, slightly-drunk looking woman with red eyes greets me. "Name's Sumire. I'll be your hostess with the mostess," she announces, smiling with slightly ruddy cheeks.
"Fufu, you'll like Sumire-san, Akiha-sama. She can hold her liquor better than you." The girl who swam "slowly" here is lounging in a gigantic fish tank.
"...Is that so? I'm tempted to say let's try it." I offer an ineffectual shrug.
"Yeah? A lightweight like you holding your liquor? Come on then, we'll try it. Oh, don't mind what's going on, by the way."With this, the blue-haired woman hiccups slightly, her chest bouncing as she does, and she walks off.
She leads me through a room. Inside, a dog is chasing cats.
"NYA-NYA-NYA! Scurry, run, flee, flee!" The golden-haired one says.
"This is hell, you shitty cat!" says one with, inexplicably, a cigarette dangling from its lips.
"Wahhh! Where's Rider when I need her?ǃ " A third, blue-haired one screams.
"C'mon, Primate Murder! They deserve whatever they get. Quit messing around and catch them already!" The black-haired girl watching this scene, bored, glares at the dog chasing the three strangely humanoid cats.
Before I can ask any further on this, I'm whisked away by the blue-haired woman.
"Ah, here it is. She effortlessly picks up a cask and sets it down as if it weighed nothing, despite the fact that it hit the floor fairly hard from the sheer weight of the liquid inside.
"...Bitch's Brew?" I say with trepidation.
"Yep! From Santa-san himself up on the surface. Guaranteed delivery instantly or it's on him!"
...Instant delivery? That is quite the promise...
"...He made good on it, then?" I ask.
"Sure did!" The woman answers with quite a smile. "So! Gonna try some, or are you gonna chicken out?"
...Heh. Tohno Akiha doesn't chicken out for anyone.
"You provide the glass, and I'll drink it," I tell her with cool confidence.
"Really?" She smirks, and as if by magic, produces two small glasses in her hand.
Of course, I am fairly familiar with such drinking glasses. These... are shot glasses. Usually reserved for hard liquor.
"Worried?" She smiles once more.
"...Of course not," I tell her with confidence, albeit false confidence. I take one glass from her hand. The woman named Sumire bends down slightly, pushes a tap once, and a perfect amount fills the glass. I, likewise, do the same.
"Bottoms up. Just hopefully not that bottom, heh." With this, the woman casually tosses back her drink as if it were nothing. After a moment of adjustment, she belches, and looks at me. "...Well? Your turn."
...Heh. If she can do this so easily, it still should not be a problem with me, even if she is an experienced drunk.
As casually as she had, I toss back the drink, swallowing quickly so that my mouth is not burned too much.
...And everything is fine.
...For ten seconds.
Then, I begin seeing flowers in the shape of Hisui growing out of the floor.
I stare at them in disbelief.
Soon, more begin to spring up. Ones with Kohaku. Nii-san. Yumizuka-san. Seo. Souka. Hanei... and the one of Hanei have very large... petals, I note.
"Hah! You said it wouldn't affect you. You're already looking at the floor drunkenly like a fool."
Her words... they're this wonderful rainbow of color, and taste rather like steak. They quench my thirst like few things can.
Amazed, I watch as they drift towards the wall, and follow an impetus to chase them. I even succeed at defying gravity... at least, until gravity decides it's changed its mind and moved so I fall once again. Doing so knocks me unconscious.
When I come to, I am walking along a street. It is what appears to be a commerce street. Small stores line the roadway.
I do not know how long I have been walking.
"...Where am I...?" I mutter to myself, holding my head, which is pounding over and over like a fish trying to swim up a waterfall.
As my vision clears, and I can stand to open my eyes in the sun more, I begin to look at the many stores that are lining this street.
"...Unlimited Bread Works? That is an unusual name for a bakery..."
Looking inside through the opened door, I see a tall, tan-skinned man apparently reciting a poem as he rolls a ball of dough.
"I am the yeast of my dough.
Flour is my body, and water is my blood.
I have baked over a thousand loaves.
Unknown to staleness, nor known to mold.
Have withstood pain to create many pastries.
Yet these lips shall never taste anything.
So as I slave...
Unlimited Bread Works!"
...The ball of dough instantly transforms into a loaf of French Bread.
...Note to self. Tell Kohaku to never, EVER get bread from this place. Who knows what else is in it...
I keep walking. The headache seems to be going away a little.
A few blocks down the road, a man wearing what appears to be a necklace. He is in what looks to be a crudely made wooden stand.
On the stand is written "Puppies 4 Sale."
...One look at this man tells me he is somehow not the type to be selling puppies.
"Breeder. Araya Souren."
"...Excuse me?" I ask.
"That is my calling in life. To breed the finest animals, and sell them."
...Perhaps he is a failed monk, then, who just wears the trappings of one as some sort of way to gain some leverage.
"...I am not interested in purchasing a dog, sir," I tell him flatly.
"Oh? But this one needs a home." He pulls up a dog carefully by its neck. It yaps once or twice.
"No thank you, I said."
"How unfortunate," he says with a notable sadness. "Very well then. On your way."
"...No need to tell me to go. I'm more than willing to..." I sigh and keep walking.
Less than a block away, is another tall man. But his sign says "Any animal for sale."
...Any, huh.
"...How can you prove you have any animal for sale? I could name, say, a shark, and there is no way you can get me one.
"On the contrary, miss," the silver-haired man announces. "You name it, and I can–"
"...Wait a minute, you sound just like the guy who's selling puppies a block back! You're not him, are you?"
"...We were separated at birth, one could say. We wound up both being breeders. But while I can create anything..." He opens his coat, and a crow flies out, landing on his shoulder. "...He is only good at breeding dogs. Exceptionally good dogs, but he is only capable of that one creature, much to his disappointment."
"...You are both weird men. I am not interested in buying pets. Look... can you point me to the nearest cafe, please?"
"Oh, that's unfortunate. But I will help a woman in need of it." Even as he says this, his eyes pierce into my being, making it feel an unusual chill. "Walk three blocks north. It's on the corner. You won't miss it."
"Very well, then. Pleasant day to you, sir."
"Farewell, maiden." He opens his coat, and a deer comes out of it, and bows.
...I decide to walk more quickly to my destination than normal.
"Welcome!" A cheerful voice tells me.
I look up at the orange-haired girl. Her hair is somewhat like Kohaku's, only a bit different. The girl definitely shares her cheery expressions, though.
"...What is this place?" I ask her.
"Ahnenerbe!" The girl answers with glee. "As for me, I'm Hibino Hibiki. I'll be your waitress today!" She curtseys, politely.
...Waitress... oh, well, that does make sense. This does appear to be a cafe after all.
"...Right. Get me some tea, then, if you do not mind."
"Fresh outta tea," the girl answers with a cute pout that would only be rivaled by Seo. "But we got plenty of coffee on tap!"
"...Normally I would refuse, but if anything will make this headache go away, coffee will probably do it. Very well then."
"Gotcha!" the girl answers. "I'll be back with it in a jiff. Or maybe Chikagi will bring it out. Depends on who gets to it first, hehe. "
With this, the girl named Hibino Hibiki departs.
Looking around the cafe, I see a few other people are here, though not very many. I certainly don't recognize any of them.
...Except for one.
"...Inui-san?"
Inui Arihiko. Nii-san's self-admitted "bad friend." Someone whom I could tell was interested in me... although naturally, I turned him down.
Currently, he and a male with long, black hair are hitting on a blonde girl with a strange pattern on her forehead... and... is that a horn...?
"Well, I never considered bestiality or double penetration before..." Inui announces.
...Oh god. Please tell me I did not hear that.
"Heh, well, just remember, man... it's not gay if balls don't touch!" The black-haired male in a disheveled uniform reminds him.
...I stand up, about ready to defend this girl, when all of a sudden, they both stumble, colliding front to front.
"WAHHHH! THEY TOUCHED!" The displeased lecher, Inui Arihiko.
"HEY! I'm into women, ya know!" The man with long black hair.
"Heh... good one, Fujino," a black-haired girl near my table says quietly.
"...It was nothing," the purple-haired girl she's sitting with announces with eyes closed.
...Strange. That black-haired girl... if you removed my hairband... she would look... rather scarily like me...
...Could that be the girl whom Seo kissed in her doujinshi? I suppose there are people in this world who look more like me than I thought...
"Here ya go! Fresh hot coffee for you!" The cheery voice of Hibiki returns to my ears once more.
"...Thank you, miss," I reply with a slight smile.
"Hehe, think nothing of it! " The girl says with quite a bit of glee.
She must like this job. She is in very high spirits. Which is surprising, as usually I would expect that people who work jobs such as this tend not to like them, due to long hours and having to potentially put up with angry customers... but well, I suppose some would feel comfortable, even in a situation like that.
"Be careful that you don't spill it on your crotch, now! It's quite hot, and we can't afford a lawsuit, so you were warned!" The girl hums to herself as she walks away.
I take a very cautious sip of the coffee.
...Definitely hot. Very, very hot. If she had not warned me, I would probably have scalded my mouth. My lip certainly absorbed a good amount of the heat, that is for sure...
With a sigh, I begin to think about things.
I have to get home to Misaki. This coffee is definitely a nice break from the usual, but I also have to get back home... and find out just what happened to Nii-san and Yumizuka-san... assuming I do not feel like killing the latter for blackmailing me, of course.
It takes me about twenty minutes, as I do not particularly like coffee, but I do finish it.
Another girl comes out after I finish. This one is not Hibiki. This may be the Chikagi person she referred to though.
"Was everything good?" She asks simply, yet politely.
"Yeah. Ah... do you know the way to Misaki from here? I am not sure if I am near it, as I do not recall a place like this there."
"Oh, sure! Just head out that door over there." She thumbs behind her back. "You'll get a map after that, and from there I'm pretty sure you could follow it."
"Great, thanks. How much do I owe you?"
"375 Yen," she announced calmly.
I place down a 500 yen coin, and I inform her to keep the change. This would surprise most Japanese – tipping, as a whole, is a custom mostly unheard of in Japanese society – but this girl must be familiar with the concept, as she simply pockets the coin and replies with a very respectful "Thank you very much, miss."
So... through this door is a map that will lead me to Misaki, huh?
I open the door and walk outs–
...Eh...?
Where am I now...?
The last think I remember is that I was going to open a door to check a map that would get me to Misaki City...
...Wait...
I... know this room... sort of...
...Is this not the sorts of rooms we have at Asagami...?
...Come to think of it... is is. I would recognize that sort of bed probably just about anywhere until the day that I die, now...
...But what is this thing at my feet...?
"...No... not you! Anyone but you!"
The voice of a girl brings me to my senses, and I turn around. And there...
...Is a frightened-looking Shijou Tsukasa.
"W-Why are you here?ǃ I summoned a Caster, not a Monster!" The terrified voice of her.
Wait... summoned a Caster...?
"...What is the meaning of that?" I calmly ask her... and at almost the same time, the fear on Tsukasa's face is replaced by a look of triumph.
"...Yeah, you're my Servant... so I've got three. Right! I order you to never hurt me!"
A small pattern on the back of Tsukasa's left forearm glows. It looks rather like a dagger.
Unfortunately for her... nothing much seems to happen.
"Good, good! Now you'll feel horrible if you even think about it!" She says with surprising bravado and confidence.
...Foolish girl, I can think about hurting you as much as I–
YOW, that DID hurt! What is the meaning of this?ǃ
"Good! It works! Now, we're going to get along real fine, Akiha... or that little command spell is gonna hurt you bad every time you think of hurting me. Plus,you are now totally under my control, so trying to struggle against it is useless~~~ "
...I don't like this situation. I don't like it at all.
But somehow... I get the feeling that this is not exactly my choice to make. I will have to obey whatever Tsukasa says... or else I risk her doing something drastic and forcing me to do things I do not want or do not like to do...
"Now then! You're gonna start by cleaning up all of my mess. And then when that's done, you're gonna begin to cook and clean until tonight. Tonight, maybe I'll even let you sleep in my bed... maybe even do more than that, if you're really lucky..." A grin that can only be described as zealous triumph breaks out widely over the face of Shijyou Tsukasa.
"...What sort of woman do you think I am that would take orders from you?ǃ " I tell her.
"A Caster," she says. "A caster in the Misaki Holy Grail War."
"P... Playing around like this isn't my idea of amusement, Shijyou-san!"
"Really? That's a shame. But it's what's happening, so deal with it, Tohno-san."
"I... Impossible! This is impossible! I, I am having some crazy dream. I will wake up, and everything will be fine..." I shut my eyes, desperately wishing this strange event would end.
"Life ain't agreeing, is it, Tohno-san?" The coolheaded voice of Tsukasa. "Just give up, and make it easier on both of us, alright?"
"FORGET IT! I will not be bowing to your every whim, no matter what you say!"
"Oh? But you have no choice. These seals are power. Let me prove it. I order you to punch yourself in the face, immediately."
...On her command, my fist balls up and flies directly into my face. It is a solid, direct hit.
Laughing, she watches as I stagger and recoil from the blow. "See, Tohno-san? I own you now. And I am going to be enjoying every second of this."
"S... Stop this..." I ask of her.
"Sure!" She tells me with a grin. "But only if you can tell what day it is... maybe you'll remember if you think carefully over what was just said, hmm...?"
...What would that have anything to do with it, I wonder...?