Chapter 49: "Uncharted Territory"
Tuesday, November 5, 2002

The next morning is pleasant, if uneventful, before I leave. Once more I encounter Yumizuka-san getting ready to retire for the day, sipping on a blood pack, and seeming quite happy.

I cannot help but smile at her happiness after she passes me.

I know why, now. It is the expression of a girl who has gotten virtually all she wants in life. In this case, to not be treated to a monster, and to have access to Nii-san, is enough to make Yumizuka-san happy. And as long as she is happy, that is all that matters to me.

Hisui's choice of breakfast today was to make a stack of pancakes. It is a western food, but I am in the mood for them, so it works out well. I eat very carefully, allowing myself a small amount of syrup and admittedly being perhaps slightly too indulgent on butter.

After the warm breakfast and thanking Hisui for the meal, to which she seems rather stunned but slightly pleased, I am off with my driver towards Asagami Private Girls Academy.

It is strange how nice of a day it can be, in the morning when one's heart is content. Then again, it is not so strange... when one is happy and content, they have something to look forward to when they return home, do they not?

I suppose that for me, that thing is knowing that I have made at least one person in that household happy. Knowing that Yumizuka-san feels so at ease that she would even sleep in Nii-san's bed... she is a very bold young woman.

...Either that, or a better judge of my character than I am. The old Tohno Akiha would probably have killed her then and there for such indiscretion.

Instead... I felt happiness, for a reason I still cannot fully explain. But... I just knew that anger was not the answer.

I am not sure why I feel this way. In some ways... I am not sure if this is just some phase, brought on by a sentimental desire to want to feel close to someone. All I know is that it is how I want to feel right now... and so I shall.

I enter our dorm, unlocking it with my keys.

"Souka? Hanei? Are you here?" There is no response.

Further examination of our dorm room reveals that there is no sight of Souka... but there is a still-sleeping Misawa Hanei, in her bed, snoozing heavily on her back, drooling slightly, sprawled out... spread wide on her bed.

…...I blush furiously as a certain perverted thought enters my mind.

...Why would I think of something like that? Th, that is not something I should be thinking! Hanei is a friend! She is not someone who I should treat as an object like this!

…...So why am I thinking about...?ǃ

That is not something I would do. Ever. And yet...

Hanei is an extremely heavy sleeper. Surely, she will not notice...

"...Damn this curiosity," I hiss to myself as I approach quietly.

Yes. Quietly. If I do not do this quietly, she will wake up. If she wakes up... a long, uncomfortable talk of just why I was doing what I am about to do will begin... and I am not quite sure if Misawa Hanei will exactly be able to understand it all.

...So, I walk over, I kiss her lips... and feel up her chest a little.

A light blush fills her cheeks slightly as I do, but it probably is not nearly as deep as the blush that fills my own.

Her lips feel very warm, full, and soft. They are good to kiss, one would say... and I think, in the back of my mind, that whatever man ends up winning her heart and can kiss these lips every day would be a very lucky man indeed. The attractiveness, beauty, and the smile of Misawa Hanei would be a good way to make any morning, no matter how bad one would normally feel about having to get out bed and do one's daily duties in life.

As for her chest... it feels warm, and soft, and a bit firm yet squishy. It is an oddly pleasant feeling... and I feel my cheeks redden even more as I can feel Hanei's nipples beginning to harden under my palms, but she shows no signs of awakening. Feeling more confident, I begin to pinch them slightly.

A light moan escapes from her throat. It sounds... pleasing to the ear. Assuring me that I am doing something that she wants... that feels good to her. Unconsciously, her body moves, attempting to give me better access to her chest... and her thighs spread apart slightly, as if in preparation for... something.

…...Of course, it need not be said what that something would be.

Logically, it is simple. Even if Misawa Hanei is ignorant about matters of things such as the finer points of sex, that does not change the fact that as a woman, she, like all women – or for that matter, like all men – have millions of generations of basic, primal instincts hardwired into them. Responses to certain stimuli.

...Certainly, someone teasing and rubbing sensitive, erogenous zones on the body would produce this effect, no matter who did it. If you rub a woman's body, her body will prepare for penetration, much as if you rub a man, he will become erect. It is why some rape victims feel shame and humiliation for their bodily responses – even though they are being raped, the vagina will moisten, the clitoris will stiffen, and even though their minds do not want the sex, their bodies know nothing but the stimulation... and so they react accordingly.

It would take quite an explanation if Hanei woke up and asked why I was–

"...Mmmh... harder... do that harder..." An oddly creepy smile crosses the face and lips of Misawa Hanei.

"G-GEH!" I fall backwards immediately onto my own rear. Which, since I am in my school uniform, results in a light smacking noise as my otherwise bare flesh meets the floor.

I stare at her, feeling my heart race in my chest. Thankfully... VERY thankfully... it seems she is still asleep. Before long, the light sounds of faint snoring resume.

I calm myself down. Close. TOO close. Uncomfortably too close. Th, this is why I should not give in to such impulsive behavior! If Hanei had woken up, to feel me kissing her, to see me squeezing her chest, how would she have reacted?ǃ

"Fufufu, maybe she would have pulled you in? ❤" Shut up, Kohaku! Get out of my head!

As I pick myself up from the floor and dust myself off, I check her over carefully, finding her to have settled back into deeper sleep. I sigh in relief at my dumb luck. I do not want to even imagine what would happen if her eyes had opened...

I quickly walk to the bathroom to clear my head completely, as I examine myself in the mirror, straightening my skirt and realigning my clothing. I am trembling slightly, and the red in my cheeks is nearly as deep as the red of my hair when I am in my... altered state.

...Why DID I do that, anyway? It was such a bizarre, sudden, impulsive thing to do. That is not like me, at all... Friends do not just grope friends like that... and they certainly do not do it for sexual reasons…... Even if... even if I do like both males and females in that way, that certainly does not give me the right to grope Hanei. So why did I...?

...Because she is my friend?

...Because I desire her?

…...Who DO I desire, for that matter? Is Hanei the one I desire? The one whom I think will make my days happier...?

A friend who was more than a friend to me on the day I was supposed to hate for the rest of my life, turning it into a day of new sensations, thoughts, and ideas about how I should live my life, all in a span of ten minutes. All through small, tiny bumps of flesh.

A dream so blissful that it felt like reality, or a reality so desired that it felt like a dream. Something so prized that it felt like elements of both, and yet, also neither at the same time.

A need for a new identity, enacted, leaving some of the old Tohno Akiha behind and a newer one in her place, like a butterfly emerging from a chrysalis.

Unquestionably, the male I would want would still be Nii-san. Always, and forever. I do not see any other male having such a valued place in my life, or able to understand me like he could.

"But..."

But if it is a female... that is a much harder choice. It is surprising, really. I am so unsure of myself that even though I have names in my head... I could see myself being with all of them.

Even... even Hisui and Kohaku.

Kohaku has lots going for her. Her loyalty. Her ways of solving problems, while highly unorthodox, are undeniably effective. Kohaku is that type who enjoys throwing people for a loop. If last Sunday actually was real, and not a feverish dream... then she told Nii-san to have sex with me. If I were to wind up in a relationship with her... then it certainly would not be the last time that happens. Drawbacks... what Otou-sama did to her. What I did to her. She already has a partner whom I would desire just as much, if not more, than her. Such a situation would do nothing but cause strife, and the last thing I desire in my life is even MORE strife.

Hisui is out for similar reasons. Although she does not have the horrors Otou-sama or myself inflicted upon her body, I cannot help but feel that there will always be a Master-Servant bond between us, and that Hisui would find it difficult and awkward to look upon me in any other way. Being a friend to her would be difficult enough, but a lover? It might be simply impossible. Though I sincerely wish for Hisui to find love, I doubt it would be with me... even though if it happened I would do all I can. But the personalities are simply far too ingrained... even though she can speak as freely as she wants, Tohno Akiha will always be "Akiha-sama" in some way...

...What about Yumizuka-san, then...? The girl's happiness is what is making me feel happiest, right now. Knowing that she feels... well, alive again, really, with how she is being treated and how she has the simple wish that she wanted. If last Sunday was real, then... she can clearly see me in that way... if it was a dream, though, that means I can see her in that way as well. I... possibly could see myself forming a relationship with her... and I did tell her most of my secrets and family history... and she would certainly be able to kill me if I irreversibly inverted, which is a plus... an always-important factor to consider, yes. No matter how human she feels, there is still a side of Tohno Akiha that wants to murder, to commit sudden violence, and a partner is going to need to understand that risk...

…...And then there is, for some odd reason, Len crossing my mind. A quiet, obedient girl. A familiar. A being of surprising power, in an unassuming form. A creature who, admittedly, could thrive on sex. But she is quiet, and very obedient, submissive, almost. She does take some free will, but ultimately, Nii-san is her master, not me. And I do know that cats are very jealous creatures, especially when the ones that they favor have their attention pulled away from them. Furthermore... well, she does still have, and always will have, the body of a child... and even though I could beat the rap, the legal implications of images or footage of such acts being shown would be a considerable legal headache.

...I sigh a bit, partially out of frustration, and partially because my body has decided to remind me that since I am in a bathroom, it has its needs.

Well, at least I can take care of both at once, I suppose.

I walk over to the toilet, pull down my underwear, lift up the hem of my skirt, and sit, allowing my body to relieve itself as I think.

...Souka naturally is like a yang to my yin. Outgoing, but not overly so. Self-assured. Confident. A bit cocky at times. Bold. She takes initiative. Well, she would have to. Who else would have done that to me? Not even Kohaku would have dared. Downsides... TOO ambitious at times. Easily mistaken for a male, although that could be a blessing and a curse for my public relations – and my private ones, if I have her act masculine publicly at my request. Often has a "Act first, think later" sort of attitude. She would have to, to do what she did to me, as she was certainly risking other body parts of mine in her face, like my fists or feet.

Seo certainly has youth and energy, and a sizable talent that she could parlay into a career if she wanted to, and if not, she could certainly learn things from her father about making alcoholic drinks and end up taking over her family business... actually, that is fairly likely, since as far as I know, Seo has no other siblings. She is a very kind girl, and a bit shy most of the time unless she is very confident when she is talking about something, most often manga. Negatives... she tends not to use the right words at the right times. She is still a young girl, and acts like a child sometimes. I am unsure of her ability to commit to a serious relationship at this stage in her life. If she were a few years older, maybe...

Hanei, naturally, has her beauty and her charm going for her... and I suppose that if I got the courage to kiss and feel her up just now, that I do have some latent feelings for her. She is eloquent and elegant. Her physical beauty cannot be denied, either... the problem is, that with Hanei, there would be a lot of explaining, and ensuring she understood you and your intents clearly. She is not stupid, merely slow to catch on to something unless it is completely obvious. Once you explain things to her, she understands them as well as anyone else, and a smile from Misawa Hanei is one that most people would feel cheered up by. But... how could she ever begin to understand her dear Akiha-chan is not all that she thinks she is...?

...I sigh. I still have no idea who. It seems like they all have a reason to rule them out.

This is frustrating me. I am done with my bodily needs, so I carefully wipe my anatomy, flush the toilet, and stand up, heading towards the sink.

…...Only to find the floor rushing to meet my face. It is all I can do to try to turn my face so that the side of my head takes the impact. There is a rather sharp impact to my temple, and I see stars and white as I hit. I lose consciousness immediately after.

"...Mmmmmmmmmmh..."

My eyes open slowly. I am... in the Nurse's office.

"...What happened…...?" I ask, my voice sounding dazed and a bit muffled.

"...Oh, you're awake, huh?" The voice of the school nurse. She comes over to check on me, and I try to sit up... but immediately feel dizzy and a slight urge to vomit as pain goes through my head. I think better of my decision and lie back down for the moment.

"Easy there, Tohno-san. You took a pretty nasty bump on the head from what Misawa-san said." The nurse looks over me carefully.

"...I do not remember..." I lie to her. Telling her what I was thinking would be bad in a school like this. "I was in the bathroom, and..."

"And you fainted on the toilet, apparently. What were you doing to make you faint like that, though? You're not the type who would strike me as being prone to fainting..." She walks over and feels my head gently. I can feel the bandage wrapped around it now, and the ice pack that is resting against it, helping to keep the swelling down.

"Just... using the bathroom," I say as I wince slightly.

"Is that so? You sure you weren't doing... something else?" She asks with a slight, almost knowing smile.

"A... Are you suggesting I collapsed from...?ǃ " I ask incredulously.

"Well... it's perfectly normal for a girl... and you're not the first 'toilet case' that I've seen, after all. You think about a cute guy, and the next thing you know, you pass out... you can be honest with me. Don't worry." She smiles reassuringly.

...Well, she is half-right. I was thinking about someone... but it is kind of hard to tell her that it began by feeling up your roommate... and I definitely did not masturbate to thoughts of any of them. Th, that is just sick. I would never do that... and even if I did, I would never dare to do that at school, of all places...!

"N-No, really. I felt fine until that happened... Sorry." I nod my head slightly, since lifting my body up to bow right now would be a bad idea.

"Heh... well, okay then," she says, with a slight look that she does not fully believe my denials. "You took a pretty nasty bump on the head, so if you feel well enough, you can go home for today. Misawa-san got your homework for you." She motions over to a small table. In the chair is my bag, and next to it is a small stack of papers for homework.

"...Thank you," I say. "Please be sure to tell her thank you for me as well. I apologize for all of the extra work."

"No problem," she says with a smile. "We called your home, so your driver is waiting outside whenever you are ready."

"...Thank you again," I say with a slight blush. It... feels slightly embarrassing to have so many people doing things for me. I am not used to having anyone but Hisui or Kohaku doing things at my request.

But then again... I am not exactly in a condition to be doing these things on my own. Even sitting up made me feel dizzy and slightly ill. It is probably best that I just swallow my pride and allow them to help out as they see fit to do.

...How stupid of me. To forget, of all things, to pull up my underwear after I was done using the bathroom. Such a simple action, it should be more or less automatic by now. I am not a child. But I had gotten so wrapped up in thinking my thoughts that it had completely slipped my mind. Truth be told... I am not even sure of just what sort of needs my body had at that time, just that it did. I know I felt voiding, but I cannot even remember what kind of voiding it was.

...And, obviously, I am here... so... someone must have came into that bathroom and saw me, in that condition, and...

…...I blush furiously as my mind pictures Misawa Hanei walking into the bathroom and seeing me laying on the floor, unconscious, with my skirt moved from the fall so my rear and genitalia are easily visible with a look.

...Would she call for help first? Or... would she look? This is the thought my mind refuses to let go.

The realistic side of Tohno Akiha knows Hanei would call for help, after making me a little more respectful, of course. She would certainly never drag me outside with my underwear around my thighs.

...The newly-emerging side of Tohno Akiha that knows she can love women as well as men, though, almost WANTS her to have taken a look... or a feel... or a smell, or a taste, or–

I feel the blood beginning to drain down my throat. As I am laying back, I am avoiding a nosebleed, but there is no doubt the thought of Misawa Hanei seeing my most private places has excited my blood for reasons I do not understand. The tips of my hair are turning red.

The thought of Misawa Hanei, doing more than looking. Of curiosity getting a hold of the girl, as it had me. Of having never seen that place on Akiha-chan before, because I always made sure I showered and changed in private, too ashamed of my own body to allow anyone to even think about seeing its nude form. Of commenting how even though they are different than hers are... that they are no less cute, because my body is made to be small, and small can be appealing if done right, as Souka had said...

…...And yet, the idea of Hanei seeing those places... is exciting me, just a little. I can feel a dull heat in my stomach – my body's attempt to signal to me that it has carnal needs that it wants to be attended to.

Worse... the thought of Hanei doing more than seeing... of kissing, of licking, of... fingering, as Souka had... I can actually feel parts of my body arousing in response. Almost as if to say I should go, and seek Hanei out, and ask her to do that...

…...No. No, no, no, no, a thousand times no! Misawa Hanei is not someone whose purity I will corrupt with my body's attempts to be greedy and selfish! If humanity's biological urge were to sleep and have sex with every person we have ever liked, we would not be able to realistically function as a species. There is a reason why sexual partners are chosen with discretion...

...Furthermore, school is not the place for doing that. If... If I were at home, maybe... perhaps... but not here... not now...

I lay back and focus on my breathing for a little while, and slowly sit up. The slow pace of sitting upright does not irritate my equilibrium as much as sitting up at a normal pace would have. I still feel a little dizzy, but sitting up slower allowed the blood pressure in my body to adjust more adequately, and as a result, I do not feel the urge to throw up. The nosebleed may also have had a factor in this... a little bloodletting increases adrenaline production, after all, and adrenaline can heighten the body's responses.

I carefully get to my feet, and walk over slightly unsteadily to my bag. I can feel the residual effects from fainting. It is fairly likely I have a slight concussion. It is nothing I have not experienced before, fighting my enemies. Thankfully, I am not in a battle of life and death while having to deal with this, and as far as concussions go, this is certainly not the worst one I have ever had. I will be able to deal with this, fairly easily.

I collect my bag, and put the paperwork inside. With another saying of thanks and a very slight bow, to which the nurse nods and smiles understandably, I walk outside towards my driver.

These things... Why am I thinking of these things?
More importantly... why was I actually touching Hanei earlier...?
That... that goes beyond the bounds of friendship... right? Right...?

Next Week (5/15/11) – Chapter 50: "Two Unexpected Gifts"